From the author: I have been slowly building a vision for FRGs, and am so excited to present it in written form! The rules and regulations will tell you what you can and can't do. This document is meant to cast a vision for what an FRG can be. I hope it's useful, and please use it however you see fit! Thanks!! - Jen

1. THE NEW FRG
Guidelines for an Effective Family Readiness Group Spring 2013
The Changing of Seasons
It is a time-honored tradition for military spouses and family members to band to-
Assessing Needs
gether in times of conflict and deployment – to support each other in ways which
no one else can. Most needs in the military
family member community
Since 2001, Family Readiness Groups (FRGs) have been through a lot. A lot of
deployments, a lot of red tape and regulatory changes; and we find ourselves ap- fit into two categories:
proaching a new season in the military community. It is a season of belt-tightening relational and logistical.
and doing with less. We are no longer a country spending on defense without end,
They need relationships with
and this change will inevitably begin to affect the resources available to FRGs.
people on a peer-to-peer level to
go through this challenging life
So what do we do? How do we meet the needs of military family members when
with. And they need mentors
the traditional FRG path is lost and the well dries up?
who can provide guidance and
wisdom to see around the cor-
We Start at the Beginning ners and teach life skills. How
We start with honest assessments of needs within our communities, and we build can your FRG provide these
a plan to meet those specific needs. We build leadership teams based on enthusi- kinds of outlets?
asm and ability, not rank and ribbons. We communicate clearly and often with
They also need to know where to
those in our care. We proactively seek people out to bring into the fold. And in all
go for information and resources,
of these tasks, we build trust with family members.
and how to get tasks done. How
When we build trust, an FRG can truly consider itself to be a resource. Without can your FRG be proactive in
trust, an FRG is an official clique at best. providing the know-how?
What will you do to contribute to A Better FRG?
In This Guide
• A Strong Team
• An Accurate Phone
Tree
• Effective Newsletters
• Building Trust
• When You Get That
Call
• OPSEC & Rumor Mill
• Who’s Included
What are you community’s needs?

2. How to get rid
of the wrong
people?
How do you weed out the wrong
people you’ve already got?
Allow them a gracious exit, either
to a task better suited to them, or
to an assignment elsewhere. Be
careful about making rules to oust
someone, as you may find those
rules backfiring on you at a later
Many hands make light work, but the right hands make it a joy. date.
And if you must – then fire some-
A Strong Team one. It’s uncomfortable, but lead-
ing a team requires real leader-
It is worth the time and effort to find the right people. And it is better to have the ship. Set your feelings to the side
headache of empty position than to fill the seat with the wrong person. for the sake and health of the
team. If not, you may find that you
Why? Because it’s incredibly hard to fire the wrong people. It is especially difficult don’t have a team left.
in a volunteer organization, like a Family Readiness Group, to demote someone
who is not the best fit.
Each person you entrust with responsibility, will flavor and contribute to the culture
of your organization. And you must ask yourself, “Will this person support and
contribute to the culture we want to have?“
Who are the right people?
The right people to be on your leadership team will have enthusiasm, compe-
tency and integrity.
ENTHUSIASM. Those with enthusiasm for a cause bring energy, passion and
fresh ideas to the task. Their care for people and issues motivates them to push
through difficult problems, and difficult people. Enthusiasm is a team multiplier –
adding to the efforts of everyone in the group.
Voting someone off the island?
Beware those who seem to bring enthusiasm, but are motivated by self-driven
ambition. They will work as long as it benefits them, and then drop out when they
feel slighted or offended. If position and power are more important than the needs
of people, they’re best left on the sidelines.
COMPETENCY. It is not good enough to have a cheerful, warm body to fill the
seat. An enthusiastic volunteer, who is poor with numbers, makes an ill-advised
Treasurer. Search out someone either gifted or experienced with numbers.
If a hole must be filled until the right person is found, assign individual tasks, not
position to those who can keep the ball rolling. This leaves the position ready and
available when a new member comes along who happens to be a bookkeeper.
continued...

3. ...continued
Beware those who volunteer out of guilt versus a calling. They may mean well, but Enthusiasm
they can become a drain on the team because their motivation is ultimately based
on their own emotions, and not a gifting or calling to assist others. They would Competency
serve better as a helper than as a leader.
INTEGRITY. A person of integrity brings commitment, professionalism and good
Integrity
judgment to the team. The leadership team of an FRG are the role models for all
family members in the unit.
They don’t have to be perfect. But does their image match their life? Do they con-
sistently follow through on what they say? Can they be calm in the face of antago-
nizing people?
Social media posts can be very telling of a person’s character. Someone who
spends the bulk of their posts complaining and casting blame would make a poor
champion for others.
An FRG is about taking care of people.
There may be events or fundraisers – but ultimately its focus should be on sup-
porting military family members. And that takes a healthy team of people willing to
sacrifice for others.
Leadership is sacrifice.
An Accurate Phone Tree
One of the biggest challenges in managing a healthy FRG is getting and maintaining accurate family informa-
tion. Family member information is constantly changing. Members come and go from units. They get married.
They get divorced. Children are born. Addresses and phone numbers change.
A Change of Ownership
Don’t rely on the system. While the military keeps tabs on who goes where, that doesn’t necessarily translate
down to the family programs. In our case, the two database systems in our state don’t even talk to each other –
leading to more headaches than you can imagine.
The solution is: Own your list. Do the footwork it takes to get in front of people and ask check the data yourself.
Show up at a drill or a duty day and get to know military members.
Births, marriages, divorces, moves – these are important life events for people. Use the excuse of maintaining a
list to get involved in families’ lives. Get out and meet with family members. Maybe the FRG can host a baby
shower? Or send a housewarming gift?
People are more than just data on spreadsheets. But we need their data too. Want a better, stronger FRG? Be-
come more than just an emergency phone number to family members, and get some face time with them. Own
your list, maintain it on foot, and use it to invest in families.

4. A Professional
Newsletter
VOICE. Use a professional
voice when writing your
newsletter. It’s not an arena
for your personal gripe ses-
sion. Be personal, and iden-
tify with people, but always
be aware of how your joke
or witty remark will be re-
ceived.
Write for your audience, and
use a civilian tone. Don’t use
unexplained acronyms or
military terms, as they can
alienate the very people When? Where? For how long? In what uniform?
you’re trying to involve.
Remember that the military
continues to evolve with What’s Going On?
society, and your audience The FRG newsletter seems to be a deployment anomaly. It springs up when acti-
is not all military wives. vation orders go out, and trails off as the deployment ends. There’s a natural life
cycle to it, but I argue that the FRG newsletter is the best tool during those non-
There are plenty of military deployment times as well, to build trust and audience.
husbands, as well as many
significant others and other If you wait until a deployment to get people involved, it’s almost too late. So how
family members that can be do you involve people, who don’t want to be involved, and earn their trust before a
just as affected by military crisis?
life as spouses. Try not to
exclude these other groups
in your language. A better, and permanent FRG newsletter.
The FRG newsletter is one of the cheapest and best ways to build camaraderie in
For a sample the off times. People value and trust consistency. Monthly, bi-monthly, quarterly –
newsletter go to: makes no difference. The key is showing that you are dependable.
http://thewell-keptfort.com/
sample-frg-newsletter/ CONTENT. Narrow your focus to what only you can provide. It does no good to fill
up 12 pages if it doesn’t say anything unique or valuable. I can get a recipe any-
where. What I can’t get is the information on when my soldier will be back from
training, and where I can pick him or her up. I can’t Google that. Good quality in-
formation will win you fans every time.
Get close to your information source (Commander, 1st Sergeant, etc), and build a
working relationship with them. Make sure they call you when they get new infor-
mation. Anticipate the needs and make it easy for them to use you to communi-
cate with family members.
CONNECTION. Use the newsletter to help people form connections, with you and
with each other. Invite (don’t beg) people to come and participate. Share news
about the members of the unit – people coming, people going, promotions, births,
anniversaries, marriages, etc.

5. On a Sinking
Ship?
A mantra in the fundraising world
is that people want to be involved
in successes; not in sinking ships.
Even if your FRG has only two
people, it is not a sinking ship. It’s
just a small ship that’s ready to
grow. Don’t focus on filling all the
slots. Don’t pigeon-hole people
into roles that don’t fit them.
Assess the strengths of the people
We’re people, not numbers. you do have, and use them to
grow from there. You may not
really need a secretary as much as
Building Trust vs. Attendance you need people who can simply
reach out to others.
It’s an easy trap to focus on building the attendance of your FRG, even through
gimmicks or teasers. Attendance is the cardinal measure of success after all. But
it’s not about numbers; it’s about people.
We can’t build numbers by connecting with numbers. We must connect with peo-
ple. And the key is to build trust. Here’s how we do that…
Be Consistent
Consistency is always much easier said than done, but at the end of the day, it’s
what matters the most. Do you do what you say you will do? Are you seen as de-
pendable or reliable?
It can be hard in the military world to be consistent at times. You announce a date
and time for a meeting, just to find out that the unit’s mission has changed and it
doesn’t fit anymore. Information is always changing.
But you can build trust as the best source of that changing information. Don’t wait Life Jackets, anyone?
for the questions to come – anticipate them and be ready with an email update.
Gossip and hearsay breed in silence. Be a proactive and reliable voice – and
you’ll have people’s trust.
Breed Involvement
You’re thinking, “Of course I want involvement! I’m practically begging people to
be involved!” But the difference is between begging and inviting.
Invite people into what you’re doing by using their expertise. Value new members,
not as underling newbies, but as new partners that bring new skills to the table.
You’re not looking for bodies, you’re looking for experts. Connect with potential
members, find out what they’re good at, and find a way to fit that strength into your
FRG plan. Invite and integrate.

6. OPSEC
“What the heck is OPSEC?“
OPSEC, or Operational Security,
means keeping your lips sealed
and your typing fingers silent about
details that shouldn’t be broadcast
to the world.
In this day and age, the enemy
watches Facebook. And Twit-
ter. And your blog. And if they’ve
found anything juicy there, they’re
Hello? Can you hear me now? most likely hacking your email too.
So be vague. Everyone in your
When You Get That Call Facebook friend list does not need
to know that your spouse is com-
Everyone dreads one of those calls. The one that starts with a very stern voice ing back to this exact location on
giving official rank and title, before proceeding to use phrases like, “within 24 this day at this time. In fact, no one
hours” and “for an unknown length of time.” It’s the kind of phone call that spawns but you needs to know that.
a thousand unanswerable questions.
“I’m so happy to see Fred very
These situations are always extremely stressful. How do you account for a half- soon!” is a perfectly good and
dozen possible scenarios while remaining calm? And how do you lead others vague status update.
through it as well?
Don’t repeat any operational de-
tails that your family member
Stay Calm shares with you. Those who seek
to do our service members harm
The trick is to let go of a good deal of control. Plans, expectations, routines –
have no trouble putting the puzzle
many of these go out the window when life in the military intersects.
pieces together.
Roll with it. Move with it. Make the most of what you can affect.
Got it? Good.
This message will self-destruct in
Gather Info five seconds.
Make the phone calls and gather the information that needs to be sent out. Be
proactive and find the best information you can, that family members need.
Inform and Instruct
Everyone is looking for two answers: What is happening? and What should I do?
Even an email saying, “There is no news.” is vastly better than silence.
Do the best you can to answer these questions. Fill them in on what you’ve found
– always with the warning that everything is subject to change. Then give them a
couple of action steps they can take.
My favorites are laundry and gathering snacks that fit into pockets. Putting hands
to work goes a long way to soothing the chaos of a last-minute or unknown mis- “Loose Tweets Sink Fleets.”
sion.

7. The Rumor Mill Jen Schwab
The Rumor Mill is the number one reason why people dread FRGs and getting Available for
together as family members. And while the FRG is an easy target, we’re all re-
• brainstorming,
sponsible for the Rumor Mill…even me sometimes.
• mentoring,
It starts out innocently enough. I hear a piece of information and want to share • and speaking.
with the people who would care about it. And in only a few short laps, a voiced
hope that they might come home sooner turns into, “I heard the unit is coming
Reach her at:
home on April 16th.“
jen.schwab@gmail.com
Why? Because we all grasp onto every piece of information we can get. We Find more of Jen’s
speculate. We feel disconnected from our loved ones, and so we’ll grasp at thoughts at:
straws just to feel closer and in tune with them. It’s only natural. http://thewell-keptfort.com
Some can handle this kind of misinformation better than others, but for everyone
involved it becomes a nightmare. You don’t know what information to trust any-
more. Who’s really telling us the truth? It adds stress and can even cause irrepa-
rable damage when this misinformation concerns reputations, allegations and Who’s Included?
hearsay.
Everyone.
The landscape of military families
How do we kill it? has changed over the years. While
In two parts. First of all, we need to be aware of what we say to others. If your military wives still make up the
sentence starts off with, “I heard…” – think twice about what you’re about to say. biggest demographic, it is essential
to recognize anyone that supports
+ Is it really true information, or is it opinion? a military member as deserving of
+ What is the benefit to others in hearing this? your group’s time and effort.
+ What is my motivation is saying this? This includes girlfriends, boy-
+ Does it really need to be said? friends, aunts and uncles, siblings,
and same-sex couples.
Secondly, when you hear someone else say, “I heard…” – think twice before re-
If they are active components of a
peating it. Weigh the validity and value of the information before you pass it on.
service member’s support struc-
There are great pieces of valid news to pass on, within our networks and the ture, bring them into the fold.
FRG. So check your source and check yourself before you speak.
Period.
Thanks!
Thanks for caring about military family members and taking the time to read through this guide on building a
strong, effective Family Readiness Group. This is a vision that I’ve developed and refined over time through my
experiences with many FRGs, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve been a military kid, a soldier myself, and now
a military spouse with two kids at home.
I have a great desire to see military families continue to hold fast and build each other up. Everyone wants to
take care of their fellow family members, but it is difficult to know how. The many regulations will tell you what
not to do, or what tradition has been—but I wanted to paint a picture for you of what your FRG can be.
An FRG - driven by actual needs, led by the right people, and focused on doing the few things that matter, can
and will make a difference in the lives of those around it. We need to take care of families, and that starts with
you, in whatever capacity you can make it happen. Go for it!
Jen