1. MODULE 6 TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS
unfortunately all vacancies in Brixham have gone.
Valerie Why do you insist that we should go to Torquay?
1 HOLIDAY TIME Agent Oh, was I insisting? Well, it's because I always go
there for my holidays.
A LET'S TAKE A HOLIDAY! Valerie I don't want to go to Torquay.
Agent Good morning. Can I help you? Agent Have you ever been there?
Valerie Yes, we'd like to go on holiday. Valerie No.
Agent Well, you've come to the right place! What kind Agent Well, you could just be lucky . . . Mind you, most
of holiday are you interested in? places are fully booked at the moment.
Valerie We're not sure. We’ve just decided that we want Bernard I've never been to Torquay. We could go by train.
to go on holiday. We need a break. Valerie No, Bernard. He's mad.
Agent Europe? The Far East? Or do you prefer America? Agent Oh, no, no, no, no, no! This is terrible! I can't
The Seychelles or Torquay? believe it!
Valerie We'd rather go to Spain. Bernard What's the matter?
Agent Spain? Why do you want to go to Spain? Agent Everything is booked up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Valerie Because we like the sunshine and the people and Valerie Come on, Bernard. We're wasting our time.
the language and the food ... Agent Just a minute. There might be one possibility here.
Agent OK. OK. Fine. You're the customer. It's your Yes! My, word! You are a lucky couple.
holiday. Now what sort of holiday? Do you prefer Bernard I'm sorry?
beach holidays to activity holidays? Would you Agent Shangrila! How perfect!
rather have a hotel or a self-catering apartment. Valerie What?
Valerie We want a hotel by the beach. Agent It's a guest house in Torquay. Mrs Chambers -
Agent I see. And how long do you want to go for? that's the landlady - has just had a cancellation for
Bernard A few days. next week. What good luck! It's bed and
Valerie Ten days. breakfast. It's terrific value -just ten pounds a
Valerie night per person.
A week. Bernard That's reasonable.
Bernard
Agent Perhaps it would be better to stay in England. In Agent A traditional English cooked breakfast. Can't you
Torquay, in the west of England, it can be very smell the bacon and eggs and grilled tomatoes?
sunny in July - up to thirty degrees. They say it Valerie I want more than a good breakfast.
has reached thirty-three ... although I can't Agent Yes, of course you do. You want an ice-cream!
guarantee it, of course. Bernard What facilities does Mrs Chambers' guest house
Valerie But we want to go to Spain. have?
Agent You don't want to go to Spain by air. Not next Agent You would have your very own wash basin which
week. There will be flight delays. At this time of would, of course. be en suite. In the residents'
year, the air traffic controllers all go on strike. lounge, there is a television with full colour.
Heathrow is full of screaming children. Going on ***
holiday abroad can be a nightmare. I wouldn't Agent Have a good time . You'll love it. Bye ... Mum?
advise it. Guess what. I have a very nice couple coming to
Valerie What kind of travel agent are you? stay with you next week. Mr and Mrs Wilson.
Agent I'm a friendly travel agent and I would advise Now, Mum, these are important customers ...
Torquay.
Bernard Torquay ... B SUNSHINE ALL THE WAY
Agent Ah, Torquay! There are beautiful, sandy beaches,
clean beaches! Very nice restaurants. One of the Street interviews
best things about Torquay is ... Mrs Addison Oh, the weather was really marvellous. It
*** was sunshine all the way, and we did enjoy
Agent ... is that it is close to Brixham. it.
Valerie So what? Lin On my last holiday, I went to New England
Agent Fresh fish, that's what. Fresh fish every day, off in America, and it rained all the time. The
the fishing boats. Do you like fresh fish? weather was really dreadful.
Bernard Yes! David The weather on my last holiday was terrible.
Agent Then go to Torquay. It rained every day.
Valerie If all I wanted on holiday was fresh fish, I Sara The last holiday I had in fact was a couple of
wouldn't go to Torquay, I'd go to Brixham. weeks ago in Devon, which was rainy and
Agent You're right. The fish is fresher in Brixham ... but horrible. I wish I could have gone on a nice,

2. sunny beach. are ready for the beach.
Melissa We went to a holiday camp; and the weather Mr Ackroyd Yes, we prefer the new Cromer windbreaker.
was all right. Mrs Ackroyd Because, in Great Britain we have to be
prepared for all types of weather.
Don't make me laugh!
Danny Thank you. Thank you very much. Do you like Street interviews
travelling? My wife - she likes travelling. She'd Keith I'd rather go on a touring holiday, because I
rather travel than do anything else. So, when she don't like spending too much time in the sun-
said she wanted to see the world.... shine.
Man You bought her a map! Mrs Addison I'd rather go on a touring holiday, I think.
Danny Oh, you've heard that joke before. Never mind! Yes, Somewhere where we can see something
I bought her a map. The old jokes are the best jokes. different, rather than just sunshine.
When I go on holiday, I like to forget my worries, Marcella I'd prefer to go on a sunshine holiday and do
forget my problems - I like to forget everything. some sunbathing.
Yes, but unfortunately, when I arrive at my hotel Frank I'd prefer to go on a touring holiday where I
and open my suitcase, I find that I have forgotten. can experience the culture of the country and
everything. No? When I arrive at my hotel and open meet the people.
my suitcase, I find that I have forgotten everything. Sara I prefer sunshine holidays. The English
My wife prefers a 'cultural' holiday to a beach weather is so bad. It's always raining, and it's
holiday. Oh, yes, she's very sophisticated ... Well, I really nice to go and lie on a nice, hot, sunny
used to think she was very sophisticated. This year, I beach.
asked her, 'Would you like a book for your
birthday?' 'No, thank you,' she said. 'Why not?' Song time The Costa Torquay
'Because I've already got one.' Oh, never mind. It can be windy on the Isle of Capri.
Anyway, my wife and I decided to go to Venice this It's always busy and noisy in Paree.
year for a 'cultural' holiday. Yes, Venice. Have you We think it's a bit too Italian in Rome.
been there? To Venice? In Italy? Yes? You have? It We'd rather be somewhere closer to home ...
isn't a bad place, is it? It's not very modern, but the
Come to the Costa Torquay.
ice-cream is excellent. While we were in Venice, the
It's by the sea.
weather was beautiful. It was sunny every day. But
You can stroll arm in arm,
we only stayed for a few days. Why? Because the
In the shade of the palms,
city was full of water! There was water everywhere.
On the Costa Torquay.
We had to travel everywhere by boat. It was very
strange! My wife was sea-sick crossing the street. There are too many French in Calais.
My wife was sea-sick, crossing the street. Oh, well, Jamaica is much too far away.
please yourselves. Anyway, it's time for a song. It's too cold in Sweden, it's too hot in Spain.
Music, maestro! No, we prefer Devon - you can get there by train.
Come to the Costa Torquay.
The ad spot
I love B&B!
Voiceover Here are the Ackroyds. That's Mr Ackroyd.
You can sing, you can dance,
He looks tired, doesn't he? He's worked very
You can look for romance.
hard in his office all year. And there's Mrs
It's much nicer than France,
Ackroyd. They need a good holiday.
On the Costa Torquay.
Mr Ackroyd A good holiday. That's what we need - a
good holiday.
Voiceover Yes, relax. That's it. Oh, what fun. DOCUMENTARY
Mrs Ackroyd Let's go to a beach - a lovely, sandy beach. Gary (VO): This is Dublin, the capital of Ireland.
Voiceover Don't forget your chairs . . . And the sand- Sara (VO): And this is the Liffey, the river that flows
wiches ... An~ the tea ... And the bucket and through Dublin and divides it into two:
spade ... And the beach ball. the north and the south.
Mrs Ackroyd And the sun cream? Gary (VO) Dublin's modern Irish name, Baile Atha
Mr Ackroyd Oh, you won't need sun cream. And you Cliath, is a reference to an old bridge over
won't need those sunglasses. the Liffey, and it reflects the importance
Mrs Ackroyd Now we're ready to have fun. of the river for Dublin.
Mr Ackroyd Maybe we ought to take an umbrella. Sara (VO) Unfortunately the Irish language in
Voiceover No. You have forgotten something. The new Dublin is present in little more than car
Cromer windbreaker. That's it. The new plates or street signs.
Cromer windbreaker - for the North-Sea Gary (VO) Across O'Connell Bridge towards the
winds. You won't get cold with the Cromer south is Trinity College, founded by
windbreaker. That's it. Two people can easily Elizabeth the First of England.
carry the new Cromer windbreaker. Now you
Sara (VO) Inside Trinity College is the beautiful Old

3. Library, with some of the oldest Irish food. He talks about food all the time. He's
manuscripts. passionate about it. He loves oysters.
Gary (VO) Opposite Trinity College is the Bank of Valerie So do I.
Ireland, originally built as the seat of the Rosie Yuk. They're disgusting. George would be so disap-
Irish Parliament. pointed if he knew I couldn't cook. So I told him I
Sara (VO) And nearby is Dublin Castle, the symbol was a brilliant cook.
of English power in Ireland. The English Valerie Why did you lie?
viceroys lived there for many centuries. Rosie To please him.
Gary (VO) The English left many things in Ireland: Valerie He's going to find out sooner or later.
Rosie He's going to find out next Friday.
their language and their architecture.
Valerie How?
Sara (VO) Dublin is a city full of life, with over two
Rosie He's coming round to my place for a meal.
thousand pubs where you can sing, dance
Valerie Oh, no!
and talk over a pint of Guinness, the fa- Yes. When I boasted about my cooking, he got very
Rosie
mous Irish dark beer. excited. He said he had to taste my speciality.
Sara (VO) It's also very pleasant to go for a walk Valerie What's your speciality?
around the popular Moore Street Market. Rosie I don't have one. You know my favourite dish.
Gary (VO) Dubliners are friendly people, always Valerie Sausages with mashed potatoes.
ready to engage in conversation. Rosie Yes, and I can't give George sausages with mashed
Street seller Anyone there for tobacco? Anyone there potato. Valerie, you have got to help me.
for tobacco? Anyone there...? Valerie You have to tell George the truth.
Interviewer (VO) Excuse me, where do you come from? Rosie Never! Valerie, you've got to help me, please.
Street seller Dublin. You've got to teach me to cook.
Interviewer (VO) Dublin! Mmm. Would you recommend Valerie You can teach yourself. There are lots of good
Spanish tourists to come to Ireland? cookery books.
Street seller I would, certainly. ***
Interviewer (VO) Why? Rosie What were you going to suggest, then?
Street seller Because our part of it is friendly and it's Valerie Why don't you cook for George at our house? I
nice for tourists, and the country prefe- know a dish that will drive him wild. I got the
rably for the scenery. recipe when I was on holiday in France.
Interviewer (VO) So, what part of Ireland would you Rosie I'm not going to cook snails or expensive French
recommend to tourists? food!
Street seller Killarney, Donegal, Wexford. Valerie No, don't worry. This dish doesn't cost very much,
it tastes delicious and it's easy to cook. But you'll
Interviewer (VO) That's the country, is that right?
need to buy the ingredients.
Street seller Oh, there's lots of parts.
Rosie Ok. I'll just get a pen and write them down.
Gary (VO) Following her advice, we travelled to the
Valerie You want two fillets of white fish.
Ring of Kerry, an area in the southwest. Two fillets of white fish. What kind of white fish?
Rosie
Sara (VO) This part of Ireland, surrounded by high Valerie Fillets of cod will be fine. But you must make sure
mountains, is unspoiled, with beautiful that the fish is fresh.
lakes and rivers. The weather here is very Rosie Fresh fillets of cod.
mild all year round, with temperatures Valerie Half a medium-sized onion.
between 8 and 16 degrees Centigrade. Rosie Half a medium-sized onion.
There are lots of routes you can take: on Valerie A hundred grams of flour.
foot ... by bicycle ... by boat ... on horse- Rosie How much flour?
back or in a horse-drawn carriage. It's not Valerie A hundred grams.
surprising that the Ring of Kerry, with its Rosie What's that in ounces?
typical picturesque villages, attracts Valerie I don't know. You'll have to look it up. One
thousands of tourists, who come to this teaspoonful of chilli sauce.
part of Ireland looking for beautiful Rosie Hang on. Could you go a bit more slowly, please?
scenery or a relaxing holiday. Valerie A hundred grams of chopped green peppers.
George Hello, Valerie. I've run out of basil, so I've come to
buy some.
2 FOOD AND DIET Valerie You could have taken some from the garden. We've
got lots.
A A TEASPOONFUL OF CHILLI George Hi, Rosie, what are you doing here?
Rosie George wanted to know if I could cook. Rosie I'm just buying the ingredients for Friday.
Valerie Oh, dear. What did you say? George I'm really looking forward to tasting your
Rosie I told him I could cook. speciality.
Valerie Why? Rosie Mmm! You'll love it!
Rosie I didn't want to tell him the truth. George loves ***

4. Valerie Oh, when you're cooking the sauce, you must taste never mind. But my wife - I knew that she wasn't a
it. It may need a pinch of salt or pepper ... food lover. She gave me a fork to eat the soup. A
Rosie I mix the butter with the flour and put the five fork! She gave me a fork to eat the soup! I always
teaspoons of chilli with the chopped tomatoes ... say to her, 'Darling, what's this on my plate?' She
four ... five ... and add the purée. says, 'Why do you want to know?' I say, 'Because I
George Hello, Rosie. may have to describe it to my doctor later!' Every
Rosie George, you re early! time she cooks a new recipe, I get a new
George I'm hungry. I'm so excited about this meal. You prescription from my doctor. Yes, a new
know, this morning I didn't have any breakfast. prescription from my doctor. But I love cooking.
Rosie George, I don't want you to watch. It'll make me Yes, I do! All my family are good cooks. My Uncle
nervous. Have a drink. Bert is a fanatical cook. He even puts salt and
George Of course. A good chef must have room to breathe. pepper on his toothpaste! He even puts salt and
You must have space to create. pepper on his toothpaste! Thank you! Thank you!
Rosie Add the bay leaf ... pour on the wine mixed with You've been a wonderful audience! Thank you very
water ... and add the chilli ... much.
George You know, my last girlfriend didn't have any
interest in food. Oh, and she hated oysters. Do you The ad spot
like oysters? Voiceover This man is a successful accountant. But today
Rosie I love them. Yes, they're so delicious with frogs' men need to learn to cook, because women are
legs ... Mmmm. That's delicious. You'll love this ... going out to work. Ah, he's found the note. Most
George Mmm! That must be good. British men can't cook. But it isn't difficult with
*** Mr Beeton's Cook Book. First of all, you have to
George Are you all right? find the kitchen. Yes, that's the kitchen. You
Rosie Yes. I'm all right now. cook food in the kitchen. Now today we're going
George Good. Look, why don't we go out to eat? to start with something simple. Yes, we're going
Rosie Yes. to make an omelette and chips. First of all, we
George A nice, cold bottle of champagne might help to cool need some potatoes. Yes, well done. That's a
your mouth. potato. No, no, no. Don't do that. You have to
Rosie Oh. yes. peel potatoes and cook them before you eat
George And some oysters. I know just the place to get the them. Now you need a few eggs. They're kept in
most beautiful oysters you could imagine. the fridge. No, the fridge is that cold place in the
corner. That's good. No, put that beer back in the
B OYSTERS AND CHAMPAGNE fridge. We don't need beer to make an omelette,
do we? Now, take out the eggs. That's it. Now
Street interviews take a frying pan. No, that's a spatula. That's it.
David I think a Spanish person coming to Britain And now pour a tablespoonful of oil into the
should certainly try fish and chips. frying pan. Well done! That wasn't too difficult,
Mr Addison I would recommend to order fish and chips. was it?
It's eaten all over the world, and certainly all Wife Hello, darling. This food looks good. Well done.
over England. You see, it really is easy for men to cook with
Frank I'd recommend a casserole with lots of meat Mr Beeton's Cook Book.
and vegetables.
Sara I would recommend that a Spanish visitor tries Street interviews
our Yorkshire pudding and roast beef and roast Sara I don't do any cooking. My partner does all
potatoes. the cooking in our household.
Keith I recommend fish and chips - very tasty. Mr Saunders I cooked a pasta only last night. It was,
basically, put the pasta in the saucepan, put
Don't make me laugh! some water to it and boil it up, put some
Danny Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Do garlic and some onion into a saucepan and a
you like drama? You do? You like drama? History? bit of tomato sauce, heat that up and mix
Comedy? Tragedy? You do? Then you will love my them together - very nice meal.
wife's cooking. Yes, her cooking is a tragedy. Her Rowshon Toast the bread and put some cheese on it ...
cooking - it's so bad that it's a tragedy! No, but I don't know!
seriously, my wife's a wonderful woman. But the Marcella The easiest recipe I know is jacket potato,
first time I saw her in the kitchen, I knew she wasn't where you scrub the skin, pop it in the oven
a good cook. She was trying to open an egg with a for about an hour and a half, take it out,
tin opener. She was trying to open an egg with a tin butter it and eat it.
opener! And I will never forget the day that she
boiled some eggs in water, and then served the Song time Oysters and champagne
water as chicken soup! She boiled the eggs in water He takes my coat, then takes my hand,
and then served the water as chicken soup. Oh, 'Arc you hungry?' I say, 'Yes'.

5. He whispers, 'Close your eyes, it's something special, try to school has more students every year.
guess’. Gary (VO) The students can take different courses: a
I taste it once, I taste it twice, a little salt, some spice, three-month course on a concrete topic, or a
A pinch of herbs, a drop of wine. What is it? Something nice. one-year course which prepares the students
It isn't oysters and champagne, for various jobs in restaurants.
It is delicious, but not oysters and champagne. Sara (VO) In these courses, the students learn how to
The kind of dish that makes you think of sunny Spain, choose food for its quality, the right type of
Or Paris in the rain. wine for each dish, and, of course, how to
prepare different dishes.
It isn't oysters and champagne, Gary (VO) But they don't only learn theory. They also
My only wish is 'let me taste that dish again'.
practise. The school has a fully equipped
I want the recipe, so tell me, what's its name?
kitchen where the students can practise what
Give me more of the same,
they've learned in the classes and prepare their
Though it's not oysters and champagne.
No, it's not oysters and champagne. own dishes. That way, the students learn to
appreciate good-quality food, and have a good
time looking for new flavours and creating new
DOCUMENTARY dishes, or simply learning how to cook their
Sara (VO) British cuisine doesn't have a very good
favourite dishes.
reputation. Most visitors to the United
Kingdom think British food is boring and not Sara (VO) We asked Wendy, a student at Leith's School,
very tasty. If you ask them for the name of a why she's interested in cooking.
typical British dish, most of them will only say Wendy I love food. I think cooking is a very creative
'fish and chips'. career. And I like trying new recipes. And, of
Gary (VO) Fortunately, this is not the only British dish. course, I like to eat the food.
The British are beginning to take more and Gary (VO) We also asked Wendy to tell us what her
more care of what they eat, and in the last few favourite cuisine is and why.
years a number of good restaurants have Wendy I like all nationalities. I think every country has
opened with some really delicious traditional something interesting. But my favourite food is
dishes. Italian, mainly because they use local produce.
Sara (VO) We asked an expert gastronome, Fiona Burrel, I love pasta and it makes me think of the
why British cuisine isn't as well-known as that sunshine.
of other European countries. Sara (VO) But the best thing about Leith's School is that
Fiona Burrel I think because in the last century a lot of the students can 'eat the exercises'.
French chefs came over to work in Britain, and Gary (VO) This is good proof that learning is not only
they worked in the large houses, and they food for the spirit, but also for the body.
worked in hotels. And they brought with them
French cuisine, so for many years the typical
cuisine or cooking that you would get in
3 GOSSIP
Britain, in the large grand houses or in
restaurants, hotels, would be French. Then in..., A YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT!
during the Second World War, in the 1940s, George Do you remember the first time you met old
early 1940s, there was very little food around Victor Knowles? It was very funny. It happened
the day after you cooked a meal . . .
for the people to eat and they had to make the
***
most of what they had, and they had very poor
George Hello, Valerie.
food. They had to cook it for a long time to
Valerie George!
extract every bit of goodness from it. And so George For you!
they really forgot how to cook. There is very Valerie Oh, thank you.
good British food around, and in the last George No, thank you for the meal last night. It was
twenty years it's becoming much, much better. fantastic. I wish Rosie could cook as well as you
The restaurants are getting very good and do. In fact, I wish she could cook.
people at home are becoming more interested Valerie Oh, George, there's a man in your garden.
in food and cooking. So I would say it's George Yes: that's Vic.
changing quite a lot now. Valerie What's he doing there?
Gary (VO) Fiona Burrel is the principal of 'Leith's School', George He's doing some gardening for me.
a private school that trains the future gourmets Valerie Are you sure he knows about gardening?
of British cuisine. George No ... but he hasn't got a job at the moment.
Sara (VO) As Fiona Burrel said, in the last few years the Valerie I'm not surprised.
British, especially the young, have become George He said he had some problems.
interested in good food. That's why this type of Valerie Yes. I can see that.
George Some emotional problems.

6. *** tea?
Valerie How was work? Rosie I had no idea he was dangerous. That was very
Bernard Awful! Maggie came in. You know what she's brave of you to save me like that.
like. She talks and talks. She gossips about her Bernard Go and phone the police. Tell them there's a dan-
neighbour's brother's wife's minor operation last gerous man in the garden of number twelve. Tell
year. them I have disarmed him.
Valerie Bernard! Rosie Are you sure he's dangerous?
Bernard What are you reading? Bernard Yes. You must hurry!
Valerie It’s an article about Quinten Sayles' new wife. ***
You should read it. Valerie I think Bernard was just trying to be helpful.
Bernard You know I'm not interested in gossip. The Bernard Yes, well. I heard from Phil's sister-in-law that he
newspapers make these stories up. None of them was a dangerous criminal.
is true. George Ah, well, you shouldn't believe all that gossip. Do
Valerie It doesn't matter if the stories are true, as long as you know, Vic is so gentle that he gets upset if he
they're interesting. has to cut down a tree.
Bernard I'm not interested in an old film star's fifth wife …
Whose are these? B DON'T TALK BEHIND MY BACK!
Valerie They're mine.
Bernard Yes, but who are they from? Street interviews
Valerie Guess. Chloe I gossip about boys.
Bernard Are they from George? Melissa Me too.
Valerie Aren't they beautiful? He's so thoughtful and kind. Lin Some gossip I've heard lately is that two people I
He's a real gentleman. Rosie is a lucky woman. work with, who've worked together for many
Bernard You're not jealous of her, are you? years, are now a couple. They've had ... they've
Valerie No. I'm pleased she's found someone so begun a relationship after all this time, and
considerate. everyone is very pleased about it - we like them
Bernard Hmm. I can be considerate too, you know. both.
Valerie I know you can, darling. Marcella I don't gossip a lot really, just if people want to
Bernard Valerie, who's that man in our garden? know something and I know it, then I'll tell them.
Valerie That's Vic.
Bernard What's he doing there? Don't make me laugh!
Valerie He's gardening. Danny Thank you! Thank you very much! Do you like
Bernard That's Vic Knowles, isn't it? I've heard a few small talk? There is a lot of small talk in the street
things about him. where I live. There's Mrs Evans who lives at
Valerie Who is he? number forty-two. You can always tell when she's
Bernard He suddenly appeared in the town a couple of gossiping ... you can see her lips move. You can
years ago. No one knows where he came from. No always tell when she's gossiping ... you can see her
one knows where he lives. He just suddenly lips move. But she's a marvellous woman. Last
appeared. There were lots of rumours about him. week she told me that she was thirty years old ...
Phil's sister-in-law thought he was a criminal. I But I know she's celebrating the twenty-fifth
think he looks dangerous. anniversary of her thirtieth birthday. She's
Valerie I think he looks sad. celebrating the twenty-fifth anniversary of her
Bernard I wish he wouldn't wave that axe around like that. thirtieth birthday. I said to her, I said, 'Don't you
*** remember when you were born?' And she said, 'No,
Vic Hello. Hello. Could I have a cup of tea? I was too young'. Oh, there's nothing like a good
Rosie Yes ... of course. joke, is there?
Vic And a chat. Man No. And that was nothing like a good joke.
Rosie A chat? What about? Danny And there's Mr Jones who lives at number twenty-
Vic I like to chat about anything. The weather, the four. He's always talking behind people's backs ...
trees, the flowers, the past. I get lonely. well, he's a barber. Yes, he's always talking behind
Rosie OK. Come in. I'll get you a cup of tea. their backs. You know ... talking about them
*** without them knowing ... He's always talking behind
Vic There was a terrible storm last week, wasn't there? their backs ... well, he's a barber. He's cutting hair
Rosie Was there? Oh, yes ... behind their backs. Oh, never mind ... And then
Bernard Rosie, are you all right? there's Mr Simpson who lives at number sixty-three.
Rosie Yes. He lives on his own now. Mrs Simpson left. He said
Bernard Thank goodness. Put the axe down on the floor. to her, 'Darling, how can you leave me?' And she
Now move towards the door slowly. That's it. said, 'It's easy - I can go by taxi, by car or on foot'.
Open the door and go outside. He's a dangerous Well, they say the old jokes are the best ...
man.
Vic Could I have some milk and a little sugar in my

7. Song time Gossip, ooh, gossip this time of year.
Gossip, ooh, gossip. Man People don't understand. Life is so sad. We're all
Have you heard about my cousin's best friend's son, going to die in the end.
Who used to go next door to have some fun? Woman Really? Do you like Daphne's new hairstyle?
When the husband came home, he had to get up and run. Man It's all right, I suppose.
Gossip, I love gossip. Woman I love Michclangelo, don't you?
Man Yes! Have You seen the Pietá at St Peter's in
Have you heard about my cousin's sister-in-law?
Rome?
Well, I wouldn't like to tell you everything I saw,
Woman St Peter's? Oh, no, darling, Michelangelo's
When her neighbour called and didn't close the door.
hairdressing salon is in St John's Wood, London.
Gossip, yeah, gossip.
It's not easy to make Daphne look pretty, but
Have you heard about my cousin's husband's mother, Michelangelo can do it. He's an artist, you know.
Who ran away with her best friend's brother? Man I like talking to you. You're the first person who's
When that didn't work, she ran away with another. ever listened to me.
Gossip, I love gossip. Woman That's because I use the Small Talk Manual.
Ooh, gossip. Man I feel you really understand what I'm saying ... do
you know, many years ago ...
Street interviews Woman Daphne, darling! You look so pretty - I just love
Mr Addison Oh. the best place to hear gossip is in the your hair. Yes. The Small Talk Manual - it really
shops. works. Hello, daaaaarling!
Mrs Addison Well, I think the best place is at coffee
mornings. DOCUMENTARY
Sara The best place to hear gossip, for me, is in Gary (VO) This is Fleet Street. For many years the
my office around the coffee machine. offices of the most important newspapers
Rowshon The best place to hear gossip is at the pub. in the United Kingdom were here. But
David I think the best place to hear gossip is at now most of them have moved to other
work. When people are at work they gossip a parts of London. Fleet Street, however,
lot. remains a symbol for all the British press.
Marcella On the bus, that's the best place to hear
Sara (VO) The British are possibly the biggest
gossip.
newspaper readers in the world. But
they're also very interested in all kinds of
The ad spot
gossip.
Woman This is the Small Talk Manual! It's marvellous!
Before I had this manual, I used to be like this sad Gary (VO) There are a lot of sensationalist
man behind me. Darling! newspapers in the United Kingdom.
Man I'm sorry? They're called 'tabloids'. They're very
Woman I said 'darling'! popular and they include information on
Man But I don't know you. scandals about famous people in show
Woman At parties, I call everyone 'darling', darling. business, in finance and in politics. We
Man Oh. have a spokesman of one of those
Woman How are you? newspapers who is here to explain what a
Man I'm very depressed. tabloid is. It's Bernard Shrimley, and he
Woman Never mind. Have a drink. works for the Daily Express. We asked
Man My uncle died last week. I went to his funeral. him for a definition of what a tabloid is.
Woman I hate funerals. I never look good in black. Bernard Shrimley When we talk about a tabloid, we almost
Man My wife left me on the day before the funeral. always mean the shape of the newspaper,
Woman Really. How interesting. I say! He looks very a small sheet. But in Fleet Street we tend
smart! Whose husband's that? to regard tabloid as a state of mind, or a
Man My wife went off with my best friend. method, a technique of presentation. It's
Woman Do you like the colour of my dress? It's pretty, isn't going for the general public, populist.
it? Sara (VO) Tabloids are very successful in the
Man Yes. On the way back from the funeral, I had a car United Kingdom. Their circulation is
accident. four times larger than that of serious
Woman What colour was the car?
newspapers. But why are they so
Man It was red..
successful? That's what Andreas
Woman I love the colour red, don't you?
Wittam-Smith, editor of 'The
Man I feel so lonely. No one listens to me.
Woman Hi, Miranda. I'm sorry, darling? That was Miranda. Independent' is going to explain to us.
Doesn't Miranda look lovely? Andreas Wittam- First of all, Britain is quite a small
Man I was saying no one listens to me. Smith country, so newspapers produced in Lon-
Woman I know, darling ... um ... but the weather's good for don can circulate all over the country.

8. And we are ... we have many people, we roof. . . Good afternoon. You must be Mrs
have fifty million people. So newspapers Wilson. Very pleased to meet you. What a
can achieve very large circulations. And charming house you have!
if they do, they have less need of Valerie Thank you.
advertisers. And in those circumstances, Mr Mott So, what seems to be the trouble?
newspapers can provide a very racy, Bernard Well, we have a leaking roof. All my cricket
popular, daring, intrusive coverage, equipment is getting ruined.
which is what happens in this country. Mr Mott Oh, are you interested in cricket, then?
Sara (VO) The Royal Family is the main focus of Bernard I certainly am. Isn't every Englishman? It's in our
blood.
gossip in the United Kingdom. Any event
Mr Mott Absolutely. So have you followed the match
in the life of any member of the Royal
against Sri Lanka?
Family becomes front-page news in all
Bernard I certainly have. Well, some of the time.
the tabloids, especially if they're about I think England may win, don't you?
Mr Mott
Lady Di or Prince Charles. Of course, it's Bernard Oh, I'm not sure about that ...
logical that everything about the Royal Valerie Shall we have a look at the leak now?
Family is important news in the United Mr Mott By all means. Lead the way. So how do you think
Kingdom. But, as the editor of the England will do against Australia this winter?
Independent says, the difference between Bernard Oh, I think that could be a tough match. The
the serious press and the tabloids, is in Australians are very competitive.
the way they report the news. Valerie So what do you think, Mr Mott?
Andreas Wittam- Well, I think newspapers in this country Mr Mott I agree with Bernard. England will have a difficult
Smith divide into two, whether you see your job time in Australia. Those Australians are a lot of
as being entertainment, or whether you cheats.
see your job as being fundamentally Valerie I mean, about the roof.
news. And the dividing line is very clear. Mr Mott Oh, I see. Well, it's difficult to say what's causing
And the yellow press, as you call it, sees the leak. It could be a number of things.
the job as being purely entertainment, ***
and the rest of the market sees it as being Valerie So what do you think, Mr Mott?
news. If you see it as being enter- Mr Mott It's difficult to say, really. I can't see much from
tainment, then you begin to invent here.
stories, you go into a fantasy land, and Valerie Well, why don't you use the ladder? ... What's
most of all you want to have a soap wrong, Mr Mott? Is there something wrong with
our ladder?
opera, if you can find it. And we in Bri-
Mr Mott No, no, it's just that I'm not very ... I used to take
tain have a perfect soap opera, and it's
my own ladder around with me. I mean. I don't
called the Royal Family.
think I'm insured for this sort of thing. I could get
Sara (VO) In the end, the public has the last word. one of my assistants to have a look later. Actually,
In the United Kingdom there are over I think I can see from here ... Yes, I think it must
twenty national newspapers and over one be one of the roof tiles over there.
thousand five hundred regional and local Valerie But the leak is over there.
papers. So it's up to you to choose Mr Mott Yes, well, it quite often happens that way. Look, I
between news or gossip. tell you what. I’ll go off now, and send you an
estimate But you know, this isn’t going to be
cheap.
4 STEREOTYPES Bernard Nice to meet you, Mr Mott ... Nice chap. He's the
sort of man you can trust.
A FIRST IMPRESSIONS Valerie Hmm, I'm not so sure.
Bernard Valerie! The roof is leaking badly in the small Bernard He's from an old, established company..
bedroom. Valerie Oh, look. I think that's the other builder.
Valerie I know. I mentioned it last night. Bernard Good grief!
Bernard But my cricket equipment is getting ruined! Dale I'm Dale. Roof problems?
Valerie We'd better ask someone to look at it. ***
Bernard It's so difficult to find a good builder these days. Valerie Oh. yes. that's right. I'm so glad you could come.
And it'll probably cost a fortune. Dale Let’s have a look. It's that first-floor room, isn't it?
Valerie We might be able to find someone local, who's Valerie It is. How did you know that?
not too expensive. Perhaps someone who works Dale Well, I can see something's wrong from here.
on his own ... Here's one that looks good ... Let's have a closer look ... Thought so. It's your
*** rainwater pipes. Need a whole new system ... Cost
Mr Mott Mr Wilson? Good afternoon, I'm Adrian Mott. I you about three hundred pounds.
understand you've got some problems with your Valerie Fine. When can you start?

9. Dale Monday. people laugh about my Uncle Rob. He was Scottish
Bernard Well, I didn't think much of him. and he died in the second World War. You see, he
Valerie What do you mean? had a hand grenade. He pulled the pin out of the
Bernard I’m not quite sure. There was something funny hand grenade, but he didn't want to throw it away!
about him. And he was a bit rude. He didn't want to throw away the hand grenade!
Valerie Well, he seems to know his job. You know, at Christmas we have Christmas trees in
Bernard But he'll be here next week, when we're at work. our houses. Do you know how you can tell when it's
He might steal something. summer in Scotland? Well, if you see a Scotsman
Valerie Oh, Bernard! throwing away his Christmas tree, it's probably
Bernard Well, he has got an earring and tattoos. You can't summer! If you see a Scotsman throwing away his
trust people with earrings. Christmas tree, it's probably summer! But, you
*** know. I think it's wrong to judge people before you
Dale There you are, Mrs Wilson. That might fix it. know them properly. Don't you agree? You do? Yes.
Bernard That's great. So how much do we owe you for that They might be very nice. No, what I always say is,
job? 'Wait until you know a person properly and then you
Dale Oh, nothing, mate. Only took me five minutes. can dislike them!' Thank you very much, ladies and
Bernard Most builders would charge a lot for doing that. gentlemen. You've been a wonderful audience.
Valerie Or perhaps you could come over for dinner next Good night.
week?
Dale That would be nice. The ad spot
Valerie How about next Wednesday? John That's two bacon, egg and beans and two mugs of
Bernard Yes. Why don't you bring your partner? tea, love. 'Ello! Welcome to John's Cafe! I'm John.
Dale Yeah, sure. We'll look forward to that. See you. Everyone is welcome here. When you visit London,
Valerie Thanks. make sure you visit my cafe. We have a big menu.
Bernard Bye ... Such a nice chap. But he doesn't talk much. There's bacon and eggs ... bacon, eggs and beans ...
*** bacon, eggs and chips, and beans ... on toast! Or
Dale Hello, Mr and Mrs Wilson. This is Peter. Peter, beans. We get a lot of foreign tourists here -
this is Bernard and Valerie. everyone is welcome. The Italians are very
welcome. Last week, we had lots of Italians in here,
B THE SPANISH ARE . . . and it was chaos. They were arguing and shouting.
They didn't like my coffee. They wanted spaghetti,
Street interviews but I gave them beans on toast. But I like the
Lin A typical British person is reserved, polite Italians. They have warm hearts. I have a lot of
and embarrassed. Germans in here. They are very welcome. They're
Frank British people are meant to be reserved and always very precise and very neat. There were two
quiet, not loud and excitable. I disagree - I Germans in here this morning. They thought my
think British people are lively and friendly. cafe was dirty, and I agreed with them. They didn't
Sara I would describe the typical British person as like the dirt on the table and the chairs, but they
rather formal. liked the bacon and the eggs. Oh, yes, I love the
Mr Saunders ... very difficult to describe a typical British Germans. I've had Russians in here. I love the
person. I think there are all sorts. Some are Russians. They're so sad. They cry into my eggs and
shy, some are very outgoing, all sorts. say life is a tragedy. And Japanese tourists often
Keith I think John Major is a typical British male - come to eat here. Once they asked me for bacon,
straightforward, but a little bit dull. egg and noodles. I love the Japanese tourists. They
Marcella A typical British person is well-mannered, love to take photographs of my wife and me in my
well-dressed and very patriotic. cafe. Sometimes Scottish tourists come here as well.
They might want porridge, and they may say my
Don't make me laugh! bacon and eggs are too expensive, but as long as
Danny Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! I they pay, everyone is welcome at my cafe - John's
hope you aren't expecting any jokes about racial Cafe.
stereotypes? No, I don't tell Jewish jokes. Or Irish
jokes. And I especially don't like Scottish jokes. Street interviews
You see, I'm Scottish myself. You know, people say Lin ... friendly, outgoing and very talkative.
the Scottish are mean - that they don't like spending Frank . . . lively, excitable and friendly.
money - well, it isn't true. For example, yesterday I Melissa Well.... very mad. They wear long dresses, usually
spent fifty pence. Oh, yes I did. I went to the red, they have lots of celebrations, and they eat
hairdresser's. I said to the hairdresser, 'How much is very strong, spiced food.
a haircut?' He said, 'It's a pound.' So then I said, David ... is warm, inventive, friendly, vivacious and good
'How much for a shave?' He said, 'A shave is fifty fun to be with.
pence.' So I said, 'OK, here's fifty pence - shave my Keith ... slightly excitable and eating lots of garlic.
head!' 'Here's fifty pence, shave my head!' And

10. Song time Nationality you continentals. We don't like our neighbours.
Have you seen the man with the old school tie? We enjoy our privacy.
He's got an umbrella, he's reserved and shy, Sara (VO) Did you hear? He said 'continentals'. In the
He doesn't like talking when he's walking so you needn't try. United Kingdom there are two groups of
Who can he be, the man with the old school tie? Europeans: the British and continentals, people
He may be from Greece or Germany, from the other European countries.
He might be from Belgium - don't you agree? Gary (VO) Due to their love of 'privacy', the British prefer to
He could be Danish or Romanian, live in individual houses with their own gardens.
Dutch or Panamanian, Sara (VO) Talking about gardens. Is it true that the British
No, he's British - can't you see? are great lovers of gardening?
British is his nationality. Actor We love our flowers. Gardening is the perfect
way of relaxing. It is the British way of life. We
Have you seen the woman with the long, black hair?
all have gardens.
She's proud and she's stubborn and she doesn't care.
She can't stop her laughter after there's no one there. Sara (VO) Another sign of their individualism is that they
Who can she be, the woman with the long, black hair? drive on the left-hand side of the road whereas in
all other European countries people drive on the
She may be from Greece or Germany. right.
She might be from Belgium - don't you agree? Sara (VO) From now on, thousands of cars with the steering
She could be Danish or Romanian, wheel on the left will come into Britain through
Dutch or Panamanian. the Channel Tunnel.
No, she's Spanish - can't you see? Gary (VO) There will be problems, but no one in Britain has
Spanish is her nation-, Spanish is her nation-, suggested changing to driving on the right.
Spanish is her nationality.
Sara (VO) The British have a reputation for being animal
lovers. But, is it true?
DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) We think it is. About 49 per cent of British adults
Sara (VO) What are the British like? What do we know have a pet at home.
about them? The ideas the Spanish have about Sara (VO) And 46 per cent agree with the following state-
the British, are they correct? ment: "The British prefer their pets to their fa-
Gary (VO) We're going to have a look at some of these ideas mily."
and see if they're right or wrong. Gary (VO) Here's our man in London reading a publication
Sara (VO) One of them is that British businessmen always for animal lovers.
wear bowler hats and carry umbrellas. Sara (VO) Can you read the advert aloud?
Gary (VO) But we've been walking around the City for a Actor Please, send a donation to help donkey Sara and
while and we haven't seen any. her friends have a happy Christmas.
Sara (VO) Look! A typical British businessman. Excuse me, Gary (VO) This says it all. In what other part of the world
are you a real British businessman? could you find a similar advert asking for Christ-
Actor No. This is a joke. No British businessman mas donations for a home for donkeys?
dresses like this any more. The only uniforms
you can see in the city today are business suits.
Gary (VO) So this gentleman doesn't exist any more, except 5 THE BEST OF FRIENDS
in films.
Gary (VO) Nowadays British businesswomen and A WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS
businessmen dress like those of any other Bernard What are you doing this evening?
country. Valerie I'm going out with Anita. Don't you remember?
Gary (VO) It's five o'clock: teatime. Bernard No one tells me anything.
Gary (VO) In Spain, we think that, at five o'clock, Valerie I told you last week. We're just going out for a
everything stops for a refreshing cup of tea. drink and a chat. You can come along with us, if
Sara (VO) But, is this true nowadays? you want.
Actor No, it isn't. We have tea at any time in the day, Bernard No, I'll be fine. I'll stay in. Someone has to keep
the same as you have coffee. We British have tea Gran company. She wouldn't like to be left here
with breakfast, tea at eleven o'clock in the mor- on her own. She needs company. It's a terrible
ning, tea after lunch; then we have tea at teatime, thing, being lonely.
tea after dinner, and tea at eleven o'clock pm. We Valerie Oh, hello, Gran. How are you feeling?
never refuse the offer of a cup of tea. Bernard Are you OK?
Gary (VO) They say that every Englishman is an island. Gran Yes, I'm fine.
Sara (VO) Maybe the British are individualists and love Valerie I'm late. I must go. You needn't wait up for me.
privacy, because they live on an island. Let's ask Bye, darling. Bye, Gran. Have a nice evening,
our man in London if this is true. both of you.
Bernard Well, Gran, what shall we do this evening? We
Actor Yes, I think we British are quite different from

11. can have a chat about old times. Or we can have a Valerie Has he really?
game of cards or ... Gran Yes.
Gran That's very thoughtful of you, Bernard. But I'm Bernard How exciting. How romantic.
afraid I won't be at home this evening. I've got to Gran Yes. But I don't think I will. In fact, I'm not sure if
get ready. I'm going to see Frank any more. He's rather nosy
Bernard Ready? For what? always wanting to know what I'm doing. And he
Gran I'm going out with a friend. Goodness me, is that never stops talking about DIY. I wouldn't get
the time? much peace!
*** Bernard Oh, good! I mean ... Well, of course, you must
Bernard Is it ... a woman friend? make the decision yourself, Gran.
Gran No Gran Yes, I must. Well, I'm going to think about it,
Bernard It's a man, then. Bcrnard. And Bernard ...
Gran Yes, Bernard. It's a man. Bernard Yes, Gran?
Bernard What I meant was, it's a man friend . . . rather than Gran Please don't call me Gran!
a woman friend ... if you see what I mean.
Gran Yes. B GETTING TOGETHER
Bernard Is it anyone that I know?
Gran No, you haven't met him yet. Street interviews
Bernard How long have you been seeing him? Mr Addison We've known each other for fifty-three years,
Gran Oh, for about a week. Since last Sunday, actually. and we've been married for fifty-two years.
Bernard I see. And how old is this friend of yours. I mean, Frank I've known my girlfriend for a year and a half.
is he ... around your age? Sara I've known my partner now for about eight
Gran He's younger than me. His name is Frank, and I years. In fact, we were going to get married
don't want to be late for him. seven years ago, but then I had a baby, so we
Bernard No, of course not. Have a lovely evening, Gran. didn't get married.
*** David We were married fifteen years ago, so I've
Bernard We don't know anything about Frank.. known my wife for fifteen years now.
Valerie Oh, Bernard. I'm sure Gran can look after herself. Keith I have known my wife for twenty-seven years,
She's very grown-up. and we've been married for twenty-five years.
Bernard I know she's grown-up. That's what I'm worried In fact, we celebrated our silver wedding
about. I mean, where are they going to tonight? anniversary in June this year.
What will they do? When will she come back?
Valerie I'm sure Gran will be very sensible. She's a very Don't make me laugh!
sensible person. Danny Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! You
*** know, friends are important, aren't they? Everyone
Gran This is Frank. Valerie and Bernard, Frank. should have friends. I love my friends, but I have a
Valerie Very pleased to meet you, Frank. very special friend, called Fido. Fido has been living
Frank It's my pleasure. with me ever since he was a little, baby
Bernard Good evening. doggy-woggy - haven't you, Fidy-Widy-Bidy? Yes,
Frank Very good to meet you at last, Bernard. I've heard everybody needs a best friend, and a dog is a man's
such a lot about you both. best friend. He doesn't give you advice, he never
*** tries to borrow money, and you don't have to buy
Frank Well, it's been very nice meeting you. Goodbye. him a coat - he's already got one! He's had one since
Goodbye, Valerie. Goodbye, Bernard. Goodbye! he was born! You know, a dog's hair? His coat? You
Valerie Well, Gran, Frank seems very nice. don't have to buy him a coat - he's already got one!
Bernard Yes. Very nice. I was very impressed. He's had one since he was born! I love Fido. I don't
Gran Yes. care what anyone says - he's a fine guard dog. You
Valerie Bernard's been quite worried about you, Gran. know, if I hear any noises in the night, I wake him,
Haven't you, Bernard? and then he starts to bark. Don't you think that it's
Bernard Oh, no, not really. interesting that man's best friend can't talk? I once
Valerie Bernard thought Frank was going to be a young heard of a dog that could talk. But it's not possible.
man, who was after your money. But he looked If a dog ever tells you he can talk, he's lying. If a
older than you. dog ever tells you he can talk he's lying. Oh, he's a
Gran He just seems older. He's actually a year younger lovely dog. And he's good company. You know, I've
than I am. And he can't be after my money. He's been playing chess with him since he was little. You
actually quite rich. probably think that he's a very clever dog because
Bernard Really! he can play chess, but he's not really clever, because
Valerie Well, that's nice. And is there a future in your when Fido and I play chess, I usually win! Usually!
relationship? And, now, ladies and gentlemen, shall I sing you a
Gran Well, he has just asked me to marry him if that's song? Yes! Thank you. I'd like to sing a little song I
what you mean. wrote myself, all about Fido. It's called, 'Everyone

12. needs someone to love, someone to share everything Won't you have a little drink, say 'cheers'?
with, every day. If everybody had somebody, Just until your friend appears,
someone like Fido, then everything would be fine'. We could tell a few jokes as the time goes by,
Music, maestro, please. Yes, we could laugh away every tear,
Yes, we could laugh away every tear.
The ad spot
Voiceover 'I have gone forever. Goodbye. Love, Jeremy.' DOCUMENTARY
Do you want someone that you can depend on - Sara (VO) We are in Dublin, the capital of the Irish
someone that won't let you down? Republic. Anyone who's visited this
Woman Yes, my boyfriend has left me again! country knows that the Irish are friendly,
Voiceover Are relationships difficult for you? kind and warm with foreigners. But what
Woman I don't trust anyone. Everyone lets me down. are they like to each other?
Voiceover Don't you wish you had someone to share your
Gary (VO) To find out, we're going to speak with a
life with? Do you want someone that you can
group of four Irish youngsters, Eve,
depend on?
Cahal, Siobhan and Vincent. They've
Woman Yes, but I don't want someone who looks at
other women. I'm a very jealous person. been friends for four years. They met at
Voiceover Yes, I understand. Then why not go and see school, and although now they go to
Roy? If you talk to Roy and tell him what you different colleges, they still meet to talk
want, he will help you. Roy will introduce you to and have some fun together. Eve was the
someone that you can depend on. first to answer our questions.
Roy I certainly will. At Roy's Pet Shop we will find Interviewer (VO) Is it easy to make friends in Ireland?
the right pet for you. So if you're looking for Eve Ah, yes, it's very easy to make friends in
someone that you can depend on - why not come Ireland. The Irish people are very friendly
and meet Rover? You can trust Rover. He'll and outgoing and when you make a friend
always be there when you get home. He'll never in Ireland, you make a friend for life.
let you down. Rover won't go for walks with Very easy.
other women, will you, Rover? No! He won't Interviewer (VO) Where do you make friends?
take your best friend out to dinner while you are Eve You can make friends in the clubs and
visiting your mother. Oh, no! Rover will never societies in the university, like the football
let you down. So why not come to Roy's Pet club or the Martin Society, for example.
Shop and meet the friend of your dreams? Interviewer (VO) What would you like to find in a friend?
Eve I'd like to find many things in a friend,
Street interviews like a sense of humour, loyalty, honesty,
Frank I usually meet my friends in the pub, or we something like that.
go to the cinema or the theatre or the football Sara (VO) Eve is a great sports-lover. Her favourite
match. pastimes are gymnastics and jogging in
Melissa I get together with my friends at a local
the park. Eve studies History and lives at
disco.
home with her parents.
Marcella I get together with my friends at local pubs
Vincent doesn't live with his parents any
or nightclubs.
*** more. One big difference between Ireland
Mr Saunders I have a lot of friends who are women, but I and Spain is that Irish youngsters start
only have one wife. living on their own very early. That's why
David I think men and women can be friends, but I we asked Vincent at what age they
don't think it's the same sort of friendship as become independent.
between men and men, and women and Interviewer (VO) At what age do young people start living
women. on their own?
Marcella I've got a load of friends, girls and boys, but Vincent Well, students leave home around the age
the boys aren't boyfriends. of 17, whereas people who don't go to
university like to leave home at the age of
Song time Have a little drink around twenty-two or twenty-three.
For an hour or so I've been watching you, Interviewer (VO) Do you still live with your parents?
You've been sitting alone at a table for two, Vincent No, I moved into a flat with a group of
No one has come, you've got nothing to do, friends as my house was too far away
Well me. I'm waiting, I'm waiting for someone, too. from the university.
Won't you have a little drink with me? Interviewer (VO) Is it usual for young people to share a flat
I could keep you company, or a house with friends?
I could make you feel better, Vincent Yes, it's very frequent as it's cheaper for
If you need to cry, young people to move in together and
I want to hear your life history. they have a lot more freedom also.

13. Interviewer (VO) How do you like living on your own? 6 TRADITIONS
Vincent I love to live on my own as I can come in
at whatever time I please and eat whate-
A WE HAVE A LOT TO BE PROUD OF!
ver I like.
Valerie I got a phone call from Jessica today.
Gary (VO) Siobhan is the youngest in the group. Bernard Jessica?
She's eighteen. Siobhan is Cahal's Valerie Your second cousin, the one who lives in
girlfriend. They've been going out for a America.
year, since she was seventeen. Is this a Bernard Oh, Jessica. Yes, I've heard of her. I've never met
common age for girls to go out with boys? her, though. What's she doing?
We asked Siobhan. Valerie She's a student and she's coming over to England
Interviewer (VO) At what age does a girl usually start going next month. She wants to stay with us for a few
out with a boy? days.
Siobhan Usually when they're thirteen or fourteen, Bernard Great.
but maybe younger. It depends on the girl. Valerie She says she's very interested in history and
Interviewer (VO) Is it usual for young people to go out tradition. She wants to have a look at some
together in groups? English traditions.
Siobhan Oh, yes. Boys and girls usually go out Bernard Well, I'm not surprised. They haven't got many
together in groups because it's a lot more traditions in America. They have fireworks on the
fun and it's also safer, like when you are 4th of July and that's it.
going home. Valerie That's not quite true, Bernard.
Interviewer (VO) What's a common topic of conversation Bernard Well, we've got a lot to be proud of in this
for friends, especially for girls? country. We have a great history and some fine
Siobhan For girls, they usually talk about boys or traditions most people take for granted. It's so
clothes, usually. important to understand your heritage. Why don't
we take a few days off work when Jessica is here.
Interviewer (VO) What time are boys and girls supposed to
We could take her to some of the typically
get home at night when they live with
English places.
their parents?
Valerie Yes, she might like that.
Siobhan It depends if they go to the pub and ... that Bernard We could work out an itinerary. We can go to the
closes at about half eleven, so they're Tower of London, where you can show her the
expected home at twelve o'clock. But if Beefeaters and the Crown Jewels.
they go to a disco, they're expected home Valerie Do you know, I've never been to the Tower of
at about half two. London.
Sara (VO) Cahal is still living with his parents in the Bernard I don't think many English people have. We can
outskirts of Dublin. He loves Dublin. go to Cambridge. We could see the King's College
That's why he recommends Spanish stu- Chapel. We could go on the river in a boat and
dents to go to Dublin to learn English. have a traditional English tea at Grantchestcr. You
Interviewer (VO) Would you recommend Spanish students know, we’ve got a lot to be proud of in this
to come to Ireland? country. I've got a brilliant idea! We could take
Cahal Yes, I would, because it's a very friendly her to the Henley Regatta and we could take a
country and when the Spanish students hamper and some strawberries. Jessica will love
come over in the summer they usually get that.
on very well with the locals. ***
Interviewer (VO) What would you recommend Spanish Jessica I'm so excited. I've always dreamed of seeing
students to do if they came to Ireland? England.
Cahal If a Spanish student comes to Ireland, the Bernard You probably thought we lived in a little cottage
best thing they can probably do would be which had a thatched roof and roses growing all
to move in with a family, as that way they over it.
Jessica No.
learn good English, they'll also learn the
Bernard Or did you think we lived in a manor house or a
culture of their country and how a family
castle with a moat and a drawbridge?
works in Ireland.
Jessica No. I didn't expect to see knights at the airport
Gary (VO) So you've heard Cahal’s recommendation. either.
If you decide to go abroad to learn En- Bernard We've worked out a wonderful itinerary for you.
glish, you can go to the Irish Republic: a The first place we're going to visit is Cambridge,
great place to make good friends. and then we're going to the Henley Regatta. We're
visiting Harrods and the Tower of London. And
on your final day, we're going to go to a medieval
banquet.
Jessica That sounds really interesting. But is it for
American tourists?

14. Bernard There are some Americans. Peter We all sing Auld Lang Syne at midnight, have
Jessica I don't want to meet American tourists. a toast together and celebrate the New Year
Bernard There are Japanese and German tourists as well. coming in.
Jessica Do you know where Sheffield is? Chloe When it's 12 o'clock on New Year's Eve, we
Bernard It's up in the north of England somewhere. I don't go round and kiss everybody.
think you'll find anything interesting up there. Mr Addison In the north of England, where I come from,
Jessica There's an industrial museum I've heard about. I'd New Year is celebrated by a ceremony, that
love to see it. we call 'first footing', that is to say, a
Bernard An industrial museum! dark-haired man will be the first to put his foot
Jessica I'm interested in how real people lived. I mean inside your door as the New Year enters, and
ordinary people. he will bring with him three gifts. He will
*** bring a little bread, so that you'll never be
Jessica I've traced the family back eight generations. hungry, a little coal for wealth and a little salt
Bernard Have you really? Well done! for good health.
Jessica I think our family has a strong culture and
tradition that goes way back into history. Don't make me laugh!
Bernard Oh, good. Danny I love the British traditions, don't you? Yes, I've just
Valerie Well, tell us. come back from a traditional British holiday. Yes, it
Jessica Well, first, this side of the family were from was very traditional - we went to Spain. We had a
Grimsby. traditional British holiday - in Spain! Thank you,
Bernard From where? madam. Yes, traditions ... My family, who are very
Jessica From Grimsby. In the north-east of England. traditional, always do the same thing every
Bernard Grimsby! Christmas. First, we always go to church on
Jessica For over two hundred years they were fishermen. Christmas morning. Second, we always have a big
Bernard How interesting. dinner - roast turkey with cranberry sauce. Third, we
Jessica On this side of the family, always watch the Queen's speech, which is on
Great-great-great-greatgreat-great-grcat-Uncle television in the afternoon. Fourth, we always play
John worked in the textile industry in Manchester. silly games in the evening. I really like Christmas,
It was right at the start of the industrial revolution. but there's one Christmas tradition which I don't like
And you know what? He became a Shaker and - I always spend too much money on presents! My
emigrated to America. wife and I had a wedding that was very
Bernard He became a what? old-fashioned. Very traditional. She looked
Jessica A Shaker. That was his religion. beautiful, dressed all in white. I said to her
Bernard How very odd. afterwards, 'Well, did you enjoy the wedding, dear?'
Jessica It's so interesting, don't you think? And she said, 'Well, yes, on the one hand, I did
Bernard What is? enjoy it, but on the other hand, I think I'll do it
Jessica Well, on the one hand, there's religion, and on the differently next time!' She said, 'I think I'll do it
other hand, there's fish! Don't you want to come differently next time!' Well, thank you! Thank you,
with me to Grimsby and discover your family ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. And now for a
heritage? song!
Bernard Well, frankly, Jessica . . . I don't think I do.
The ad spot
B CHRISTMAS AND CASTLES Mr Teacher Life in the old days. What was it like? What
did we use to do before we had television?
Street interviews Mrs Teacher How did people live without cookers or
Sara Because I don't cook, I celebrate Christmas by central heating?
inviting all the neighbours into our house for Mr Teacher Last weekend, we took the family to Oldfield
champagne cocktails in the morning, and then Castle to find out.
we go to a hotel for lunch. Much easier - no Mrs Teacher Oldfield Castle is educational and fun.
washing up. Mr Teacher We learnt about the people who lived in the
Melissa I celebrate Christmas around the Christmas castle many years ago. We spent the whole
tree day there.
Chloe ... lots of presents. Mrs Teacher Jane and John, who are our children, really
David I spend Christmas with my family. We have enjoyed it, didn't they, darling?
two children. We wrap up their presents on Mr Teacher Oh, yes. There was a big festival at the castle.
Christmas Eve. We open the presents in the There were actors who were dressed up as
morning. Then we have a wonderful, long medieval knights.
meal late in the afternoon, and I'm afraid Mrs Teacher It was so educational! And our children learnt
sometimes I drink a bit too much. But we all a lot about British traditions, didn't they,
enjoy it very much, especially me. darling?
*** Mr Teacher We saw a kitchen which was four hundred