1. If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music...and of aviation.

2. California is a fine place to live— if you happen to be an orange

3. Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

4. if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it.

5. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

6. Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

7. I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

8. If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.

9. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

10. If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

11. If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.

12. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

13. Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.

14. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

15. Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.

16. The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.

17. There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.

18. Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

19. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

20. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

21. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

22. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

23. If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

24. The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.

25. Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

26. If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.

27. If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

28. If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.

29. If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.