4. Asleep In the bedroom of his rent-
controlled apartment, Leon Lash,
unemployed writer, sleeps the sleep
of the just. But what is that strange,
human-shaped lump lying in bed next
to him? And what will Leon do when he
wakes to find he is not alone?
6. I’m pretty sure I went to bed
alone. I think I would’ve
noticed if someone else was
there. I’m usually good about
not going to bed with
strangers. Did I drink last
night? When was the last time
I drank? Maybe I picked up a
girl in a drunken fugue and
brought her back for gin-
soaked fondlings. Except I’m
sure I didn’t drink last night.
Probably. Maybe I got so drunk
that I forgot I was drinking?
Is that a thing? Does alcohol
give you shadow memories? I
remember watching TV and
reading Internet and going to
bed alone. Could this all have
been a lie, ginned up by
overindulgence? Did I consume
the night itself along with
shots of rum and rye? Fuck.
7. I hope that's not a
murderer. I really don't
want to get murdered.
8. Knowing that his uninvited bedmate will
be roused eventually, if not by his
own action then by the hands of the
clock and the rosy fingers of dawn,
Leon Lash pulls back the sheets to
gaze upon the lump's true form...
9. Knowing that his uninvited bedmate will
be roused eventually, if not by his
own action then by the hands of the
clock and the rosy fingers of dawn,
Leon Lash pulls back the sheets to
gaze upon the lump's true form...
Hi!
10. Leon Lash sees that the lump is a very
beautiful woman, except that she is a
humanoid ant monster, with skin the
color of fresh blood, antennae
extending from her flowing raven hair,
and pincers on either side of her
beautiful smile. As a result, Leon Lash
screams effeminately and struggles
to get away.
11. Leon Lash sees that the lump is a very
beautiful woman, except that she is a
humanoid ant monster, with skin the
color of fresh blood, antennae
extending from her flowing raven hair,
and pincers on either side of her
beautiful smile. As a result, Leon Lash
screams effeminately and struggles
to get away.
Why do you run,
darling? Calm
yourself!!
14. Who...what are you?
I am The Ant Queen
of Formica 6!!
Are you going to
eat me?
15. Who...what are you?
I am The Ant Queen
of Formica 6!!
Are you going to
eat me? Eat you? Your comedy
is humorous. You and
I shall be lovers.
16. Who...what are you?
I am The Ant Queen
of Formica 6!!
Are you going to
eat me? Eat you? Your comedy
is humorous. You and
I shall be lovers.
Uh, excuse me?
17. Who...what are you?
I am The Ant Queen
of Formica 6!!
Are you going to
eat me? Eat you? Your comedy
is humorous. You and
I shall be lovers.
Uh, excuse me?
Do your ears lack
virtue? We shall be wed in
the manner of impregnated
teenagers, you and I. I
have come from far away,
all the way from Formica
6, to be with you.
19. Are you not Leon Lash?
Oh Your blog-drippings are known far
and wide on my planet. You are the
only man in the universe that
can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of
Formica 6.
20. Are you not Leon Lash?
Oh Your blog-drippings are known far
and wide on my planet. You are the
only man in the universe that
can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of
Formica 6.
That’s very
flattering.
21. Are you not Leon Lash?
Oh Your blog-drippings are known far
and wide on my planet. You are the
only man in the universe that
can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of
Formica 6.
That’s very
flattering. Silence!
You do not seem very
excited to be with The Ant Queen
of Formica 6. The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 thought you would
sweat with joy at this news.
Yet you are unhappy.
22. Are you not Leon Lash?
Oh Your blog-drippings are known far
and wide on my planet. You are the
only man in the universe that
can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of
Formica 6.
That’s very
flattering. Silence!
You do not seem very
excited to be with The Ant Queen
of Formica 6. The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 thought you would
sweat with joy at this news.
Yet you are unhappy.
Why do you
say that?
23. Are you not Leon Lash?
Oh Your blog-drippings are known far
and wide on my planet. You are the
only man in the universe that
can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of
Formica 6.
That’s very
flattering. Silence!
You do not seem very
excited to be with The Ant Queen
of Formica 6. The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 thought you would
sweat with joy at this news.
Yet you are unhappy.
Why do you
say that?
You are making a face.
24. Are you not Leon Lash?
Oh Your blog-drippings are known far
and wide on my planet. You are the
only man in the universe that
can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of
Formica 6.
That’s very
flattering. Silence!
You do not seem very
excited to be with The Ant Queen
of Formica 6. The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 thought you would
sweat with joy at this news.
Yet you are unhappy.
Why do you
say that?
You are making a face.
JERK.
26. This is just
I HAVE KIND OF A
what my face
WEIRD FACE.
looks like.
27. This is just
I HAVE KIND OF A
what my face
WEIRD FACE.
looks like.
Lies! I have seen your face many times on
your blog-drip. This is not the face of Leon
Lash. This is the face of
discontent.
28. It’s just...I don’t really know
you. I don’t really marry people
unless I know them. I'M KIND
OF ROMANTIC AND...
29. It’s just...I don’t really know
you. I don’t really marry people
unless I know them. I'M KIND
OF ROMANTIC AND
Silence!
You do not wish to know The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 in a sexual manner?
30. It’s just...I don’t really know
you. I don’t really marry people
unless I know them. I'M KIND
OF ROMANTIC AND
Silence!
You do not wish to know The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 in a sexual manner?
Am I not
bountiful?
31. Uh, do you want breakfast? I think we
should just talk.
32. Uh, do you want breakfast? I think we
should just talk.
I will consume your breakfasts. We will
talk much so. Very much so.”
33. In his tastefully-appointed kitchen,
Leon Lash prepares a delicious
breakfast of sausage and eggs for
himself and a piece of bread covered in
heaping spoonfuls of sugar for The
Ant Queen of Formica 6, as that seems
like the kind of thing that an ant would
like the kind of thing that an ant would
like.
34. In conclusion, I think
In conclusion, I think we should
we should just be friends. I don't
just be friends. I don't think our
think our lifestyles or genitals
lifestyles or genitals would be
would really be compatible.
compatible.
35. In conclusion, I think
In conclusion,
I we should just be friends. I don't
think we should just be friends. I
think our lifestyles or genitals
don't think our lifestyles or
genitals really becompatible.
would really be compatible.
would would compatible.
Friends?!!
The Ant Queen of Formica 6 did
not swim the stars to be friends. The
Ant Queen of Formica 6 already has
many friends, each more amicable
than the last.
36. I don't know what
else to tell you. It's just
not going to happen. Please don't
kill me.
37. I don't know what
else to tell you. It's just
not going to happen. Please don't
kill me.
I will let this fool believe that
The Ant Queen of Formica 6 intends
only to be “friends” with his tender
flesh, then I will ensnare him with
my feminine wiles when he least
expects it!!
38. I don't know what
else to tell you. It's just
not going to happen. Please don't
kill me.
Yes then. Friends. We
shall be very good
friends.
39. And so, The ant queen of formica 6
moved into leon lash's apartment,
sleeping every night on his lavish
couch. Leon lash was not particularly
comfortable with this, but he is too
afraid too confront the ant queen of
formica 6 about her living situation.
40. In his tastefully-appointed kitchen,
And so, The ant queen of formica 6
Leon Lash prepares a delicious
moved into leon lash's apartment,
breakfast of sausage and eggs for
sleeping every night on his lavish
himself and a piece of bread covered in
couch. Leon lash was not particularly
heaping spoonfuls of sugar for The
comfortable with this, but he is too
Ant Queen of Formica 6, as that seems
afraid too confront the ant queen of
like the kind of thing that an ant would
formica 6 about her living situation.
like.
Throughout this convivial period,
Leon Lash and the ant queen of
formica 6 share many exciting
adventures, adventures like...
42. THE hoary HORROR OF
THE EMPTY MILK CARTON!!!
DID YOU FINISH THE
MILK AND PUT THE
EMPTY CARTON BACK
IN THE FRIDGE?!
43. THE hoary HORROR OF
THE EMPTY MILK CARTON!!!
DID YOU FINISH THE
MILK AND PUT THE
EMPTY CARTON BACK
IN THE FRIDGE?!
The ant Queen of
formica 6 would
never do such
things.
44. THE hoary HORROR OF
THE EMPTY MILK CARTON!!!
DID YOU FINISH THE
MILK AND PUT THE
EMPTY CARTON BACK
IN THE FRIDGE?!
The ant Queen of
formica 6 would
never do such
It's cool. You just have things.
to tell me when we're out
of milk so I can go to the
store and get more.
45. THE hoary HORROR OF
THE EMPTY MILK CARTON!!!
DID YOU FINISH THE
MILK AND PUT THE
EMPTY CARTON BACK
IN THE FRIDGE?!
The ant Queen of
formica 6 would
never do such
It's cool. You just have things.
to tell me when we're out
of milk so I can go to the
store and get more.
Perhaps I may have
suckled from the udder
of the bovine. I shall
make amends via oil
massages!
48. The Spectacular
Syntactical struggle!!!
I know you
know how to speak
English. Why don't
English. What are
you just speak
you trying to Your
right?!
say?! ugly tongues
simply cannot bear
the poesis of the
Ant Queen's
soul!!
49. The Spectacular
Syntactical struggle!!!
I know you
know how to speak
English. Why don't
English. What are
you just speak
you trying to Your
right?!
say?! ugly tongues
simply cannot bear
the poesis of the
Ant Queen's
What does that even
soul!!
mean? Seriously, I have no
idea what that is
supposed to mean.
50. The Spectacular
Syntactical struggle!!!
I know you
know how to speak
English. Why don't
English. What are
you just speak
you trying to Your
right?!
say?! ugly tongues
simply cannot bear
the poesis of the
Ant Queen's
What does that even
soul!!
mean? Seriously, I have no
idea what that is
supposed to mean.
Your face is mean.
52. The Hapless Humor of
the Ant Queen's heart!!!
What do you want
to do tonight?
Movie? TV?
Scrabble?
53. The Hapless Humor of
the Ant Queen's heart!!!
What do you want
to do tonight?
Movie? TV?
Scrabble?
Perhaps we
should finally
formicate!!
54. The Hapless Humor of
the Ant Queen's heart!!!
What do you want
to do tonight?
Movie? TV?
Scrabble?
Perhaps we should
Perhaps we
should finally
finally
formicate!!
What?
55. The Hapless Humor of
the Ant Queen's heart!!!
What do you want
to do tonight?
Movie? TV?
Scrabble?
Perhaps we should
Perhaps we
should finally
finally
formicate!!
What?
I am made of hilarious jokes! It is
funny because we are friends! Right? We
ds
would never have coitus, right?
So funny!
56. The Hapless Humor of
the Ant Queen's heart!!!
What do you want
to do tonight?
Movie? TV?
Scrabble?
Perhaps we should
Perhaps we
should finally
finally
formicate!!
What?
I am made of hilarious jokes! It is
funny because we are friends! Right? We
ds
would never have coitus, right?
So funny!
Jumpin' Joe sez!-Formicus is the latin
word for ant! Ant Queen is using it to
make a pun about fucking!
58. The Conversation about
the nature of death!!!
I like to think
that it's like waking up,
you know? Like, we sleep our
entire lives, and then we
wake up.
59. The Conversation about
the nature of death!!!
I like to think
that it's like waking up,
you know? Like, we sleep our
entire lives, and then we
wake up.
On formica 6,
it is believed that
death is the shadow of
life, dark and empty,
but a necessary
consequence of the
light.
60. The Conversation about
the nature of death!!!
I like to think
that it's like waking up,
you know? Like, we sleep our
entire lives, and then we
wake up.
On formica 6,
it is believed that
death is the shadow of
Do you life, dark and empty,
Believe but a necessary
that? consequence of the
light.
61. The Conversation about
the nature of death!!!
I like to think
that it's like waking up,
you know? Like, we sleep our
entire lives, and then we
wake up.
On formica 6,
it is believed that
death is the shadow of
Do you life, dark and empty,
Believe but a necessary
that? consequence of the
light.
The Ant-queen of
Formica 6 does not
ds
believe.
62. The Conversation about
the nature of death!!!
I like to think
that it's like waking up,
you know? Like, we sleep our
entire lives, and then we
wake up.
On formica 6,
it is believed that
death is the shadow of
Do you life, dark and empty,
Believe but a necessary
that? consequence of the
light.
The Ant-queen of
ds
Formica 6...hopes.
63. With each passing day, the friendship
of Leon Lash and The Ant Queen of
Formica 6 grows stronger and with it,
the ant queen of formica 6's hopes that
her love will soon be requited. It is
not until one fateful evening, several
months after her first appearance, that
the moment of truth must come.
65. Oh my god!! What
happened to you?
The ant queen of <choke>
formica 6 consumed the
remainder of the milk. she...
sought to replenish it in the
store and was
assaulted.
66. Oh my god!! What
happened to you?
The ant queen of <choke>
formica 6 consumed the
remainder of the milk. she...
sought to replenish it in the
store and was
assaulted.
Lie down. I'm going
to go get some paper towels
for the blood. I told you not to
leave during the day. People are
fucking crazy.
