Nick Armstrong's Ignite Fort Collins #4 presentation - Marketing is for the Dogs

1. @ImNickArmstrong
Marketing is For the Dogs

2. What if all your
customers..
...were canines?

3. Quick Comparison
People Dogs
* Are Rude * Are Awesome
* Suck * Love Unconditionally
* Fart * Fart
* Live for f*ckin ever (if jerks) * Don’t live long enough

4. Consumer Behavior
People
Decision
Will it
get me laid or
Yes Awesome.*
paid?
No *note: some people are whores for money.
**note: some people are just whores.
F#^% that.

5. Canine Behavior
Dogs
Decision
Will it
get me laid or
Yes Awesome.
paid?
No *note: dogs are whores for happiness.
Awesome.

6. Bad Business Behavior
Cubicles
9+ hour Work Day
Shorter Breaks Employees and Customers
Just Take It.
Lower Wages
They Don’t Know Better or
Eliminate Benefits
Can’t Find Better or Can’t
Eliminate 401k Get Help.
No Refunds Community Suffers and Dies.
Disrespect Community
Don’t Listen

7. Bad Pet Owner Behavior
No Attention
No Affection
No Treats Dogs Just Take It.
No Walks
Dogs Don’t Know Better or
Bark Collars Can’t Find Better or Can’t
Get Help.
Chained Up All Day
Left In Hot Car Dog Suffers and Dies.
No Water
No Food

8. What the holy hell are we doing?
*cue Sarah McLachlan

10. I’m mad as hell.
I’m a human being.
My life has value.
I’m not going to take this anymore.

11. Comparison of Needs
Dogs People
Exercise Exercise
Food Food
Attention Attention
Love Love
Work Hard, Play Hard Work Hard, Play Hard
Squeaky Toy Ben + Jerry’s

14. Consumer Motivations
Dogs People
Treats Money
Food Food
Sex Sex
Love Fame
Love Generosity
Love Love
Squeaky Toy Fun

15. Business Motivations
Profit
Greed (for profit)
Fame (for profit)
Generosity (to hide profit)
Serve The Community (rare!)

18. Laurie
Ron Z
Ava
Viveka
Steve
Angel
Liz
Katrina
Julie
Kevin
Si
Ron M
Chris
Cali
(and many more)

19. http://www.flickr.com/photos/timdorr/2096272747/sizes/o/

20. Being polite is
no substitute for
actually caring.
Thank You.
@ImNickArmstrong
IAmNickArmstrong.com