1. Getting A Grip On Bullying
A Project in Advocacy
~By: Elizabeth Murphy~
Community member, student, habilitation specialist, artist... Mom
Rumford/Mexico Center
HUS352 - Patricia Clark
Fall 2012
For my advocacy project, I chose to focus on the bullying that is going on in this area, as
it does in most areas. Although there is a Civil Rights Club in the high school, there does not
seem to be much else in RSU#10 in the way of addressing bullies, or the kids that are being

2. bullied. It occurred to me that when a child is bullied, tempers flair and the focus is always in
punishing and consequence. It’s always about the bully. I began to think, what if the kids that are
bullied learned to stand up for themselves and were educated on bullying? What if they realized
that they are not alone - that other kids around them have thoughts and feelings and fears, and
what if they got to share that? I thought, what if there was a group or club to educate kids and
give them a place to openly share with peers how they feel and get ideas? Knowledge IS power.
By offering a safe place to learn, meet with peers in similar situations, express feelings openly,
and talk through problems, we can empower our children to handle bullying appropriately and
safely. With the right tools, our children can have the confidence to support each other to stop
bullying.
Bullying is an ever-present, dark cloud in our lives, especially if you have school-aged
children. My daughter, Amara, experienced bullying for the first time in first grade. She was six
years old, and she just could not wrap her mind around what was happening. A girl she believed
to be her friend began being mean to her several times a day, for no apparent reason. I can
remember feeling enraged and wanting to march to the school and demand a meeting with the
parents of the girl. I knew that being confrontational and angry was not going to get me
anywhere, especially knowing what her parents are like. I decided to take a different approach
and take control of what I could. I decided to educate my daughter on the makings of a bully. I
chose to put the focus onto Amara, and find ways to make her understand that she was NOT the
problem, but that she could be part of the solution. Instead of causing more pain and anger and
possibly causing Amara to be targeted even more, I decided to share with her the secret of the
bully. That really, when someone is mean or hurtful, it usually means that their life isn’t going so
well. That something in their life is so bad, that it bubbles up and over and spills onto someone
else in the form of hateful, hurtful words or actions. When I shared this with her, I can remember
her whole face changing. Her eyebrows relaxed, her eyes widened and she said, “oooh...” as
though it were all so clear. It still upsets her when people are mean to her for no reason, but she
knows it’s got nothing to do with her personally. She comes home, talks it out, and almost always
ends with some sort of well wish to the bully, hoping that whatever is bothering them gets better.
She also has the strength and confidence to walk away with a clear mind. What if other children
possessed these skills?

3. I began the advocacy project still wanting to help children, but I was planning to focus on
introducing art to parents and pre-schoolers as a way to communicate and better prepare them for
school. This would have been an easy project for me -- I love children and I love art. I spent a
good chunk of this semester doing research for that, taking inventory of materials I had available,
and scoping out places to have sessions. Throughout the time working on that, I kept hearing
about specific incidences of bullying and harassment in the schools. Family members that are
beyond frustrated that nothing is being done for the bullied child. That suspensions and
detentions and names on the board are all consequences for the bully. One family had to seek an
advocate to attend school with the child so she could get through the day without getting bullied.
Her story is included in my resource binder. A high school girl was having rumors spread about
her having been pregnant! I just kept hearing about incident after incident. The elections were
just as bad. Talk about bullying!!! The negative campaigns and rampant slander on both sides
were enough to make me sick. Anyway, this topic of bullying and the “forgotten” victim, whom
no one really addresses, was at every turn for me. Knowing full-well I did not have much time
remaining to work on this project, I decided to change direction. I’d still love to do the art group
for pre-schoolers and parents, but truly, in my heart, I know this is more immediate.
Once I realized that I would be doing this project, I started emailing, sending Facebook
messages, and talking about it to anyone who would listen. I got lots of responses from people
thanking me and offering any help they could. I talked to a school psychologist friend in Maine
who said she is very excited to see this happen, and that it is badly needed. She told me that she
just got a case where the girl has been bullied so badly that she is now medicated. Being a
habilitation specialist (almost a BHP), I see both bullies and the bullied, and I understands needs
on both sides. I believe that if we can give the kids who are not bullying the tools to stick up for
themselves and others in a positive way, then their actions will become contagious and help
discourage futher bullying. The National Crime Prevention Center provides educational materials
for parents and children which supports this theory. The NCPC says that when bystanders are
able to stick up for a child being bullied and make it know that this behavior is socially
unacceptable, it discourages the bully from taking further action. By building on this simple idea,
I feel that an anti-bullying epidemic could be an achievable goal.
Although most statistics on bullying are inaccurate and educated guesses, it is clear that
this is a real problem that can have devastating, long-term effects on children, reaching long into

4. adulthood. I do not believe that a child-aged bully has the foresight to understand the
ramifications of their actions into their victim’s future, and I think that the conseqences are
reaching as far as they can now, with new laws.
I think the other end of the responsibility does lie with parents and families in teaching
their children how to respectfully assert themselves, and how to convey to their peers what is
okay and what is not okay to say and do. The peer support groups that I am trying to get started
in each school would go a long way in achieving this. I’ve had some parents ask if they would be
allowed to attend the meetings. I would have to say that would be a good idea - not to sit around
and complain about this kid and that teacher, but to actually learn what they can do to enact
change in an positive direction.
I will have a major update for my project on Monday evening, the 26th when I present, as
I will be coming from a meeting with the superintendent of schools for RSU#10. Dr. Ward seems
eager to hear my thoughts and ideas on this project, and to discuss what we can get started in the
schools. I plan to push for these groups to be up and running as soon as possible, and to
volunteer as much of my own time as I can in facilitating the groups.
Although I’m really excited about the direction this project is going and the number of
people this could help, I do wish I would have thought of this sooner. I know things within the
school system take time, but I know how pressing this issue is for so many people. I also think it
would have been nice to be part of a group, however this probably worked out best for me
anyway, due to the fact that I have so little extra time to spare right now and coordinating times
would have been very difficult. I think this project will really take off when it becomes approved
within the schools, because so many parents and kids seem to really get blind-sided by bullying,
and really don’t get much in the way of answers or help right now.
So far, I have learned a lot from the people I have talked to who are both experiencing
bullying in some way, and who are interested in changing the system we have now. Some of the
stories I have heard are really upsetting and have reassured me that this is the very best I could
offer in advocacy at this time. In continuing this project, I will do more research and add it to the
resource binder, persist in advocating to start these groups, keep the conversations going about
my ideas, and keep my eyes and ears open - everyone has something to teach.