ABC`s of Divorce

Now is the time to begin your education. This will put you in a better position, no matter what you decide—saving
your marriage or moving forward with the divorce.
Divorce has three phases:
1. Thinking of Divorce
2. Moving Forward with Divorce
3. Recently Divorced
Did you know that the average length of a divorce proceeding in the United
States is one year?
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Divorce can be a very long and complicated
process. There are legal, financial and
emotional issues to deal with.
But getting educated on the
process is a critical
first step.
The ABC’s of Divorce
Each phase is different and each brings its own challenges, doubts and concerns.

• Reconciliation.
It may seem obvious, but have you considered saving your marriage? Yes, being divorced will be different, but it
doesn’t mean better. Marriage counseling and a trial separation are options. You can also reach out to a
therapist or the clergy. Don’t put a time limit on this aspect and don’t rush into a divorce.
• It’s a Long, Lonely Road.
Is divorce any better than your current situation? If so, are you prepared for what’s ahead? The divorce will take
longer than you can ever imagine. For most of this journey, you will likely be going at it alone. You will find
yourself in situations never experienced before. You will be making life-changing decisions on your own.
• Talk with Someone Recently Divorced.
Experience teaches best. Talk with a recently divorced family member or close friend. Get feedback on their
experience—what they did and what they learned. If at all possible, talk to them about the process and
settlement details.
• Children and Custody.
Unless there are unusual circumstances, custody of the children will be equal with your spouse. Think about
how you would like the time sharing arrangement to be. Come to grips that you will see less of your children,
which is even more challenging when they are younger.
• Financial Picture.
Get an understanding of your current financial situation. What things do you own mutually? What debts do you
share? If you have not worked in a while, are you capable of getting a job and at what pay? Will alimony and
child support be possible and for how long? Are you ready for a reduced standard of living? According to
some estimates, post-divorce living standards can be reduced by 30% or more.
• Access to Information.
Do you have access to online accounts and other documentation that tells you about your family’s current
financial condition? Tax returns, property deeds and bank, brokerage, retirement and credit card statements
will be critical should you decide to move forward with the divorce.
• Establish Your Own Online Identity.
If you share a common email address with your spouse, get your own. Make sure to check your email and
online sites from your own computer. There will likely be confidential emails and research that you do not want
your spouse to know about.
Thinking of Divorce

• Work.
We are all human and when facing a possible divorce, your work will suffer. Think about confiding in your boss
about your situation. If possible, take some time off to sort through the issues in your head.
• Your Process will Not Be Different.
Millions of people have been down the divorce road before you. Educate yourself on the process and listen to
others who have been through it. The law is the law and facts are facts. Don’t make the mistake of thinking,
“No, that will not happen to me.”
• Divorce Options.
Did you know that “lawyering-up” is not the only way forward? If you and your spouse can agree on all of
the important issues or your situation is not complex, you may want to file your own divorce. Although you may
still want to consider an attorney to prepare the paperwork, it will be a lot cheaper. If you need help with the
negotiations, you can get a mediator. Collaborative divorce is also an option. Talk to your spouse about these
options and agree on one that works for both of you.
• Notifying Your Spouse.
Often divorce is not a “sudden thing”. So taking that first step is critical. Think about how, when and where you
will tell your spouse about your intentions. Generally speaking, you don’t want your spouse blindsided by being
served with divorce papers.
• Telling the Children.
How will you tell them about the divorce? Will it be you? Your spouse? Jointly? The children should be assured
that the marriage is over because of issues between the parents that cannot be resolved. Given the delicate
nature of this subject, you might want to speak with a therapist on how best to handle this situation.
• Leaving or Staying.
It’s usual for someone to leave the marital home once the divorce starts. But there is no rule that someone
needs to leave. So, consider if anyone will leave and if so who. Who will then pay for any temporary housing?
Who will pay the cost of remaining in the marital home? If someone leaves, what about timesharing and
parenting of the children? If no one leaves, how will the situation be managed at home, especially in the case
of children?
Moving Forward with the Divorce

• Selecting and Paying for an Attorney.
Billing rates for family law attorneys vary widely. Retainer amounts vary as well. Think about your budget for an
attorney. Also, agree on how the legal expenses will be paid. Think about personality, gender, reputation
and language skills when selecting an attorney. Selecting the right attorney is very important. You will be working
closely with your attorney and maybe for a long time.
• Alimony and Child Support.
If you hire an attorney, you will be provided guidance on alimony and child support. Even so, you should
prepare yourself and play “what if”. There are many free alimony and child support calculators available online.
• Establish Your Own Accounts and Joint Interim Accounts.
Open your own banking and credit card accounts. Notify joint credit card vendors of the situation. If you have
direct deposit, make sure your paycheck is deposited into your new account. Work with your spouse to establish
joint spending accounts. Or, reach an agreement on how expenses will be paid between the time of the
separation and the final divorce. An attorney can help with this, but it’s nothing that the two of you can’t
agree upon.
• It’s a Negotiation and Your Responsiblity.
Divorce is a negotiation—likely the biggest one of your life. Treat it that way. Get informed as to the process and
know your rights and understand the law. Know what you need; things you want to keep; items that you are
willing to negotiate away. For example, do you really need to keep the house? Can you afford to keep it? Try
not to act out of emotion.
• Consult with a Financial Professional.
Depending on the complexity of your financial and tax situation, you might want to work with a financial
professional specialized in divorce. Keep in mind that your attorney is not a financial expert. An attorney will not
provide guidance on financial matters.
• Other Things to Consider.
Finances, child custody, visitation and the like are addressed during the divorce process. However, at times,
other things may not be addressed. Any items not clearly spelled out in your final agreement are subject to
interpretation. This could mean more legal fees and frustration in the future. You might want to think about how
the following issues will be handled:
• College for children (where children will attend, expenses, etc.).
• Medical insurance for the children, who pays and what is included.

• Children’s school and extracircular activity payments.
• Modification of child support once children become emancipated.
• Payment of children’s medical expenses not covered by insurance.
• Rescinding of any wills or trusts in effect during the marriage.
• For minor children, a joint decision on which schools they will attended after the divorce.
• For shared children’s expenses, how to repay the person incurring them.
• Distribution of any possible tax return refund.
• How the dependent children will be treated for tax purposes.
• Due dates and any grace periods for payments (alimony, child support, for example), including what
happens if payments are received past their due date.
Recently Divorced
• Execution of Divorce Decree Provisions.
At the end of the divorce, you will have a marrital settlement agreement (MSA) and/or a final judgment. All
the provisions and agreements reached during the divorce process are detailed in the MSA or final judgment.
Make sure the provisions are specific as to who does what and by when and who is responsible for any
associated costs.
• Monitor Forward Provisions.
The MSA or final judgment may contain items that reach into the future. For example, there could be payments
that extend over a period of time or for a certain amount of time. Read your MSA or final judgment carefully.
Make notes of such items. Put these items in a calendar and monitor them closely.

• Unspecified Items.
Sometimes an MSA or final judgment is not specific about
certain things, or doesn’t address them at all. A good
example is medical insurance coverage. If you were
covered by your spouse’s medical insurance, you will no
longer be insured after the divorce. Homestead exemption
is another one. If you receive a property as result of the
divorce and it will be your new primary residence, you might
need to file for the exemption. After understanding what’s
in your MSA or final judgment, think about what else needs
to get done.
• Transition for the Children.
Now the children have two homes. New and strange
routines await them. The visitation schedule spells out
who gets the children when and how, including holidays
and special occasions. Agree on clothing at each house,
school uniforms, sports equipment, safekeeping of
keepsakes and important documents, among many other
things. For the sake of the children, work together to make
their transition as easy as possible.
• Investment Help.
If you receive financial assets in the settlement—cash, property, stocks/bonds, retirement accounts and are not sure
how to manage them, get help from a financial professional.
• Establish and Repair Credit.
If your credit was tied to your former spouse, establish your own credit. Get a credit report from each of the three
major rating agencies and verify them for accuracy. For any issues affecting your score, get help from a credit
repair service.
• Future Modification of Your Settlement.
Future obligations, such as alimony, may be modified by the courts. Child support, custody and visitation are always
subject to future modification. Keep tabs on the financial condition of your former spouse. For the sake of your
children, track the behavior of your former spouse as it relates to the well-being of your children.
• Detachment of Your Joint Life.
You are now alone. Everything in which your former spouse was involved needs to be addressed. This becomes
even more important with minor children. From simple to complex, there are many things that need to be revoked,
modified or done for the first time. Among many others, two of the most important things are changing beneficiaries
on policies and investment accounts and establishing a new will and trust.
www.mattersofdivorce.com
305-908-1171
Call today and
let us help!

ABC`s of Divorce

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