It’s Not About Willpower: Make It a Habit! by Caren Baruch-Feldman
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In this presentation, Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman reviews the latest research in habit building and willpower (based on 4 books). Dr. Baruch-Feldman is a licensed psychologist and a certified school psychologist. She has been on the EOT faculty since 2011. www.drbaruchfeldman.com
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It’s Not About Willpower: Make It a Habit! by Caren Baruch-Feldman
- 1. It’s Not About Willpower: Make It a Habit! ARDSLEY WELLNESS FAIR Presented by: Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman www.drbaruchfeldman.com
- 2. A Little Bit About Me Before After
- 3. Goals for Today 1. Review the latest research in habit building and willpower (based on 4 books). 2. Help you to develop your own positive, new habits. 3. Teach you the secrets of how to maintain these new habits by being more mindful and less impulsive.
- 4. Four Books Serve as Inspiration
- 5. The BAD News 1. Our brains are lazy. 2. Glucose which releases dopamine hijacks the brain. 3.Stress makes us more susceptible to fall into bad habits. 4. Willpower is a limited resource. 5. Glucose/sugar refuels willpower (ugh). 6. We tend to be short-term as opposed to long- term hedonists.
- 6. GOOD News 1. You can build those willpower muscles. 2. Since willpower is limited – need to make into a habit so willpower is not being used. 3. Pick gateway habits (write it down, meditation, and exercise). These types of habits build resistance muscles. 4. Develop beliefs that will inspire you, focusing on long term goals as opposed to the immediate gratification.
- 7. What the Research Tells Us In Terms of Changing A Habit • Change one habit at a time. • Wait 10 minutes. • Pre-commit. Makes it difficult to reverse your preferences. • Practice meditation (APPS = Take a Break; Mindfulness Meditation) • Get social support and make it public.
- 8. What You Can Do To Change a Habit Cont… • Be proactive. • Know your triggers. Don’t think you’ll outsmart old habits. Instead try to avoid them. • Make it easy to be good and hard to be bad. • Give yourself credit. • Takes at least 3 weeks, sometimes even longer to change a habit. • Change your outlook/thinking. Develop a new belief.
- 9. Changing a Habit is Not Enough: Need to Change the Belief • Stand firm. No wavering. • Remind yourself of the whole story, not just the beginning. • Stay away from- “what the heck phenomena”. • Stay away from thinking your are doing “good”. • “Your future self, is no better than your current self.” • Seek to be consistent.
- 10. Beliefs • Stand firm. • What are your • Remind yourself of the whole sabotaging story, not just the beginning. beliefs? • Stay away from - “what the heck phenomena”. • What beliefs • Stay away from - thinking your are doing “good”. inspire you to • “Your future self, is no better meet your long- than your current self.” • I will avoid, rather than think term goals? I have the willpower to overcome.
- 11. Response Card: Advantage Card • A response card is a tool that helps you change your mindset and overcome sabotaging thoughts. • My Advantage Card • Read the card everyday and when you are struggling • I’ll look better. with a craving, temptation, • I’ll be able to wear a smaller size. or sabotaging thought. • I’ll be in better health. • I’ll feel better physically. • By reading everyday you • I’ll feel more in control. make this into a habit. • Make your own Advantage Card.
- 12. Let’s Put Our Ideas Into Practice: “Change that Habit Form” BAD HABIT NEW, POSITIVE HABIT 1. Write down one bad habit 1. Write down one new that you would like to habit that you would like work on. to work on. 2. What is the cue, 2. What Is the cue, routine, routine, and reward for and reward for the new this bad habit? habit? 3. What is the sabotaging 3. What is the new, rational belief? belief?
- 13. Example of Bad Habit/Good Habit BAD HABIT NEW, POSITIVE HABIT 1. Bad Habit to Change? Getting New Habit? Staying calm when my frustrated with my husband when he gets annoyed about husband gets annoyed about small small things. things. 2. What Is the Cue, Routine, and 2. What Is the Cue, Routine, and Reward Reward for this Old Habit? for the New Habit? Cue = Husband gets annoyed over Cue = Husband gets annoyed over a small things. small thing. Routine = I get frustrated that he Routine = Sit with the feeling. Don’t is annoyed and show it on my try to be controlling and know it all. face. Reward = Better relationship with Reward = Get it off my chest and feel superior. my husband. 3. Sabotaging Belief? I am right and 3. New, Rational belief? My relationship he is being ridiculous. with my husband is more important than being right. Thinking about the whole story, not just the beginning.
- 14. Example of Bad Habit/Good Habit BAD HABIT NEW, POSITIVE HABIT 1. Bad habit to change? Eating 1. What is the new habit ? Staying cookies after 9pm. out of the kitchen after 9 pm. 2. What Is the cue, routine, and 2. What is the cue, routine, and reward of this old habit? reward for the new habit? Cue = feeling entitled/craving. Cue = feeling entitled/craving Routine = go into the kitchen for Routine = go into bedroom and just 1 cookie, but eat many more. drink decaf coffee. Reward = dopamine rush and Reward = continue to fit into my pleasure from taste of cookie. size 4 pants. 3. What is your sabotaging 3. What is your new belief? thought(s)? I am entitled. I have “Nothing taste as good as thin been so good. The cookies are so feels”. I need to remember the GOOD!!! whole story. Stand firm.
- 15. Response Card: Advantage Cards Advantage Card for Watching Advantage Card for Staying My Weight Calm with My Husband • I’ll look better. • I’ll have a better • I’ll be able to wear a smaller relationship with my size. husband. • I’ll be in better health. • Will be a good role model • I’ll feel better physically. for my children. • I’ll feel more in control.
- 16. What Strategies Will I Choose to Support My New Habit? 1. Gateway Habits (exercise and write it down)? ___ 2. Stand Firm? ___ 3. Meditate? ___ 4. Seek Social Support and/or Make It Public? ___ 5. Give Myself Credit? ___ 6. Change My Beliefs? ___ 7. Use an Advantage Card? ___ 8. Make It Easy to Follow My New Habit and Hard to Follow My Old One? ___ 9. All of the Above? ___
- 17. Summary • Willpower is a limited resource so make it a habit. • Be proactive, mindful, and avoid triggers. • Give yourself credit. Don’t put yourself down. • Develop beliefs that will inspire you. • Be mindful and reflective, focusing on the long term goals as opposed to the immediate rewards.
Notes de l'éditeur
- I want to thank everyone for coming to today’s talk on “It’s Not about Willpower: Make it a Habit”. Who here has at least one bad habit to change? Can anyone share out an example. Some of my examples are: eating after 9 pm, getting annoyed with my husband and kids, texting while at a light. Today is all about changing those kinds of habits. I would like you to keep in mind one of your most challenging habits as I talk.
- I am a Psychologist who works in the Harrison School District and I have a private practice in Scarsdale. I work mostly with children, but also with adults with anxiety related disorders. I have a habit that I have always struggled with…- it is my weight. Anyone who knows me knows I am extremely hardworking , disciplined, and determined, but in this one area, I struggle. Despite my overachiever personality, I could not master it. So I decided to do what I do when I am presented with a problem, I researched it to death. Specifically, I decided to read everything I could get my hands on this topic and then apply it to my own life. I read many books and attended many workshops, out of all of this, the books we will be discussing were ones that really helped me the most. And, as a result of working with a nutritionist and changing my outlook- I lost 25 pounds. I also was attracted to the books we will be discussing because I noticed in my practice that my patients were great about saying they would make changes, but at the time they needed to make change they often fell into old habits. I feel that the books and the work we will be doing actually helps you change behavior at the time it is occurring not only in my office.
- My goals for today are: Reviewing the latest research in habit building and willpower (based on 4 books). Helping you to develop your own positive habits. Teach you the secrets of how to maintain these new habits by being more mindful and less impulsive. Before we start, I would like you to turn to your neighbor and share with him/her one habit that you would like to change. While I am discussing the latest research, I would like you to keep in mind that habit.
- This talk is based on 4 books that I highly recommend (the power of habit, the willpower instinct, rediscovering the greatest human strength: willpower, and the Beck diet solution). Has anyone read any of these books? I highly recommend them. I will now review some key points from the 4 books up for discussion.
- How many of you feel that the choices you make each day are the products of well considered decision making? How many of you feel that the decisions you make are primarily about the habits you engage in? Well if you thought that your decisions are about habits – you are right. Which brings us to the bad news. Bad News 1.Our brain likes to be lazy. If we don’t do something different will fall into our bad habits. 2.Glucose/sugar causes dopamine to release. Dopamine causes seeking, wanting, craving. It triggers the reward system but it doesn’t necessarily cause a reward. It causes us to pursue happiness but not be happy . Dopamine triggers stress hormones. However, we tend to remember and pay attention to the promise of feeling good, rather than the actual feeling bad that accompanies dopamine driven desire. Furthermore, we humans find it impossible to distinguish the PROMISE of reward from whatever payoff we are seeking. As a result, we pursue things that really don’t make us happy. The promise of rewards have been known to allow rats to shock themselves to death. When dopamine is released the brain says, “do this again, this will make you feel good”. Dopamine encourages the behavior that releases it even though it may not really give satisfaction. 3. The brain is highly susceptible to temptation when stressed . Stress leads to craving because it’s part of the brain’s rescue mission. Stress shifts the brain into an immediate reward seeking state. 4/5. Willpower is a limited resource . Fueled by glucose-dieting a double whammy. If you take away one thing from today, I hope it is that willpower is a limited resource . 6. We tend to be short-term as opposed to long-term hedonists .
- Good News Even though willpower is a limited resource, you can build willpower muscles. Willpower is a muscle. Just like any muscles, the willpower muscles can be strengthened. Every time you flex the willpower muscles you strengthen that response when in a challenging situation. So flex those willpower muscles. 2. Don’t rely on willpower. Instead be proactive and make into a habit. If something is a habit don’t need to use willpower. How cool is that. Give ex. Putting on seat belt. Best way to strengthen willpower is to make it a habit. 3. Pick a gateway habit (write it down, meditation, and exercise). This type of habit builds resistance muscles. 4. Develop beliefs that will inspire you, focusing on long term goals as opposed to the immediate gratification.
- Change one habit at a time . With a finite supply of willpower, it’s tough enough to reach one goal, so take on only one goal at a time. For example, don’t take on exercising, being nicer to your spouse, and being earlier for carpool all at the same time. Wait 10 minutes . 10 minutes may not seem like a long time but it makes a big difference in how the brain processes a reward. After 10 minutes the immediate reward system is less activated and you have a more reflective, less impulsive brain. Instead, you have a cooler, wiser brain after 10 minutes. Pre-commit . Make it difficult to reverse your preferences. Motivate yourself with rewards or threat. Like Odysseus and the Sirens. I am write down what I eat before the day. Having all size 4 pants and throwing away the old clothes that is pre-commiting. Practice meditation . Practicing mindfulness meditation for a few minutes each day can actually boost willpower by building up gray matter in areas of the brain that regulate emotions and govern decision making . Paying attention to what's happening in the moment, what's going on in your body, your mind, and all around you, can make it easier to pay attention to choices you make throughout the day . If the mind wanders which is does naturally, bringing it back to the breath builds mental disciple which improves willpower. Meditation is one way to strength our future mind. Meditation has been found to increase blood in the frontal lobe, the area responsible for thinking about long term consequences. Get social support . Let others know that you are working on a goal and try to work on the goal together. By letting people know what you are doing, you pre-commit and have a better chance of changing your ways (this is one of the secrets of Weight Watchers). Or give talks on the subject like I do.
- Be proactive. Set yourself up for success. Know your triggers. Don’t think you’ll outsmart old habits. Instead try to avoid them. If you donuts are your weakness don’t bring them into the house. Bring out the donuts. Ask a person what happens when they see the donuts. Do they start craving them? Thinking of them? By avoiding the situation allows you to stay firm. Make it easy to be good and hard to be bad . Give yourself credit. We do better when we give ourselves credit rather than putting ourselves down. Takes 3 week to change a habit . Changing a habit takes at least three weeks. Have patience and give it some time. It will get easier. Change your outlook/thinking . Develop a new belief.
- In Charles Durhig’s book, discussion about changing habits, changing a habit is not enough. One needs to develop a new belief. A belief was the ingredient that made a new habit sustain even stressful situations. We have 2 minds: the present and future. Old lady, young maiden. We often are swayed by the immediate consequences. We need to shift our thinking to our long term goals as opposed to the immediate. Stand Firm, No Wavering: This notion of “standing firm” has been, for me, one of the most important ones. The idea is that whatever habit you decide to change, once you commit, you need to tell yourself that you are absolutely not going to give in and that there is no choice. It is the wavering that causes all the trouble. Once you start having a dialogue, “Should I eat the cookie, it is only one, I was so good today. Don’t get into the dialogue, instead stand firm. I often think about this in terms of kashrus. I don’t eat lobster. I am not tempted by lobster. It is a no-brainer and takes no willpower. It is because there is no choice and I never waver from that decision that it is easy for me. As Judith Beck says, “NO CHOICE, I can stand it.” Remind Yourself of the Whole Story, Not Just the Beginning: Oftentimes, when we engage in a negative habit, we focus on how we immediately feel. We tend to focus on the immediate gratification. However, what we fail to remember is the middle and the end to the story. I often say to my patients, “Don’t just think about the cover and the first page, think about pages 2 through 700.” We easily forget how we feel after we have overeaten, yelled at our son or daughter, or when we are late for work. The initial gratification only lasts a few seconds, whereas the rest of the story lasts much longer and often has more powerful consequences. It is important to ask yourself, after you have imagined the whole story, what feels better, the immediate gratification or the rest that follows? Don’t overreact when you mess up . For example, one reason dieters fail is a phenomenon known informally as the “what the hell effect.” Once people lapse, they figure the day’s diet is blown anyway, so they go on to finish the whole carton of ice cream, thereby doing far more damage than the original lapse. If you broke one dish of your china would you throw the rest of your china away? If you stumbled on one step, would you fall down the rest? Stay away from thinking you are doing good. Your future self is no better than your current self . Seek to be consistent. When you want to change a behavior aim to reduce variability in the behavior, not the behavior itself. View every choice you make as a commitment to all future choices. So instead of asking yourself, Do I want a candy bar today? Ask yourself, do I want the consequences of eating a candy bar every afternoon for the next year?
- I would like you to take a moment and write down on the index card what beliefs get in your way. These beliefs can be the ones we mentioned or different ones. For me, the beliefs that bring me down: I forget the whole story, focusing on the immediate consequences, engaging in what the heck, getting to cocky about my progress, and assuming that I will be great tomorrow. The belief that helps me the most are standing firm, reminding myself of my long term goals, and avoiding triggers. Also, reminding myself of all my new clothes really helps. Take a moment and write down your sabotaging beliefs and then write down the beliefs that inspire you to be in touch with your long term goals.
- A response card is an essential tool that helps you change your mindset and overcome sabotaging thoughts. It lists the reasons you decided to diet, eat healthy or any other habit you are eager to change. I have had patients write advantage cards for fighting OCD, getting up early, and writing down their assignments in their agendas. This card needs to be read everyday and additionally when you are struggling. It is not enough just to talk about this you need to actually do this. By writing it down and reading it everyday- you make this way of being into a habit and therefore less susceptible to the limits of willpower. Show them my advantage card. My Advantage Card I’ll look better. I’ll be able to wear a smaller size. I’ll be in better health. I’ll feel better physically. I’ll feel more in control. Everyone look over the page I gave you that lists all the possible advantages of healthy eating. Based on those choices or others that might not be on the paper write yourself up an advantage card on the note section of this powerpoint. If weight isn’t your issue, write up an advantage card for another habit. An advantage card lists the advantages of your goal(s) or new habit(s). An advantage card for losing weight may include: feel healthier, fit in my clothes better, not have pain in my feet, etc. An advantage card for being patient with your child during homework time may include: feel better afterwards, my child will listen to me more, my son/daughter won’t be putting me in a nursing home, etc. Whatever habit you are trying to work on, make an advantage card and read it every day before you start your day. By reading the advantage card every day, you are setting yourself up for the day you want, rather than experiencing the day you fall into. Ask for a volunteer. Ask how likely that will read their card everyday. If not 100 percent get to at least 98 percent.
- At this time, I would like everyone to take out the sheet slabeled “Change That Habit”. In a few minutes I would like you to write down one bad habit that you would like to work on. See if you can identify the cue, routine, reward. What is your sabotaging thought? Next I would like you to write down one new habit that you would like to work on. What is the cue, routine, and reward for that habit? What is the new, positive and rational belief associated with the new habit?