Coping With Grief by R. Murali Krishna, M.D. R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA, noted and well respected Oklahoma City psychiatrist, has recently published his first book, VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole - From India to Oklahoma City which he coauthored with Kelly Dyer Fry, president of news at OPUBCO. For more information visit http://www.drkrishna.com.

1. Coping With Grief
By R. Murali Krishna, M.D.
www.drkrishna.com

2. We each experience loss from the moment of birth.
Loss is part of life, and we must all must deal with it.
When loss and grief come your way, what, exactly, will
you be dealing with?
> Grief pains us deeply at many levels – physical, emotional, social,
intellectual and spiritual.
> You'll see the results most profoundly in your feelings, which may
include anger, guilt, fear, despair, relief, shock, numbness, anxiety
and overwhelming sadness.
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3. Physically, you may experience tightness in the chest or
throat, difficulty breathing, fatigue or trouble sleeping
and eating, and medical research is finding grief make
you more likely to develop heart problems, as well.
> Socially, you might find yourself withdrawn from others, or you
might find yourself seeking others out in order to talk.
> Intellectually, your ability to focus on tasks may be diminished, and
spiritually you may experience dramatic changes in or
reinforcement of your beliefs.
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4. It's not surprising, then, that losing a loved
one is one of the most, if not the
most, stressful event in a person's life.
The stresses are so much that people in acute grief are
hospitalized more often for major illnesses, have higher
rates of job absenteeism and tardiness, are more prone to
accidents and are more susceptible to abuses such as
alcoholism and chemical dependency.
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5. How do you begin to cope with an event of such
soul-tearing magnitude?
> To some degree, your ability to recover will depend on the
circumstances of the loss.
> A sudden, unexpected death can color and extend your grief
because you will have not had time to anticipate and prepare for
impending loss.
> Adjusting to the loss of a child may take years, while for some the
grief over the death of an elderly person with an incurable and
painful illness might be softened by knowing that the person's
suffering has ended.
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6. How you respond to loss also depends on your own life
experiences, your support systems, how well-rounded
your lifestyle has been, and the amount, degree and
depth of your spiritual understanding.
Generally speaking, though, loss can be
eased through several means.
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7. 1
Experience the pain
> If you shut off your emotions or deny your feelings, you won't
move through the phases of grief.
> You must confront the pain to later be able to reconstruct and
re-energize your life.
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8. 2
Talk to people
> For many people, what helps most is to share their feelings.
> You need to be able to tell others your memories, anger, fears
and sadness.
> If there is no one with whom you feel comfortable sharing,
you may wish to keep a journal or write a letter to the person
who has died.
> Sometimes joining a grief support group can be helpful, too.
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9. 3
Ask for help
> Your friends want to help but may be uncertain about how
best to do so.
> It's OK to ask someone to make time to talk with you.
> Having someone transport your children, clean your house or
do your grocery shopping allows you to spend time in more
productive ways.
> If figuring out what people can do to help is too big of a task
for you – and it may well be – then ask a close friend to take
over that task.
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10. 4
Watch your health
> In the midst of grief, you may push aside basic health needs
like exercise, a good diet and adequate rest.
> Each of these things affect your emotional state.
> It may be difficult to retain your normal healthy habits, but
you should not ignore them.
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11. 5
Explore your inner spirituality
> You may well be struggling with tough issues related to life,
death and life hereafter.
> To come to a comfortable understanding on those issues and
to help resolve your grief, this may be a good time to seek
support from and conversation about spirituality with close
friends or people in your church.
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12. Finally, watch out for depression
> Reactions to loss can create feelings and emotions
similar to those experienced by people with
depressive disorders.
> If your grief is extremely severe or long-lasting, you
should talk to your physician or a counselor to make
sure your grief has not transitioned into depression.
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13. Anyone who's experienced it knows that
after an important relationship has been
lost, life will never be the same.
> There's no way of knowing how long you will be acutely affected,
how long you will be distracted and unable to concentrate, how
long until your heart quits aching.
> If your approach to life is to know what's coming and when it's
going to come, you'll be challenged by the uncertain nature of grief.
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14. Grief doesn't work in a logical way.
There's no way of knowing how long you will be acutely
affected, how long you will be distracted and unable to
concentrate, how long until your heart quits aching.
If your approach to life is to know what's coming and
when it's going to come, you'll be challenged by the
uncertain nature of grief.
www.drkrishna.com

15. The other choice is to go through the
process of mourning, to arrive at a place in
which we can let the person go.
We can realize that in this time and space, the person we
loved is gone, but that we must adapt to the
loss, redefine our purpose and reconstruct our lives.
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16. Think of grief as a block of stone in a field.
It can be a stumbling block, causing you to trip and lose
your perspective and be a barrier to your progress.
> But it can also serve as a step, something which allows you to rise
up and enlarge your perspective, giving you the opportunity to
rededicate and re-energize your life.
> Either way, the stone is the same.
> It's what you choose to do with it that will decide your future
levels of happiness and fulfillment.
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17. Dr. Krishna is president and chief operating officer of INTEGRIS
Mental Health, that provides adult and child/adolescent mental
health services in inpatient, residential, outpatient & clinical
settings; an employee assistance program; and crisis intervention
services.
He is also co-founder and president of the
James L. Hall, Jr. Center for Mind, Body and
Spirit, an educational organization devoted
to improving health through raising
awareness of the healing power of the
connection between mind, body, and spirit.
www.drkrishna.com

18. Author of VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole - From India to
Oklahoma City, Dr. Krishna reveals the secrets to living a
vibrant life while overcoming:
• Anxiety
• Trauma
• Sleep dysfunction
• Stress
• Obesity
• Emotional dysfunction
• Depression
• Addiction
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• Substance abuse
• Loss
• Anger
• Unresolved issues
• Relationship stress
• Mental illness
• Alcoholism

19. R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA
>> Co-Founder & President, James L. Hall, Jr Center for Mind, Body and Spirit
>> President & COO, INTEGRIS Mental Health
>> President, Oklahoma State Board of Health
>> Founding President, Health Alliance for the Uninsured
>> Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Univ. of OK Health Sciences Center
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20. www.drkrishna.com