This document provides a humorous list of 13 potential television judges that Barack Obama could nominate to the Supreme Court. It briefly describes each person, often in only 1-2 sentences, and comments on their qualifications or lack thereof. The judges listed come from shows like Judge Judy, The People's Court, and Night Court. The descriptions range from noting their experience to making jokes about their personal lives or past legal issues. The overall tone is one of sarcasm and humor in suggesting these television personalities for the high court.
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Top Thirteen Television Judges Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court
1. Top Thirteen Television Judges
Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court
brought to you by PinkoMag.com
2. Judge Judy Sheindlin
We thought she was a conservative,
but Judge Judy is totally going down on
Florence Henderson in that photo.
Sheβs tough, tested and would add some
serious sass to the bench.
3. Former Mayor Ed Koch
Heβs gay! Heβs 90! Heβs adorable!
And Koch had a stint hosting
Peopleβs Court in the mid 90βs.
6. Judge Greg Mathis
Longtime host of DIvorce Court, Greg Mathis
has a huge fucking gavel. Look at that thing.
Heβll bash some βintelligent designβ lawyer
right in the goddamned mouth.
8. Magistrate
Samuel Sewall
He was the judge in the Salem Witch
Trials. Someone played him in that movie we
watched in 9th grade with the slutty moaning
salem teen witch girls but I canβt figure out
from IMDB who the actor is.
9. Nancy Grace
Heroine to tot moms and teen girls with too
many vowels in their names everywhere,
Grace was a Fulton County prosecutor for
almost a decade. She was also repeatedly
fined for prosecutorial misconduct, nearly
disbarred and accused of βillegal conduct.β
A darling to conservatives, naming Grace
to the Supreme Court would be the judicial
equivalent of having Rick Warren read the
invocation at his inauguration.
10. Judge Harry Stone
Did anyone else watch Night Court? I loved
that show. Stone was fair; he was principled;
and most important he was zany. A prank or
two would totally lift Ruth Bader Ginsburgβs
spirits.
11. Judge Marilyn Milian
The sexxxxxiest judge on television, Peopleβs
Court Host Honorable Marilyn Milian doesnβt
take shit from anyone - defendants or her
cousin Christina. Unfortunately for President
Obama she has actually waterboarded sev-
en people, including Sean Hannity, Pollster
Mark Penn and author Mitch Albom.
12. Richard Zavaglia
Well now Iβm really reaching, but Zavaglia
played Judge Tamerlane in my FAVORITE
LIFETIME WOMAN SCORNED MOVIE OF
ALL TIME OMFG, βA Woman Scorned: The
Betty Broderick Story,β followed by a cameo
in Part 2: βHer Final Fury: Betty Broderick,
The Last Chapter,β starring Meredith Baxter
Birney of Televisionβs Family Ties. Heβs lit-
erally doing dinner theater in South Florida
now. If Barack Obama wants a judge who will
consider the impact of the law on peopleβs
daily lives, I think Dick Zavaglia is it. (P.S.
The actual Betty Broderick is up for parole in
2010! She is so guest blogging.)
13. Judge Joseph Wapner
A classic. The safe pick, ethnic slur in his last
name nothwithstanding, Wapner has written
two books for citizens about navigating small
claims court.
14. Miss J.
You heard me. What - Nigel? Twiggy? Not
U.S. Citizens. (Not that thatβs stopping
Obama from considering Michigan Governor
Jennifer Granholm. Or from being President,
for that matter.) Miss J. is already dressed for
the part, sporting big ties and the occasional
robe. And we know from Americaβs Next Top
Model that justice would be handed down
with flair, humor and a refreshing bluntness.