Defining Interpersonal Communication

A First Look at
Interpersonal Communication

Defining Interpersonal Communication
• Interpersonal communication is by focusing
on what happens between people, not
where they are or how many are present
• Interpersonal communication is a distinct
type of interaction between people – inter
meaning “between” and person…between
people.
• Communication exists on a continuum from
impersonal to interpersonal.

Why Study Interpersonal
Communication (IPC)
Copyright©2013,2009,2006PearsonEducation,Inc.AllRightsReserved
Personal success
Social success
Professional success
“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself.
How you treat yourself sets the standard for how
others will treat you.”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Personal qualities of the communicator and their
relative effect on how the message is received
.
The recipient is an active
participant in communication.
The recipient’s prior knowledge,
beliefs, and attitudes affect his
understanding of the message.

A Little History about Speech
1. Homo Sapiens (current
humans) became dominate
about 250,000 years ago.
2. Greatest contributing factor to
domination over other animals is
speech.
3. Where ever humans are in
groups, they develop a way of
communicating with each others.

A Little History about Speech
Q: Why is speech so
important?
The development of human
culture is made possible
by our ability to...
1. Share experiences
2. Exchange ideas
3. Transmit knowledge

1. SHARED EXPERIENCES
Some shared experiences:
• Activities.
• The love of family and children.
• The instinct to survive.
• The desire for health, wealth, knowledge and
happiness.
• The concern for the safety and happiness of loved
ones.
• Shared experiences inform our lives no matter who we
are, how different we are from others, no matter where

2. EXCHANGE OF IDEAS
Early Days - The ancient trade routes were the communications highways
of the ancient world.
• The Spice and the Silk Road had a significant influence on the development
of the great civilizations of China, India, Syria, Iraq, Turkey, Egypt, Persia,
Arabia, and Rome.
• Cities along these routes grew rich providing services and goods to traders,
pilgrims, missionaries, soldiers, nomads, and merchants.
• They also became cultural and artistic centers, with people of different ethnic
and cultural backgrounds.
Examples of ideas, goods and raw materials:
• The Water Wheel

2. EXCHANGE OF IDEAS
1. Websites:
•Pinterest.com
•Cruelty free products http://www.leapingbunny.org
•Houzz.com
•WikiHow.com (How to make love last)
2. Conversation with others
3. Demonstrating
4. Movies
5. Social Media (Facebook, etc.)
6. Books
7. Other

Interpersonal Skill Idea
http://www.wonderhowto.com/
(How to remember someone’s name)

3) Transmit Knowledge
Q: How do we transmit
knowledge?
•Prehistoric: Fires, Beacons,
Smoke signals, Communication
drums
,and Horns
•6th century BCE: Mail
•5th century BCE: Pigeon post
•15th century CE: Maritime flag semaphores
•1672: First experimental acoustic (mechanical) telephone
•1867: Signal lamps

• 1838: Electrical
telegraph.
• 1858:
First trans-Atlantic telegraph
cable.
• 1876: Telephone.
First PhoneBasic electrical signals

• 1896: Radio.
• 1927: Television.
• 1956: Transatlantic telephone cable
1962:
Commercial telecommunications satellite
• 1964: Fiber optical telecommunications
• 1981: First mobile (cellular) phone network
• 1983: Internet.

Other methods:
•Social media (Tweeter,
Facebook, etc.)
•Friends, neighbors, etc.
•Stories
•Jokes
•T.V.
•Radio
•Internet
•Education
•#1 way - News sharing

The Nature of IPC
1. Interdependent individuals
 Connected
 Actions of one impacts the other
2. Inherently relational
 Defines the relationship
 Varies depending on the relationship

The Nature of IPC (cont.)
4. Involves verbal and nonverbal messages
5. Takes place in varied forms
 Face to face
 Computer mediated
 Synchronous – occur simultaneously, in “real
time”
 Asynchronous – do not occur in “real time”
4. Involves choices (choice points)

Participating Effectively In A
Diverse Society
• The likelihood of meeting our needs
depends on our ability to participate
effectively in a very diverse social world.
• We need to understand and learn from
others who differ from us.

What makes up our communication?

Why do we communicate?
• Gathering nuts, berries, herbs, etc. could be done alone.
• Hunting took a unified approach.
1) Survival (Hunter and Gathers)
- Was critical for the difficult tasks
- Brought groups together
Learning to work in coordinated groups was one of keys to the
creation of permanent settlements.

Why Do We Communicate?
The Interpersonal Imperative
2) Develop Identities (Who am I?)
3) Establish and build relationships (What groups do I want
to be in?)
3) Coordinate efforts with others (School, job, sports,
hobbies, events, etc.)
4) Have impact on issues that matter (Lead, persuade,
influence, compete, etc.)
5) Work out problems (Daily event)

Levels of Communication
(Except intrapersonal communication, all levels
involve interpersonal communication.)

Levels of
Communication
INTRAPERSONAL COMMUNCIATION
• Self-talk : Our inner thoughts, emotions, a
feelings (Occasional speaking to ourselves)
• Self-concept: How we think and feel about
ourselves (How we feel about our body,
intelligence, occupation, income level, educat
our gender, age, where we live.)
• Experiences: Good or bad – (Affects how
feel about ourselves, thus affecting how w
communicate with ourselves, and ultimate
others.)
• Self-fulfilling prophesy: “Be careful what y
ask for because you just may get it.”

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICAITON
• One-on-one communication (Dyad)
• Putting what we think, feel and behavior into
communication (verbal and nonverbal)
• What we say will be interpreted (and may or may not
be understood) by the receiver
• Success of communication depends on (culture, past
history, self-concept, education, life experience, and
comfort with the communication process)

• Three or more people create a group.
• Increases the communication complexity/more people to
interrupt the meanings of your words/more difficult to get
point across
• Increases uncertainty (especially with strangers)
• Group roles, power, status, and leadership are
emphasized can be positive/negative.
• Groups are important for survival of human, fulfilling
physiological, safety, social, self-esteem, and self
fulfillment.
Small Group Communication

• A person(s) who has reason for speaking.
• An audience that gives the speaker attention.
• A message that is meant to accomplish a specific purpose.
(Inform, Persuade, Entertain, Eulogy, Toast, etc. )
• A Speaker is usually responsible for their own words
(Speech writers help professional, political, and civic leaders)
• Effective public speaking is learned and involves specific
skills to influence.
Public Speaking

Organizational Communication involves
all levels of communication.
Organizations include:
• Profit making businesses – Self sufficient – sell goods and services.
• Political organizations – Distribute power and control of society.
(Federal and location government, police and military and financial
institutions.
• Organizations designed to help solve social problems – (Legal
system, consumer advocacy, political parties, public interest groups.)
• Organizations that promote cultural and educational regularity
and development. (Schools, religious organizations, health care)
• Other: Gangs, Mafia, Cartels, etc.
Organizational Communication

Mass Communication
• Mass communication is the study of how individuals and entities relay information
through mass media to large segments of the population at the same time.
• These mediums channels are used for disseminating information, news and
advertising:
Newspaper, magazines, direct-mail, newsletters, books, etc.
Television (Cable, Satellite, Over the Air)
Radio (AM/FM, Satellite, Online)
Films
Internet (Email, Tweeter, Instagram, Facebook, HULU, YouTube, My Space)
Handheld Devices – Text messaging, and all the applications that can be accessed
Skype – Users who share can do phone calls, meeting

One of the most important forms of communication
Intercultural Communication
The process of exchanging meaningful and clear
information across cultural boundaries, in a way
that preserves mutual respect and minimizes
antagonism.
Western Culture includes:
• Gender, age, ethnicity, group social class,
spiritual commitments, sexual orientation, and
abilities.
• Shared system of symbols, beliefs, attitudes, values,
expectations, and norms of behavior.
Intercultural Communication

• Maslow's thinking was original. Most psychologists before him had
been concerned with the abnormal and the ill.
• He urged people to acknowledge their basic needs before
addressing higher needs and ultimately self-actualization.
• Maslow described human needs as being relatively fluid—with
many needs being present in a person simultaneously.[38]
• Later in life, Maslow was concerned with questions such as: -
Why don't more people self-actualize if their basic needs are met?
- How can we humanistically understand the problem of evil?”
Maslow - General Overview

Self Actualization –
Peak Experience
Metamotivation
•Maslow - self-actualized people who are driven by innate forces beyond their basic
needs, so that they may explore and reach their full human potential.
Peak experiences
•Profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, or rapture, during which a person
feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient and yet a part of the world, more aware of truth,
justice, harmony, goodness, and so on.
•These “peak experiences” or states of flow are the reflections of the realization of one’s
human potential and represent the height of personality development.

Self-Actualizing People from
History
• Abraham Lincoln
• Thomas Jefferson
• Mahatma Gandhi
• Albert Einstein
• Eleanor Roosevelt
• Thoreau
• Christ
• Buddha

MASLOW’S NEED HIERACHY
Communication is the foundation in which parents, care takers,
friends, families, etc. help or hinder meeting these needs.
Survival Needs
1.Physiological – People band together to survive. Co-ops are formed to
make large purchases of food and other items. Limited partnerships may be
created to purchase a house or car.
2.Safety – Neighborhood watch groups. A union at one’s workplace to
obtain a level of security. Joining a group health plan also fulfill this need.
Emotional Needs
1.Belonging or Love -- People often join groups to receive affection and
comfort from others if there is not a family, friend or lover.
2.Self-esteem – A person’s prestige may be enhanced by a membership in
a certain group, team, club, organization (a fraternity, sorority, sports club)
Reaching full potential Need
Self – actualization – Groups have a mission to help reach your full
potential. (consciousness raising organizations, networking groups,
toastmasters, scientology)

The Internet –
More important that basic needs?
• An individual must be able to connect in order to achieve enhancement of social and
cultural capital as well as achieve mass economic gains in productivity.
• Therefore, access is a necessary (but not sufficient) condition for overcoming the
digital divide
• Knowledge is power – If you don’t have it…what happens?
• Censorship, no power to access the internet – Is this right?

Interpersonal Needs Theory
Psychologist - William Schultz
Our ability to create and sustain relationships depends on how
well our these basic needs are met.
1) Affection - Desire to give and receive love and liking, and
emotional warmth and closeness.
2) Inclusion - Desire to be social and included in groups.
Groups can accept you, respect you, and offer a place to
belong.
3) Control - Desired to influence people and events in our
lives. Groups can offer status and power, and a place to
influence and earn prestige.

Fulfilling our
Interpersonal Needs
All needs have three components:
1.Express – Pro-Active– We express ways or
behave in ways to fulfill our needs.
2.Want - In Active – We want others to behave
towards us. We wait and often needs aren’t
met.
3.Ideal – The goldilocks people understand not
all needs can be met. Will be patient or have
other groups to fulfill needs.

Inclusion –
How to achieve
• Express: We call or text a friend, reach out to
others, plan things.
• Want: We wait for others to text or call us, reach
out to us.
• Ideal: We reach out, if you want…and you are ok if
people don’t always reach out.

• Express: The extent to which we control others’ actions’. We like to make
decisions.
• Want: We want others to guide us (What to have for dinner, What movie to
go to, driving, etc.) Can be out of weakness.
• Ideal: You give and take. You don’t always need to control and enjoy having
others be part of decisions. You know when to control and when to let
others.
Control
How to Achieve

Affection
How to Achieve
• Express: You express affection by smiling, prolonged eye
contact, or giving compliments. Over personal – Too much
touching, hugging etc.
• Want: Wanting affection from others, wanting compliments
from others. Covert – hinting at gifts, or invitations. Asking do
you like this….dress, purse, etc.
• Ideal - Appropriately Personal: Are ok with what people want
to do, and are proactive when the situation is appropriate.

Schutz’s Interpersonal Needs Theory
Cycle of a groups when they begin:
• Initial formation stage - communication aims at
inclusion
• Group members friendly, and cautious as they try to
evaluate each other and try to be accepted by others
• As group develops, control needs become more
evident: members contest issues and vie for
leadership
• Conflicts happen - are resolved, people turn toward
affection needs
• This process is cyclical, and plays itself over and over
with each new group
• All steps necessary for a strong group to survive

How do you apply the theories?
Q: How can understanding Maslow’s
Hierarchy of Needs help you understand how
you relate to others? Understand how others
relate to you?
Q: How can understanding Shutz’s FIRO
Theory help you understand yourself? Help
you understand others?

REVIEW QUESTION
The three needs included in Schutz’s
Interpersonal Needs Theory are:
A. ability, communication, persistence
B. inclusion, control, affection
C. companionship, excitement, loyalty
D. shelter, food, safety
E. the need to be in Roana Thornock’s
Speech 151 class

REVIEW QUESTION
Maslow suggests that before you can meet
your safety needs, you need to satisfy:
A. esteem needs
B. control needs
C. love needs
D. physiological needs

REVIEW QUESTION
The three needs included in Schutz’s
Interpersonal Needs Theory are:
A. ability, communication, persistence
B. inclusion, control, affection
C. companionship, excitement, loyalty
D. shelter, food, safety
E. the need to be in Roana Thornock’s
Speech 121 class

Models of Communication
• A model is representative of a phenomenon.
• Models show how the phenomenon works.
• The Book describes key models that explain
the communication process.

Models of Interpersonal Communication
Linear, interactive and transactional
Who?
Says What?
In what channel?
To whom?
With what effect?
•

Linear Models – Evolved from Harold Lasswell – Political
Scientist as an outgrowth of his work in propaganda (1948)
• A one-way process, in which one person
acts on another (Who says what to whom in
what channel with what effect)

All systems include NOISE!
Types of NOISE
1) Physiological – hunger, fatigue, headaches, medications.
2) Physical – Interference in environment – Lawn mowers,
students in hallway, lights, spam and pop-up ads, extreme
temperatures.)
3) Psychological – Qualities in us – Preoccupied with
problems, prejudice and defense feelings, anger, & our
needs
4) Semantic – Words/meaning not understood (jargon,
technical terms, slang, or faccents.)

Interactive Models - A process in which listeners
give feedback (responds to the message)
• Communicators create and
interpret messages within
personal fields of experience.
• Doesn't’t address, the reality
that the source and receiver will
communicate at the same time.
• Prolonged interpersonal
relationships change dynamics.

Transactional Models - Emphasizes the
dynamism of interpersonal communication
• Includes the multiple roles
(communicating and receiving)
during the process.
• Our experience and others
experience makes impacts success
of communication.
• Includes the feature of time..
• Also, Social Systems (Shared
campus, town, workplace, religion,
culture, and personal system (family,
religion, friends, etc. )

A Communication Continuum
• Jewish philosopher Martin Buber’s I and Thou (1923) presents a
philosophy of personal dialogue
• Buber’s major theme is that human existence may be defined by the
way in which we engage in dialogue with each other, with the world,
and with God (Represented as abstract and eternal rather then as a
person.)
• Buber distinguished levels of communication from impersonal (I – It) to
(I-You) and interpersonal ( I-Thou)

I-It Communication – Impersonal
• People treated as objects “its” to be
used and experienced.
• Others ignored or looked at serve the
individual’s interest?
• Dysfunctional families, parents may treat
children as “its,” as will alcoholics' or
drug addicts.
Ignore humanity: Salespeople, cashiers,
postal workers, clerical staff, restaurant
staff, oor homeless people, etc.
Communication Tip: Service Industry
people trained to touch others (I-You) to
humanize relationships/bigger tip.

A Communication
Continuum
I-You communication
• People acknowledge others as more than
objects.
• Most common form of communication.
• We are not fully engaged, nor do we share
personal or deep dialogue…usually.
• People relate from the “roles” they play (Store
clerks, classmates, team, people with common
interests, Professor/student, workplace.)
• People are not treated as “unique.”

I-Thou communication
• Highest form of human dialogue with others and one’s
approach to spirituality.
• Individuals treat each other as cherished and unique.
• We trust each other to be ourselves- free of judgement.
• Only in I-Thou relationships can we become human.
• According to Buber, to create I-Thou relationship with
God, a person has to be open to the idea of such a
relationship, but not actively pursue it.
• Buber argued that human life consists of an oscillation
between I -It and I-You, and that in fact I-Thou
experiences are rather few and far between.

Features of Interpersonal
Communication
Building on Burber’s description, the author defines
interpersonal communication as:
1) Selective
•We select who and to what depth to communicate
•We don’t nor need to communicate at a I-You or I-
Thou level, as it takes more time, energy, and
courage.
Questions:
• Under what circumstances might we not want to go
beyond an I-It dialogue?
•How does texting or email fit in?

2) Systemic
• Communication is embedded in multiple
systems (this course, our relationship, our
college, the American Society)
• Systems affect what communication means
and involves (the system, situation, time,
people, culture, personal histories)
• All communication systems have noise
(physiological, physical, psychological and
semantic.)
Communication

3) Individual
•Treat others as unique individuals
•Beyound
Communication

Features of Interpersonal Communication
3) Individuals
• Unique – Each relationship
that goes beyond social roles, is special
and irreplaceable.
• Each relationship can add “value.”
• Relationships can fulfill different needs.
• Each relationship has different patterns,
rhythms, and even special vocabulary.

4) Processual
•Communication is ongoing.
•Communications evolves over time.
•Relationships can improve or decline.
•Communication is linked to the past and
future.
Tip: We can’t delete
or rewind what we say.
Communication

4) Transactional
•Communication is an exchange of verbal/nonverbal
communication.
•In interpersonal exchanges in communication is
simultaneous and continuous.
•Communicators share responsibility for
effectiveness.
Problems: Misunderstandings in email, online
communication, texting, etc.
•Feedback delayed
•Lack of inflection and nonverbal behavior
Communication

5) Personal Knowledge
•Fosters personal knowledge and insights
about others.
•Shared experiences that provide more
information.
•Personal knowledge is a process that grows
and build over time.
Ethical dimension: Information can be used to
hurt others.
Communication

6) Meaning Created
•Shared meanings
•Meanings grow from interactions
•Special words, expressions, gestures can develop that are
shared with close relationships
Two Levels of meaning:
1) Content meaning
•Literal meaning - “Clean your room now!”
•Relationship meaning – What the communication expresses
demonstrates the type of relationship. “Would you mind
cleaning your room” is more equal.
Communication

• Me – to – ism – such as “That’s nothing, let me tell you what happened
to me.” (This minimizes the other and speakers feels unheard.)
• Moralizing, preaching, being judgmental - (Differences are part of life,
set aside judgment to understand what others are saying.)
• Asking a direct question to satisfy curiosity – (This is often offensive.
Patience…people will share when and if they are ready.)
• Giving unsolicited advice – (Ask first or wait to be asked.)
• Consolation comments, such as “It’s going to be all right” or “Get over
it.” (It might not be.)
• Arguing or disagreeing with the speaker - Depending on the topic,
most arguments of over values (right or wrong) and beliefs (good or
bad)…pick your battle.
• Analyzing or interrupting - (Allow others to finish their thoughts. Save
analyze for others or a later time.)
Blocks to Effective Communication

Blocks to Effective Communication – cont.
Anger
•It is the least understood emotion
Fight or Flight
•(Emotions are triggered by the same part of the brain - the
amygdala. The amygdala in turn triggers a response in the
hypothalamus, a key area for many of the things your brain
does 'without thinking' including this 'fight or flight' response.)
•Anger is attached to other emotions (fear, pain, failure,
despair or frustration) – Road rage (fear of death and then
anger)
Positive: Anger can stimulate energy to help solve problems
and provide information

Six Guidelines for Interpersonal
Communication Competence
1) Develop a range of skills
2) Adapt communication appropriately
3) Engage in dual perspective
4) Monitor your communication
6) Commit to effective and ethical
communication

1) Develop a range of Skills
• What tools would you need to comfort someone?
(to soothe, comfortable, compassion, openness)
• To engage constructively in conflict? (Be an
active listener, create supportive climate, look for
win/win scenarios)
• To support a friend who is depressed? (affirm the
person, demonstrate care, encourage, no
judging)
• To build good work relationships? (Be supportive,
be a team player, express ourselves clearly,
Guidelines for Interpersonal

2) Adapt Communication Appropriately
• Your Intention: To comfort, explain an idea,
persuade someone to change their behavior
• The context influences (when, where, how, and
about what to communicate)
• Adapt what you say to particular people – I-it,
I-You; and I-thou
• Person-centeredness – Adapt messages to
particular people (sensitive to goals, contexts, and
other people)

3) Engage in Dual Perspective
• Understanding our own and another’s perspective (How they think and
feel about issues…not always easy.)
• Engage in genuine dialogue. (Takes skills and practice)
• Trying to understand and helping others is an innate human trait
Example: Donations: (Jamaican Boob sled team), Child without coat in
Sweden/Elephants
• Don’t be EGOCENTRIC (Imposing ones perceptions on others and
believing that others should do and handle things the way they do.)
Questions to ask:
• Do you have a tendency to see things from your perspective?
• Do you listen closely to others thoughts and feelings?
• Do you ask others to explain how they feel, what something means to
them, or how they view a situation. Asking a questions for more detail.
And, most important acting appropriately to the situation.

Dual Perspective Taking
Instead of
Let me tell you what I think
Try saying
Let me state what I hear you
saying
I’ve made up my mind Before I make my decision,
would you explain how you
see this issue?
You just don’t get it do
you?
Help me understand what
you mean

4) Monitor Your Communication – The ability to observe and
regulate your own communication
Before
What is your intention and goal?
What are your triggers?
How high are the stakes? (Ask another how they would
approach the situation?)
During
Stay alert, edit our thoughts, remember to be open and listen
After
Evaluate, save emails to look at later, discuss with another for
their opinion of how you handled the discussion

6) Commit to Effective and Ethical Communication
• Respect yourself and your opinions – Know you!
• Respect others as unique (no stereotypes or grouping as a
member of a group – men, co-workers, administrators, the
government, meat eaters, etc.)
• Be committed to the communication process (It is
interactive, takes time, and things don’t always go as we
planned. And, look for win/win scenarios.)
• And, remember sometimes its OK to walk away
• To see the forest for the trees - If someone can't see the
forest for its trees, they are too focused on specific details
to see the picture as a whole.

Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me.

Defining Interpersonal Communication

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Defining Interpersonal Communication

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