Black men and white women looking for a relationship often get disappointed when their dating does not lead to more meaningful connections. Or they get disappointed when they end up with one wrong person after the other. If you also feel that you want to date black men or white women -or anyone else really!- but something blocks you from forming healthy bonds, maybe it is time for some self exploration.

1. Date white women: Dating the
amateur psychologist

2.  White women looking for black men are often women who have
realized that their life is their own to live and should not care about
social pressure and what others think of their life choices. This is also
one of the reasons why they are open to interracial dating. What happens
though when your date feels that it is her obligation to help you liberate
yourself as well and solve your personal issues “just like I did!”? Then,
my friend, you are probably dating the amateur psychologist.

 If you want to date white women, you should know that -even though
we hate generalizations- they are as talkative as black women. And most
men are used to dates where the woman does the talking and the man
nods while eating his stake. You can not do that with the amateur
psychologist though! She needs you to participate, listen to her questions
carefully and answer them. Otherwise how could she make her
diagnosis?! It is hard to recognize the psychologist at the beginning.
During the first dates it feels nice to be with someone who asks
meaningful questions and seems to care not just about your salary, but
also about your childhood, your family, your relationship with your
friends. So when she says something along the lines of “I think you have
issues with your mother” or “You have an inferiority complex due to
comparisons with your dad”, you have no clue where that came from.

4.  If that does not sound bad to you, then wait until your
amateur psychologist starts suggesting ways to solve
your issues. After all she tried therapy and it changed
her life, so it should work for you as well. Or
meditation. Or maybe going to live in a cabin in the
woods for a couple of months, to find your inner peace!
She could join you, if you want. It might be fun to be
the center of attention at first and it might seem sweet
of her that she wants to help you, but the problem is
that she is, well, amateur. Her “knowledge” on dealing
with emotional issues comes from her own experience
and reading women's magazines. Not exactly a
scientific approach. Things become worse if she did
date black men in the past and feels that now she has
enough experience on interracial relationship
challenges as well. The other issue is that she might
want to help you solve problems that you do not
actually have.

6.  We know that so far it sounds like we advise you to
never-ever go out with an amateur psychologist. But
that is not true. They are in general kind souls that
want to help others. Maybe a bit more curious than the
average person as well. But as long as you make it clear
to her that you are not a “patient” and you do not like
to feel like you are being analyzed the whole time, she
might exercise her talent on her friends and have a
more normal relationship with you. Just try to not hurt
her feelings and give her some time to stop symptomspotting your for imaginary mental conditions. You can
also copy her behavior and start diagnosing her. It
won't be long before she realizes how annoying this is
and stops. Unless she loves it, in which case you might
have to start looking for another date!