Powerless me blog post converted into a PDF file. Please share if you find it interesting.

1. Powerless ME
The longer I stay in recovery,
the more insight and
understanding comes with it;
it’s like getting out of a fog. It
takes time to get to this place.
Even after eight years I catch
myself when I over
exaggerate, get scared, or run
and avoid. The difference is
that I see it when it is happening. As uncomfortable as it might have been, it’s so nice that I can see it
and do something about it.
Years ago, when I was in the “addict mode”, I did not care about or notice anything or anyone else and
only had my attention firmly focused on me. Everything else came second. I thought I was a victim of
circumstances and anything and everything could have been blamed for it, except for me and my own
doing. It was all about me, me, me, and more me. Anything people would say or think about was all an
attack against me.
My last years I drank and used on my own, I was my own God and buddy, and I was suicidal and
depressed at all times. I felt like I had no way out and felt like things were really not that bad. As long
as no one touched me or spoke to me I was fine. It was everyone else but my own self. I was earning
good money but still begging for gas money from relatives.
I worked non-stop but still had a negative bank balance. When I was clean and sober things seemed to
be getting so much clearer. I was still working 24/7, but it was all a mechanical habit. I thought that

2. with an obsession for work that my obsession with drinking and drugs would go away. I would even
quit smoking, since that’s my trigger. My powerlessness was due to the fact that I was hopeless. I had
no clue that I had no mental block against the first drug or drink. I was telling everybody and myself
that I knew I was absolutely clueless. It’s so sad to me today when I see people just like me who can’t
admit that they must ask for help in order to move forward. Even if it takes a kick in the butt, it is so
worth it!
-Anonymous