2. 2
Surrogacy 101
• The purpose of this workshop is to prepare you to make
decisions regarding your surrogacy journey, particularly picking
an agency and clinic.
• In order to move through the presentation effectively we will
stop for questions at the end of each slide. But if the table of
contents indicates that your question will most likely be
addressed later in the presentation, please keep your question
for later.
• If you have questions that have not been answered, you may
find that they will be answered by the end of today. After today
you can always post your question to the Men Having Babies
Facebook’s group or email me at Aasaf@MenHavingBabies.org
3. 3
What is surrogacy
Definition: The act of a woman, altruistic by nature, gestating a child for another individual or
couple, with the intent to give said child to the intended parents at birth.
Traditional Surrogacy Gestational Surrogacy
Independent Agency
4. 4
Gestational Surrogacy
Independent Agency
What is surrogacy
Definition: The act of a woman, altruistic by nature, gestating a child for another individual or
couple, with the intent to give said child to the intended parents at birth.
Traditional Surrogacy
•The surrogate is both the egg donor and carrier of the baby
conceived.
•The child is usually the biological child of the intended father,
and of the surrogate.
•The child will be conceived with the surrogate carrier's eggs
and the sperm of the intended father.
•The surrogate will go through Artificial Insemination with the
sperm of the intended father in order to become pregnant.
•Traditional surrogacy can be done either through basic home
insemination or a clinic intrauterine insemination (IUI).
5. 5
What is surrogacy
Definition: The act of a woman, altruistic by nature, gestating a child for another individual or
couple, with the intent to give said child to the intended parents at birth.
Independent
•Intended Parents will search and find a surrogate through
various means (friends, message boards, newspaper adds).
•IPs will assemble the professional team to help them:
•A clinic for medical screening and process.
•An agency or clinic for donor matching
•Attorneys for the surrogacy agreement and the
parentage hearing and/or adoption.
•Psycho-social screening and support is often overlooked
Traditional Surrogacy Gestational Surrogacy
Agency
6. 6
Traditional Surrogacy
Independent Agency
What is surrogacy
Definition: The act of a woman, altruistic by nature, gestating a child for another individual or
couple, with the intent to give said child to the intended parents at birth.
Gestational Surrogacy
•A gestational surrogate mother is not the biological mother of
the baby conceived.
•The child is either the biological child of the intended mother,
or of an egg donor and the intended father (or one of the
intended fathers).
•A gestational carrier will go through IVF, In-Vitro Fertilization,
to become pregnant. This is where the intended mother's or
donor’s eggs, and the intended father’/s sperm, are combined in
a laboratory to create viable embryos.
•Then, one or more of these embryos are implanted into the
surrogate's womb in order to become pregnant.
7. 7
Traditional Surrogacy Gestational Surrogacy
Independent
What is surrogacy
Definition: The act of a woman, altruistic by nature, gestating a child for another individual or
couple, with the intent to give said child to the intended parents at birth.
Agency
•An agency screens surrogates, matches them with the
Intended Parents, and supports them throughout.
•Act as a liaison between the IPs and the carrier.
•Some agencies also provide egg donor matching.
•The agency works with the clinic to coordinate the
parties, at least until pregnancy is achieved.
•The agency’s lawyer, or one it suggests, will draft the
surrogacy agreement.
•The agency may also arrange the parentage hearing.
8. 8
Gestational Surrogacy
•A gestational surrogate mother is not the biological mother of
the baby conceived.
•The child is either the biological child of the intended mother,
or of an egg donor and the intended father (or one of the
intended fathers).
•A gestational carrier will go through IVF, In-Vitro Fertilization,
to become pregnant. This is where the intended mother's or
donor’s eggs, and the intended father’/s sperm, are mixed in a
laboratory to create viable embryos.
•Then, one or more of these embryos are implanted into the
surrogate's womb in order to become pregnant.
Traditional Surrogacy
Independent
Today we will focus on Gestational Surrogacy using an Agency.
But the information in the presentation can benefit intended parents who choose
other routes as well
Agency
•An agency screens surrogates, matches them with the
Intended Parents, and supports them throughout.
•Act as a liaison between the IPs and the carrier.
•Some agencies also provide egg donor matching.
•The agency works with the clinic to coordinate the
parties, at least until pregnancy is achieved.
•The agency’s lawyer, or one it suggests, will draft the
surrogacy agreement.
•The agency may also arrange the parentage hearing.
9. 9
Traditional versus Gestational
Traditional Gestational
Legal reasons
Less ambiguity about
role of GC
GC and ED Can each
be best fit for role
May be less difficult
for surrogate
Known bio mom
No need for ED
More affordable
No IVF
Traditional
Gestational
Your reasons Your reasons
10. 10
Known Anonymous
Your reasons
Legal reasons
Less complicated
Easier to find /
wider selection
Your reasons
May agree to meet
children
Long term medical
history
Personal impression
Known vs. Anonymous Donations
11. 11
How does it work:
a short description of the medical process For gestational surrogacy
Meds and
monitoring
ED: Fertility drugs
to stimulate egg
production
ED: Blood tests to
monitor hormone
levels
ED: Ultrasounds to
monitor follicle
development
GC: hormones to
suppress
menstrual cycle
Monitoring to
keep GC and ED in
sync
Retrieval
Eggs are harvested
from ED through a
transvaginal
ultrasound-guided
procedure
Egg retrieval is
performed outpatient
with monitored
sedation
Well screened donors
may provide as many
as 20 or more eggs.
Fertilization
The semen is specially
prepared in order to select
the most viable sperm
The sperm are placed
together with the eggs in
an incubator for 12-18
hours for fertilization
Embryonic development is
closely observed on a daily
basis
The ED is no longer part of
the process
Transfer
Within 3-5 days about
half of the eggs have
developed into
embryos
The best embryo, or
two, are transferred
into the uterus through
a thin tube
This is a non-surgical
ultrasound guided
procedure with no need
of sedation
10-12 days following
the transfer, the GC’s
blood is tested to
determine if pregnancy
has occurred
12. 12
Adapted from http://rba-online.com/ivf/index.php?IVF-Program-17 with the assistance of Georges Sylvestre, MD
How does it work: a longer description of the medical process For gestational surrogacy
In IVF, fertilization occurs outside the woman's body, both egg donor and surrogate. The donor’s eggs and the
man’s (men’s) sperm are united in the laboratory. Once fertilization occurs, the early embryo(s) are transferred to
the surrogate’s uterus. In gestational surrogacy there are 3 (or 4) parties with no infertility problems: egg donor,
gestational carrier and father(s)
Cycle Monitoring:
To begin the process of IVF, the egg donor is given fertility drugs to stimulate egg production and control the timing of ovulation. This
helps maximize the number of eggs produced (target 10-25). Frequent blood tests to monitor hormone levels and ultrasounds to
monitor follicle development are required.
Meanwhile hormones are given to the GS to suppress her menstrual cycle and make he uterus suitable to receive an embryo (or
embryos).
Egg Retrieval:
The eggs are harvested from the egg donor primarily through a transvaginal ultrasound-guided procedure. The ultrasound-guided egg
retrieval is performed on an outpatient basis with monitored I.V. sedation. Recovery from the sedation requires thirty minutes.
Fertilizations:
Once the eggs are retrieved and the sperm sample collected from the IP(s), they are immediately given to the embryology laboratory for
incubation. The man's semen is specially prepared in order to select the most viable sperm. In conventional IVF, the sperm are then
placed together with the eggs in an incubator for 12-18 hours to allow for fertilization. Following normal fertilization, early embryonic
development is closely observed on a daily basis. The egg donor is no longer part of the process.
Embryo Transfer:
Within 72 hours (and up to 5 days) after egg retrieval, about half of the eggs have developed into embryos and are generally ready to be
transferred into the woman's uterus through a thin tube, or catheter, gently inserted through the cervix. This is a non-surgical procedure
performed under ultrasound guidance with no need of sedation. About ten to twelve days following the embryo transfer, the GS’s blood
is drawn and tested to determine if pregnancy has occurred
13. 13
Fresh / Shared /
Frozen
Full fresh donation
will yield more eggs,
but be more
expensive
Shared donation will
cost less but may not
leave enough for a
sibling journey
Frozen eggs are
immediately
available but
selection is limited
Single or
multiple Embryos
Transferring one
embryo will reduce
risks associated with
multiples
Transferring two
embryos will
increase likelihood
of pregnancy
Transferring more
than two is not
recommended
Genetic
Screening of
Embryos
PGS / CCS can help
avoid transferring
chromosomally
imperfect embryos
Can increase
pregnancy rates of
first transfer, but
Costly
Some protocols can
produce false
negatives or require
freezing of embryos
Typical Medical Choices
14. 14
Legal Considerations
How can we establish parentage?
• Birth certificate v. legal parentage
Will the agreement by enforceable?
Significant legal differences between Traditional v.
Gestational Surrogacy
Ultimately, your level of risk adverseness will factor in
to decisions
15. 15
Parental Establishment
• Each State and sometimes counties within a state are different
• Make sure you understand the process and the length post birth legal process as it will help you plan your return
home.
• Depending on State law and a court’s protocols, the surrogate and sometimes her husband will relinquish their
parental rights to the (unborn or born) child
• Sometimes only one father will be put on the birth certificate at this time, and the second father will either do a
second or step parent adoption in the state of birth or back in the home State
• In many cases, a pre birth order will be granted without the name of the surrogate ever going on the birth certificate.
However, it may not create the legal relationship between a non-biological parent and the child necessary to secure
the relationship in every state or country.
• Second or Step Parent Adoptions create a legal and portable relationship between a non-biological parent and the
child. A Pre-Birth Order to terminate the rights of a gestational carrier can still be utilized.
Contract with agency
• Will cover parties
responsibility and costs
• Attorney can review of
agreement IPs. Some
agencies open to changes
Contract with surrogate
•The agreement between the surrogate and the parents must be signed before cycle begins.
•Will cover base compensation, reimbursement and other monetary obligations
•Will discuss relationship between IP’s and surrogate
•Risks and responsibilities of both parties
•Some contract points rely on meeting of the minds and not court intervention: pregnancy
termination reduction
•Should cover cycling, transfer, pregnancy, delivery, and relationship post delivery
•Termination of the surrogate’s parental rights
•Expenses and health insurance for the carrier
•IP’s will pay surrogate's attorney fee
•Rarely there may also be a need for a contract with the egg donor
The Legal Processes
16. 16
Where can I do it?
A review of Countries and US States
Overseas
• Two major
considerations,
parentage in delivering
and home country and
citizenship.
• Very few counties
where gay men seek
surrogacy overseas.
• Recent popular
destinations such as
India and Thailand are
no longer viable.
• New destinations such
as Nepal and Mexico
still have no clear
record of medical and
legal outcomes.
US: Bans or Voids
& Penalizes
• New York
(compassionate
surrogacy only and
with restrictions)
• DC, MI, AZ, NE
US: Allows But
With Some
Restrictions:
• Sometimes allows only
gestational but not
traditional, or only
allows uncompensated
• New Jersey
• North Dakota
US: Allows
and/but Regulates
(either by Statue
or Published Case)
• FL, NH, TX, UT, VA, WA,
OH, MA, PA, SC
US: Vacuum: Most
expansive
Protections (No
Statue/No
published case)
• CA, IL, NV
• PBO routinely granted
• PBO unpredicted
• Post birth adoption
http://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/state-map-surrogacy-law-practices
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/women/news/2007/12/17/3758/guide-to-state-surrogacy-laws/
17. 17
Parental Establishment
Pre-Birth Order Granted
(it is not definitive whether a PBO actually
creates a universally recognizable legal
relationship between a non-bio parent and
the child born through surrogacy. It can,
however, make the second or step parent
adoption process easier if there is a PBO,
although an experienced attorney can
successfully process the adoption without
one depending on the state where the
adoption takes place. The adoption is the
one assured way of creating a fully
transportable legal right between the non-
bio dad and the child.)
Post Birth
Order or
Second
Parent
Adoption
at Place of
Birth
Second
Parent
Adoption
completed
in IP’s
Home
State
22. 22
Research and selection process
Research
• MenHavingBabies.org/events
• Workshops, conferences, breakout sessions
• MenHavingBabies.org/directory
• Profiles, contact info, videos
• MenHavingBabies.org/ratings
• Ratings and reviews of agencies and clinics
• Facebook.com/groups/menhavingbabies
• Ask questions, network
Interview
• MenHavingBabies.org/consults
• Universal consultation request form
• Free in-person or Skype consults (at least 3-4 agencies and clinics)
• May start with agency or clinic, and ask them who they typically partner with
• Ask for references, but recognize they may not be representative
23. 23
Limited Service
• GC Matching
• Fees per screened GC
• Some coordinating
• Service providers like
attorney Clinic and Egg
donor agency
recommended but not
included in agency fee
Full service
• GC Matching
• Full screening
• All coordinating
• Attorney and
psychological fees
included or facilitated
• May include escrow
services
Possible Extras
(VIP)
• Like Full Service but with a
lot of hand holding
• Many times surrogates are
prescreened and the cost
of the prescreening is
included
• Insurance review
• Guarantee / refund plans
• Close affiliation with a
clinic(s)
Level of service: correlated to agency fee
Picking a surrogacy Agency
24. 24
Experience
•How long have then been in business
•How many families have they helped
•How much experience do they have
working with: same-sex
couples/international IP’s and can
demonstrate experience
•Have experience with working with
attorneys that can do both the surrogacy
agreement and the parental agreement
for same sex couples
Background
•Reputations, personal connection and
recommendations
•Men Having Babies Surveys
http://menhavingbabies.org/surrogacy-
resources/directory/agencyratings/
Cost
•Do they provide discounts through the
Gay Parenting Assistance Program?
•Variables that may contribute to cost
ranges
•Compare with MHB’s generic budget
checklist
•Rematching process and cost
•Sibling journey cost (same surrogate,
other surrogate)
Surrogates
• Pre screened: low risk
• Basic pre-screening: IP’s pay for
medical, background check and
psychological screening with risk
• The process of sourcing the
surrogates
• Typical surrogate comp and expense
package
• Geographical locations of surrogates
• Will use surrogates insurance
Availability / Waiting time
• Short to Long
• Long for surrogate with insurance
• In general can take 3-12 months to
match and start the process
Relationship with service providers like
attorney, clinic and egg donor agency
• In-house and must use them
• In-house but can use anyone
• Must pick from list
• Recommended only
Other considerations when
picking an agency and questions to ask
25. 25
Agencies are the only participants in ART that are wholly unregulated. But you can take
some steps to obtain the reassurance of some meaningful regulation by working with
agencies run by professionals, such as attorneys, who are already regulated for other
reasons not related to the agency. When this is accomplished, together with a
professional liability insurance and criminal bond, the client is protected as completely
as possible during this difficult and expensive process.
•Attorneys, in general, have a detailed set of practice and ethical rules that govern their behavior, if they violate
these rules, they risk losing their license to practice law and their occupation.
•Attorneys are encouraged (but not necessarily required in every state) to carry malpractice insurance to protect
their clients from their negligence in performing their legal duties to their clients. This is an important protection
to cover proper legal work, but it only covers their work as a lawyer, not as an agency. It is important to ask every
prospective attorney (agency-related or not) whether they carry such insurance.
•For every agency that performs any matching or other administrative duties for third-party reproduction
programs (surrogacy, egg donation, embryo donation, etc.) the administrative activities in this role will not be
covered by an attorney's legal malpractice policy; therefore, a different kind of business insurance is required.
This would be professional liability insurance of the kind every business can obtain to protect its clients against
the agency's negligence or malfeasance in its administrative duties.
•That being said, anyone can break the law and steal, even attorneys. Therefore, it is recommended the every
agency has applied for and been granted a criminal bond by a reliable bonding company to protect the agency's
clients against the theft of their funds. Agencies handle thousands of dollars of client funds throughout
surrogacy and other programs, and if this money is under the control of the agency, it is susceptible to criminal
activity such as theft or embezzlement. A criminal bond insures that a reliable company has assessed the
agency's manner of handling their clients' money and found it to be acceptable and reliable enough to grant the
company a bond to protect its clients against the company's theft of client funds. This has happened with past
agencies, and it is a protection all agencies should offer.
26. 26
Using and Agency or going
Independent?
Using an Agency
• Agencies are experts in surrogacy
laws and medical standards, many
of which change state to state.
• Agencies have long experience
working with gestational carriers.
• Agencies find gestational carriers
and manage all the required
psychological and medical
screening to find a good match for
you.
Independent
• Agencies can be expensive, with
total costs for agency, legal,
gestational carrier, donor and IVF
clinic well above $100,000 (less if
you have eggs donated by a family
member or use an egg bank).
• Agencies do not coordinate
everything; you still have to be a
very active participant.
27. 27
The Clinic and it’s Experience
•Staff size and experience, turnover:
doctors, laboratory, nurses, case managers
/ coordinators
•How long have they been in business?
•Have they worked with surrogates/same-
sex couples/international IP’s and can
demonstrate experience
•Do they have in-house genetic counselor?
Psychological support? Relationship with
outside providers?
•Reputations, connection and
recommendations
•Men Having Babies Surveys
http://menhavingbabies.org/surrogacy-
resources/directory/clinicratings/
Medical fees and what they include:
•Are typical services such as ICSI, assisted
hatching, first year embryo storage
included? Costs of non-typical extras such
as PGS
•Do they provide discounts through the
Gay Parenting Assistance Program?
•Cost of diagnostics (like FDA screening),
medications (actual or flat)
•If they do not have donors: estimates of
total cost of outside donors
•Cost of monitoring donor and surrogate –
and estimated costs if they are not local
•Cost of frozen embryo transfer (if the
first transfer fails)
•Compare with MHB’s generic budget
checklist
Statistics & Medical
•Success rates: Specifically with surrogates, and specifically
with frozen eggs and/or embryos
•Check http sart.org
•Is their lab experienced in advanced procedures such as
vitrification (rapid freeze) of embryos? Are they
experienced in freezing eggs? Performing embryo biopsy
(PGD / CCS)?
•Prefer to freeze eggs or embryos
•Medical fees and what they include
•Are typical services such as ICSI, assisted hatching, first
year embryo storage included?
•Costs of non-typical extras such as PGS
•Do they provide discounts through the Gay Parenting
Assistance Program?
•Cost of diagnostics (like FDA screening), medications
(actual or flat)
•If they do not have donors: estimates of total cost of
outside donors
•Cost of monitoring donor and surrogate – and estimated
costs if they are not local
•Cost of frozen embryo transfer (if the first transfer fails)
•Compare with MHB’s generic budget checklist
Picking a fertility clinic
Relationship with surrogacy / egg
donors agencies
• In house and must use them
• In house but can use anyone
• Must pick from list
• Recommended only
• Have their own Egg & Embryos banks
Treatment Option Plans
• Minimum egg guarantee
• Known non-anonymous donations
• Unlimited IVF package
• Automatic progressive discounts
• Money-back option
Location
• Close to your home
• Close to egg donor: most screening
and monitoring
• Close to your surrogate: some
screening and monitoring. Many
clinics will allow surrogates to screen
and monitor close to her home and
will only see her for the transfer.
Some wont.
28. 28
The agency
•Reputations, personal connection and recommendations
•Level of support in the process
•Relationship with surrogacy agencies and clinics (some are
exclusives, this may be a good sign!)
•Experience with surrogacy, same-sex couples and international
IP’s
•Compensated donors via IVF clinic, surrogacy agency, or an egg
donation agency
•Sources vary by:
•list size, and the extent donors on it are exclusive
•Screening quality and timing: some do not screen the candidates
until after they are selected
•Selection process: available information, advice
Donors Variables
•Geographical locations (proximity to clinic a plus)
•Age (the younger, the better)
•Experience and proven fertility
•Medical history and genetic screening
•Known or anonymous - openness to meeting or sharing future
medical records with IPs
•Availability and waiting time (some only available during college
vacations)
Picking an egg donor & egg donor agency
Costs
• Registration fee to see database?
• Agency / matching fee
• Donor’s compensation (ASRM guidelines)
• Travel and monitoring costs (depends on proximity)
• Rematching cost (if donor doesn't work out)
• Sibling journey cost (same egg donor, other egg donor)
• Unshared or Shared cycles
• Frozen eggs from donor egg banks?
• Minimum egg guarantee?
• Unlimited IVF package (money back guarantee?)
• Automatic progressive discounts?
Information and presentation
• On-line database or individual files/ suggestions
• Type of information regarding donor:
• Profile: health, ethnicity, education, appearance, religion,
etc.
• Personal statements / essays
• Photos - adult/childhood/family photos
• Videos – studio or home made
• Meeting the donor in person
• Level of genetic screening
• Openness to donating to gay men
• Anonymous / non-anonymous donations
29. 29
Picking an attorney
• The attorney for the surrogacy agreement and the attorney for the
parental establishment may or may not be the same person.
• The attorney for the surrogacy agreement should be licensed in
the state of where the surrogates lives and will deliver.
• The attorney for the parental establishment MUST be licensed in
the state of where the surrogates lives and will deliver.
• She must be experienced, and able to demonstrate this
experience, in surrogacy law.
• You should ask the parental establishment attorney if she has
been able to establish parental rights through pre birth order or
second parent adoption in the county where the surrogate will live
or deliver or in the county where birth certificates are issued for
the State. This is not always available, but should be considered.
30. 30
Variances based on rates, level of service, experience of surrogate, number of cycles, number of
children and location. MHB’s survey indicates a wide range of $80-$170k
Surrogacy Agency & Program
• Agency Fee for Surrogacy
Program/Coordination Fee
• Legal Counsel representation for
Intended Parent/s
• Escrow Account Management
• Review of Surrogate Insurance Policy
• Surrogate's Attorney's Fee to Review
Contract
Screening Fees & Medical
Expenses
• Surrogate/IP Psychological Evaluation
• Surrogate Criminal Background Check
• Surrogate and her partner's
Infectious Disease Testing
• IP’s FDA testing (one or two sperm
sources)
• Surrogate Medical Evaluation
• Monitoring of donor and surrogate
• Fresh/Frozen IVF Cycle Fee &
Medication
• Pregnancy test &post transfer meds
Surrogate Expenses and
Compensation
• Surrogate Base Compensation
• Transfer Fee
• Transfer Expenses and travel
• Monthly Allowance
• Maternity Clothing Allowance
• Lost Wages for Surrogate and Spouse
• Travel Expenses / Local Travel
• Bed Rest Compensation
• Child Care
• Extras for twins, invasive procedures,
C-section, etc.
Legal Fees for Parentage
Proceedings
• Representation of IP's (court
pleading and/or Pre-Birth Order)
• Representation of Surrogate
• Birth Document
Insurance
• Medical Insurance for Surrogate
• Co-pays and deductibles
• Surrogate Life Insurance Policy
• Disability Insurance
• Health Insurance for born children
• Surrogate's Estate Planning
Egg Donation and Egg Donor
Agency
• Donor matching / agency fees
• Egg donation contract (rare)
• Donor compensation
• Donor screening
• Donor monitoring (if not close to
clinic)
Estimated Costs
31. 31
Cost Saving Best Practices
The three C’s
• Choice:
• agency and clinic with competitive rates
• Egg sharing or frozen eggs from a bank
• Number of embryos transferred.
• Number of sperm sources.
• Circumstances: residence, age, HIV status, etc.
• Chance: number of tries, twins, bed rest, etc.
Geographical locations
• Donor – clinic: proximity can save thousands in travel and monitoring costs.
• Surrogate – clinic: more rare, but proximity can save thousands in travel, childcare, lost
wages, etc.
• IPs – Surrogate: proximity can save much in travel (and enhance relationship!).
Compensation levels
• Donor: up to ASRM level ($8k, less in some regions), but it is worth it to pay extra for
experienced donor (higher success rates).
• Surrogate: no sense to pay extra for experienced surrogate (unless going indie).
• It may be worth it to pay extra (and wait longer) for a surrogate with applicable insurance.
32. 32
Family and journey vision
• Makeup: How many children would you like? How many
surrogacy journeys would you be willing / able to go
through?
• Paternity: If a couple, is it equally important for both of you
to be the bio dad?
• Relationships: How do you envision the relationship with the
surrogate during and after the journey? How about the
donor?
• Risk tolerance: Would you be willing to pay a premium
upfront in order to reduce cost uncertainties?
• Time / cost priorities: Will you be willing to prolong the
process to achieve cost savings? Will you have the time to
take a more active role in planning and execution?
33. 33
Ethical and Social Considerations: Relationships and communication
• Remember that to create your family you need the help of a surrogate and her family!
• While surrogates are typically compensated, this does not mean that they are mere service
providers. What makes the difference are meaningful relationships.
• The motivation of the surrogate depends on her original drive, but also on the support and
appreciation she will receive throughout the journey – from you and her family.
• Visit the surrogate and her family. Remember that all of them, especially her children, are
affected by this journey.
• Adjusting expectations, curbing the need to control, and maintaining good communication are
key, and a professional can help facilitate this and mediate when needed.
• Your surrogate and you are going through this journey for the first time, and there is no hand
book. Speak with your surrogate, by phone or Skype and not just email and text message, as
much as you can.
• Every journey to parenthood, especially gestational surrogacy is accompanied by the feeling of
loss. Accept them, they are normal and part of the process.
• The loss of your freedom
• Large expenses
• Being depended on so many people you hardly know
• Accepting that you need one or two women to carry out your dream of parenthood
• Failed cycles, lost pregnancies
• Harsh and unfair reactions from strangers or friends and family
• The disappointment when there is a lack of thrill when you meet your surrogate or egg donor
34. 34
Ethical and Social Considerations: Stress and support
• Surrogacy is a process that requires patience, compassion and a positive
attitude (as well as a good sense of humor)
• Surrogacy pregnancy requires a village. Accept it, and be grateful for the
people who chose to accompany you on this journey
• Uncertainty, financial strain and lack of control are bound to cause
substantial stress.
• Tension is also likely between partners as they reconcile differences in
vision, coping mechanisms, and motivation levels. It is a good idea to
nourish your relationship.
• While family and friends often provide valuable support, for some the need
to deal with their expectations may be an additional source of stress.
Choose with whom and when you share news about your parenting journey.
• Professional support is available and often invaluable – do not hesitate to
reach out.
• Pick good advisors that are outside your network of paid service providers.
You also need a good friend to lean on.
• Remember, you decided to become a parent, you will! It is just
a matter of time (ok, and money)
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Stage I /
Journey Booster
• Access to discounts from clinics, agencies,
and law firms to provide modest help to
boost the efforts of those who start the
surrogacy process.
• There is a $20 / per person non-refundable
administrative fee.
• If you have already signed with a clinic or
agency and then apply for Stage I support,
you will not be able to apply discounts
offered through our program to your
current plan / contract.
• Applications are accepted year round.
Stage II /
Direct Assistance
• Reviewed by a grant committee for direct
financial assistance or to be matched with
a partner clinic and / or agency who will
provide services free of charge.
• No charge to apply.
• Direct financial assistance funds are
generated through event sponsorship fees
paid by providers.
• This program does not provide retroactive
expense reimbursement for anyone who
has already gone through or currently
going through the surrogacy process.
• Those who pass Stage I are invited to apply
for Stage II on an annual basis.
Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP)
The program consists of two tiers of assistance:
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For Stage I / Journey Booster
• All applicants must be homosexual males.
• Single and Joint applications are accepted.
• Annual income of each applicant must be less than or equal to the income
eligibility level determined by our board of directors in consultation with the
providers we work with, and adjusted by cost of living index and age.
• Applicants must be between 25 – 50 years of age in order to apply.
• No existing children.
• If applying as a couple, you must be living together in the same residence for
at least the last 2 years.
• Each applicant must pass a criminal background check.
Program Eligibility / Requirements
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For Stage II / Direct Assistance
• Remember, only those who passed Stage I will be invited to apply for
Stage II.
• Each applicant must submit a health statement from a physician
detailing any chronic, terminal or debilitating conditions.
• Each application must submit their current Credit Score and
sometimes full details of their current credit report.
• A listing of current assets and liabilities is required.
• Applicants must agree to submit to a psycho-social evaluation to
provide the Grant Committee with state of readiness, commitment
and contemplation, past journey hardships, and other relevant
observations.
Program Eligibility / Requirements
