Humorous story of the elderly

1. A.A.A.D.D. (老年過動健忘症 ) [幽默小品]
(中文由老編西歪翻譯)
A.A.A.D.D. KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......PLEASE READ!
瞭解 A.A.A.D.D.症狀 ......敬請閱讀！
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better
even though I have it!!
謝天謝地，這種疾病有了一個名字。不知怎的我覺得蠻好，即使我得
了這病！
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. Age Activated Attention Deficit

2. Disorder.
最近，我被診斷患有 A.A.A.D.D. 老年過動健忘症。
This is how it manifests:
實際狀況是這樣的：
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look
over at my car and decide it needs washing.
我決定要到後院灑水澆花，去車道打開水管時，看到我的汽車，它
是該洗了。
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I
brought up from the mail box earlier.
當我開始走向車庫時，看到門廊桌上稍早從信箱拿出來的信件。
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
覺得洗車前，該閱覽一下信件。
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under
the table, and notice that the can is full.
將車鑰匙放在桌上，把垃圾信件扔到桌下的垃圾桶，卻發現垃圾桶
已經滿了。
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage
first.
所以決定把賬單信件放回桌上，先去倒垃圾。
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox, when I take out
the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

3. 但是我想，既然要去信箱附近倒垃圾，何不妨 (順便填寫好支票丟到
信箱)先支付些賬單 (美國信箱可寄信)。
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check
left.. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house
to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
我從桌上拿下支票本，發現只剩一張空白支票，其他支票本放在書
房，進入屋內書房，書桌上有一罐我喝剩的百事可樂。
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
找支票本必須把百事可樂拿開，才不致碰翻。
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to
keep it cold.
而這罐可樂已經變溫了，我決定放回冰箱冷卻。
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye--they need water.
當我帶著可樂走向廚房，櫃台上一隻裝有鮮花的花瓶吸引了我的目
光，是該換水了。
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've
been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my
desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
將可樂放在櫃台，在那兒發現我尋找了一個早上的老花眼鏡。覺得最
好將它放回到我的書桌上，但是首要任務我是要去澆花的。

4. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water
and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
把眼鏡放回櫃台，澆水器中加了水，突然發現了電視的遙控器，不
知誰把它放在廚房的桌上。
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the
remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide
to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
我知道，今晚我們看電視一定會尋找遙控器，但我那會記得它是在
廚房的桌上，所以我決定把它放回到原本的地方。但是首要任務我還
是要去澆花呀。
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor..
我灑了些水在花叢中，有些水濺到了地板上...
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the
spill.
只好把遙控器放回桌上，拿些毛巾來擦濺出來的水。
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to
do.
然後，真該死，我試圖去記住我計劃要做的事情。
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,

5. I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
這一天結束了：
車子沒洗
賬單沒支付
一罐溫可樂仍然在廚房櫃台上
澆花的水沒澆夠
支票本仍然只剩一張支票
我找不到遙控器
找不到眼鏡
也不記得車鑰匙放哪兒了
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
然後，我試圖弄清楚為什麼今天什麼事都沒做，我真的很困惑，因
為我知道我忙碌了他媽的一整天，真的累了。
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but
first I'll check my e-mail.....
意識到這是一個嚴重的問題，我會試圖找人幫忙，但首先會去檢查
我的電子郵件 .....
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I
don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

6. 幫個忙吧。將這個信息轉發給你認識的每一個人，因為我也不記得該
死的我寄給了誰。
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
不要笑 - 如果這些尚未發生在你身上，總有一天會輪到你！