This document discusses how to separate people from problems in negotiations. It emphasizes that negotiators are human beings prone to emotions, biases, and differing perspectives. To have successful negotiations, one must acknowledge these human aspects and work to understand other parties' perceptions without judgment. Key strategies include listening actively, addressing emotions respectfully, focusing on interests not positions, and reframing the problem as a shared one to solve rather than an interpersonal conflict. The goal is to maintain a cooperative relationship while productively discussing the substantive issues.

1. Getting to Yes
Separate the People from the Problem

2. Chapter 2
Separate the People from the Problem

3. Difficulty
• How to deal with a
problem without:
• People
misunderstanding each
other
• Getting angry or upset
• Taking things personally

5. Negotiators are People First
• Human Beings
– Emotions
– Deeply Held Values
– Different backgrounds
and viewpoints
• Unpredictable

6. The Other Side is Prone to:
• Cognitive Biases
• Partisan Perceptions
• Blind Spots
• Leaps of Illogic

7. So Are We

8. Blind Spot Test
To draw the blind spot tester on a
piece of paper, make a small dot on
the left side separated by about 6-8
inches from a small + on the right
side. Close your right eye. Hold the
image (or place your head from the
computer monitor) about 20 inches
away. With your left eye, look at the
+. Slowly bring the image (or move
your head) closer while looking at the
+. At a certain distance, the dot will
disappear from sight...this is when
the dot falls on the blind spot of your
retina. Reverse the process. Close
your left eye and look at the dot with
your right eye. Move the image
slowly closer to you and the + should
disappear.

9. Human Aspect of Negotiation
Helpful Hindrance

10. Helpful
• Process of working out
an agreement:
• Produce commitment
to a mutually
satisfactory outcome
• Relationship of trust,
understanding, respect
and friendship
• Later dealings smoother
and more efficient

11. Disastrous
• People get:
• Angry
• Depressed
• Fearful
• Hostile
• Frustrated
• Offended
• Egos are threatened
• See the world from personal
vantage point
• Confuse perceptions with
reality

12. Misunderstanding
• Fail to interpret what
you say in the way your
intend
• Do not mean what you
understand them to say
• Reinforce prejudice
• Lead to reactions
• Produce
countereactions

13. Vicious Cycle
• Rational exploration of
possible solutions
becomes impossible
and
• Negotiation fails

14. Game
• Scoring Points
• Confirming negative
impressions
• Blaming
• Legitimate, substantive
interests of both sides
no longer addressed

15. Preparation Refocus
Before starting…
• craft a simple
statement you can
use to explain the
goal of the
negotiations.
Something you can
use over and over
during the
negotiations to
refocus the players.

16. Example
• Something like,
“My client is
interested in
buying the house
and your clients
are interested in
selling the house.
What can we do to
get this deal
done?”

17. Throughout the Process
• Am I paying enough
attention to the human
aspect?
• Deal with others
sensitively as human
beings prone to human
reactions

18. Two Kinds of Interests
Substance Relationship

19. Relationship
• Maintain a working
relationship good
enough to
• Produce an acceptable
agreement
• And effective
implementation
• If one is possible given
each side’s interests

20. Disentangle
• Unbundle the relationship
from the substance
• Base relationship on
• Mutually understood
perceptions
• Clear two-way
communication
• Express emotions without
blame
• Forward looking
• Purposive outlook

21. 3 Categories of People Problems
• Perception
• Emotion
• Communication
• Be aware of these
tendencies in yourself
• Your anger and
frustration may obstruct
an agreement beneficial
to you.

22. Perception
• Differences are defined
by the difference
between your thinking
and theirs
• Conflict lies not in
objective reality but in
people’s heads
• You don’t necessarily
need to focus on
knowing more about
the object or event

23. Optimist/Pessimist
• Each represent half the
reality; each has it half
right, and half wrong
• The test of a first-rate
intelligence is the ability
to hold two opposed
ideas in mind at the same
time and still retain the
ability to function.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
• Anything less is delusional

24. Perception

25. Truth
• Truth is simply one
more argument
• Perhaps a good one,
perhaps not
• For dealing with the
difference.
• Fears and hopes are
real.
• Facts may do nothing to
solve the problem.

26. Put Yourself in their Shoes
• Try on the other side’s
point of view.
• How you see the world
depends on where you
sit.
• Try to see the situation
as the other side sees it.
• Withhold judgment and
try on their views

27. Biases
• Cognitive bias
• Anchor bias
• Distance bias
• Confirmation bias
• Amos Tversky and
Daniel Kahnemann

30. Reduce the area of conflict
• Understanding their
point of view is not the
same as agreeing with
it.
• To influence them you
need to understand
empathically their point
of view.
Their
View
Truth
Your
View

31. Perception
• Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears
• Don’t blame them for you problem
• Discuss each other’s perceptions
• Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with
their perceptions
• Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure
they participate in the process
• Make your proposals consistent with their values

32. Emotion
• Take stock and
understand emotions
• Theirs and yours:
– Nervous
– Angry
– Confident
– Relaxed
• Careers may be at stake
• What is producing the
emotions; why are you
feeling this way?

33. Core Concerns
• Autonomy
– Desire to make choices and
control your fate
• Appreciation
– Desire to be recognized and
valued
• Affiliation
– Desire to belong
• Role
– Desire for meaningful purpose
• Status
– Desire to be acknowledged and
understood
• Identity
– Self-image and self-respect

34. Emotion
• Make emotions explicit and acknowledge
them as legitimate
• Allow the other side to let off steam
• Don’t react to emotional outbursts
• Use symbolic gestures

35. Communication
• Negotiation is a process
of communicating back
an forth for the purpose
of reaching a joint
decision.

36. Communication Problems
• May not be talking to
each other in a way to
be understood
• They may not be
hearing you; not paying
enough attention to
what you say
• Misunderstanding
• Misinterpretation

37. Listen
• Actively and acknowledge
what is being said
• Pay attention
• The cheapest concession
you can make to the
other side is to let them
know they have been
heard.
• Repeat what you
understand them to say
and phrase it positively

38. Communication
• Speak to be understood
– Reduce distractions with
private and confidential
means of communicating
• Speak about yourself, not
about them
– Describe a problem in terms
of its impact on you
• Speak for a Purpose
– Sometimes the problem is
not too little communication,
but too much.

39. Good Will
• Prevention works best
• Build a working
relationship
• Face the problem, not
the people
• Sit on the same side of
the table

41. Summary
• Keep working at it.
• Deal with the people as
Human Beings and the
problem on its merits.

42. John Cousins
jjcousins@gmail.com
@jjcousins