1. How to ask forgiveness
with

2. 8 Steps to asking forgiveness
1. Ask what exactly what bothers them
2. Empathy Statement
3. State the Error
4. Conflict Resolution
5. Specifically Ask Forgiveness
6. State How You Will Do Differently Moving
Forward
7. Make an Offering
8. Bonus: Embedded Commands

3. 1: Ask exactly what bothers them
• Accept that you have offended
• Have the courage to hear what you did from
their perspective
• Allow the other to express and get it off their
chest
• Listen actively
• Look for key words that you can repeat back
to them during your apology

4. 2: Empathy Statement
3: State the Error
• I understand that you are upset because
(repeat their key grievence) and I want you to
know that I love and respect you. I am sorry I
messed up by (repeate more of what they
said). It wasn’t my intention.

5. 4: Conflict Resolution
• If you did intend to offend, perhaps
subconciously or in the heat of the moment, to
hurt them because back, admit this. *but don’t
wallow in it*
• Tell them, without charged emotion, what they
did to hurt you.
• When you (action) I feel (name the emotion)
because (describe the emotion or thoughts).
• What I really want is…. (Paint an image of what
you want. Give power and direction toward what
you really want).

6. 5: Specifically Ask Forgiveness
• I am sorry. Can you please find it in your heart to
forgive me?
• By Asking For the forgiveness the other person is
actively deciding to let it go.
• You may not feel that you are the only one in
error, but because your heart wants to feel
better, and you compassionately want them to
feel better too, you must ask the foregiveness so
that resentment has no fertilizer to grow.

7. 6: State how you will do differently
moving forward.
• Shift the focus from what is not wanted to
what IS wanted.
• Use words that are the opposite from their
grievance key words.

8. Pivoting up the Scale of Conciouseness
using oposite feelings
Resistent- Life Taking Allowing- Life Giving
• Pride • Enlightenment
• Anger • Peace
• Desire • Joy
• Fear • Love
• Grief
• Reason
• Apathy
• Willingness
• Guilt
• Shame • Neutrality
• Dead • Courage

10. 7: Make an Offering
• Imagine the person feeling relieved but show
compassion if they do not accept the gift
• Present with two hands
• Bowing shows that you revere and honor
• Smile hopefully with your chin down to show
humility
• Step back and give space until the other is
ready to invite you closer

11. Why offerings are important:
• Demonstrates willingness and acceptance from a place of love to a place
of peace
• The ceremony and reverent action give the other a sense of importance
which allows them to center and feel grounded again.
• Serves as proof that you were thinking fondly of them and doing your best
to repent
• They may not accept the action, but at least you are more likely to avoid
vengence.
• If the person is indifferent, you now know that they lack courage and
integrity to admit their own mistakes and move up the scale with you. This
gives you a definable oportunity to evaluate their character. Perhaps you
will reconsider if this person should retain the same important role in your
life.
• If they react well, then you have definitively restored life giving energy to
the relationship and resolved the conflict in the most postitive, loving, and
assertive way possible.

12. 8: Embedded Commands
• Thank you for your patience while I learn and grow.
• I know it isn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile is easy, right?
• I’m so thankful you have now become willing to….
• You are so beautiful and graceful. I love how easy it is to move forward
with you.
• I know I messed up.
• You are right, AND moving forward I (trust/hope/know) that you will give
me the benefit of the doubt because YOU (trust/hope/know) that I have
learned from this mistake, right? Perfect.
• I’m so glad we could forgive and forget this. You feel better, right?
Perfect, then it’s been a successful day.
• I know that sometimes things may seem imperfect, but look at how much
we’ve learned and how much stronger our relationship is as a result now.
Thank you for giving me space to learn and grow with you.