The OutCrowd Spring 2013

Syracuse University, SUNY-ESF
The Independent LGBTQA Magazine
Spring 2013 / Issue #10

A Gay Education
by Matthew Bennett Jr.
I told Dad that I hated him
on the way to the ball park when I was ten years old.
More than a decade later,
as I stand in the garage holding my dusty glove,
I remember that I never took those words back.
My heart squirms in such a way
that I feel the need to apologize,
but then Dad is staring at me as we sit on the couch
disgusted because he’s just learned
my life won’t turn out the way he planned.
“Is this what I’m paying for?
A gay education?”
I cry as I rest my head on Mom’s shoulder,
and Dad slams the door to his bedroom.
I almost want to take back
everything I said,
but then I’m standing in the hallway after a shower
in my childhood home
on 804 West Green Meadows Road.
I wrap the towel around my chest
because that’s what Katy and Karmen do.
Dad rips the towel away
whipping my thighs as he does so.
“Men wear towels like this,” he growls
as he places the towel properly around my waist.
I storm into my bedroom, eyes red and embarrassed
as my head hits the pillow.
I lay there and dream
of how things will be different when I’m older,
but then it’s my senior year of college
and I open the mailbox to find a letter
letting me know that Dad is struggling to pay my tuition.
I place the letter on the table
as Nate places his hands around my waist.
We head up to my bedroom,
and the old wooden steps creak so loudly
that a thousand miles away
Dad rolls over in his sleep.

outcrowd.su@gmail.com
editorial
creative
special thanks
Editor-in-Chief
Managing Editor
Production Manager
Features Editor
Arts & Entertainment Editor
Sex & Health Editor
Social Politics Editor
Narrative Editor
Social Media Director
Fact Checker
Design Director
Art Director
Photography Director
Contributing Writers
Contributing Designers
Contributing Artists/Photographers
Katie Dupere
Matty Bennett
Shaun Janis
Kassie Brabaw
Chamelia Moore
Samantha Crawford
Matty Bennett
Kassie Brabaw
Matty Bennett
Chris McPherson
Mitch Campany
Erica Fisher
Katherine Flores
Martin Biando
Joe Goings, Anna Hodge,
Jorge Talamantes, Erin Reimel,
Danielle Stella, Ken Syme,
Julie Wilson, Nicky Zamoida
Taylor Arias, Maya Qian
Natasha Andaz, Emily Andrews,
Rachel Barry, Esther Coonfield,
Annie Flanagan, Carolyn Glavin,
Jack McGowan, Mel Passler,
Shira Stoll
Harriet Brown
Quartier Printing
Clare Merrick

letter from the editor
Ifyou are at all like me, it’s easy to get angry.
Angry with the every day shittiness that inhabits
life. And there is a lot of shittiness. Let me count
the ways ...
While watching TV (Food Network, to be exact),
Paula Deen says her guest’s Southern cookbook
is great for a new bride: +1 for sexism, +1 for
heterosexism
A poster in Newhouse for a male speaker from
a sexist magazine has one sole graphic on it – a pair
of female legs in high heels: +1 for sexism
The guy in the dining hall yells “cocksucker” to
his friend as an insult: +1 for homophobia
Everyone’s protesting friends on Waverly are
equipped with fliers and a Jesus-Hates-You attitude:
+1 for bigotry
And so on, and so on, and so on ...
Pretty soon it is the tenth time you’ve explained
your decision to minor in women’s and gender
studies and LGBT studies. It’s the third time in one
day that you’ve had to tell people at your job in
the art department of the bookstore that no, that
flourished wooden letter on your frat paddle is not
gay and yes, I have every right to be offended. It’s
the sixth time in your college career that you sit
down to write a bias-related incident report because
another fucking flyer hanging in your residence hall
was offensive. Yeah, you may be a little angry. And
yeah, you may also be a little like me.
After all of these instances, it’s easy to want to
shut down, not explain, and wish you were passive
enough to let the ignorant be ignorant. But I’m
going to encourage you to do the opposite – be
grateful. Be grateful you are attentive. Be grateful
you are noticing injustice. Be grateful you are angry.
Take the “I feel like this is wrong” feeling and turn
it into “I know that this is wrong and I’m gonna do
something about it.”
The OutCrowd will be your little activist friend.
That sometimes needed assurance of, “Yeah,
we feel you and no, you aren’t overreacting.”
That little push to get you through when you
feel defeated by, like, the entire world. We
may only be a tiny, 49-paged, saddle-stitched
magazine, but we want to inspire you and have
you inspire us through anger. Because our
collective anger means passion.
So let’s get pissed: Isn’t this Boy Scout
scenario totally fucked up (pg. 34)? Does
straight girls kissing to turnon straight men
tick you off as much as it bothers us (pg. 20)?
Doesn’t the way gender is presented in Mrs.
Doubtfire get you down (pg. 40)?
Let’s talk about this shit. Let’s push through
that feeling of defeated anger to use it actively.
As my personal favorite activist, The Lorax,
once said “Unless someone like you cares a
whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.
It’s not.”
Let’s get pissed. Let’s get passionate. Let’s
get caring. Let’s talk change.
photobyMartinBiando

The views expressed in The OutCrowd do not necessarily represent those of the entire staff of the publication, its
sponsors, or of Syracuse University as an institution. The OutCrowd welcomes all submissions and suggestions but
reserves the right to refuse materials at the discretion of its editors. All contents of the publications are copyright
2013 by their creator and may not be reproduced without their consent.
narrative
12
16
27
42
Totally Different Worlds
Selena Gomez: No Other Woman Can Compare
All You Are
Technical Foul
sex & health
6
8
36
38
Bi and Devoted
Chronicles of a Grindr Noob
Do You Believe in Magic
Curing Gay America: A Self-Help Guide
feature
20
28
Kiss the Girl
Coming Out 2.0
social politics
32
34
46
The Hate Cycle
Physically Strong, Mentally Awake, Morally Straight
Veiled Yet Vibrant
arts & entertainment
4
14
18
40
43
48
Evolution of Entertainment
Queer Across the Country
New-Age Anthems
Lost in Trans*-lation
Howl Like You Mean It
Comic
photospread
49
12
23
Jorge Talamantes
Making Up a New Persona
A Long Goodbye
out
table of contents

4 spring 2013
Evolution of Entertainment
The sitcoms that are queer and dear to us throughout
primetime history
by Kassie Brabaw
illustrations by Esther Coonfield
Archie Bunker is without
a doubt one of TV’s biggest
bigots, but somehow his
show was able to break
ground for the queer
community. Throughout the
series’ run, a masculine gay
man, “female impersonator,”
and lesbian cousin all pushed
Archie’s buttons — and
pushed them good.
This police sitcom, which
consulted the then National
Gay Task Force to develop
three gay characters, gave
viewers a believable gay couple
in Marty and Darryl, and an
even more believable story line
for officer Zatelli who starts
being harassed at work once he
comes out as a gay man.
All in the Family
(1971-1979)
Barney Milller
(1975-1982)
All That Glitters
(1977)
Ellen
(1994-1998)
Friends
(1994-2004)
Sex and the City
(1998-2004)
This show featured the nation’s
first transgender character,
model Linda Murkland.
Unfortunately America wasn’t
ready for Linda and the show
was cancelled after only 13
weeks on air.
We watch reruns religiously
and cry happy tears every time
Ross stops Rachel from getting
on that plane. But did anyone
really think of Friends as a
ground breaking show for gay
rights? Probably not. Fun fact:
Friends depicted one of the first
gay weddings in sitcom history
when Ross’s ex-wife Carol
marries Susan in season two.
‘Murica was shocked when
Ellen and Ellen came
out in 1997. Coming out
concurrently with the
actress who played her,
Ellen Morgan, a quirky
former bookshop owner
with even quirkier friends,
became the first lesbian title
character in the history of
television. One year later,
ABC cancelled the series
because it had become “too
gay.” Really?
When a show talks about
this much sex, queer people
cannot be ignored. Stanford
and Marcus, Sex and the City’s
resident gays, are one of the
most adorable gay couples on
TV. Sexually promiscuous
Samantha “represents” the
bisexual community in
her brief relationship with
Maria. Visibility? Yes. Good
visibility? Ehhhh …

5spring 2013
You don’t get gayer than
four old women living
together in Florida —
especially if one of those
women is Betty White.
Throw in Blanche’s
brother Clayton, who
comes out and eventually
gets engaged to his
partner Doug, and it’s no
wonder that we still love
Golden Girls.
Cliff Waters shocks his older
brothers in episode one when he
comes out of the closet instead of
getting married, giving unheard of
visibility to the queer community
as Cliff’s brothers “come to terms”
with his sexuality throughout
the series. One of the most
groundbreaking characters on
the show is Cliff’s friend Donald
Maltby, an out man who is actually
proud to be gay.
Golden Girls
(1985-1992)
Brothers
(1984-1989)
My So Called Life
(1994-1995)
Queer as Folk
(2000-2005)
Will and Grace
(1998-2006)
Glee
(2009-present)
The Kurt Hummel of the
90s, Ricky Vasquez was
unfortunately not lucky
enough to have Burt by his
side. Our hearts all broke
when Ricky called Mr.
Katimski shivering from a
pay phone after he had been
thrown out onto the streets.
You just can’t have an evolu-
tion of gay characters in
sitcoms without mentioning
Will and Grace. Will and
Jack accurately show that all
gay men are not the same
and they do it with humor.
How refreshing!
This adaptation of a British
sitcom, Queer As Folk shows
the everyday lives of … you
guessed it, queer people. What
you might not know, is that
it was the first hour-long
American drama to do so.
These characters have an
intricate web of relationships
and friendships – it’s almost
like real life.
The show some of us love
to hate and others hate to
love. No matter your feelings
about Glee, we all must
admit it shows an enormous
range of queerness. Glee has
depicted everything from the
self-hating gay man to the
most accepting father ever
(Hey, Burt Hummel!).

sex & health
6 spring 2013
Bi and Devoted
When the eye of society is on a bisexual woman in love
by Erica Fisher
photo/illustrationbyShiraStollandKatherineFlores
When people look at me,
sometimes I wonder what
they see.
Physically, they see a 20-something girl, 5’6”
with brown hair and blue eyes. A straight
20-something girl, 5’6” with brown hair and
blue eyes. People don’t see me as a girl who is
attracted to girls, so I have to surpass
the stereotypes. I always get the same
reactions: “You don’t look like a lesbian,”
“You and your boyfriend should have a
threesome,” “You’re a selfish slut”, etc.
My name is Erica Fisher, and I am a
bisexual woman in a monogamous
relationship with a straight male.
Relationships can be difficult, no matter
your sexuality or gender identity.
We are all human (probably) and a
lot of us are going to go through that
annoying, exciting roller coaster that
is a relationship. Relationships are not
always easy and commitment can be
tough, but being a bisexual woman
in a relationship has added flips and
corkscrews that have gotten to be
nauseating and unbearable.
I met my boyfriend when I was at home
on Long Island in summer 2011 and
have now been dating him for over a
year. His name is Ryan Scall; he is a senior at
University at Buffalo, on the club hockey team,
and is studying environmental engineering.
Coming out to Ryan was one of the easiest, but
most nerve-wracking coming out experiences
for me, simply because our mutual friend told
me I should NOT tell him I am bisexual. “It will
scare him away… he wouldn’t be ok with it …

sex & health
7spring 2013
“Monogamy is NOT a possibility
for someone who is bisexual.”
Oc
he’s not familiar with that kind of shit.”
Being the independent thinker I am, I
disregarded what my friend said and told Ryan
one of my biggest “secrets.” Apparently, he
already knew, was incredibly accepting, and
didn’t understand why I was so afraid to tell
him.
I thought to myself, great–the hard part is over
right? WRONG.
According to society, monogamy is not a
possibility for someone who is bisexual.
People think that bisexuals can’t be
monogamous because they think we always
want men and women at the same time. They
think we are overly sexual beings who crave
sex. The stereotype that bisexuals are more
open to threesomes because they have to be
with males and females has haunted me, and I
know it will not stop.
Sophomore Aaron Goldsmith, who identifies
as bisexual, can relate. Aaron is currently in a
relationship with a man. He and his partner
do not label their relationship as gay and
have a mutual understanding they are in a
monogamous relationship.
“There is a stereotype with bisexuals and
monogamy, and that is that people are unable
to trust us,” he said.
It is obviously problematic when you feel
like your own community doesn’t accept
or trust you in monogamous relationships.
And I personally have witnessed individuals
who label themselves as a part of the LGBT
community, but say bisexuals do not exist.
In order for bisexual individuals to feel fully
accepted and understood, this needs to change.
As SUNY Oswego sophomore Chris
Jankovski, Aaron’s partner, said: “If you
can’t stop using homophobic slander in your
community, how do you expect other people
to come to terms with it as well?”
So, will it actually “get better” from here? The
only factor that we can rely on is whether or
not people open their mind to the possibility I
could like both men and women, but love only
one guy.

8 spring 2013
sex & health
Chronicles of a
Grindr Noob
Deception on the social app is easier than you think
.
We all have our moment of clarity.
Some of those moments involve relationships
(that moment after your breakup when
you understand why everyone thought
his laugh was obnoxious yet you found it
charming), some moments deal with the
professional world (that moment you realize
that you spent $200,000 getting a degree in
philosophy and you now work at Starbucks),
and some moments are just hard to swallow
(that moment you’re chowing down on a
Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell at 2:30
a.m. after a night of drinking and you question
your current life situation).
I recently had one of these moments of
clarity. I don’t think I ever fully understood
how easy it is to manipulate people until I
inevitably downloaded the Grindr app. Yes,
sadly yes, the infamous Grindr. It is here that I
realized how easy it is to become a professional
in textual deception.
While some Grindr users claim not to be
interested in hooking up, let’s be honest: the
end goal is, more often than not, hooking up.
The ways in which users go about choosing
their potential hookup partners can get ugly
(and no, I’m not talking about the 52-year-old
balding male with a beer gut who sends you
the message “Hung?” every couple days type of
ugly).
Those few, sheltered individuals who are
unaware of Grindr’s wrath may need some
filling in. Basically, every user has a picture
(or they leave their profile blank and you must
ask to see a picture), a name (if you so choose),
some defining attributes (I’m 22, nearby, and
clearly not in shape), and finally a short bio.
Here is where the gloves come off.
I assumed this was where a typical individual
would give a few short tidbits about himself.
For example: “Hey there! I love playing
videogames, watching How I Met Your Mother,
and oh yeah, sex.” Yet, I was surprised to
discover that the short bio area was used for
different purposes.
As I perused various profiles, I began to
notice an interesting trend. A lot of the bios
read something like this: “I’m masc. and I only
like masc. guys.” Some were slightly more rude:
“Lookin for masc guys. You fat? Go to the gym!
SMDH what are u doing with ur life? Dont
waste my time.” Some were straightforward:
“Be masculine.” And others were just ignorant:
“Masc. only. Not into gay shit.”
Being an English major, I love language
and the different ways in which particular
vernaculars shape our experiences. Obviously
language is of the utmost importance on
something like Grindr; there are absolutely no
illustration by Esther Coonfield

9spring 2013
body language cues or voice inflections that
allude to any underlying meanings. Instead, the
body language lies hidden in the text.
Since the recent start of my “Grindring”
escapades, I have paid particular attention to
this supposed “masculine” text. I began chatting
with many of these self-proclaimed masculine
men (who only wanted other masculine men),
and thus my “studies” began. My findings
showed a distinct, particular style of text
reserved specifically for gay, masculine men.
Here are some rules on perfecting “masculine
text.”
Masculine Text 101:
Rule #1: When messaging, punctuation is
unnecessary unless you are asking a question.
Even then, the question mark is not warranted
and can be left up to your discretion.
Example: “soo what are you doing tonight”
Rule #2: When starting a casual conversation,
any form of hello is also unnecessary. You can
simply start the conversation with: “bro.” If
you feel a form of hello is warranted, use “yo,”
or any variation of “yo.”
Example: “Yooo”
Rule #3: When messaging, pretend as though
capitalization does not exist.
Example:”dan whats good”
Rule #4: Use ellipses in every message
possible. It is even preferable to use numerous
ellipses in the same message.
Example: “nothing much … getting food now
… class got out early”
Rule #5: Incorrectly use your/you’re. Along
those same lines, incorrectly use to/too/two.
Example: “yo … your hot. want too hang”
Rule #6: There is a definite limit to how
many times you can string “ha” together.
When attempting to convey laughter via
text, keep it a simple “haha.” If something
is actually funny and you aren’t just using
haha as filler text, add an ‘h’ to the end, as
in “hahah.” Restrain yourself. Stringing
too many “ha’s” together makes your
flamboyant gayness become noticeable, as
in “hahahahahahaha.”
Rule #7: Use any of the following words
in approximately 50% of your texts: dude,
bro, chill, man, dope.
It didn’t take long before I was able to
perfectly craft my own masculine text.
Thus, I was able to convince practically
anyone in the Grindrsphere that I was
a “chill dude.” Anyone who knows me
personally knows that I would never
use either of these words to describe
myself. As much as I wanted to be what
these masculine men wanted, I knew
that I wasn’t. I knew that the moment
the Grindr walls came down and we met
in person, the charade would be over. I
realized how easy it was to manipulate
someone else’s beliefs about me through
this textual deception – and that’s when
the moment of clarity came. I finally
understood how much this gay hookup
app was really lacking.
No matter what anyone or any statistic
says (supposedly three-fifths of gay
relationships start online, according to
Standford research – this includes the
Grindrsphere), nothing can ever replace
the initial meeting of two people in
person. No application can substitute the
brilliance, chemistry, and excitement of
the present moment. So, go ahead and use
“masculine text” to deceive those Grindr
guys with their perfectly molded pectorals
that only wear flannel and replace hello
with “bro.” In the end, while your head
is down and thumbs are blazing as you
perfect your masculine text, you’re going
to miss the cutie that’s checking you out
right now. In line. At Chipotle. In the
present moment. Oc

10 spring 2013
“Making Up”
Drag is more than just a performance art. It is an art of
fashion, styling and roleplaying. Makeup allows kings and
queens to cloud their gender identity and create
a new persona.

11spring 2013
a New Persona
by Martin Biando

12 spring 2013
Totally Different
WorldsA few feet away, yet the queer experience at SUNY-ESF
differs greatly from SU
by Danielle Stella
Two smiling faces walk hand-in-hand
down the pathway through the Syracuse
University quad. Nothing seems terribly
out of the ordinary, but the couple gains
the attention of quite a few passersby –
and not in a good way either. Students
scoff and stare as the same-sex couple stops
smiling and uncomfortably continues
their journey, refusing to pull apart their
hands just because of a few narrow-minded
people.
Unfortunately, this is a situation that
happens all too often, and is a scenario that
happened between my girlfriend and me
not more than a month ago. The interesting
thing that I have discovered is that I only
ever get said stares when walking through
the SU campus. Now, I am not saying that
every person on SU campus is narrow-
minded and will take the opportunity to
scoff at a same-sex couple, because that
would be far from true. But, from my
own experiences, I can honestly say that
when crossing from my safe haven into SU
territory, I don't always feel at ease.
My home among homes, the campus I
scoured to find when looking through
numerous colleges of where I wanted to
attend, is that of ESF, Syracuse's infamous
close-knit group of neighbors, whose quad
could most likely fit inside the smallest
building on SU campus. It is a community
of scientists. It is also a community in which
I never feel as if holding the hand of my
girlfriend will attract the judgmental stares
of my fellow classmates. The reason I think
this may be, apart from the fact that these
are indeed the students I plan on graduating
with, is because of the specific bond that
binds us all: the love for the environment.
I know that this may seem like a typical
stumpy comment – but don't write me off
just yet. I honestly believe that the nature of
a person who has an attentive yearning to
protect the environment is a person that has
no trouble opening their heart for people
who aren't your dictionary-definition of
"normal.”

13spring 2013
"I honestly believe that the nature of a
person who has an attentive yearning
to protect the environment is a person
that has no trouble opening their heart
for people who aren't your dictionary-
definition of 'normal.' "
ESF is a school in which this
love for the Earth is deemed as
necessary. Perhaps the reason that
environmentalists are so accepting
is that they too must often have
their interests pushed toward the
back burner. The queer community
also has its interests, like that of gay
marriage and rights within the workplace,
pushed aside for things deemed“more
important." It is in this sense that I think the
two communities are somewhat intertwined.
Both groups know what it is like for society to
overlook what it is needed. Both groups are
often ignored and seen as nothing but radical
people who are going through a phase.
I do believe that there are many good people
that attend Syracuse University. But as long
as ESF students are partaking in the greater
scheme of the school, to make the world a
better place, they are more than welcome to
join hands with that of their lover or that of
their fellow classmate.
illustration by Rachel Barry
Oc

14 spring 2013
Queer Across
the Country
From Key West to Wyoming, queer
adventures are all over the US
by Julie Wilson
6
1
2 3
4
5

15spring 2013
1. California
The Castro District in San Francisco boasts
everything gay—restaurants, shopping malls,
theaters, stores. The Castro even includes the
building that once housed Harvey Milk’s camera
store, Castro Camera. Some have even claimed
to see Milk’s ghost in the store.
2. Wyoming
If for some reason you ever find yourself
stranded in the Mountain Time Zone, make
sure you stop by the University of Wyoming in
Laramie, Wyoming. It was there, over a decade
ago, that gay student Matthew Shepard was
tortured and murdered in a hate crime. Honor
his memory by visiting the bench placed by the
University in Quealy Plaza.
3. Illinois
Speaking of Chicago, you should stop in
Boystown, the first officially recognized gay
village in the United States. It is here, my queer
friends, at Chicago’s Gay Mart that you will
finally stock up on your much-needed “gay
gear” and souvenirs. Maybe catch a baseball
game at Wrigley Field. Halsted Street is your
best bet for finding more gay businesses
nearby. And stop by the Charlie’s bar to see
how it compares to its Denver sibling.
4. Pennsylvania
Next stop on this queer-tastic road trip:
the gayborhood in the Center City district of
Philly. It’s got the oldest queer bookstore in
the country, Giovanni’s Room, which has a
title for everyone.
5. New York
It’s been called “Ken and Barbie’s dream
house on acid” and “The Disneyland of Drag”.
Lips, a NYC drag dining experience, boasts
Dinner and a Diva—drag shows and good food—
every night Tuesday through Sunday.
Are musicals more your thing? Head to the
New World Stages to catch the off-Broadway
show, Avenue Q. One of the most popular songs
is “If You Were Gay” and parodies Bert and Ernie
from Sesame Street.
After some renovations, the Stonewall Inn has
been reborn. It now hosts cabaret, drag shows,
trivia nights, karaoke, local musicians, and even
gay wedding receptions (time to live out that
secret dream of being a wedding crasher).
6. Florida
Stop by Gianni Versace’s Miami Beach
mansion, Casa Casaurina, just by the water.
The gay head of the international fashion house
was shot dead on the steps in July 1997 by
a another gay man (rejection turned awry?
Jealousy? We’ll never know—the murderer shot
himself a few days later, dun dun dun).
Check out The Garden of Eden, a clothing-
optional bar, on Duval Street in Key West,
Florida. It’s not awkward to keep your clothes
on, so if you’re not up for stripping down, you
can still hang out in this rooftop bar and enjoy
the entertainment of older people who think
they should still be running around topless, or
pantless, or both.
BONUS! Car Games
• See who can unwrap a Starburst or tie a cherry
stem in their mouth.
• Feel like reading while your best friend is
driving? Read out loud the sex surveys in Cosmo
or catch up on Out, The Advocate, or your
favorite local queer publication, The OutCrowd.
For a longer read, there’s 50 Shades of Gay. Yep,
that’s a thing.
• Assign someone to make a queer playlist, and if
you’re totally lost, go to page 36 in this issue for
some “New-Age Gay Anthem.”

narrative
16 spring 2013
Selena Gomez: No Other
Woman Can Compare
by Ken Syme
To Julianne: the second grade crush. The
young girl who stole the attention of a grade,
the target of the popular and the dream of the
weak. The great equalizer of heterosexuality,
the impossibility for every boy yet a secret
hope inspired by his quest for acceptance. Her
long brown hair and radiant smile represented
what should be attractive, not who, and the
crush became a loud secret, a testament to a
normality that was yet to exist but sure to be
necessary.
Julianne. The first in a long line of girls who
wasn’t attracted to me – a series of rejections
and disappointing outcomes that would
continue for years. The Heartbreak Hotel may
be full of guests, but it doesn’t matter when
you’re alone in your room.
Eventually, Kim came along.
She knew for years that I was attracted to her,
but for a long time she didn’t feel the same
way. I asked her out a ton of times – more
than I can remember, and certainly more
than I can count. She didn’t seem to mind and
nothing really changed – it was just a game of
odds for me, which worked out, so I suppose
I did something right. Either way, before our
relationship even began she knew that I had
become a fan of Selena Gomez – the gorgeous
Disney star with the long brown hair and
radiant smile.
The first person I told, however, was my
friend Joey. He was my best friend, so when
he burst out laughing I didn’t mind. I couldn’t
blame him – I was known for being tough, for
being a man’s man. Yet, for some reason, I felt
compelled to tell Kim, too. And she too was
incredulous.
I was driving them home from the movies – it
was the best part of our time together – I was
the only one of us with a car, so I was always
the designated driver when we went to the
movies or to Kennywood, or to mini golf, or
wherever. It was odd – we always had a great
time doing whatever activity we chose, but the
part I always looked forward to the most was
the ride home – the time in the car, with the
radio off and the sounds of the night filling
the air as we cruised along on the empty night
road talking about whatever came to mind – it
could be something stupid – the obese man
who’d apparently thought it reasonable to
prance about the amusement park shirtless
with funnel cake – or it could be serious – the
future. We were the troubled teens of the
new generation and yet we were the same as
the old generations, which I suppose is why
we were so troubled. Kim and I were dating,

narrative
17spring 2013
but when the three of us were together that
tie was severed and we became a unit. Joey
was my best friend – the one I turned to for
everything. He was the one who encouraged
me to ask Kim out, to get up the courage,
to go see a movie, to get my dad’s car, to ask
her to prom, to pay for the limo, the dance,
the dinner, and everything in between, and
eventually, he was the one to help me through
the break up, the moving on, the falling back,
and the moving on.
I was the Selena Gomez fan and the boy who
asked out the girl I had a crush on.
In my senior year of a high school, the year
Kim and I spent together, I came out with
my Selena secret. It was huge. I was a teenage
rower who benched 255 pounds, didn’t take
shit from anybody, idolized Lou Ferrigno, the
Red Hot Chili Peppers, U2, loved football and
boxing, and melted at the sight of the Disney
princess who starred on Wizards of Waverly
Place. This secret – the secret that I was so
ashamed of – left me in an odd position – do I
retain my masculinity by hiding my feminine
fandom? Or, should I assert my masculinity by
embracing my perceived femininity? I opted
for the latter option, and I wrote an article
for my school newspaper that announced my
status as the world’s most outwardly masculine
Disney fan-girl. Once I had announced my
secret my exterior shell of masculinity had
been covered with a blanket of femininity. I
wrote:
“As the thought of revealing an embarrassing
secret about myself went ‘Round and Round’
in my head, I decided to ‘Shake it Up’ and ‘Live
Like There’s No Tomorrow.’ ‘Naturally,’ I
made a ‘Scene’ out of the revelation in an effort
to get ‘More’ readers. So, I must follow my
‘Intuition’ and walk out into the ‘Spotlight.’
Therefore, without further ado, I will answer
the call of ‘Tell Me Something I Don’t Know,’
and declare; I am a fan of Selena Gomez.
Yes, you read that correctly. I, Ken Syme,
a fan of U2, Green Day, and the Red Hot
Chili Peppers, a weightlifter, swimmer, and
rower, get just as excited about a new Selena
Gomez album as the average 12-year-old girl
does (and yes, I did buy the Deluxe Edition
of her new album, A Year Without Rain). As
it turns out, nobody’s impressed with how
much I can bench when ‘Round and Round’
is blaring from my iPod. While other macho
guys got pumped up about the release of The
Expendables, I rushed out to see Ramona and
Beezus. ‘The Way I Loved You’ is the most
played song on my iPod, I am a member of
her fan club, and I wrote this article without
needing to research anything about her.”
But Selena didn’t just shape me, she also put
Kim into perspective – instead of seeing Kim
as perfection, I began to compare her to my
perceived image of Gomez, which allowed
me to prepare for my next brutally ended
relationship with ease. So, soon Gomez
became my picture of perfection and my
image of an ideal woman – because it was easy
to extrapolate on who she was as a person
based who she was as a celebrity. And, time
after time I was proven right. Even now, years
after I initially declared my fandom, Gomez
has yet to do anything that would offend
anyone – she has become my ideally perfect
woman, and she’s made it easier to accept
rejections from the everyday women who I
can now pretend are somehow imperfect. Oc

18 spring 2013
“If I was gay, I would think hip-
hop hates me / Have you read the
YouTube comments lately?”
Macklemore
From Tyler, The Creator to Lil
Wayne, it is common knowledge that
the rap and hip-hop genres are less than
accepting toward the queer community.
With frequent use of the term “faggot” to
discriminatory lyrics toward queer people,
it is difficult to find a rap song to listen
to that isn’t offensive. So in 2012, when
rapper and producer duo Macklemore and
Ryan Lewis released their song “Same Love,”
they made strides toward a change that rap
and hip-hop desperately needs: acceptance,
less discrimination, and more potential gay
anthems.
While “Same Love” might be the first power
song in the mainstream rap community, gay
anthems are much more frequent in other
genres, and have a much deeper history. Songs
like “We Are Family” came out of the R&B
genre in the late 1970s, Christina Aguilera’s
ballad “Beautiful” debuted in the mid-2000s,
and Jessie J’s 2011 pop/rock song “Who You
Are” are all examples of gay anthems that have
empowered members of the queer community.
Let’s look at what makes a gay anthem.
While this can be a pretty subjective topic,
it usually comes down to a few key things:
confidence, community, reassurance, and
motivation.
Confidence- “F**kin’ Perfect” by P!nk: As
members of a marginalized community,
people who identify as queer have had their
fair share of self-doubt. Whether it’s coming
out, dealing with labels, or struggling with
identity, it’s comforting to know that no
matter what anyone says, you are good just
how you are -- or, in the words of P!nk,
“you’re f**kin’ perfect.”
New - Age
Gay Anthems
by Nicky Zamoida
Sing it in the car, the elevator, the shower―these songs give us power
illustration by Emily Andrews

19spring 2013
The gay anthem phenomenon and songs that appeal to the queer community are
spreading throughout the music world. Macklemore’s “Same Love” and Frank Ocean’s
coming out are positive influences not only in the rap genre, but may also leave their
marks on the rest of society as well. While several of these tunes might be hidden
gems in the queer community, they are enjoyed for their strong message that says,
“We are here, we are queer, and we have the music to prove it.” Rock on. Oc
Motivation - “I Will Survive” by Gloria
Gaynor: Once you’ve heard the songs that tell
you it gets better, that you’re not alone, and
that you’re perfect, where do you find the drive
to get to that
point? The
motivational
songs that have
turned into gay
anthems over
the years have
provided that
drive for queer
music listeners, and one of the earliest songs
to do so is “I Will Survive,” a disco jam that
screams empowerment and strength.
Top 10 Gay Anthems
(No Order)
“Same Love”
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
“I Will Survive”
Gloria Gaynor
“Beautiful”
Christina Aguilera
“F**kin’ Perfect”
P!nk
“Who You Are”
Jessie J
“True Colors”
Cyndi Lauper
“We Are Family”
Sister Sledge
“Vogue”
Madonna
“The Fighter”
Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder
“Boy Is A Bottom”
Willam, Detox & Vicky Vox
Community- “We Are Family” by Sister
Sledge: Any song can be inspirational in that
“I can do this” way. But not every song has
a “we can do this” attitude, and that sense of
community is critical to the queer collective.
“We Are Family” embodies this oneness that is,
after all, the heart of the queer community.
Reassurance - “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper:
Another theme in the queer community is
individuality. In a society full of conformity and
fear of difference, a message that “it’s okay to
be different” is critical. Lauper has an awesome
way of getting this across -- plus, you can’t
ignore the color = rainbow connection.

Kiss the Girl
Straight girls kiss, straight men watch, and
why that matters to queer people
by Anna Hodge
I was unsure how to react when my two
close female friends started to make out
with one another.
It was a Friday night following Thanksgiving
break. My friends and I were back together in
my dorm room, preparing for a night of fun
and letting loose.
My friends, both of them straight and in
relationships, passionately swapped spit for
one minute before parting lips, looking at
each other and laughing. The fusion of alcohol
consumption and male presence equated to
straight-girl on straight-girl action.
What surprised me was how casually the
situation was treated. After the alcohol wore
off and a new day began, the two girls laughed
off their hook-up. It was nothing more than
a funny story to share in the dining hall the
following morning.
“Oh yeah, we made out last night,” one girl
giggled. They shared glances that suggested the
kiss was like an inside joke — understood by
only the two of them.
Our generation is just as synonymous with
technology and social media as it is with
random hook-ups — the act of making out
(or more) with a stranger at a party. The
phenomenon extends to straight girls who
engage in random hook-ups with each other.
A paper published in Psychology of Women
Quarterly found that 69 percent of college
students have “been at a party at college and
seen 2 girls kissing or making out” while 33
percent of college women have “kissed or made
out with someone of the same-sex at a college
party.”
The act of straight girls kissing is becoming a
college staple. Many girls who engage in the
activity don’t necessarily view it as potentially
negative act.
*Lizzie, a freshman at Syracuse University,
first kissed another straight girl at a party the
summer before the start of her freshman year.
She views the act “as another form of having
fun.”
According to Lizzie, alcohol is influential in
her make out sessions with her female friends.
“I’ve only kissed other girls when I’ve been
feature
20 spring 2013

photosbyMelaniePassler
slightly intoxicated,” she said. “Alcohol has the
influence of relaxing inhibitions and making
people more affectionate than they would
normally be.”
Ultimately, she says the presence of men
encourages the act.
“I think other straight girls do it because
they’re either just having fun, or they’re feeling
pressure from the guys they may be around
at the time to do it to get a reaction out of
people,” Lizzie said.
And, according to Lizzie, her male friends will
openly admit to enjoying watching girls kiss
other girls.
Straight girls kissing one another is often not
taken as seriously as real intimacy, making
it a casual – and often intoxicated – activity
performed by young women, according to
Elizabeth Payne, director of The Queering
Education Research Institute (QuERI). Payne
adds that it is believed female desire is in
service of male desire.
“A lot of girls who engage in this are in
relationships with men, meaning the intimacy
with other girls is allowed because there is an
agreement,” Payne said. “It is not considered
threatening to the primary relationship.”
The essay, “Straight Girls Kissing,” by Leila
J. Rupp and Verta Taylor, published in 2010,
discusses how patriarchy is partially behind
straight girl on straight girl action.
“…boys enjoying the sight of girls making out
recalls the feminist notion of the ‘male gaze,’
calling attention to the power embodied in
men as viewers and women as the viewed,”
says Rupp and Taylor.
Society’s commodification of female sexuality
and of intimate interactions between women,
according to Rupp and Taylor, proves that
sexuality is gendered. “That is, men do not,
feature
21spring 2013

Oc
at least in contemporary American culture,
experience the same kind of fluidity,” the study
states. “Although they may identify as straight
and have sex with other men, they certainly
don’t make out at parties for the pleasure of
women.”
According to Payne, the act of straight girls
kissing sends the message that female intimacy
is not legitimate and only exists for male
attention—making intimacy between women
extremely “pornified.” She adds that women
who are truly searching for their sexual
identity tend to explore that part of themselves
privately.
“The majority of women who are not sure of
their sexuality do not do it in a public place,”
Payne said. “Doing that in public would be a
threatening experience because your identity is
at stake.”
Although Lizzie has kissed other straight girls,
she does not question her sexuality. However,
she does recognize that the act itself can
trivialize the queer community.
“For people in relationships, a kiss is supposed
to mean something and shows genuine
affection for the other person,” Lizzie said. “But
when straight girls are kissing other straight
girls just for a reaction at a party, it becomes
mainly sexual and takes away meaning for the
girls who may genuinely like other girls.”
According to Lizzie, the presence of males and
the consumption of alcohol are the constants
in the make out sessions, and are the reasons
they still occur.
“Girls often feel the pressure to be sexy and
that often means kissing other girls because the
majority of guys will say that watching things
like that turns them on,” Lizzie said.
Women performing acts of same-sex desire
for the male gaze is not anything new. Robin
Riley, an assistant professor of women’s and
gender studies, described a historical context
around this behavior. She stated that in decades
past, men would call out women to kiss each
other for money. Riley described more current
situations of same-sex performatory affection
as enforcing “the idea that women have sex for
the entertainment of men.”
Payne adds that ultimately, women will not
have control over their sexuality until there is
complete gender equality.
“Women’s liberation is not done,” Payne said.
“There are still steps we need to take to get
solutions.’
“I’ve only kissed girls when
I’ve been slightly intoxicated.”
*Editor’s Note: Names marked by asterisk
changed for anonymity
feature
22 spring 2013

Everyone remembers their first love. In a world that is still filled with so much hate toward
the queer community, it can be difficult to find love amongst it all. When you do find that
someone, you want to hold on to them for eternity. But what happens when one person in the
relationship wants to let go?
This series is about a relationship that took an abrupt turn. One minute, everything seemed fine
and the next minute the relationship was over. Daisy is coping with the loss of her first love.
The first girl she’s ever had the courage to love. And when they found that love, she didn’t care
who knew – her parents, her friends, her gospel choir. All accepted and embraced this love.
Now, she will move on, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy. But the same support
system that helped her embrace her love will be there for her now that it is over.
A Long Goodbyespread by Chris McPherson

“Even though we’re broken up,
I still get so excited when she texts me.”

“I don’t want to be just friends with her.
We are either together or not.”

“I’m over it. I can’t keep doing this.”

All You Are
narrative
by Nicky Zamoida
When you play the game, sheer
concentration takes over your mind and body.
Your jersey is tight around your biceps, sleeves
pulled snug against your muscles as you hurl
the ball to second base. Your calves are thick
but stiff, strength emanating from their cores,
hidden underneath the tall socks you wear, but
still present all the same. The only curves are
from the muscles that tone your thighs, and
they are only visible when you crouch down
to catch a ground ball. Your hands, large and
calloused, are tight around the grip of the bat,
ready to release after the contact of a pitch.
Your body is strong, tough, built. You are
athletic.
When you walk down 14th Street, you
have a hint of swagger, a way of dragging
your heels on the pavement with a pace that
announces that you aren’t in a rush to get
anywhere. You stroll into your destinations
upon arrival, with a nod to the people you
recognize. At parties, you dance with an ability
that catches everyone’s eyes in the room.
Your body sways, pressing to your partner:
leading, never following. You have the rhythm
that attracts everyone, you are smooth, self-
assured. You hold your head high and keep
your grin sly. You are cocky.
When you sleep in your boxers, the elastic
band hugs your abs, rising and falling with
your steady breaths of slumber. Your flat
stomach is accentuated by those lines at the
top of your legs that lead down to your sex,
accompanied by a trail of sparse hair sprinkled
in a line leading from your belly button to
the same destination. The opening in the
front of your boxers reveals the patch of hair
underneath, curly and dark. A low groan
escapes your lips as you go through the motions
of dreaming. You are sexy.
When you face your fears, you do so boldly:
head on, fists up. The normal fears that plague
the public are insignificant to you: heights are
just another obstacle, public speaking is your
strong suit, and you stare failure right in the
eyes with your drive and work ethic. You are
protective, territorial; what’s yours is yours. You
keep your loved ones safe, and don’t allow them
any harm. You are the one who comforts those
who wake up from nightmares, the one who
inspects a foreign sound. You are competitive,
driven, a born leader. You are meant to win
whatever competition is put in your path, to
prove to yourself if not everyone else that you
can succeed. You feed off of success. You don’t
take orders from anyone. You are determined.
You are woman, above all else; the mentally
headstrong woman who lets nothing get in her
way in a masculine-run world. You were the
girl on the baseball field, in a league full of boys
and better than most of them. You are going to
be the boss of a company; you are going to get
paid as much as, if not more than, your male
counterparts. You are the only woman in a room
full of men coding computer programs. You
are presentable, a good talker, sure of yourself;
an exceptional example that brains come
before brawn when you, a woman, nail a job
interview in a male-dominated career. You are
the beautiful exception to all those misogynistic
rules saying that your muscles are for men, that
your dance moves are for guys, that your body
hair is for boys. You are the bold, brave, driven
role model for the girls that want to grow up to
be something, an example-setter for those to be
walking down the same path. You are woman,
and boy do I love hearing you roar. Oc
27spring 2013

feature
28 spring 2013
Coming Out 2.0
How Facebook has created a new era
of coming out by Katie Dupere
His timeline says it was somewhere
before cheesy prom photos but after accepting
an offer to college. After countless posts
wishing him a happy 18th birthday but before
posting a picture of his freshly pierced ear.
But Massachusetts native Tyler Frazer will
tell you it was a Sunday night in April 2012,
right before the zombies came into his living
room.
His mom called him from downstairs as
she had countless times before. The Walking
Dead was about to start. He quickly clicked
in the status bar on Facebook and his fingers
flew across the keyboard. Without deleting
the words like he had many times before, he
hit “post.” And without looking back at his
computer screen, he followed his mother’s
voice downstairs to where the zombies waited.
The show was an hour’s distraction from a
life-altering moment. Tyler’s eyes were on the
television screen, but his mind was wandering
back upstairs to his computer. He knew as
his Facebook friends were refreshing their
newsfeed, they would get his message:
I’m no longer afraid to admit that I’m gay …
Thank you to my loving friends.
***
Social media is infamous for encouraging
the exchange of private, personal information.
For queer people, little gets more personal
than coming out. With 95 percent of people
born between 1991 and 1995 having a
Facebook and 50 percent of those people
updating daily, the integration of social
media into everyday interactions has made
this avenue into a place to share all – even
sexuality. Connie Albert, a doctoral student
at the University of North Carolina at
Greensboro, studied the new trend of the
cyber coming out and found that social media
has redefined this once deeply private process.
Albert discovered that coming out via social
media gives people a platform to express their
sexuality without percieving a risk physically
or emotionally. Posting is fast, easy, and
widespread – which can also cause problems.
***
She was in the company of Lady Gaga,
Cynthia Nixon, and thousands of cheering
queer activists. But Danielle Sutton felt
something was missing. She wasn’t out as
bisexual – and she wanted to be for this day.
She quickly dialed her mom’s phone number
and waited for her to pick up. When she heard
an answer, she attempted to yell over the
crowd.
“I’m bi! I know you don’t know what that
means, but I want you to know!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” her mom replied. “Have
fun.” Click.
She knew the message had been lost in the
hoots and hollers of the crowd. So Danielle
connected to the Internet on her phone. In the
midst of a rainbow-clad crowd at the National
Equality March in Washington, D.C., Danielle
came out via Facebook. Her status said, “In

feature
29spring 2013
illustrationbyEmilyAndrews
honor of National Coming Out Day, I want the
world to know that I am bisexual and that I am
going to march proudly.” Or something like
that. She can’t quite remember.
But what Danielle does remember is the
reactions of family and friends to the news.
She received some positive, public comments
on the status, but also had around 25 private,
negative messages flood her inbox.“There was
one girl I did cheerleading with in high school
who said, ‘I can’t believe I did cheerleading
with you. You were probably looking up my
skirt,’” Sutton said of her former Upstate New
York cheering teammate.
Even her mom, who didn’t have a
Facebook, felt the impact of her cyber coming
out. Her aunt saw the status and called
Danielle’s mom to tell her about the post,
which led to another call between Danielle and
her mom. It was the first of several times that
Danielle has had to explain why she came out
on Facebook.
Steven Petrow, journalist and author
of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay and Lesbian
Manners, said much of the appeal in coming
out via social media is the idea of one-step
coming out. But the process can get a lot more
complicated, as in Danielle’s case. Petrow says
that many people don’t think of the widespread
implications of coming out with a public
“bang.” Parents could find out, friends could
feel left in the dark, and important face-to-face
conversations could go unhad. While coming
out via Facebook may seem like a way to knock
out a bunch of uncomfortable conversations at
once, sometimes those conversations can just
become more complicated after telling your
friend’s list what’s really on your mind.
But, Danielle wouldn’t change opening the
closet door in this way. “People always say,
‘Facebook isn’t a private thing. Don’t put all
your baggage on Facebook,’” she said. “But, for
me, that was the way to do it.”
***

table of contents
38 spring 2012
feature
30 spring 2013
At the end of the zombie invasion, Tyler
Frazer ran upstairs to see 56 likes on his
coming out status. By the end of the week, that
number climbed to 146. Friends also showed
their written support, commenting on the
status with phrases like “I’m proud of you,”
“You’re so brave” and “If anyone gives you any
problems, I’ll take care of it.”
Not one person reacted negatively and
Tyler was relieved. He came out to 290
Facebook friends with the click of a mouse.
Only 15 of those people had known before the
post. For Tyler, this was the most appealing
part of the decision — the ability to tell a large
group without a clumsy, uncomfortable, face-
to-face conversation.
“Once you hit ‘post,’ you can’t take it back,
so you dwell on it less,” he said. “Someone is
bound to see it once they load their page.” For
Tyler, posting the status was an easy, instant
commitment to a public coming out. Seamless,
harmless, and accepted.
***
Garrett Koller lived a double life via
Facebook. The computer buff enabled
privacy settings to protect who saw parts of
his “About Me” section – the sections that
displayed his sexuality. Friends of Garrett’s at
his small liberal arts school in Virginia could
see “Interested in: men” and that he was in a
relationship with a boyfriend. But people from
his home state of Oklahoma were blocked from
viewing these portions of the profile.
“Setting up privacy settings gets really
complicated,” he said. “If you mess it up then
everyone knows.”
For Garrett, being out in certain spaces
“He came out to 290 Facebook friends with a click
of a mouse.”
while being closeted in others was a struggle.
So he decided to open up to his Oklahoma
Facebook friends by coming out on the social
media platform. He told his parents the day
before the cyber coming out, and then posted
the status for his hometown friends to see. “It’s
official,” the status proclaimed. “I’m gay and
I’m out. Thank you to everyone for all your
support. I’m so glad my friends turned out to
be more supportive of me and my being gay
than I could ever have imagined. I couldn’t
have done it without all of you.”
The status got 141 likes, but the 61
comments on the status mostly consisted of a
religious debate over whether being gay was
OK. Though Garrett said Virginia has a very
southern identity, his liberal university friends
were mostly the supportive bunch. From his
Oklahoma friends, reactions were mostly
negative. The most discouraging comment
came from a high school classmate who wrote,
“I don’t see how you can be gay and still call
yourself Christian.”
But Garrett knew this reaction was a risk,
even a probability, before posting, given his
mix of friends. “I knew there were going to be
negative comments, but I felt like I was sure
enough of myself to be able to take that and
stand up to it,” he said.
In her research, Connie Albert found that
many people use social media to come out
for the reasons Garrett described – the ability
to reach a lot of people at the same time
and perceiving less risk both physically and
emotionally. Though social media has been
in the news for allowing bullies to target gay
teens, Albert found that most queer people

table of contents
38spring 2012
feature
31spring 2013
view social media as a positive arena for
communication.
With social media platforms expanding and
user numbers climbing, it’s easy for cyberspace
to come into personal space. Steven Petrow’s
advice for coming out is to keep tabs on how
social media seeps into your life. “You stay in
control of your technology,” he advises. “Don’t
let your technology get ahead of you.”
***
Tyler Frazer sips from his coffee cup in a
busy cafe on a Saturday afternoon. His dyed red
hair sticks up slightly after he plucks off a wool
cap. He talks about how his public coming out
inspired a wave of students to come out in his
high school. His voice rises with confidence
as he describes himself a gay ambassador –
someone his queer peers turned to for advice
on coming out and someone who stood up to
a student who was outing others. “Listen, you
can’t go around outing people,” he told the
kid. “You have to let them do it when they are
ready.”
Tyler is a 20-year-old college freshman
now. He graduated third in his class and
received scholarships to several colleges
outside his Massachusetts hometown. Yet he
still lives at home, commuting to a small local
college. He had plans to go away to a university
two hours from his hometown, but backed out
two weeks before the big move.
“I think that’s the reason I decided to stay
actually,” he said about the positive reaction
around his coming out. “The only reason I was
going to go away was that, if people reacted
negatively, I could start fresh in college.”
Though he says his parents favor silence
over a conversation about their son’s sexuality,
he is comfortable. He wanted to stay home. He
hasn’t lost any friends. And he wouldn’t change
coming out on Facebook.
“When I did it, I felt like this great burden
just was taken off,” he said. “When I told
people individually, it felt like I got a little
bit out of it each time. But when I put it on
Facebook I was like, ‘It’s done now. Whatever
happens, happens.’”
are there manners to coming out?
“There are no manners to coming out. It should
be whatever works for the person.”
Steven Petrow has heard this argument
many times, addressing it on his gay manners
website and in books. But Mr. Manners still
believes there is an ettiquete to the coming out
process.
“The thinking around coming out is, 'It is
about me. I need to do it on my own terms,
when I'm ready, however I want,'” Petrow said.
But he says this type of logic can leave people
with a bad coming out experience by ruining
close relationships. Instead, Petrow advises on
how to respectfully open the closet door. Use
these tips in your own life or share them with
friends who are getting ready to step out:
• Tell core family and friends first. Petrow
suggests building a foundation of supportive
people to help with the process.
• The annoucement doesn't have to be a big,
heavy talk. Petrow suggests statements like,
“I'm now dating … ” as a casual coming
out.
• Respect the needs of those closest to you
by being concious of their concerns and
answering questions. Petrow says, “When
we first start to come out to people we are
close to, those conversations are really
important to the relationship.”
• Once you've laid that ground work, Petrow
says, it's OK to inform others however you
feel comfortable. Even via Facebook.
• Know that coming out is a life-long process.
“You are always going to find yourself in
new environments with new people,” says
Petrow.
For more gay manners and advice on
coming out, check out Steven Petrow's website,
gaymanners.com, or pick up his book Steven
Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners:
The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life.

The Hate Cycle
As intercommunal hate continues,
so does our oppression
by Chamelia Moore
32 spring 2013
illustration by Natasha Andaz

33spring 2013
Oc
It’s not just the fact that our sexualities cast
us into a complex system of oppression. It’s not
just unfulfilled societal expectations of gender
roles, and the straight and queer community
who attempt to impose them upon us. It’s not
just the differences within the identities of the
queer community that provide rationale for
the basis of intercommunal hate within our
community― it is all of them, and then more.
All members of the queer community share
the fact that they deviate from the very narrow
standards of heteronormativity, yet there
is a hierarchy within and between us that
perpetuates it. Our inability to fully remove
ourselves from the mentality of heterosexual
standards has consumed us in a way that
disrupts our acceptance of each other and
jades our perception of each other. Freshman
Ahmad Saeed has seen this in action and has
his opinions on the “ranking” for each group in
the eyes of the straight community.
“L, G, B, T― that’s the hierarchy,” Saeed said.
“That’s each identity in the order of queer
acceptance within the straight community.”
Saeed agrees that hate across the board can be
attributed to the heterosexual community’s
levels of acceptance. However, within groups,
race and class are where even more divisions
are made.
*Li, an SU sophomore, explained
heteronormativity can be seen being played
out in which sub-groups of gay men are more
accepted, both within and out of the queer
community. Between the perceived gay male
subgroups of what Li describes as “straight-
acting, super femme, bear, and otter,” one is
accepted above the rest.
“Since we live in a world where being straight
is better than being gay, straight-acting guys
are seen as better than all of them,” Li said.
Saeed agrees that it seems like “straight-
acting” gay men get ahead in terms of
acceptance due to this perpetuation of
heteronormativity. However, he also
believes that heteronormativity has a way of
manifesting itself in the queer community –
in the form of self patrolling sexual behavior
and gender presentation.
“Even though some gay guys are proud of
being gay, they also feel like ‘OK, I need to
be masculine for people to accept me more,’”
Saeed said. “I feel like there are people who
think they need to be a top and not a bottom
because they think bottoms are the ones
who get fucked and they’re not trying to let
everybody know that they’re getting fucked.”
But, we can’t write off this type hate as
self-hate. Self-hate cannot fully explain why
some gay men hate other gay men, why
some lesbians hate bisexual women, and
why transfolks seem generally alienated all
together. Clearly, the sooner we let go of
patrolling our behavior and the behavior of
those within the queer community in order
to please heteronormative standards , the
better we will be able accept others and most
importantly ourselves.
*Editor’s Note: Names marked by
asterisk changed for anonymity
social politics

social politics
34 spring 2013
Physically Strong,
Mentally Awake,
Morally Straight
Eagle Scouts return their ranks in support of gay peers
Imagine working tirelessly to reach a long-
term dream only to have that dream yanked
out of your hands. Queer-identified Boy Scouts
know that feeling.
In the summer of 2012, the Boy Scouts of
America (BSA) reaffirmed a policy banning
all queer individuals from their ranks; scouts,
den leaders, pack leaders — everyone. That
decision allows the BSA executive board to
publicly deny openly gay scouts their Eagle
Scout award, even after they complete all the
prerequisites for the honor.
For those of you not familiar with how Boy
Scouts advance rank, here’s a quick lesson.
When a scout meets all the requirements
for rank advancement, a board of reviewers,
normally local volunteers, convene with the
scout. This is typical for all awards, though
the Eagle award is the top of the ladder, thus
being the most difficult to acquire. After
reviewing the scout’s capabilities, the board
must unanimously decide on whether the scout
should advance. Restrictions on sexuality is not
part of the Scout’s Law and has not played a
role in this rigorous process - until now.
Ryan Andresen, an 18-year-old openly
gay scout, was approved by the volunteer
Board of Review to receive his Eagle rank
in January. Soon after, the official Board of
Review, made up of paid BSA executives,
denied his application. As Andresen stated
in an interview with Anderson Cooper on
CNN, after completing his community project,
a tolerance wall promoting kindness and
stigmatizing bullying in the middle school he
attended, and completing the review, Andresen
was denied his award and was ostracized by his
Scoutmaster based on his sexuality.
Andresen’s story is not uncommon in the
BSA queer community. Numerous group
leaders and volunteers have also been removed
from their positions within the institution
because of their openness to themselves and
those around them about their sexuality.
Since the “official clarification” of the BSA’s
policy last June that stated “we do not grant
membership to individuals who are open or
avowed homosexuals,” there has been outrage.
Change.org petitions have been written, rallies
by parents and volunteers have been held, and
argueably most significant, many Eagle Scouts
have been revoking their own Eagle Ranks in
support of those who have been denied theirs.
A Tumblr blog, eaglebadges.tumblr.com,
has been created allowing ex-Eagle Scouts to
post a picture of their letters and ranks before
shipping them back to BSA headquarters. On
this blog alone, there are over two hundred
posts from now ex-Eagle ranking scouts.The
blog houses letters stating, “I am no longer
proud to be the recipient of this award,” or
“I do not wish to associate myself with an
by Martin Biando

social politics
35spring 2013
organization that discriminates based on sexual
orientation,” but one ex-scout, Tim Bradley,
says it best:
“The Boy Scout Oath admonishes scouts
to do our duty to God, country and other
people. My God is one of love and tolerance,
forgiveness and understanding. Your current
stance is one of discrimination and intolerance.
My country recognizes equal rights for
homosexuals; you have chosen to characterize
gays as somehow deviant. Duty to others
means helping others, and doing good deeds.
One’s sexual orientation does not make a
person less human or in need of care, love and
support.”
Many of the ex-Eagle ranked scouts on the
blog have stated that, should the policy change
to one of non-discrimination and tolerance,
they would gladly take back their badges.
Others have said that it is too little, too late;
the BSA can keep their honors.
The BSA will continue their discrimination
in the name of being “morally straight” at least
until May 2013, when a council will meet to
discuss matters of sexual orientation within the
ranks for the second time.
illustrationbyCarolynGlavin
Oc

How flutes and bass drums make
sex magic work for queer people
by Samantha Crawford
We all have a definition for what sex is; we all
also have a definition for what magic is. While
our definitions of these terms may vary, we
all define them. Some lovers see no way that
these terms are related, while others place
them together on a regular basis, i.e. “I had
sex last night. It was magical!” This is not an
uncommon feeling or thought.
But with a little rearranging of the words, a
very common experience turns into an abstract
one in the blink of an eye. This is the practice
of sex magic. But what is sex magic if not
simply magical sex?
Sex magic, which can go by many names, is a
form of spiritual sexual expression in which
the person practicing is able to use their
breathing, focus, symbolism, perception, and
visualization in order to channel sexual energy,
often ending with a visualization that leads to
climaxing. This is done in many ways, and the
sex & health
36 spring 2013

37spring 2012
process varies tremendously from person to
person. Many people who practice sex magic
believe that the ultimate form of sexual power
is the ability to have an orgasm, and that
this energy can be created without a partner
through the visualization of male-female
sexual encounters.
But visualizing heterosexual sex may not work
for people in the queer community. Yet, that
doesn’t have to restrict us from joining in
on some magical sex magic. We just have to
get the creative juices flowing and look at an
already abstract idea with a further abstracted
perspective.
Storm Faerywolf, who has been practicing sex
magic for almost 30 years and teaching it for
more than 20, believes that if we create queer
models, the queer community can practice
sex magic without being forced to utilize
heterosexual models and visuals.
The heterosexual model can affect a person
in all ways (romantic, sexual, etc.) due to the
natural tendency to want polarity. Faerywolf
explains that he has “… never had an issue with
being gay and not finding sexual polarity, but
… [he] know[s] many who have.”
In order to eliminate the heterosexual
structure of sex magic, we must find things
that complement each other and are not male-
female centered — things that we can visualize
and focus on during sex magic.
In a series of essays, Faerywolf discusses
alternatives to the heterosexual structure.
One of his ideas is to incorporate flutes and
bass drums as complementary energies that,
when combined, can form a melody. These
will represent the parts of sex magic that are
normally powered by the visualization of
polarity, or opposite energies, of a male-female
sexual encounter.
Flora Bevilacqua, a 24-year-old lesbian woman,
has been practicing sex magic for two years. She
has had both negative and positive experiences
with the practice.
“When I began, at first it was hard to
get through a session without feeling
uncomfortable,” Bevilacqua said. “It felt as if I
was allowing myself to be crossed by a man then
they started having me think about water and
fire instead of a man and woman, and now I love
it.”
Substituting the heterosexual model with queer
models allows for anyone to step into sex magic,
have a sense of polarity, and find their sexual
power through visualization. While many
wonder if the intensity of using a model that
does not involve a male-female sexual encounter
is the same as one that does, people practicing
sex magic have become accepting of all models.
The point of sex magic is personal satisfaction
and spirituality – no matter the model or the
identity. Oc
sex & health

Your one-stop shop for all things that cure “the gay”
Hey you! Are you tired of pride parades? Do you dislike the flamboyance of Rain and Trexx? Did
you wish Will would just marry Grace and live happily ever after as husband and wife? Do you
want your friends to finally come out of the closet – as heterosexual? Well have I got a something
for you!
sex & health
Curing Gay America:
A Self-Help Guide
by Joe Goings
illustration by Jack McGowan
38 spring 2013

38spring 2012
*In case you didn’t get it, this is satire. We, after all, love gay people just the way they are. Get down with your queer self.
Bicycling:
Some people ride bikes to relieve stress. Others
do it to stay fit. You can do it stop being gay!
Bicycling: likely the most fun solution in the
Guide. It has been said that “homosexuality was
rooted in nervous exhaustion,” so riding a bike for
extended periods would, over time, rid a person of
what ails them. And that’s backed by neurologist
Graeme Hammond, so you know it’s true.
Phone applications:
Need a quick fix for a life on the go? Look no
further. Exodus International brings to you the
mobile app to rid your life of being gay forever!
Whether it be personal stories of being gay,
answers to frequently asked questions, or blogs
from student contributors, Exodus International
has everything you need to find “straight” ways to
live your life!
Hypno-Coke Therapy:
Combining therapies is proven to be quite a
resolution for some. For example, combining
hypnosis and cocaine to form “Hypno-coke” can
yield double the rate of success! Hypno-coke may
seem like a stretch, but think about it: what better
way is there to get someone to follow the right
path than to get them hopped up on smack and
then play games with their mind while they’re
charged? This would most certainly be the most
entertaining route to a gay-free world!
Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy:
This one is aimed at our rural readers. The
Cowboy Church of Virginia has a revolutionary,
and quite unique, method to rid your life of
the homosexual affliction. Raymond Bell, the
church’s pastor, believes that stroking a horse
is a great way to cure being gay. The horses
will help sort out emotions and homosexual
feelings through a range of activities designed to
distract you from your “addiction,” as Bell would
call it. I don’t know about you, but this sounds
completely legitimate to me!
Breastmilk:
Are you not a fan of artificial or man-made
solutions? Try this natural remedy, sponsored
by former United States senator from Missouri,
Todd Akin. The former senator said that “female
breast milk - when fed directly to an adult
homosexual male daily for at least four weeks -
has a 94 percent chance of permanently curing
homosexual perversions,” according to totally
reputable newssite, The Daily Currant. And all in
just four weeks! Wow!
Not yet convinced that you need to cure homosexuality? Well look at what it has caused:
Hurricanes, Earthquakes,
Tsunamis, etc.
Natural disasters cleanse
America of its evils and wrong-
doings.
Global Warming
Flaming gays
make this planet
dangerously hot with
their flaamboyance.
Decreased
Marriage Rates
Don’t believe me?
Rick Santorum
will tell you the
truth.
Oc
Listed below in this unique self help guide are some surefire tactics to cure neighbors,
friends, and other loved ones of “the gay.” You will be hard pressed to find a solution that
does not work. Please read them and find the one that best suits your needs!

41spring 2013
Lost In Trans*-lation
How not-so-inclusive cinema has captured the wrong messages
by Erin Reimel
Isn’t it funny when a man dresses up
as a female nanny in order to remain in his
children’s lives after a messy divorce and
custody battle? Isn’t it romantic when a girl
dresses like a guy to prove she’s as good as any
man, and in the meantime falls for a boy and
they live happily ever after when she reveals her
true gender identity?
These are the stories we see on the big
screen: Robin Williams disguises himself in
Mrs. Doubtfire to spend time with his children
and Amanda Bynes wins Channing Tatum’s
heart while she kicks some soccer-boy butt in
She’s the Man. But just because these movies are
primetime entertainment, it does not mean that
they are appropriate.
Many films portray gender bending
characters as comic relief or as people in dress
up with simplistic gender identities instead of
deep, complex people. In White Chicks, FBI
agents Kevin and Marcus dress as women in
order to catch criminals, with the comedy
portraying their struggle to act as women
as farce. A Disney favorite, Mulan depicts a
woman who proves her equality to men only to,
in the end, find love in a big, strong guy, reveal
herself as a woman in disguise, and win his
heart. In the musical and movie Victor Victoria,
Victoria disguises herself as a man, Victor, in
female drag tricking a man into thinking she
is actually a man dressed as a woman. This
leads him to question his sexuality when he
develops feelings for Victor. After some serious
confusion, Victoria reveals herself as a woman,
rather than as her alter ego, Victor, the man in
drag. Luckily for her lover, he no longer has to
stray from heterosexuality so the movie can be
wrapped up with a neat bow. Needless to say,
the movies that illustrate trans* individuals as
multifaceted humans with personalities and
struggles of their own seem to be as difficult to
find as a needle in a haystack.
It is challenging to even name any big-time
films that feature characters with complex
gender identities. Some exceptions include
Rent, which has the lovable Angel to show
how strong and confident a trans* person can
be and The Birdcage, which features Albert, a
endearing and complex drag queen. Both of
these characters are not only comical at times,
but well-developed trans* representations. The
public needs to see more characters like Albert
and Angel, characters who knowingly embrace
gender bending while not being offensive to
the trans* community.
As queer people are becoming more and
more accepted, it is time for the film industry
to reflect their lives. Trans* characters should
not be made the butt of the joke. We need to
see positive representations of gender bending
in the media in order to accurately represent
the complexity of gender and crush the binaries
that confine all of us.
The integration of trans* characters
into blockbusters is needed to foster a more
accepting view by both heterosexual individuals
and members of the queer community who
may not have an accurate perception of the
trans* community. The future is primed
for films filled with loveable, complex, and
relatable trans* characters rather than overused
and under-representative plot lines of a man in
pantyhose. Oc
illustration by Rachel Barry

narrative
42 spring 2013
Technical Foulby Kassie Brabaw
In a place like Apache, the worth of your family
is measured by the number of years they’ve been
living in town. The Boone family has been in
Apache ever since people can remember. They
are familiar with everyone, and eventually,
everyone goes to them.
Boone Funeral Home lies one street over from
Main Street. It is a family business that has been
passed down through the last three generations.
Jayson knows, as the oldest son, that the funeral
home will one day be his.
Every night after his academic team meeting,
Jayson goes home and listens to lectures from his
father. Jack Boone is worried that his son won’t
want the family business. Jayson isn’t friends with
the other families, and Jack overheard the Wilcox
boys making fun of his son’s long blonde hair.
“Why don’t ya play a sport, son? Ya know, Talon
Wilcox started up basketball this year. I betcha’d
like basketball. Why dontcha try it?”
Jayson Boone joins the basketball team. He picks
up an orange ball and turns it around in his
hands. He looks at it from every angle and then
carefully tests it out. It bounces nicely on the
shiny laminated hardwood of the high school’s
gym. He continues to bounce the ball while the
other boys take laps.
Coach Mac walks in.
“Don’t be such a fag Boone, get in here and do
laps with the other boys.”
Jayson is called a fag ten times that day.
“Don’t be such a faggot, Boone. Throw that ball.”
“Why ya such a fag? Run faster!”
“You’re such a fag Jayson! Just pass it to Talon!”
Fag, Faggot, Fag, Fag, Fag, Faggot.
He goes home that night beat tired from his
first day of practice. The boys on the basketball
team are nothing like his friends. They are
always shouting, they call each other “ladies,”
and they are constantly joking around and
hitting his arms. Jayson doesn’t understand
how they can consider themselves friends. How
can they even stand to be around each other?
Jayson keeps going to practice. Within a few
months his muscles begin to grow. He runs
faster, he learns the rules of the game. He gets
better. His teammates stop calling him “faggot”
and start cheering his name. They pass him the
ball. He makes baskets. They pat his bottom,
tell him good job, invite him out to their
parties.
Jayson begins to neglect his old friends. He
goes to the parties. He cuts his hair, saying that
it got in the way during his basketball games.
He still makes good grades, but he doesn’t join
the academic team like he used to. Instead,
he spends every day practicing basketball and
hanging out with his teammates.
Jayson’s little brother Seth wants to join the
team. He is a freshman, skinny, but taller than
his brother. Seth comes for his first day of
practice. He examines the ball while the other
boys are doing laps. Seth takes it, bounces it on
the floor, and then bounces it again. He likes
the sound it makes when it hits the ground. A
voice calls out from the sidelines.
Jayson shouts to his little brother.
“Don’t be such a fag, Seth. Come and run with
the rest of us.” Oc

Ginsberg invites us to claim our marginalized lives
illustrationbyKatherineFlores
Poetry captures moments unlike
any other art form. Vulnerability,
accessibility, and musicality are merely a
few of the tools used by an author to craft
a particular emotion and vision. Each
author has his own exact lens through
which he perceives his life experiences. It
is through this lens that he chooses words
which give insight into his enigmatic view
of existence.
Allen Ginsberg, a famous poet of the Beat
Generation, saw the world around him in
an eerily vibrant way – a way in which no
other poet, no other person, could ever
imagine. Through his oracular words,
Ginsberg crafted one of the most famous
poems of all time.
“I saw the best minds of my generation
destroyed by madness, starving hysterical
Like You Mean It
43spring 2013
HOWL

spring 201344
naked, dragging themselves through the negro
streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, Angel-
headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery
of night,”
These iconic first lines from Ginsberg’s poem
titled Howl were first published in 1956. In the
years since its first publication, his book Howl
and Other Poems has over a million copies in
print and has been translated into numerous
languages. In 2010, James Franco played
Ginsberg in
the film titled
Howl – written
and directed
by Academy
Award winners
Rob Epstein
and Jeffrey
Friedman.
Ginsberg’s Howl
remains one
of the most
influential and
extensively read poems of the 20th century, as it
sparked censorship trials and obscenity charges
based on its content.
Ultimately, the outcome of the trials concluded
that City Lights Publishing was able to continue
printing Howl – and Ginsberg was able to
express himself through the words he chose
– based on his freedom as an author to write
exactly what he wanted. These trials, and the
utter opposition to the content of Ginsberg’s
poems, were what catapulted his work to reach
superstardom and truly come to life.
“…who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with
delight in police cars for committing no crime but
their own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication,
who howled on their knees in the subway and
were dragged off the roof waving genitals and
manuscripts,”
Poetry is a complex craft, seeing as one
cannot simply translate poetry into prose
– yet through his
honest, and at times
alarmingly frank
words, one can
sense Ginsberg’s
view of society
as a degrading,
dehumanizing
institution.
In interviews
with Ginsberg,
he discusses
his alienation from society due to his
homosexuality. Yet it was his homosexuality
that sparked not only his self-examination, but
his detailed realization of his environment and
the awareness that everyone around him was
different – that he was different.
Ginsberg believed that Howl was often
misinterpreted as a poem that promoted
and celebrated homosexuality. However,
Howl is really a promotion of frankness, no
matter what the subject. The ability to speak
Howl is really a
promotion of
frankness, no
matter what the
subject.
”
“

45spring 2013
frankly about any subject is socially useful,
and it breaks down the constructed barriers
surrounding what is supposedly socially
acceptable.
“…who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly
motorcyclists, and screamed with joy, who blew and
were blown by those human seraphim, the sailors,
caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean love,”
In Howl, Ginsberg describes his experiences
being a gay man in New York City in the
1950s. His ability to be frank about subjectively
unacceptable situations breaks the social ice
and allows him to avoid nothing. While many
of the experiences Ginsberg depicts in Howl are
veiled in in ominous, obscure language, it is
clear that he does not run from objectification
and marginalization. Ginsberg claims his life
– he laughs at it, and he is bold in his decision
to record his perceptions in his widely read
poem. I believe Ginsberg invites us to claim
our lives as well.
Howl would have never existed had it not
been for the oppression that inspired it.
Allen Ginsberg’s life was filled moments of
hate, moments of fury, moments of utter
disbelief, yet it is moments like these that
shape the multiplicity of life experiences
that simultaneously exist. These moments
have the ability to fuel an incredible work of
art – or have the potential to be the catalyst
for the downfall of a human being. It is a
choice how to react to the dehumanizing
machine of society. It is a choice that a writer,
a poet, a person, must make every day. It is a
choice that Ginsberg calls into question in his
prophetic work of art Howl.
“…with the absolute heart of the poem of life
butchered out of their own bodies
good to eat a thousand years.” Oc
Allen Ginsberg via poetryfoundation.org

In Japan, there is a saying: the stake that sticks
out gets hammered down. In other words, try
to blend in. This deeply ingrained notion of
behavior runs through all veins of Japanese
society, and as a gay-identifying individual,
acutely self-aware of my own identity, it’s easy
to see how this concept impacts gay life in
Japan.
Let me begin by making a brief disclaimer:
Japan is not a society entirely at odds with self-
expression, at least outwardly. Japanese people
are perhaps world-renowned for their art,
music, architecture and fashion. Moreover,
in places like Tokyo’s Harajuku and Akihabara
neighborhoods, one can find a seeming
epicenter of subcultures swarming with youth
sporting anything from Victorian-inspired
petticoats and parasols to hair so straightened,
colored, and processed it would appear to be
synthetic. It is also appropriate to say that any
fashion in Japan can work, so long as you bear
the self-conviction. However, such liberal self-
expression is only tolerated to a limited extent,
especially when it threatens family life or the
collective functioning of society.
For Japanese, there is a responsibility
to one’s lineage that is well-known in East
Asian culture generally. This duty to one’s
family extends beyond the four walls of home,
however. With a dwindling birth rate, Japanese
people feel a certain obligation to procreate to
the state as well. Without a doubt, traditional
values can often times leave little room for
anything else.
Veiled Yet Vibrant
Normalizing queer culture in Japan will take time and patience
by Vittorio DiVentura
In Osaka, Japan—where I’m currently
situated—it only takes a brief stroll down the
city’s gay neighborhood, Doyama-cho, to
understand how Japan’s queer community
is so vibrant yet shadowed. My first stroll
through Doyama-cho was not planned. On
the surface, it seemed I had wandered into any
other place in Osaka. The area’s streets were
filled with small, dimly lit ramen shops lined
with lanterns and numerous signs hanging
overhead. Various bars that seemed to cater to
mixed crowds and raucous pachinko parlors
shrouded in rainbow neon lights that hinted
at the true nature of the area. If my ability to
read kanji had been more advanced at the time,
perhaps I would’ve picked up on the areas
plethora of gay bars, bathhouses, and love
hotels. It wasn’t until I returned with a group
of female friends, however, that I realized I was
the one being checked out.
Still, compared to gay areas in European
and American cities, Doyama-cho is low-key,
bearing few, if any, gay rainbow flags and
no official sign demarcating the area, mainly
because the queer community prefers it that
way. Upon discovering this area, I soon learned
of the various kinds of themed bars as well. For
example, some bars cater to Japan’s business
class who are notoriously referred to as salary
men. These men are often the ones caught
leading double lives. Still, other bars cater to
younger, queer identifying Japanese men.
More interestingly, many of these clubs
and bars ensure a particular kind of crowd
narrative
Editor’s Note: Vittorio DiVentura is currently in his second semester of studying abroad in Japan. In this piece, he looks
at the intersection of Japanese culture and queerness.
46 spring 2013

through stringently enforced entrance rules.
For instance, some bars which only cater to
Japanese people won’t let foreigners in, while
others cater more specifically to foreigners
interested in Japanese people. Here in the
West we might frown on such blatant
discrimination, but it should be particularly
revealing of how many Japanese people want
gay culture to exist in Japan: separately.
Indeed, Osaka’s gay culture could be
classified as clandestine, which then begs
us to wonder how the media and general
population perceive the queer community.
Throughout the media, there are quite a few
very famous gay figures on Japanese television.
Perhaps the most widely known gay figure
is the internationally-known Razor Ramon
Hard Gay, also known simply by Japanese as
Hard Gay. Hard Gay was first premiered on
a Japanese variety show called Daibakuten,
where he was well received and remains a
mainstay in Japanese television. Hard Gay is
famous for dressing in typical BDSM attire,
rapid hip thrusting, and coming to the rescue
of many endangered straight people. The
punch line here, though, is that Hard Gay is
not really gay. So, while many of his antics
are undoubtedly amusing, his portrayal of the
queer community should also be criticized
for generating stereotypes. Then again, if one
became familiar with Japanese media, they
would soon find that this is the general notion
of gay people: amusing, overly-promiscuous
and not to be taken seriously.
There is no doubt in my mind that Japan
has much to learn in the way of integrating
the queer community into its own. However,
I cannot say that Japan is entirely unfriendly
to gay people. In fact, at times being able to
express myself however I wish, outwardly—in
terms of my fashion, mannerisms, and what we
might consider “gay behavior”— I undoubtedly
feel safer here than I do in America. Perhaps
when it comes to normalizing queer culture
here, however, it will require a bit of patience
and a gradual warming up to, the same sort of
process it can sometimes take getting to know
the Japanese themselves.Oc
47spring 2013
photo by Vittorio DiVentura

48 spring 2012
comic by Katherine Flores

out
49spring 2012
jorgetalamantes
“I would’ve never known you were gay
until you told me!” is a phrase I usually
hear when people first learn about my sexual
orientation.
I have known about my sexual identity
since I was a young boy, however I have never
made it the foundation for my character. It’s
certainly important to accept yourself, but
I don’t think that coming out should be as
expected for LGBTQ individuals as it is in
our society. When I meet new people, I don’t
think it’s necessary that they know every aspect
about my persona.
I had a friend in high school that would say,
“I don’t know why people are scared to come
out of the closet. True friends will accept them
regardless of who they love.” I would always
protest him and ask why the concept of being
in the closet holds a negative meaning. For me,
being “in the closet” was never due to shame or
fear. Rather, I chose to keep my sexual identity
to myself because it wasn’t something that
made an incredible impact in my personality.
I become friends with people who are
respectful, charismatic, and funny—traits that
should remain the same regardless of sexual
orientation.
If people choose to become acquainted with
me, it should be because of my personality,
not my sexual orientation (unless they are
romantic partners, of course). Don’t get me
wrong, I have no problem celebrating people
who chose to live their life expressing their
sexual desires openly. I am not opposed to
people knowing about or questioning my
sexual orientation; it’s just never the first thing
that people know about me.
People sometimes assume that I’m trying
to hide my sexual orientation or that I’m
attempting to “be straight”, but that’s not the
case. I am proud of who I am, and I have no
shame in people knowing I’m gay. I decided to
“come out” to my parents because I wanted to
express myself completely with the two people
that gave life to me.
Unlike many of the stories that I’ve heard
or read about people that come out to their
parents, I was lucky enough to have a very easy
“process.” My coming out went something like:
“Um, mom … I have something to tell you.”
“Yes?”
“I … I’m hungry! Yes, very hungry.”
And she looked at me like I was delirious.
I ran out of her room, but then came back
and confidently told her “I’m gay.” She smiled
and thanked me for sharing such an important
aspect of my life with her. We hugged and then
she said: “What do you want for dinner?”
Sexual orientation and coming out is a
personal experience that is different for every
person. When asked to share my story, I gladly
volunteered because I felt that it was important
for people to realize that not all coming out
stories are sad or full of dread. Being in the
closet doesn’t make people “less gay” or equate
to shame.
You’ve probably heard people say, “it’s okay
to be gay”, but just know that it’s just as okay to
be quiet about your sexual orientation as much
as it is to be “out and proud.”

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