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Looking into the Iceberg
Professor Julie Hay
UK Ukraine
Keynote topics
recognition patterns and attitudes
personal styles, working styles
relationship styles
contracting – for win-win relationships
managing change
Donkey bridges
Alliteration, spell words etc to help recall
Misery is optional – you can change the words
Hay Health Warning!
Range of ideas
Make your own choices
Some now, some later?
Strokes
units of recognition
anything that
demonstrates aware of
other person
biological necessity
Positive or Negative
 inviting the recipient to feel okay
about themselves and others
 Includes constructive criticism
 inviting the recipient to feel not-
okay about themselves and/or
others
 Includes praise by comparison
Verbal Visual Touch
Intensity varies depending on content and context
Stroking patterns
take time to
establish
stressful when
change
filtered through
attitudes
Me
Pat
Chris
Lee
Suri
Kim
Lauren
New
agency
Previous
agency
Client
I’m not OK I’m OK
You’re OK You’re OK
I’m not OK I’m OK
You’re not OK You’re not OK
Windows on the World
Personal Styles - Wavelengths
Natural Child Adapted Child
Nurturing Parent Controlling Parent
Functional Adult
Personal Styles
Controlling Parent - firm
Nurturing Parent - encouraging
Functional Adult - problem solving
Adapted Child - courteous
Natural Child – friendly
Working styles
Seen as our strengths
5 of them
problems when overdone – ‘drivers’
stress generates more driver
we all know all but usually one or two
predominate
Hurry Up Be Perfect
Please People Be Strong
Try Hard
Working Styles
Hurry Up – quick but impatient
Be Perfect – accurate but pedantic
Please People – empathic but appeasing
Be Strong – calm but unfeeling
Try Hard –enthusiastic but butterfly mind
Relationship Styles
Pulling it together
Common combinations
Hay Health Warning again!!
AP3 The first 2 dimensions
active
people alone
passive
AP3 Channels of Communication
active
people alone
passive
Functional Adult –
Functional Adult
Natural Child –
Natural Child
Nurturing Parent –
Nurturing Parent
Controlling Parent
– Adapted Child
AP3 The 3rd Dimension
active
people alone
passive
patience
acceleration
AP3 Working Styles
active
people alone
passive
patience
acceleration
Please People
Hurry Up
Try Hard Be Strong
Be Perfect
AP3 Stroking Preferences
active
people alone
passive
patience
acceleration
Person
Productivity
Play Polite only
Performance
AP3 Relationship Styles
active
people alone
passive
patience
acceleration
Caring
Concise!
Connecting Controlling
Consulting
Contracting – levels of agreement
Procedural
Professional
Psychological
Multi-party contracts
Client Org
Agency Account Mgt
Procurement Marketing
Psychological distances
Marketing
Client
Old Agency
New Agency
Procurement
Agency
Psychological distances
Each needs to be
equilateral
Psychological level taken
into account
Managing Change
Does NOT need to involve grieving
Mirrors childhood growth – and issues
Opportunity for healthy development –
and resolution of old issues
Cycles of Development
Being
Exploring
Skills
Identity
Thinking
Integration
Spirals within spirals
Competence Curve
Immobilisation
Denial
Frustration
Acceptance
Development
Application
Completion
not to scale
Competence
Time
What is under the surface
strokes
windows on the world
personal styles
working styles
relationship styles
contracting
change as growth

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ADAPT: Professor Julie Hay