The Notes comprehensive memory and skills training

The Notes© Kevin Chamberlain 2013

Something of a challenge to be truly
comprehensive in an hour when the Institute of
Administrative Management level 4 is 6 days of
training and costs £2795 + VAT = £3,354!

A brief look at my background. 80% of my
working life in organisational and personal
turnarounds. Built and run companies. Built and
run voluntary organisations and always required
really able support.
I have been coaching, and providing creative
facilitation for individuals and organisations since
1989. This is a link which will lead you to my
article on minute taking and meetings in this
months issue of Executive Secretary Magazine.

www.executivesecretary.com

Exercise 1: How do you remember best? What
are the basis of what you will remember today?
Try a 1 minute reflection.
Work with your strengths.Your brain has an
amazing memory. Use every possible memory
prompter you have at your disposal:images,
sounds, textures, tastes, and objects that spark
the senses. People who practise memory acts
use tools such as association as a powerful
method for memorising things.

Self-confidence is vital yet time after time I
work with people who have an inner critic that
seems determined to undermine personal
success. I hope we can see over the next few
pages that you have every right to feel self-
confident.

A PA’s role is to assist their Director in the
achievement of these, so being able to prioritise
them and work towards them is essential.
Nobody says to a top exec, ‘great airline
arrangements,’ yet it is a vital part of the
function.

A top exec probably knows just how much
income they brought to their organisation and
so the organisation’s ROI is easily calculated.
Question: Do you keep a log of time
management and cost savings?

At one stage of his career David Bowie relied on
a staff of 45 people in his Mainman management


company and the result was chaos. These
days Bowie relies on Business Manager
Bill Zysblat and ‘Coco’ Schwab his P.A.
for over 40 years. Schwab has quite a
fearsome reputation within the music
industry but no-one doubts her
dedication and Bowie trusts her
implicitly.

‘I help put men on the moon. If toilets
are not clean people are unhappy and
that affects everybody,’ says a toilet
cleaner at NASA.

‘Any job can become a calling, and any
calling can become a job. ‘a physician
who views the work as a job and is
simply interested in making a good
income does not have a calling, while a
garbage collector who sees the work as
making the world a cleaner, healthier
place could have a calling.’
Amy Wrzesniewski (pronounced res-
NES-kee) a professor of business at New
York University and her colleagues made
this important discovery. They studied
twenty eight hospital cleaners, each
having the same job description. The
cleaners who see their job as a calling,
craft their work to make it meaningful.
They see themselves as critical in healing
patients,”
Authentic Happiness
Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.

Do you see your work as a calling?


Striving for perfection is an interesting
pursuit, and one doomed to failure, for
perfection is beyond the wit of human
beings.
There is not one person in history
however ‘great’ who cannot be seen as
also having many ﬂaws.

A classic example of a new boss trying
to correct a situation and getting it
wrong!

As we said, bosses are not perfect. We all
need positive strokes ( a Transactional
Analysis expression. We will come to
T.A. later) and clear communication, be
assertive and communicate your needs.
Remember that when we see the other
person’s vulnerabilities we have
opportunities to articulate our ability to
solve problems. “Don’t worry, I know

how to fix that.” “Yes, that is a challenge
but I’ll ensure it’s done.” “I understand
what you want me to do, but what
would we be the most helpful thing of
all.”

Structures comprise our strengths and
skills and our adapted behaviours.
Resources you can draw upon, we think
of the exteriors mentors, coaches,
colleagues, friends, networks etc. but
what are our inner resources? Our inner
resources complement our strengths.
Integrity come from values and values
come from what innate feelings we have,
what we are taught and what we reflect
upon, for some habits are simply things
we are afraid to change.
Then we can look to inspirations and
insights that motivate. Who inspires,
what inspires us? Are you inspired by
books, films, paintings, landscapes,
philosophy, religion - and why?

Remember how hard everybody found
it to think of 10 strengths? Here are
some examples.
Creativity, ingenuity, curiosity, open-
mindedness, love of learning,
perspective, wisdom, bravery,
perseverance, persistence, diligence,
industriousness, honesty, authenticity,
zest, enthusiasm, love, kindness,
generosity, social intelligence, social
skills, team-worker, fairness,
leadership, forgiveness, mercy,
modesty, humility, prudence,
discretion, caution, self-control,
appreciation of beauty, gratitude,
thankfulness, hope, optimism,


playfulness, humour, religiousness,
spirituality.

How many strengths feel familiar to
you now? We build on our strengths.
That which we give attention to, the
mind builds upon.

Let’s not forget about all of those
skills that you are and have been
developing. It’s fine to take an
educated guess at just strong these
skills are.


WHAT A LIST.

And you and I both know we could
add to that list without too much
problem!

Apologies for misspelling discreet.


Do your work styles complement or
cause tension.Your boss needs to know
that they can trust you to get it right or
sort it if it all goes pear shaped

Welcome the challenge of responding
to unexpected changes

Checking in at the beginning of the
work day prevents time wasted on
non-priorities
Stay tuned with each other throughout
the day

List everything you want to discuss
with your boss– even if you run out of
time, you will have a list of things that
you need to talk about that will help
to keep you focused.


Think about all those detective ﬁlms
and series, somewhere there is always
a large visual of the who, what, when,
how possibilities because it helps to
stand back and look at some problems
that aren’t instantly solvable and
require some creative thinking.

Remember the 5 “Whys”. The ﬁrst
answer people give is often not
correct or may even be based on
shaky information. Probing can often
reveal the root answer and it can be a
real surprise.

C and S (consequences and sequels)
are useful techniques for exploring the
various ways that one thing can lead to
another. It’s a simple Edward deBono
thinking skill ( I run workshops on
these kind of tools and skills - sorry,
another plug!).


Transactional Analysis (T.A.)

Eric Berne’s model explore the parent
from overly nurturing to overly controlling
(CP). The nurturing parents (NP) can
smother and give a child no freedom.
When the child is coming of age the
parent keeps the ‘child’ in a tender but still
smothering embrace, preventing the child
moving into adulthood. The controlling
parent says in effect, ‘my way or the
highway.’ Both may be well intentioned and
both stem from fear.
Typical positions:
I’m OK, you’re OK
I’m OK but you’re not OK
I’m not OK but you’re OK
I’m not OK and you’re not OK
A is adult to adult transactions or
discussions, where the balance is perfectly
maintained. Parent Ego State.
Behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied
from parents and parental ﬁgures

Adult Ego State
Behaviours, thoughts and feelings which
are direct and considered responses to the
here and now. We aim for the the
Integrating Adult. Integrating means that
we are constantly exploring our every day
experiences and using them to inform us
for the future.

Child Ego State
Behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed
from childhood. For example if your boss
suddenly calls you into their ofﬁce, you
might get a churning in our stomach and
wonder what you have done wrong, all
because it reminds you of when time the
head teacher called you in to tell us off. Of
course, not everything in the Child Ego


state is negative. We might go into someone's house and smell a lovely smell and remember
our grandmother's house when we were little, and all the same warm feelings we had at six
years of age may come flooding back.

Modes
Negative controlling Parent behaviour communicates a "You're not OK" message, and it punishes.
Negative nurturing parent behaviour also communicates a "You're not OK" message because in this
mode the ‘Parental’ figure will do things for others which they are capable of doing for themselves. When
in this mode the person is engulfing and overprotective.
Negative adapted child behaviour expresses an "I'm not OK" message. When in this mode the person
over-adapts to others and tends to experience such emotions as depression, unrealistic fear and anxiety.
Free child (FC)is where the person runs wild with no restrictions or boundaries. This behaviour
expresses a, "I’m O.K. but you're not OK" message, because they treat the other person without
respect.
A positive Nurturing Parent communicates the message "You're OK", because they are able to be caring
and affirming. They are also able to understand the need for positive controlling parent behaviours that
also communicate "you're OK", whilst setting clear boundaries; offering constructive criticism, whilst
being caring but firm. The focus is on actions taken and their consequences rather than on telling the
child that they are a bad person. This is vital for a child since they are only developing adult thinking skills
and their brains will not fully form until they are around the age of 21.
A positive adapted child says effectively that "I'm OK". From this mode we learn the rules to help us live
with others. A positive free child - communicates an "I'm OK" message. This is the creative, fun loving,
curious and energetic mode.
The accounting mode - communicates "We're OK" messages. The Adult is able to assess reality in the
here and now. When the Accounting mode is in the executive position it is possible to choose which of
the other effective modes to go into, dependent on the situation. This is then called Accounting Mode.
When using the descriptive behavioural model the term Accounting Mode helps to differentiate it from
the structural model where it is referred to as Adult. When stable in this Accounting Mode we are taking
account of the present context and situation and deciding the most appropriate mode to come from.
We are then able to respond appropriately rather than flipping into archaic or historic ways of being,
thinking and behaving which are likely to be inappropriate and unhelpful.
Strokes
In Transactional Analysis we call compliments and general ways of giving recognition strokes. This name came from
research which indicated that babies require touching in order to survive and grow. It apparently makes no
difference whether the touching induces pain or pleasure - it is still important. On the whole we prefer to receive
negative strokes than no strokes at all, at least that way we know we exist and others know we exist.
We all have particular strokes we will accept and those we will reject. For example, if we have always been told we
are clever, and our brother is creative, then we are likely to accept strokes for being clever, but not for being
creative. From this frame of reference only one person in the family can be the creative one and so on.
Stroking can be physical, verbal or non-verbal. It is likely that the great variety of stroke needs and styles present in
the world results from differences in wealth, cultural mores, and methods of parenting.
Claude Steiner suggests that, as children, we are all indoctrinated by our parents with five restrictive rules about
stroking.
• don't give strokes when we have them to give
• don't ask for strokes when we need them
• don't accept strokes if we want them
• don't reject strokes when we don't want them
• don't give ourselves strokes


Together these five rules are the basis of what Steiner calls the stroke economy. By training children to obey these
rules, says Steiner, parents ensure that ".. a situation in which strokes could be available in a limitless supply is
transformed into a situation in which the supply is low and the price parents can extract for them is high."
We therefore need to change the restrictive rules to unrestrictive ones:
• give strokes when we have them to give
• ask for strokes when we want them
• accept strokes if we want them
• reject manipulative strokes
• give ourselves positive strokes
Strokes can be positive or negative:
• A) "I like you"
• B) "I don't like you"
Strokes can be unconditional or conditional. An unconditional stroke is a stroke for being whereas a conditional stroke
is a stroke for doing. For instance:
"I like you" - unconditional
"I like you when you smile" - conditional
As negative strokes these might be:
"I don't like you" - negative unconditional
"I don't like you when you're sarcastic" - negative conditional
People often have a stroke filter. They only let in strokes which they think they are allowed to let in. For instance they
allow themselves to receive strokes for being clever and keep out strokes for being good looking. One way to think
about this to consider being out in the rain. The rain is the strokes that are available to us, both positive and negative.
There is a hole in the umbrella and some of the strokes go through and we save them in a bucket to enjoy in lean

Fire as in house on fire, Fire, from
a gun, Fire, as in fire in the belly,
enthusiasm. Fire, as in I’m going to
fire you.

An archeologist claims he has dug
up a coin with 46 BC on it. Why
was he a liar?

BC means before christ. Who
could have known that in advance?
Context


The four benefits to acknowledging
are:
You do not enter into a debate. You
remain emotionally detached,
especially if they have used parental
language or sarcasm.
If the manipulative person has
exaggerated or generalised, you
help shift the conversation to a
rational level.
You reassure them that you have
heard them.

The second technique is to probe,
which has the following
benefits:
You stay emotionally detached.
You gain thinking time.
By asking specific questions, you
help them behave rationally.

The third technique is the
broken record. The benefits
of this technique are that it
helps you:
•stay emotionally detached
•stand your ground
•resist attempted manipulation
•make the manipulative person
realise you will not be intimidated


The “Thomas-Killman Instrument (TKI) Approach”
Because no two individuals have exactly the same expectations and desires, conflict is a
natural part of our interaction with others.

These two basic dimensions of behaviour define five different modes for responding to
conflict situations:

1.

Competing is assertive and uncooperative—an individual pursues his own concerns
at the other person's expense. This is a power-oriented mode in which you use
whatever power seems appropriate to win your own position—your ability to argue,
your rank, or economic sanctions. Competing means "standing up for your rights,"
defending a position which you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.

2.

Accommodating is unassertive and co-operative—the complete opposite of
competing. When accommodating, the individual neglects his own concerns to satisfy
the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode.
Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another
person's order when you would prefer not to, or yielding to another's point of view.

3.

Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative—the person neither pursues his own
concerns nor those of the other individual. Thus he does not deal with the conflict.
Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically side-stepping an issue, postponing an
issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.

4.

Collaborating is both assertive and co-operative—the complete opposite of
avoiding. Collaborating involves an attempt to work with others to find some solution
that fully satisfies their concerns. It means digging into an issue to pinpoint the
underlying needs and wants of the two individuals. Collaborating between two persons
might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other's insights or
trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem.


5.

Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective
is to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both
parties. It falls in between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up
more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue
more directly than avoiding, but does not explore it in as much depth as collaborating.
In some situations, compromising might mean splitting the difference between the two
positions, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground solution.
Each of us is capable of using all five conflict-handling modes. None of us can be characterised
as having a single style of dealing with conflict. But certain people use some modes better
than others and, therefore, tend to rely on those modes more heavily than others—whether
because of temperament or practice.

Your conflict behaviour in the workplace is therefore a result of both your personal
predispositions and the requirements of the situation in which you find yourself. The TKI is
designed to measure this mix of conflict-handling modes.

This is a classic opening to a Time
Management course. Inherently a
statement of true facts, such courses
tend to suggest very mechanistic ways of
managing time better.

Time management books tend to be
written by people who love writing lists
and bought by people who loathe writing
lists.
A great deal of evidence suggests that
people tend to revert to their
‘traditional’ ways of organising life within
only a few weeks of attending a time
management course. Applied Psychology
70 (P381-391), Time-Management
training: effects on time behaviours,
attitudes and job performance, Journal of
Psychology 130 (p 229-237).

Key Symptoms of SAD Depression
Sleep Problems Lethargy Over Eating
Loss of Concentration Social Problems
Anxiety Loss of Libido Mood Changes


Railway Time

For thousands of years man was governed by seasons, and cycles of the moon. The sun moving
through the sky was enough to indicate sunrise, sunset and mid-day. People who were governed by
some sort of order e.g. prayers needed to order their daily time more accurately, and often used a
combination of measuring devices, such as sand timers, burning candles, or, if the sun was shining a
sundial.

The Earth rotates once every 24 hours, and so places to the East start their day sooner, than places
to the West. Across Britain there is a difference in time of approximately half an hour. Even late into
the 18th century watches and clocks were decorative somewhat inaccurate items for the rich, and
their inaccuracy made the difference between clock and sundial less obvious.Whilst travel and
communications were slow, these local time differences were of little importance, and most towns
and cities in Britain used local time. In the early part of the 19th century, communications started to
be significantly improved, the railways started to be constructed, and Telegraph communication
became common. In November 1840, the Great Western Railway ordered that London time should
be used in all its timetables, and at all its stations.

Accurate time continued to be a problem. In London Henry Belville (known as "John Henry") would
set the time daily on a accurate John Arnold & Son chronometer then travel round London passing
out the ‘right’ time, for a small subscription.Henry continued to sell the time from 1836 until his
death in 1856. taken over by his widow Maria, the first Greenwich Time Lady. In 1892 (by then aged
around 80) Maria passed the family business to her daughter Ruth who became the most famous
Time Lady.

Ruth Belville had a simple routine: Every Monday she visited the observatory and had the accuracy
of the chronometer (which she called "Arnold") certified. She then walked around London selling
on the time. This simple and relatively inexpensive service continued up until the 1930s.

Today we have atomic clocks capable of measuring time with amazing accuracy, and we are
surrounded by pretty accurate time on computers, phones, cookers, etc etc. We have become
obsessed by time, and desperately try to maximise every second. Time is a useful construct, a
framework if you will for helping us to manage. Our natural rhythms are still governed by seasons
and the daylight each season contains. Not for nothing do we talk about seasonally affected
disorder, or winter blues.

Time is a tool to manage energy and give
the brain recovery, but how a human
being operates is human performance
biology and is centred on energy
management


Circadian Rhythm/Your Body
Clock
The circadian rhythm is a 24-hour cycle
that rules all of us. Cortisol levels, heart
rates shift and change in patterns
throughout your day. This internal body
clock is affected by outside sources such
as sunrise and time zones. And when
your circadian rhythm is disrupted
sleeping and eating patterns can be
negatively influenced.

Tip: Keep A Circadian Diary!

Don’t assume you are a machine,
concentration ebbs and flows over the
course of an hour. When planning a
future task how confident are you that
you will maintain 100% attention over an
hour?Taking breaks around every 90
minutes will probably make you more
effective.

Effective people are not problem
minded; they are opportunity minded.
They feed opportunities and starve
problems. Dr. Peter Drucker

95% of your time and just about
everybody else’s time is spent fire
fighting. It is almost certainly not in your
job description but it is the reality. Time
for a serious rethink?

Are you and other people being assessed
on things to which you can only give 5%?
Even if I exaggerate slightly you can see
how there might be a mis-match.


Pareto’s Rule is applicable to your life.
80% of what you do each day neither
enhances your personal or business
goals.

Task: Take a minute to write down the
level of control you think you have in the
three areas shown.
Does your score vary much between
categories? If so, what are the reasons,
do you think?
If the scores are very similar, why?

Today work is frequently complex, often
with the need to make constant
revisions not only to the work but also
to deadlines. No wonder our sense of
time feels distorted!

Multi-tasking is considered a tremendous
boost to productivity. However, what we
already intuitively knew has recently
been shown by people such as Aral,
Brynjofson and Van Alstyne that
excessive multi-tasking causes projects
to behave like cars on a motorway when
overcrowding occurs and the slightest
slowing in a lane begins to rapidly back
up following cars.
MIT Revue, “What Makes Information
Workers Productive,” 2008
Also look at, “ Don’t Spread Yourself Too
Thin: The Impact of Task Juggling on
Workers Speed of Job Completion,
Corviello,Inchino and Perisco October
2010.

Chunking. How can you break down
your working day to allow all tasks to
get done?

Apply this to both work and home.
Particularly apply it to meetings at work
otherwise people are only physically in
the room, mentally they are napping.
Mindfulness


A good PA is unflappable under
pressure. They are calm and able to
think on their feet. The ability to work
well with others, particularly difficult
personalities is essential as top level PA's
work with CEO's, in very pressurized
environments.

Let’s recap a little.

You are the first point of contact
for customers and clients,
therefore PA's need to be good
verbal communicators, with a
pleasant, yet professional
manner. The ability to influence people
is also essential, as PAs need to negotiate
with others for time and resources.
Good written communication skills are


necessary because PAs often respond to communications on the boss's behalf, and sometimes
write reports and executive summaries.

A good corporate Personal Assistant is expected to have the following IT
skills: Microsoft Word (Advanced); Microsoft Excel (Intermediate); Microsoft PowerPoint
(Advanced); a good working knowledge of an email package like Microsoft Outlook, Lotus Notes,
or Eudora. It is beneficial to have a good grasp of a database software like Microsoft Access, and
some knowledge of Microsoft Project.

PAs should also be internet savvy, as they may be required to do research or
perform tasks which require a good knowledge of the internet environment. A
good knowledge of e-commerce is a definite plus. An understanding of internet marketing and
search engine behaviour will allow PA's to add value to their role and provide the best possible
assistance to their boss.
In today's technologically advanced society, it is essential that PAs have a
good understanding of new technology. PAs should keep abreast of the latest office
gadgets, and technology as they are expected to know how to fix the office photocopier and
understand the features on the boss's Blackberry. A good PA will recommend changes in office
technology to improve efficiency. They will do the necessary research to understand how
implementing new technology will be cost effective for the company.

Develop The Necessary Skills to: monitor the boss’s email and respond on their behalf;
delegate work on the boss's behalf; manage the boss’s electronic diary; take dictation; prepare
papers for meetings; book, manage, and minute meetings; organise and manage events; make
complicated travel arrangements; prepare complex itineraries; manage a budget; attend events/
meetings as the boss’s representative; conduct internet research; prepare presentations; write
correspondence, reports, newsletters and executive summaries; update intranets and websites;
maintain effective office filing systems; quickly and accurately type documents; source office
equipment and stationery; manage projects; supervise staff


Being proactive is the ability to control one’s environment, rather than have it control you, as is so
often the case. Self-determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus,
conditions and circumstances.

Covey (see Stephen R. Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®) calls beginning with
the end in mind the habit of personal leadership – leading oneself, that is, towards what you
consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a
platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.

Putting first things first - the habit of personal management. This is about organizing and
implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the
first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or physical creation.

Covey calls win-win the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are
largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the
assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach
more naturally than the confrontation.

The habit of communication is extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple
analogy ‘diagnose before you prescribe‘. Simple and effective, and essential for developing
and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life.

Covey says synergising is the habit of creative co-operation – the principle that the whole is
greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and
potential in the other person’s contribution.

Sharpening the saw is the habit of self-renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the
other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into
four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and
developing.


You will find your voice when you can say you are 100% involved with what you are doing in your
life, so that your body, mind, heart and spirit are all engaged in whatever is important to you. To
find your voice, you need to examine your natural talent, what you absolutely love to do, what
really interests you. And you must listen to the confirming inner voice of your conscience that
tells you what is the right thing to do.

It is nearly 30 years since Stephen Covey published his legendary work “The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People”, which was a hugely impactful book, selling many millions of copies
around the world. In that book, Dr. Covey showed how to become as effective as we possibly
could be. In the 8th Habit, he opens up more potential for us – by moving from “effectiveness
to greatness”. The world today is different, with more challenge, ambiguity and complexity and
while the 7 Habits form a strong basis upon which to start, it is this next step – the 8th Habit –
that will take us to true fulfillment in what Covey describes as the age of the knowledge
worker. The book is divided into two sections. The first focuses on “finding your voice” and
the second on “inspiring others to find theirs”. Here is a synopsis of both parts:

Finding your voice.

We can discover our voice because of the 3 gifts we are born with:

Gift 1: The freedom to choose

Gift 2: The natural laws or principles – those that dictate the consequences of behaviour.
Positive consequences come from fairness, kindness, respect, honesty, integrity, service and
contribution

Gift 3: The four headline intelligences – mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.

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