Family relations portfolio word

Running head: FAMILY RELATIONS PORTFOLIO
Family relations portfolio
Courtney Hanberg and Daniel Gaxiola
Brigham Young University-Idaho

FAMILY RELATIONS PORTFOLIO
Table of Contents
Introduction....................................................................................................................................4
Participant #1: Trevor
Intake summary.............................................................................................................................5
Lesson plan #1: Parenting teenagers............................................................................................7
Reflective summary #1..................................................................................................................9
Lesson plan #2: Parenting teenagers part 2..............................................................................10
Reflective summary #2................................................................................................................12
Lesson plan #3: Teenagers and divorce......................................................................................13
Lesson plan #4: Overindulgence in parenting...........................................................................16
Participants #2: Leah and Jamie
Intake summary...........................................................................................................................19
Lesson plan #1: Effective parenting...........................................................................................21
Lesson plan #2: Family finances.................................................................................................24
Lesson plan #3: Strengthening your marriage..........................................................................27
Assessment/summary evaluation................................................................................................30
Appendix I: Mood Log................................................................................................................32
Appendix II: Assessment for Family Relations Program........................................................33
References.....................................................................................................................................36

Introduction:
Students in the family practicum course at Brigham Young University-Idaho participate
in the family relations program. This is a service that provides family life education to volunteer
participants wanting to improve their marriages, parenting, relationships, or other concerns
relating to the family. After filling out a survey, students met with their participants to establish
their needs and then formed lesson plans based on research and application of their knowledge
thus far in the marriage and family studies major. This portfolio contains a comprehensive
summary of the authors experience, including summaries of the first meetings, lesson plans,
reflective and learning integration summaries, and assessments.

Participant #1: Trevor
Intake summary
We met with Trevor for an intake summary on 14 May 2014. The purpose of the intake
summary was to meet Trevor, assess his needs, and explain to him the purpose of the Family
Life Education program. Trevor is recently divorced with five children ranging from age 5-18.
His children live with his ex-wife in Montana and he has limited visitation with them (every-
other weekend). We explained how the FLE program was meant to provide information and is
not professional counseling. We also told him that we expect him to be present for our meetings.
Our intake summary took place face-to-face in a study room on campus. Trevor is comfortable
with us once a week for four weeks face-to-face.
Identifying Data:
Name: Trevor
Location: Rexburg, ID
Age: 41-50
Status with Immediate Family/Close Relationships:
Marital status: Divorced
Children: 5 children ranging from age 5-18. Four daughters, one son.
Children and ex-wife live four hours away in Montana.
Current Family Related Needs:
Parenting Teenagers:
Trevor is concerned with his relationship with his three oldest children. They are
beginning to pull away from him and are busy when he comes to visit them. He wants to know
what he can do to improve his relationship with them when he hardly sees them and when they
do not want to see him.
Co-Parenting with Ex-Wife:
One of the main problems Trevor has with his ex-wife is how they parent. The divorce
occurred within the last two years and his relationship with his ex-wife is very strained. He
wants to know what he can do to help parent from a distance and repair his relationship with his
ex-wife.
Fathering from a distance:
Trevor wants to know what he can do as a father, even if he is far away from his children
and has limited access to them. He still wants to be a presence in their lives and wants to
maintain a relationship with them, but is unsure how.
Communication with Ex-Wife:
Trevor wants to learn how to communicate effectively with his ex-wife. Usually their
discussions erupt into huge arguments/fights, and he wants to be able to communicate effectively
with her without having any explosions of anger.

Learning Goals the Participant will Learn:
· The psychology of teenagers-what are teenagers going through as they mature.
· How children, especially teenagers, deal with their parent’s divorce.
· How to maintain relationships with his younger children, and repair relationships with his
older children.
· How to co-parent with his ex-wife.
· How to effectively father from a distance.
· How to communicate effectively in high-stress situations, or when emotions are high.
We will be meeting together with Trevor every Wednesday at 5:00 pm for the next four weeks,
or as circumstances permit.

Lesson plan #1:
Parenting Teenagers
21 May 2014
60 Minutes
• Learning Goals:
o How to be an effective/active parent when your children live in a different
state and you only spend a little bit of time with them.
o How to communicate with children using empathy.
o Development of teenagers: how they separate themselves from their
parents to try and find their own identity.
o Improving relationships with his older children who have expressed that
they don’t really want anything to do with him.
• Outline:
o Pray together with Trevor.
o Discuss Trevor’s week and his relationship with his children, especially
his two oldest children.
o Read “Can Your Child Really Talk to You?” by Brad Wilcox
 Discussion on “loose bricks”.
 Help Trevor identify loose bricks with all of his children.
 Danny-share experience of finding common interests with his dad
after his parents divorced.
o Discussion: What loose bricks can you identify in each of your children to
help improve your relationship with them?
o Discussion: How well do you communicate with your children?
 In regards to the last question, what would you like to change in
your communications?
o Empathy Journal
 Introduce Trevor to recording what went well and what went
poorly in conversations, both with family, coworkers, and friends.
 Commit Trevor to record in personal journal several times a day,
and to review the journal to find out what he can improve on.
o Introduce Trevor to online resource:
 http://www.fatherhood.about.com
• Commit Trevor to review website and read some of the
articles about visitation.
 http://video.wtcitv.org/video/2364993457/
• Commit Trevor to watch video and take notes about things
he can do in regards to fathering from a distance.
o Talk about establishing boundaries with children.
 Assignment: Find out what children are comfortable with in terms
of visitations and communication.

• Commitments:
o Empathy Journal
o Read online articles from fatherhood.com
o Watch video
 Find something he can do to improve his ability to father from a
distance.
o Establish boundaries with older children over the phone with frequency of
communication.
• References:
o Wilcox, B. (1995). Can your child really talk to you? Ensign, September
1995. 23-27.
o Fatherhood Resources, Support, Advice, and Articles.
http://fatherhood.about.com
o Baumgardner, J. (2013). Fathering from a distance (Television broadcast)
http://video.wtcitv.org/video/2364993457/

Reflective summary #1:
This first lesson went very well with our participant. He was very engaged, asked
questions, took a lot of notes, and was very intrigued. He sent us a list of questions that he
wanted us to address with him before we met. The questions were very specific, therefore, we
felt that it was better to address the concerns and let him answer them on his own. We found an
article from the Ensign that we felt he would benefit from greatly and be able to answer the
questions on his own after discussing the article. So when we met, we asked him to think about
those questions he had while we read the article. It seemed like he was a little taken back by the
fact that we wouldn’t answer his questions specifically, but after our discussion he was more
understanding. Trevor is still very open and ready to learn, which is very encouraging. Our hope
for him is that he will realize, through these lessons, that he has the ability to figure out family
issues on his own.
It has been a really great experience for us to use the information we have learn
previously, are learning currently, and also be able to research and then apply that to real life
situations. Trevor is interested in receiving both research based material and gospel based
material, so learning in class how to find and use both those has really helped us help Trevor. He
wants to be as much of a family as he can after his divorce and there is a lot of material on that in
both areas, so that makes researching very intriguing and encouraging.
We have specific learning goals with Trevor that we are working on it will take more
than a couple of sessions to cover the material needed to accomplish them. It is really nice to
have some specific learning goals to guide our research though.
Learning integration summary:
In our textbook and gospel teaching handbook, they mention that using personal
experiences and stories, when appropriate, can help drive and idea or principle home for the
participants a lot easier than just explaining the theory or principle alone. We found this to be
true in our recent session. When we present the principle and follow it up with a personal
experience, Trevor becomes visibly more intrigued. When we have found ways to relate to him
personally, the principle is much more understandable for Trevor, so this is something we would
like to use continually in our meetings with Trevor. I think it also means a lot to him that we are
not judgmental in our meetings. He has shared with us personal information, which shows that
he is comfortable with us and knows that there is a level of mutual respect between all of us. This
encourages discussion, which is very helpful in our sessions to come to deeper understanding.

Lesson plan #2:
Parenting Teenagers Part 2
28 May 2014
60 minutes
• Learning Goals:
o How to improve relationship with older children who have expressed desire not to
have relationship.
o Allowing children to make their own decisions and learning from the
consequences.
o How to be an effective/active father while living in a different state and having
small amounts of visitation.
o Introduce the four parenting styles (authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and
uninvolved), and role-playing different styles and scenarios.
• Outline:
o Pray with Trevor.
o Discuss Trevor’s week and weekend with children.
o Follow-up on assignments:
 Reflection Journal
 Loose Bricks
 Reading from website
 Insights from website and video
o Answer questions/concerns.
o Discussion: How do your children see you? How do you want them to see you?
 How did your parents parent? What did you like? What did you not like?
o Discussion: 4 different parenting styles, and talk about what parenting styles work
best. (Cherry, 2014).
o Role-play with different styles and scenarios of parenting opportunities.
o Introduce “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John Gottman (available
in the Bookstore for $15).
 Invite him to purchase and read the book if he does not already have it.
 Talk about the importance of validation and empathy with children.
• Commitments:
o Practice authoritative parenting.
o Continue to write in journal about empathy and conversations.
o Purchase (if possible) “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John
Gottman and read it.
• References:

o Gottman, J. (1998). Raising an emotionally intelligent child the heart of
parenting, Simon & Schuster
o Cherry, K. (2014). Parenting Styles: The four styles of parenting.
http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm

This week we wanted to teach Trevor about parenting styles and techniques and discuss
with him the ways that he can implement them into his life to benefit his relationship with
children. We drew a spectrum on the whiteboard and placed the four parenting styles on it and
described the characteristics and impacts associated with each style. After we felt like he had a
grasp on them, we asked him to place on the spectrum where he thought he, his ex wife, and his
in laws, his parents fell on it. It was cool to see him make some connections there and discuss
where he wanted to be. Trevor is a great participant because he is so ready and willing to learn.
We asked him how he thinks his children see him and it was then that he was able to come up
some specific ways that he can improve himself as a father and start making amends with his ex
wife to be better co parents even from a distance.
After we got through the meat of the lesson, we introduced some literature that we
thought would be beneficial for him to read and gave him some challenges for the coming week.
He has really embraced the empathy/communication journal that we asked him to keep the
previous week. He kept great notes and expressed that the journal was really helping him become
aware of his communication skills and where he can improve. So we challenged him to keep up
with that while paying special attention to how he communicates to his children. We are really
excited about the progress Trevor is making and look forward to what the future holds for him.
Learning integration summary #2:
In this lesson, we utilized some teaching skills from chapter 4 of the textbook, Family
Life education: Principles and practices for effective outreach. To teach him about parenting
styles, we didn’t want to just lecture to him, so we drew them on a spectrum on the whiteboard
and after we went over the characteristics, we asked him how he can apply this information to
himself and family. We felt that using the demonstration technique was more useful for him and
it really helped drive the concepts home for him.
We also made sure to involve him in the discussion whenever possible. After teaching a
specific principle or concept, we always invited him to share his thoughts on it and how he was
applying those thing to him and his life. We found this successful tool from chapter five in our
textbook mentioned above. Involving him made it relatable for him and made the lesson far more
successful.

Lesson plan #3:
Teenagers and Divorce
4 June 2014
60 Minutes
• Learning Goals:
o Remind Trevor that the FLE program is strictly educational, not a counseling
relationship.
o How teenage boys and girls respond to the divorce of their parents.
o Finding hobbies to engage in to help deal with stress of dealing with an
uncooperative ex-wife, and children. Developing resources to overcome
stressors.
• Outline:
o Pray with Trevor.
o Remind Trevor the purpose of the FLE program, and how we (Daniel and
Courtney) are only trying to provide him with more information or resources to
help him.
o Follow up with Trevor’s week.
 Find out how his visit went during his ex-wife’s father’s funeral.
 “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” follow-up. See if he has
purchased the book, and what he has read/learned.
 Empathy Journal, and if he has noticed any improvements on his ability to
communicate with empathy/validation.
 Authoritative parenting. Follow-up with Trevor to see if he has been able
to use more authoritative parenting with his children.
o Discuss how teens deal with divorce.
 Read “Helping Kids Handle Divorce” by Laura Petherbridge
• Discuss what he can do to help his children deal with his divorce.
 Danny-share personal experience of how his relationship with his dad has
developed over time and it is getting better as time goes on.
o Discussion: What are you doing for yourself to make you happy?
 Do things for yourself to make you happy.
• Danny share experience of his dad after he was divorced from his
mom, and how he spiraled downwards and is still trying to recover.
 Finding/identifying resources to help cope with stress
· Commitments:
o Continue reading Gottman’s book, or purchase it if he hasn’t yet.
o Continue writing in Empathy Journal.
o Continue practicing authoritative parenting.
o Find things that interest him and take time to work on his own happiness.

· References:
o Petherbridge, L. (2009). Helping kids handle divorce.
http://www.cbn.com/family/youth/petherbridge_kidsdivorce.aspx

This week it was important that we start out by reminding him that we are there to
provide education and not counseling. Then we wanted to follow up on his
empathy/communication journal because he went to visit his children for their grandfathers
funeral this last week. He was pretty discouraged about the interactions he had with them
because they were pretty brief and his children were very guarded. We reassured him that his
effort was the most important part right now even though he isn’t seeing a whole lot of progress.
We were pleased to learn that he is becoming more aware of his parenting techniques and
actively trying to become and authoritative parent.
After reviewing his last week, we moved on to the teaching part of the lesson. We felt it
was important to teach him about what his teenagers are going through with this divorce. He has
been having some trouble relating to his teenage children and we felt like if he could gain insight
into how they are feeling and what they might be thinking, he might better be able to
communicate with and have a relationship with them. He was very open to this information and
when we explained why we though this would be beneficial for him, he completely agreed and
was very eager to hear what we had to say about the research.
This week it was important that we stay sensitive to the topics that we covered in this
lesson because we were touching on some subjects that we assumed were something that needed
work and not what he came right out and talked about. It was also touchy because he may have
been a little guarded because we were addressing the pain that some of his choices have caused
his children. So we felt that this would be a great lesson to integrate some personal stories from
Daniel’s experience with his parents divorce. In chapter four of the textbook, Family life
Education: Principles and Practices for Effective Outreach (Duncan and Goddard, 2011), it talks
about how sharing personal stories can create a more open environment and help drive home a
concept. This really worked to our benefit. Trevor was immediately more receptive when Daniel
started sharing his own experiences and it seemed like Trevor gained some more respect and
willingness to listen when he shared those things. So it was really a very successful lesson for
everyone there.

Lesson plan #4:
Overindulgence in Parenting:
11 June 2014
60 Minutes
• Learning Goals:
o Based on our discussions with Trevor it appears that his ex-wife is very
permissive, and he is beginning to become that way. We will talk about the
dangers of overindulgence in parenting.
o How to co-parent with an uncooperative spouse.
o Having patience with children as they are dealing with personal issues and their
parent’s divorce.
• Outline:
o Pray with Trevor.
o Ask if Trevor has any specific questions.
o Follow-up with Trevor:
 Empathy Journal and communicating with others in empathetic way.
 Visitation with children/daughter’s graduation.
 Meeting with counselor.
 Finding activities to help him deal with stressors.
o Talk about the dangers of permissive parenting, and why there are better ways to
parent.
 Read section out of “How Much is Enough” by Clarke, Dawson, and
Bredehoft (2004).
 Discuss how overindulgence is the easy way to parent, and how
authoritative parenting is much more effective for the development of his
children.
o Read “How to Co Parent With an Uncooperative Spouse” (n.d.)
 Discuss what has worked for him in communicating with his ex-wife.
 Benefits of keeping communications with ex-wife like a business meeting
and having an agenda.
• Commitments:
o Continue writing in Empathy Journal.
o Read the rest of the chapter of “How Much is Enough” by Clarke, et al.
o Continue building resources to help deal with stressors, and to find activities that
he enjoys.
o Continue to improve communication with ex-wife and children.
· References:

o Clarke, J., Dawson, C., Bredehoft, D. How much is enough. (2004) Marlowe and
Company. New York.
o How to co parent with an uncooperative spouse. (n.d.) Retrieved from
http://www.wikihow.com/Co-Parent-with-an-Uncooperative-Ex-Spouse

This week we started our lesson by following up with Trevor’s empathy/communication
journal to see what improvements and interactions he had over the last week. He is making it
more of a habit to think about his communication and empathy without having to write it down
now, which is really exciting for him. It’s great to see that he is working hard to change some
things in his life to make his life better for him and his family. He went to his daughters high
school graduation where he was able to communicate to her how proud he was of her for not
only graduating from high school, but their church’s seminary program as well. Even though she
wasn’t very receptive, I think it was great that he went and made an effort.
Trevor mentioned last week that he is nervous because not only does his wife fall into
permissive parenting, but he feels like he is moving towards it as well because it is easier and
seems like it will keep a better and stronger relationship with his children. So this lesson, we
rallied up some research and articles on the dangers of permissive parenting to share with him.
He was open to the information and communicated that he really doesn’t want to be that way but
is having trouble figuring out how not to in his difficult situation. He assured him that as he
worked on himself as a parent, it would come more easily and that we can not be the ones to tell
him how to do so.
We then ended our lesson with an article on co parenting, as he would like to work on
that more with his ex wife to make things better with her and for their children. He said the
information was not completely new, but that it was a good reminder of what he needs to do and
would try to implement them in his counseling soon with his ex wife.
What was really encouraging with this lesson was seeing Trevor applying the principles
we taught him in his life with his empathy journal. In chapter four of the textbook, Family life
Education: Principles and Practices for Effective Outreach (Duncan and Goddard, 2011) it talks
about effective teaching within family life education and one principle of teaching that really
stood out to me was helping the participants apply their new knowledge and this was exactly
what we accomplished with Trevor this week. It was really great to see how much more he
understood the principles after putting them to use in his life.
So that was a great learning experience for us as well because it became very clear that
we need to help the participants apply the knowledge we teach to their lives or else it becomes
useless. From here on out, we would like to keep up the application process with Trevor and the
other participants that we have coming up.

Participants #2: Leah and Jamie
Intake summary:
We had our intake summary with Leah and Jamie on 12 June 2014. The purpose of our
intake summary was to assess the needs of Leah and Jamie. They are a newly married couple
and have an 8-month-old boy. We explained to them what the Family Life Education program
was, and our expectations for our future meetings. The intake summary took thirty minutes. We
were able to establish learning goals with them as well as build a rapport with them. Our intake
summary took place on Face Time, which is the same way our future meetings will take place.
We also planned our next appointment with them for next Monday.
Identifying Data:
Name: Leah and Jamie
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Age: 26
Religious Affiliation: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Occupation: Leah-principal at Child Care center. Jamie- works part-time at financial institution
while attending college where he is majoring in accounting.
Status with Immediate Family/Close Relationships:
Marital Status: Married
Children: 1 son: 8 months old
Leah and Jamie live a considerable distance from their parents while Jamie is going to school in
Salt Lake. They have been married for almost four years and have an 8 month-old boy.
Educational History:
Leah is graduated from school and is working full-time while her husband, Jamie, finishes
school. He has two more years of school before he graduates in accounting.
Family of Origin:
Leah: Leah is the third of four children. Her older brother is the only other sibling that is
married. Her older sister teaches in Alaska and her younger sister lives at home with their
parents. Her mom works at the middle school as an office assistant and her father is a mental
health counselor at the local prison. Her parents are still married and are living in the same town
Leah and her siblings grew up in.
Jamie: Jamie is the fourth of five children. He has three older sisters and a younger brother. His
parents are still married to each other and live in Arizona. His father is retired and his mother
works in human resources for the county office.

Current Family Related Needs:
Finances:
Creating and managing a family budget. Jamie and Leah are both working and Jamie is
saving up money to transfer from a community college to a university. They are interested in
what we can teach them about establishing a budget and how to stick to it.
Parenting:
Jamie and Leah only have one child right now so they do not have much parenting
experience. Leah works at a preschool and knows a little bit about parenting but wants to see if
there are more effective ways to parent. Essentially, they just want to find out if we have any
new information for them to help them parent their child.
Creating a successful marriage:
Jamie and Leah were interested in ways that they could improve their marriage including
communication, how to spend more quality time together now that they have a small child, and
how to come together as partners. They are both working, so they have limited time together and
want to know how to make the best of the time that they do have together and make the most of
it.
Learning goals the participants will learn:
· How to strengthen their relationship as husband and wife when they are both busy with
work, school, and raising their child.
· How to create an effective family budget. We will also address other financial concerns
(i.e. saving and getting/staying out of debt)
· How to be effective parents, and the importance of working together as parents when
raising their children.
We will meet together again on Monday at 5 pm, and tentatively as we go from there on.

Lesson plan #1:
Effective Parenting
16 June 2014
40 Minutes
• Learning Goals:
o How to use empathy and validation in parenting to help children mature
emotionally.
o Explain the four parenting styles (permissive/uninvolved, authoritarian, and
authoritative), and the benefits of authoritative parenting.
o Talk about the importance of establishing parenting expectations when first child
is still young so both parents are aligned in their parenting styles.
o Family councils, and the importance in involving all family members when the
decision affects them.
• Outline:
o Talk about their vacation and family.
o “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John Gottman.
 Talk about the importance of using validation and empathy in parenting.
 Invite them to purchase the book and read it as a couple.
 Discussion: Why would empathy be important when parenting?
o The Four Parenting Styles (Cherry, 2014).
 Introduce the four parenting styles, and show them on a spectrum.
 Talk about the effects of all parenting styles.
 Discussion: Depending on the child you may need to use more of an
authoritarian role, or permissive role, but you should still be towards the
middle of the spectrum, not totally on one side or the other.
• Danny: Talk about how his parents used more of an authoritarian
approach with him, and more of a permissive role with his brother-
they know Danny’s family very well.
 Meet as a couple and determine how you want to parent your children and
what your goals/expectations are.
o Counseling with Our Councils (Ballard, 1994)
 Share the Prezi presentation by Brother Williams in his Family Stress and
Coping class.
 Discussion on the importance of having family councils, even if it is just
the parents (their only child is 8 months old).
 Consensus vs. Compromise.
• Why is it better to reach a consensus?
o Invite Leah and Jamie to read “Good Parenting Skills: 7 Research-Backed Ways
to Raise Kids Right” by Eric Barker (2014)

 Read and discuss article together during the week and be ready to talk
about it in the next meeting.
· Commitments:
o Purchase and read, “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John Gottman
(if possible).
o Meet together and discuss parenting expectations, and the ways each of them
would like to parent their children.
o Hold family councils when decisions need to be made, and work towards a
consensus rather than a compromise.
o Read and discuss as a couple “Good Parenting Skills”.
· References:
o Cherry, K. (2014). Parenting styles: the four styles of parenting.
o Ballard, R. (1994). Counseling with our councils. Ensign, May 1994.
o Williams, M. (2013). Counseling with our councils. (Prezi slides)
o Barker, E. (2014) Good parenting skills: 7 research-based ways to raise kids right.
http://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/

Reflective summary #1: Leah and Jamie
For the first lesson after our intake summary, we wanted to jump right into parenting with
them. They have a 1 year old son and they are eager to learn how to be the best parents they can
be to him, especially in a chaotic world and busy lives. Their son is starting to get the age where
he is learning to speak, so we felt that it would be beneficial for them to learn about good skills
for communicating with their children. We introduced the book, Raising an Emotionally
Intelligent Child and spoke with them about whether they would be interested in the type of
education provided by that book. It was encouraging to see their excitement about the book and
we are eager for them to read it.
The next parenting topic we covered was parenting styles. We introduced all of them
with their characteristics and asked them to ponder on them, which they were raised in, which
one they think they are, and where they want to be. It was really cool to see them really thinking
about where they came from and how they want to change and be better parents.
Now that their son is old enough to pay attention to the parents wants for him, we taught
them about the importance of setting expectations and how their child can benefit from it. They
really saw the value in these expectations and made a commitment to work on doing that more
with their son.
Leah and Jamie expressed that they sometimes struggle with making decisions together
as parents and spouses, so we felt that teaching them the council method would be extremely
beneficial for them to start as a couple. They were interested in it and wanted to learn more after
our meeting and were excited to implement it in their marriage, and when their children are old
enough, their family decisions.
In this lesson, we integrated several principles from chapter 5 of the textbook, Family
Life Education: Principles and Practices for Effective Outreach (Duncan and Goddard, 2011). It
was important to us to use these because they all lead to engaging the participants. This was
important because Leah and Jamie are open to what we have to say, but not as much as we would
like to see. So this week was really key to getting them involved and engaged. To accomplish
this, we asked them to come up with the topics we were to discuss from here on out to keep their
interest and show our genuine interest in their lives and teaching. We also tried to use different
types of materials to try and draw their attention and maybe figure out what helps them learn.
We are hoping to see more progress in the coming meetings as we apply more of these
principles to our teaching.

Lesson plan #2:
Family Finance
22 June 2014
30 Minutes
• Learning Goals:
o How to distinguish between needs and wants.
o How to set up a monthly family budget according to financial advisors.
o Implementing a debt elimination calendar into the family budget to help get rid of
any debts.
• Outline:
o Follow-up on if they discussed their parenting styles, and their parent’s parenting
style.
 Also follow-up on if they read the article on parenting and ask what they
agreed/disagreed with.
o Explain that in classes we have learned that conflicts with money, sex, and
children are the three leading causes of divorce.
o Introduce the debt elimination calendar and explain it to them. Invite them to
look at what things they can pay off, prioritize them, and to implement it into their
monthly budget.
o Talk about establishing a monthly budget, if they do not have one yet, and the
importance of keeping it up to date if they do have one.
 If they do not have a budget, track spending for three months and then
establish their budget based on what information they gather.
 Understand that there is typically a “spender” and a “saver”
 in each relationship, and that they should identify who is who, and discuss
financial goals with each other openly.
 Importance of “splurge” money in the monthly budget, or money that does
not need to be accounted for at the end of the month.
o Invite them to read One for the Money, a pamphlet distributed by the LDS church
via LDS.org.
o Watch and discuss video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb8hTzUoI54
• Commitments:
o Meet together as a couple and create a debt elimination calendar.

o Meet together as a couple and create a monthly budget, if they have not already
done so. If they have created a budget they should still meet together and discuss
what is working well and what could be improved upon.
o Read One for the Money and discuss it as a couple. Commit to each other to
distinguish between needs and wants when it comes to different purchases.
o Continue to be open in conversation with each other and to hold family councils.
• References:
o LDS.org. Debt Elimination Calendar. Retrieved from:
https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/english/pdf/callings/welfare/72726_DebtEl
iminationCalendar_pdf.pdf?lang=eng
o Ashton, M.J. (1992). One for the money. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-
day Saints. Salt Lake City, UT. Retrieved from
https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-
materials/33293_eng.pdf?lang=eng
o Saturday Night Live skit: Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb8hTzUoI54

The previous week, Leah and Jamie had shown interest in learning more about family
finances, so we took this entire lesson to teach them about ways that they can be more successful
in their finances as a couple and family. We first encouraged them to implement the family
council method that we taught the previous week as they talk and make decisions about finances
together because a lot of success can come from it in big decisions like these. We then said that it
would be good for them to sit down together and decide what their wants versus needs are so that
there isn’t confusion that leads to anger or resentment.
We then pulled out what we learned about making a budget from the experts and how
they can apply that to them as a couple. They were really interested to see what we had to say
about making a budget because they had just started using a budget the month before. They were
encouraged by the fact that it was similar to what they already had in place because it meant that
they were on the right track.
The last piece we touched on was ways to reduce your debt. They are married students
with a child, so they have a lot of expenses they are trying to keep up with and some student
loans to pay off. We introduced the debt elimination calendar and how it can really help decrease
your debt and anxiety about it. They had seen it before but were grateful that they were able to
see it again as a reminder when they want to tackle it.
This lesson was intended to be very application based because it was on the topic of
finances, so we wanted discussion to be a big part of this lesson. In chapter 6 of the textbook
Family life Education: Principles and Practices for Effective Outreach (Duncan and Goddard,
2011), it gives great instruction on leading group discussions. We tried to implement that chapter
in our lesson to improve the discussion, some of them being structuring it, linking, summarizing,
and answering questions. We structured it with specific questions to discuss, linked it to their
lives now to ensure application, summarized at the end to clear up anything they needed, and
answered questions to the best of our ability while still leaving room for them to answer them on
their own. This made our discussion in this lesson very effective and that was really encouraging
because they ended up being more engaged because of it, which is a goal that we have had for
our lessons with Leah and Jamie.

Lesson plan #3:
Strengthening your Marriage
2 July 2014
40 Minutes
• Learning Goals:
o How to maintain a good spousal relationship when both husband and wife are
tired and raising a baby.
o Small things you can do to improve your relationship that aren’t time consuming.
o What causes marriages to fall apart when a couple begins having children. What
things they should both be mindful of/avoid in order to maintain a good
relationship.
• Outline:
o According to John Gottman, 67% of couples are unhappy within three years after
having a baby (2008).
 A happy marriage is something you have to work at. You have to be
intentional; otherwise you’ll notice a decrease in marital satisfaction.
o Why are 67% of married couples unhappy within three years of having a child?
Discuss.
 Gottman: sleep depravation and lots of work. Essentially, people are
extremely tired and they forget that their spouse is going through the same
thing.
o Discuss Gottman’s steps on how to avoid this pattern:
 Remember you are in the same soup.
• Both the husband and wife are tired and in the same situation.
Don’t poison the soup with a bad attitude or anything else.
 Cool down your conflicts.
• Drop the criticism, don’t get defensive, don’t be contemptuous,
and don’t cut out your partner.
• Talk about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that Gottman
teaches.
• Talk about how to “attack the issue, not the individual”
 Savor your friendship.
• Give appreciation, turn towards your partner (instead of away), and
maintain sexual intimacy.
o Talk about “repair attempts” and the benefits behind them.

 Ask them to think of things that would work as repair attempts and talk
about them as a couple so they know what is going on when the other
person tries to use one.
 Stress the importance of maintaining a relationship/friendship with your
spouse, even when talking about difficult issues.
o Introduce “Love Maps”
 Invite them to meet with each other and find out about each other’s lives
and the people they are involved with. Explain how this will help
strengthen their friendship and shows your spouse how interested you are
in them.
o Talk about Gottman’s “Magic Five”
 Part with a six second kiss and “I love you.”
 Reunite with a six second kiss and a recap of your day.
 Spend 5 minutes every day expressing admiration and appreciation for
each other.
 Show some sort of affection for 5 minutes every day.
 Update your love maps.
o Invite them to play a love map game created by the Gottman Institute during the
week to help them get started on their love maps.
• Commitments:
o Work on cooling down conflicts according to what Gottman teaches.
o Strive to cultivate their friendship even if they are tired and busy.
o Create love maps with their partner, and constantly update them.
o Practice Gottman’s “Magic Five” during the week to improve marital
relationship.
o Go on a date, just the two of them (with no baby).
• References:
o Gottman, J. (2008). And baby makes three: the six step plan for preserving marital
intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives.
o Gottman, J. (2010). The four horsemen of the apocalypse. Speech retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbJPaQY_1dc
o Peterson, K. (2011). The magic five hours a week. Retrieved from
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2012/05/magic-five-and-half-hours-week.html
o The Gottman Institute. (2011). Love maps 20 questions game. Retrieved from:
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2011/11/love-maps-20-questions-game.html

For the last time we were meeting with Leah and Jamie, they wanted talking about
strengthening their marriage, especially with a young child and busy lives. We largely relied on
John Gottman’s research to guide our lesson with them because it gives specific ways that you
can improve your marriage. We started off with some statistics to help them realize that if they
are experiencing a slight decline in their marriage, that is normal for new parents. We felt like it
would be validating and encouraging for them to hear that.
We covered four topics from John Gottman’s research; avoiding a deteriorating in your
marriage, repair attempts, love maps, and the magic five hours. I think it was a lot of information
to present to them but they were still very interested to hear what we had to teach from that. I
think they appreciated the fact that we explained how John Gottman conducted his research
because they have an appreciation for where these tips are coming from and make it easier to
implement.
In chapter nine of our textbook, Family life Education: Principles and Practices for
Effective Outreach (Duncan and Goddard, 2011), a specific challenge that the authors cite with
marriage education is that it can be too broad and therefore not applicable to the people you’re
teaching. In trying to avoid this, we asked Leah and Jamie to identify specific areas they wanted
us to focus on with our teaching before we did our research for this lesson. This worked very
well because they were then excited to learn about these marriage principles that we were
teaching which makes the lessons a great deal more effective. Their engagement in the lesson
was evidenced by their questions during and after the lesson. Up until this point, they had not
been asking many questions, which was alright, but we were hoping for a little more
engagement, and that came with this lesson.
This was a great way to end our teaching relationship with Leah and Jamie because we
left them excited to learn more and implement what they had learned into their marriage, family,
and lives in general.
Assessment:

At the end of the Family Relations project participants were given a survey about their
experiences in order to find out what went well and what could be improved upon in the future.
The report helped us to see that most people thought the information provided was very relevant
and that the instructors did a good job in preparing material. There were also areas that could be
improved upon, such as the instructors inviting participation and more interaction instead of a
lecture.
Summary Evaluation:
Our first participant lived in Rexburg and worked on campus. We asked him if he would
be comfortable meeting in person on a weekly basis and he was willing. We were able to meet
with Trevor for four weeks in person, which was a very valuable experience. We were able to
watch videos with him and have the experience of face-to-face interaction, which really helped
facilitate more of a discussion instead of a lecture. It was great to be able to meet in person
because we did not have to worry about the Internet connection and Skype problems, which were
constant concerns during our meetings with Leah and Jamie.
One regret we have was using the chapters we did not cover in the course textbook,
Family Life Education (Duncan and Goddard 2011), especially chapters 8 and 9 (personal
happiness and parenting). We also found ourselves using various textbooks from previous
classes, which were very advantageous in teaching about effective parenting and marriages.
Both participants that we worked with were very easy to get ahold of if we had anything
come up and were unable to meet with at the appointed time. We were also able to send them
assignments before the class that they completed. We tried hard to only give assignments that
were relevant to the things we were teaching them. We also worked hard on establishing
relationships with participants to help facilitate participation and willingness to learn. Trevor
was very motivated to learn as much information as he could and we found ourselves sending
him several articles during the week to answer questions to emails he would send us. Daniel
grew up with Leah and they had a good relationship to begin with that helped us to be able to
teach on a more personal level. We found that Trevor, Leah, and Jamie were very willing to
learn more information and enjoyed the things we were teaching them.
We both think that the initial report the participants filled out was very beneficial. Not
only did it help us to find those that had similar schedules to ours, it also helped us to get an idea
of what interests they had before we met with them for the intake summary. We did not have
any problems getting ahold of our participants after they completed the initial report, although
that seemed to be a common problem with other students in the practicum course.
While working with Trevor we found that it was very easy to cross the line from
education to therapy. Trevor had a much more serious situation then we had expected due to his
recent divorce and his strained relationships with his ex-wife and older children. We had to
make it very clear to Trevor by our third visit that we are only providing information to him

because he was looking for solutions to his problems and it was apparent that he was looking for
more therapy than education. After we established the fact that we were only educating he
understood and looked for more information than advice, which was good. We did not have that
problem with Leah and Jamie.
APPENDIX I
Mood log:

APPENDIX II
Assessment for Family Relations Program
Spring 2014
Your participation in the Family Relations program is greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your willingness to participate in a short assessment of the program. Your
response will help us improve the program in the future. Responses are completely anonymous
and your name is not associated with the results in any way.
TEACHING EFFECTIVENESS
Directions: In regards to the Family Relations program, please evaluate the extent to which you
agree or disagree with the following statements about the teaching effectiveness of the
instructors whom you worked with.
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree
3 = Neither Agree nor Disagree
4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree
1. CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT OF TRUST: The instructors created a learning
environment that was safe, comfortable, and conductive to learning.
2. FOCUSED ON LEARNING: The focus of the sessions was on helping me, as a
participant, to learn and was focused on helping me to meet my specific needs, rather
than “covering material.”
3. CLEAR PRESENTATION: Ideas were clearly presented or taught by the instructors.

4. FACILITATED PARTICIPATION: Opportunities were available to participate. There
was a nice balance between "instructor talk" and "participant talk."
5. PROFESSIONALISM: The instructors demonstrated professionalism (i.e., speech and
communication skills, started and ended sessions on time, dependable, friendly, had a
positive attitude, etc.).
6. ENJOYABLE: The discussions and lessons were fun, creative, and interesting.
Instructors were dynamic and excited about the subject matter and in the learning
process.
7. COOPERATIVE TEAM: The instructors worked well together as a cooperative team.
They appeared to be unified and respectful of one another. Transitions from one person
teaching to the other were well coordinated.
USEFULNESS OF PROGRAM
Directions: Please evaluate the usefulness of the program based on the extent to which you agree
or disagree with the following statements.
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree
3 = Neither Agree nor Disagree
4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree
1. ASSESSMENT: The instructors were skilled at identifying my specific concerns or
needs.
2. LEARNING OBJECTIVES: It was evident the sessions were structured around clear
learning goals, which provided focus on key concepts and principles.
3. INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING: There was substance (“meat”) to the lessons.
Material presented and discussions were intellectually stimulating. New knowledge was
taught or demonstrated in some way.
4. RELEVANCE OF THE MATERIAL: As a participant, I was able to see the relevance of
the principles to my specific circumstances.

5. WORTH MY TIME: Participation in this program was a wise use of my time.
6. USEFULNESS OF PRINCIPLES: I am likely to use the principles and ideas that were
taught in this program.
7. SPIRIT PRESENT: I felt the Spirit during my interactions with the instructors.
8. RECOMMENDATION: I would recommend the Family Relations program to a family
member.
9. SKYPE: How satisfied were you with the use of Skype?
NA = Not Applicable
10. What would you change about this program?
11. What did you like most about this program?
12. What was the most important thing you learned from this family life education program?

References
o Ashton, M.J. (1992). One for the money. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-
day Saints. Salt Lake City, UT. Retrieved from
https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-
materials/33293_eng.pdf?lang=eng Ballard
o Ballard, R. (1994). Counseling with our councils. Ensign, May 1994.
o Barker, E. (2014) Good parenting skills: 7 research-based ways to raise kids right.
http://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/
o Baumgardner, J. (2013). Fathering from a distance (Television broadcast)
http://video.wtcitv.org/video/2364993457/
o Cherry, K. (2014). Parenting styles: the four styles of parenting.
o Clarke, J., Dawson, C., Bredehoft, D. How much is enough. (2004) Marlowe and
Company. New York.
o Fatherhood Resources, Support, Advice, and Articles.
http://fatherhood.about.com
o Gottman, J. (2008). And baby makes three: the six step plan for preserving marital
intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives.
o Gottman, J. (2010). The four horsemen of the apocalypse. Speech retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbJPaQY_1dc
o The Gottman Institute. (2011). Love maps 20 questions game. Retrieved from:
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2011/11/love-maps-20-questions-game.html

o How to co parent with an uncooperative spouse. (n.d.) Retrieved from
http://www.wikihow.com/Co-Parent-with-an-Uncooperative-Ex-Spouse
o LDS.org. Debt Elimination Calendar. Retrieved from:
https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/english/pdf/callings/welfare/72726_DebtEl
iminationCalendar_pdf.pdf?lang=eng
o Peterson, K. (2011). The magic five hours a week. Retrieved from
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2012/05/magic-five-and-half-hours-week.html
o Petherbridge, L. (2009). Helping kids handle divorce.
http://www.cbn.com/family/youth/petherbridge_kidsdivorce.aspx
o Saturday Night Live skit: Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb8hTzUoI54
o Wilcox, B. (1995). Can your child really talk to you? Ensign, September 1995.
23-27.
o Williams, M. (2013). Counseling with our councils. (Prezi slides)

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