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                                                                                  YOUR PERSONAL COACH
                                                                   VOLUME 1 ISSUE 6
                                                                         May 2007
Success
Official publication of The Academy Club and The Coaching Academy




Free Yourself From

       Fear
Dr Susan Jeffers
Michael Neill
Feel happy now

NO LIMITS
NETWORKING

Dump The
Emotional Baggage

HOW TO SPEAK
WITH CONFIDENCE

Multiply Your Income

Jurgen Wolff:
SEVEN SECRETS OF MARKETING SUCCESS


Expert tips, coaching advice, and much, much more!
2                                                    CONTENTS
                                                                 WHAT’S INSIDE

                                               Publisher:
                                             Jonathan Jay
                                                             Editor’s Letter                                          20 MULTIPLY YOUR INCOME
                                       Academy Publishing
                                                                               The lawns of a historic home
                                                   Editor:                     were the last place I had expected
                                        Marie-Louise Cook                      to see visited by fear but it was
                                                                               there that early Spring morning.
                                        Graphic Designer:                      Like the people who sat at tables
                                         David Freshwater                      around me, I wasn’t looking at
                        Contributors:                                          the building, as splendid as it
                      Dr Susan Jeffers                       was, but at the peacock that was slowly making its
                         Michael Neill                       way from table to table, its long train of iridescent
                           Judi Conner                       feathers dragging across the grass. I wondered if
                 Richard M. Highsmith                        like me, the other people there were hoping that
                            Tom Stone                        the strange and beautiful bird would come closer. I
                             Ed Peppitt                      picked up my camera, hoping to capture its image
                          Jurgen Wolff                       forever and that’s when I saw the fear.
             Oriana Tickell de Castello
                                                             It was there on the young woman’s face. She was
                             Production Manager:
                                                             sitting at a nearby table and until the peacock
                          Lisa Snape, ALS Designs
                                                             visited, she’d been laughing and talking with a man      22 THE SEVEN SECRETS OF
                         Contact Address:                    seated next to her. But as the peacock made its way      MARKETING SUCCESS
                        The Academy Club                     to her side, I saw her shrink back in her chair, away
                  39-43 Putney High Street                   from the bird. Curiously, the peacock wouldn’t leave
                                  London                     the woman alone… it returned again and again to
                                SW15 1SP                     her table and each time, she would visibly flinch
                                                             at its presence. It got worse… before I left, I saw it
                 Contact Email:
                                                             reach up and snatch a piece of cake from her plate.
      team@theacademyclub.com
                                       Contact Telephone:    Afterwards, I wondered what effect the fear of
                                           0208 789 5676     peacocks has on that woman’s life and especially
                                                             whether that morning’s close encounter would
                                                             make matters worse. Will she avoid visiting historic
                                                             homes ever again? Will zoos be out too? Is she only
                                                             scared of peacocks or all birds? I appreciated anew
       18 DUMP THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE




                                                             the limits that fear can place on our lives… and how
                                                             it prevents us from appreciating the magnificence
                                                             that surrounds us and stops us from reaching our
                                                             full potential. I also saw how fear returns until we
                                                             have the courage to face it and move on ourselves.

                                                             Dr Susan Jeffers, the author of Feel The Fear And Do
                                                             It Anyway and this month’s cover story, says fear
                                                             is not a barrier to be leapt over just the once but a
                                                             constant companion. By overcoming a fear, we have
                                                             the experience of courage that we can then use to
                                                             overcome any new fears in the future.

                                                             Eleanor Roosevelt said something similar: “I believe
                                                             that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he
                                                             fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he
                                                             gets a record of successful experiences behind him.”

                                                             On behalf of the Academy Club Team, may I wish
                                                             you every courage to face any fear that may be
                                                             stopping you from having the life you desire.


                                                                                    ise
                                                                Marie-Lou
                                                             Marie-Louise Cook
                                                             Editor                                                   10 FEEL HAPPY NOW


    PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
CONTENTS                                3

                                                                                     FREE WEEKEND COACHING COURSES




                                                                                       FREE
  16 SPEAK WITH CONFIDENCE




                                                                                       WEEKEND
COVER STORY
4 FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR
International best-selling author
and the woman dubbed ‘The
                                            speaking terror a thing of the past
                                            by following the expert advice of
                                            Richard M. Highsmith, M.S., of
                                            The Leader’s Institute.
                                                                                       COACHING
                                                                                       COURSES
Queen of Self-Help’ Dr Susan
Jeffers explains how to Feel The            18 DUMP THE
Fear And Do It Anyway®.                     EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
                                            Tom Stone explains how to create
                                                                                                                        es
9 BOOK REVIEWS
                                                                                                                new dat
                                            an enriched life, free of self-
                                            sabotaging emotions and fears.
10 COACHING SUCCESS –
                                            BUSINESS BUILDING
                                                                                                                r el eas ed
FEEL HAPPY NOW
You can feel happy whatever
your circumstances, says Michael
                                            20 MULTIPLY YOUR INCOME
                                            Publisher Edward Peppitt explains
                                                                                       june
Neill, author, radio host, Master           how you can easily create multiple         2nd / 3rd June – Brighton
NLP Trainer and the man Paul                streams of income from your
                                                                                       9th / 10th June – London
McKenna describes as ‘the finest            coaching.
Success Coach in the world today’.                                                     16th / 17th June – Leeds
                                            22 THE SEVEN SECRETS OF                    31st June / 1st July – Coventry
COACHING DEVELOPMENTS                       MARKETING SUCCESS
14 NO LIMITS NETWORKING
Networking, according to
Performance Coach Judi Conner,
                                            Author Jurgen Wolff shares seven
                                            of his best marketing tips to help
                                            you get more business.
                                                                                       july
is a must-have skill if you want to                                                    7th / 8th July – London
expand your business. She shares            BACK PAGE                                  14th / 15th July – Manchester
her best networking tips that will          MY (MEXICO) DAY                            21st / 22nd July – Latimer
help overcome any nerves.                   When journalist Oriana Tickell
                                            de Castello trained as a coach
                                                                                       28th / 29th April – Cardiff
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT                        with The Coaching Academy,
16 HOW TO SPEAK WITH
CONFIDENCE
Does an invitation to address a
                                            and returned to Mexico, she
                                            was plagued by self-doubts.
                                            Would there be any demand for
                                                                                       august
small gathering bring you out               coaching? She explains what                4th / 5th August – London
in a cold sweat? Make public                happened next.                             11th / 12th August – Leeds
                                                                                       18th / 19th August – Latimer
                                            with unsurpassed coach training
                                            skills and it continues to develop and
            the coaching                    deliver high quality courses to meet
            academy                         the changing needs of the market.          call now to secure you place
                                            To discover how your career can

                                                                                       0208 789 5676
  The Coaching Academy is the longest       benefit from the Coaching Academy,
  established and most popular coach        please log on to www.the-coaching-
  training provider in the UK and Europe.   academy.com or speak to one of our
  In seven years, it has provided nearly    friendly qualified advisors at
  12,000 people from 52 countries           +44 (0)208 789 5676.




                                                                                                        MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
4                      COVER STORY
                                FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR


         Dr Susan Jeffers’ trademarked
         title Feel The Fear And Do It
                                                       Free Yourself
                                                                                                             Fear
         Anyway®* has become so much



                                                             From
         a part of our everyday language
         that it seems incredible it’s
         only 20 years since the earth-
         shaking life-affirming manual hit
         bookshelves. Like all classics, it’s
         as relevant today and tomorrow
         as it was when it was arrived on
         the self-help scene. No wonder
         that Feel The Fear And Do It
         Anyway® has become a mantra
         for those who want to lead better
         lives. By Marie-Louise Cook.
                                                       Dr Susan Jeffers
     The woman dubbed the ‘Queen of Self-              attending.” So, I put on my coat, and told my
     Help’ is at home in California the day I call.    secretary that I was going to the New School.
     Unlike British royalty, it’s surprisingly easy    She said, “Why?” and I said, “I haven’t a clue.”
     to get hold of Dr Susan Jeffers – there are no    I didn’t even know where it was. I got into a
     minions, lackeys or gatekeepers to deal with      cab, which took me there.




                                                                                                           “
     – when I call, she answers the phone herself
     and laughs when I am surprised. Laughter is       ‘I looked at the bulletin board in the
     a big part of an interview with Susan Jeffers     lobby and saw the Department of Human
     – another surprise – and in fact, when we         Resources and thought, “That feels right.”                   The things we
     finish talking, she urges me to go and see        So, that’s where I went. Nobody was at the
     the musical Spamalot, insisting I will love it    front desk but there was a woman in the                      want the most
     so much that I’ll call her and thank her for
     the suggestion. It’s just one of the many
                                                       office to the right and she said to me, “Can
                                                       I help you?” I swear to you, I don’t know
                                                                                                                    are often the
     excellent recommendations she provides            where the words came from but I said, “I’m                   things we
     during the interview.                             here to teach a course on fear.”
                                                                                                                    most fear


                                                                                                                                             ”
     Personal Success: How did you come up
     with the phrase ‘Feel the Fear And Do It
                                                       ‘Here’s the shock: she looked at me and
                                                       said, “I can’t believe it! I have been searching
                                                                                                                    approaching.
     Anyway®’?                                         for somebody to teach a course on fear
                                                       and today is the last day to put it into the
     Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘For 10 years, I was the        catalogue and I have to leave in 15 minutes.”
     Executive Director of The Floating Hospital       Her name was Ruth Van Doren and both of            a lot about not letting rejection stop you.
     in Manhattan [which provides healthcare for       us were in a state of shock. She asked for my      Nobody wanted to buy it. I had agents and
     the poor in New York]. During that same           credentials of course and then said, “Quick,       publishers reject it and I guess my best
     time, I attended workshop after workshop          write 75 words about this course that you’re       rejection letter or worst, depending on how
     seeking ways to push through the many             going to teach,” which I did. And on the spot,     you look at it, was from an English publisher
     fears I had at the time. In those 10 years, I     I entitled it ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’.    who said, “Lady Di could be bicycling nude,
     learned so much.                                                                                     giving this book away and nobody would




“
                                                       ‘It was then that I realised the power of          read it.”’ (Laughs)
                                                       following your intuition. First, I hadn’t set
                                                       out to teach a course on fear. If I had set        And yet, you recovered from that!
          With the proper tools,                       out to teach a course on fear, I would have
                                                       gone to Hunter College where I got my              Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I recovered. I think it’s a
          we can push through                          undergraduate degree or Columbia University        great story for people who are worried about




                                 ”
          all our fears.                               where I got my Doctorate – I wouldn’t have
                                                       gone to an unfamiliar place, the New School.
                                                                                                          rejection. If you feel good about what you
                                                                                                          are doing and feel it can help the world in
                                                       I didn’t even know where it was.                   some way, then push on.’
     ‘One day, I was sitting in my office and the
     thought came into my head “Go down to the         ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ was a 13-         Many people would have given up at that
     New School for Social Research.” Where the        week course and I taped it. Again, intuition.      point.
     thought came from, I really didn’t know. At the   I taped it with a little handheld recorder so I
     time, I was taking a workshop about intuition,    had the whole 13 weeks on tape.’                   Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Actually, I did put the
     which suggested I pay attention to and act                                                           book away for a few years. It was in a drawer
     upon the thoughts that came into my head.         And did you then think, ‘Aha, this will be a       and one day I was cleaning out the drawer
                                                       good book’?                                        and I pulled it out – you can see how often
     ‘I said to myself, “Okay, why should I be                                                            I clean my drawers (laughs) – in any case, I
     going down there? I have no idea – maybe          Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes. Later, I tried to sell     looked over it and I thought, “This book has
     they have a great workshop that I should be       the book. Boy, that experience taught me           something important to say and will help the

    PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
COVER STORY                                          5

                                                                                     FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR


                                                                                                     Are there still things in your life that you
                                                                                                     fear?




                                                                                  Dr Susan Jeffers
                                                                                                     Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘When I was a little girl,
                                                                                                     my parents didn’t have much money. My
                                                                                                     mother was always telling me that money
                                                                                                     doesn’t grow on trees. (Laughs) I think I’ve
                                                                                                     always had a fear about not having money
                                                                                                     but I think that in my case, it’s been a very
                                                                                                     positive factor because it’s pushed me out
                                                                                                     there. I say to myself, “Okay, if I don’t feel
                                                                                                     the fear and keep pushing the manuscripts
                                                                                                     out there I’m not going to help people. Nor
                                                                                                     am I going to be able to earn money.” I’ve
                                                                                                     used fear in a positive way.

                                                                                                     ‘Fear is such a common thing. If we could just
                                                                                                     accept that fear is part of life and then collect
                                                                                                     the tools to help us push past all our fears,
                                                                                                     we can all become stronger, more loving
                                                                                                     people. That’s the key. With the proper tools,
                                                                                                     we can push through all our fears.

                                                                                                     ‘One of my own plunging-into-fear things
                                                                                                     is to take more time off. I’m a workaholic
                                                                                                     and I am learning to take more time off to
                                                                                                     relax and play. We’re coming to the UK this
                                                                                                     summer for a vacation, not to work.’ (Laughs)

                                                                                                     It’s a nice fear to have to confront.

                                                                                                     Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes but it is fearful. When
                                                                                                     you are constantly working and you start
                                                                                                     pulling away, you feel, “Ah, got to get back,
                                                                                                     got to get back.” It’s just change, something
                                                                                                     new, that creates the fear.




                                                                                                     “
world so I am going to get it out there.”         saved my life”… I think, “Wow, I don’t know
                                                                                                            The only way to get
                                                  what it is, but I feel blessed to have been               rid of the fear of
‘That time I succeeded. I thought later that      able to help.”’
maybe it wasn’t that the world wasn’t ready                                                                 doing something is
for it. Maybe in the beginning, I wasn’t ready    You survived divorce and later breast



                                                                                                                                                      ”
for it to get out there. When I finally did get   cancer and you flourished. What other                     to go out and do it.
it out there, I was ready.’                       fearful events have you faced and
                                                  overcome in your life?
What was the reception to it?                                                                        ‘My husband and I are now working
                                                  Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I think all of us feel          together. It’s wonderful. We have started
Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Oh very, very, very            fear almost every day of our lives about           our own publishing company, Jeffers Press.
positive. People around the world just            something or other. Once you realise that          We’re not only publishing my books but
picked it up. It’s now in 100 countries, 36       fear isn’t something that will stop you and        other people’s books too. Talk about “feeling
languages and it’s celebrating its twentieth      that there are tools to make you feel really       the fear and doing it anyway” – it was fearful
year. I get mail every single day from all over   better about yourself and that you can             to plunge into a new business, but I’m so
the world and I have to tell you, I sit here in   handle whatever life brings you, the fear          proud of the books by other people that
tears. My husband [media entrepreneur and         really doesn’t matter. I’ve had fears about        we’ve published so far. I’ve written 18 books
TV producer Mark Shelmerdine] says, “Oh,          money, fears about losing people that I love,      so that if a new book of mine comes out, I
you got another fan letter!”                      fears when I was raising my children … I’ve        think, “That’s nice.” But when we published
                                                  had fears about doing a talk, which was a          the wonderful Shortcut to a Miracle, which
‘I’ve had people tell me that it saved their      big fear, and over the years, I have pushed        is a timely book about the Laws of the
lives – they were contemplating suicide           through that one. What I’ve learned is the         Universe, including the Law of Attraction,
– and I go to the book and flick through          more you do something you are afraid of            we went to Chicago for the book launch that
it thinking, “What is in here that would do       doing, the less you are afraid of doing it.        the two authors had created. It was their
that?” I think the advice I give is very good.    That’s one of my five Fear Truths…the only         first book and to be there watching their
Obviously, it worked for me so well and I         way to get rid of the fear of doing something      excitement filled my heart with joy.
knew it worked for others but to say, “It         is to go out and do it.’                           I thought, “That’s fabulous!”’

                                                                                                                   MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
6                      COVER STORY
                                FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR

What exercises would you recommend                We can do our very, very, very best but
people do when they are confronted by             there is so much that we cannot control.
fear, perhaps when they are about to              One thing we can control is our reaction
deliver a presentation?                           to whatever happens to us. That gives us
                                                  incredible power. We have a choice: are we
Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘On my website                  going to feel miserable about something
[www.susanjeffers.com], there’s a booklet         that doesn’t go our way or are we going to
I composed about affirmations that’s free         say, “Okay, this happened. How can I learn
to download. I love affirmations. People          from it? How can I grow from it? How can I
can use positive affirmations to overcome         make it a triumph?” Those three questions
the negative talk in their heads – the            are very powerful. I’ve learned that if you
“Chatterbox” I call it. Affirmations are really   change your thinking, you can change your
quite incredible. Someone going out on a          experience of life.’
stage can repeat the affirmation, “Whatever
happens, I’ll handle it.”                         So it’s about changing your state of mind
                                                  if you’re feeling worried or scared?
‘They could also say “I’m giving my love
away.” They are giving something away rather      Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes. It’s also important
than expecting something back. That’s a very      to “Let go of the outcome.” I don’t mean
powerful one and it means if some people          don’t work to do the best you can. First, it
like you, great, if some people don’t, great.     helps us to grow to do the very best that
You’re just giving your love away.                we can. If it doesn’t work out the way we
                                                  want it to – that’s just life. We grow from
‘I remember I had to give a talk at Madison       it, move on and it’s part of what makes us
Square Gardens and there were thousands           strong. For example, my divorce from my
and thousands of people in the audience. I        first husband… it was very painful but oh,
was there with a number of other speakers         I learnt from it. It was probably one of the
and each of us was to speak for an hour and       most enriching parts of my life because
a half. As I was about to walk onto the stage,    I decided, “Okay, this has happened. I’m
my husband gave me a big kiss and said,           going to become stronger.” And I certainly
“You’re going to be the best.” That didn’t        did become stronger.
feel right so I whispered to him, “Thank you,
honey, and I appreciate it, but the next time,    ‘In my books, I always combine the two
just tell me I’ll be good enough.” And I felt     words “power” and “love” and I think the
relief. It’s the competition; the pushing to      more confidence we have in ourselves to
be the best rather than just giving away our      handle whatever happens, the more loving
love that makes us anxious and puts us at         we become and the less needy we are. In
a disadvantage. If we could all be there just     my love book, The Feel The Fear Guide To
giving away our love, that would make us all      Lasting Love (Vermillion, 2005) I wrote that
feel wonderful.                                   neediness is so destructive in love; it’s also
                                                  so destructive in work and with friends. The
‘I love the example of the Broadway actress,      more confidence that we have in ourselves
Mary Martin, who used to peek at her              to handle whatever happens, the more we
audience before she went out on to the stage      can love. We can let go of the destructive
and project the words, “I love you… I love        emotions of anger, the need to control,
you… I love you…” and it would take away          jealousy, and so on. We can let go and say
all her fear. Compare that to another actress     to ourselves, “Well, I’m going to love. No
who hadn’t learned this wonderful tool and        games. If this person doesn’t return my love,
would throw up before every performance.’         I know I can handle it all. There are so many




“
                                                  beautiful people to love.”’

                                                  Surely, being detached from the results
                                                  encourages a sense of helplessness or
        Your fear is                              passiveness about your ability to achieve
                                                  anything?
        your workshop.

That ties in with your idea of “embracing
uncertainty”, of not having expectations
                                           ”      Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I’m not talking about
                                                  detachment. You have to allow your pain.
                                                  When a relationship ends, it’s painful. Allow
                                                  the tears knowing you will get to the other
                                                  side. That’s what’s important. It’s not about
about the outcome.                                denial. It’s not pseudo-positive thinking; it’s
                                                  acknowledging the pain. It’s not the crying
Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I feel expectations            of, “No, how can this happen to me?” It’s the
for the most part create so much of our           crying of, “Yes, this happened to me and I
unhappiness. Because we’re not in control         will make something wonderful out of it.
of what happens in the outside world.             I will ultimately get to the other side.”


    PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
COVER STORY                                       7

                                                                                       FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR

‘You have to learn that whatever happens is        people, I think it helps them throughout          until it becomes relatively automatic. Then
for your highest good. There’s a prayer in         their lives.                                      learn some more. It’s a life-long process.
my latest newsletter which says, “No matter
what happens in my life, I trust that it’s         ‘My friend, Donna Gradstein and I wrote a         ‘I was talking to my daughter one day and
for my highest good and no matter what             children’s book called I Can Handle It (Jeffers   I was complaining about something and
happens in the lives of those I love, I trust      Press, 2006) and there are 50 stories about       she said, “Mom, go and read your book.”
that it’s for their highest good.” You do your     little kids facing various problems in their      (Laughs) Yes, it’s a lifelong process.
best and you let go. That’s not helplessness       lives and handling them. On one page is the
because you cannot control everything out          specific problem where the child in the story     ‘Learning the art of appreciation is also so
there but you can absolutely control your          says, “But I can handle it.” On the opposite      important. Strangely, I learnt that when I
reaction to it. You can appreciate and feel        page, the child handles it and ends with          worked with the poor in Manhattan. So many
blessed with what you have or you can make         the words “See, I can handle it. Whatever         of them appreciated everything they had in
yourself miserable.’                               happens, I can handle it.” By the end of the      their lives. They were remarkably giving and




“
                                                   book, the children will have heard or read        it was an amazing experience to be with
                                                   the phrase “I can handle it” 150 times. If the    them.
                                                   parent is reading the book to the child, then
    I call relationships                           the parent says the same affirmation              ‘I also think it’s important to have “friendly”
                                                   “I can handle it” 150 times. Powerful for both    friends and what I mean by that is not to
    the greatest                                   parent and child!                                 have “Moan and Groan Society” friends
                                                                                                     – if you are with people who are always



                                        ”
    workshops going.                               ‘Repetition is important. You can read a self-    complaining, you want to go home and take
                                                   help book and get a lot out of it but unless      a shower. Quite honestly, I dropped the
                                                   you follow through and use the exercises in       friends who were very negative. I used to be
What have you learnt about courage and             your daily life, it’s not going to make much      one of them but now that I tend to be a very
the most effective ways of instilling or           of a difference.                                  positive person, I love to be with people who
unleashing that quality in other people?                                                             are also positive and who laugh a lot. There
                                                   ‘I’ve been teaching this material for 25 years    are certainly a lot of them out there and that
Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Courage to me is                and I still have affirmations to remind me        is wonderful.
pushing through fear. There are so many            because the internal “Chatterbox” is always
tools to help us do that, many of which            there. Negativity comes into our lives all the    ‘I also know that saying “thank you” a lot
are included in my books. For example,             time, so we need reminders. I wish that they      helps you focus on abundance because you
expanding your comfort zone. Every day,            did teach confidence at a much earlier age        constantly realise how much beauty is in
just do a little something that you are a little   by simply letting people know that they have      your life.’
uncomfortable doing because of fear. Do            an immense amount of power within them to
it because you then expand what you are            handle whatever happens.’                         How do you suggest a coach best
comfortable with. That’s very important.                                                             supports someone who is facing a fear?
                                                   What other techniques do you recommend
‘Also, never see yourself as a victim. We          to help people feel more joyful, happy or         Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Don’t let them take the
have to learn to take responsibility for our       abundant?                                         role of a victim. Show them that they can
reactions to what happens to us in life. We                                                          be the creator of their experience. That
have to use the tools to create a very rich        Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Humour is so important.        they can handle their reaction to whatever
life so that if something goes bad in one          On my desk, I have a statue of a laughing         happens to them. In fact, I say in one of my
area there’s a whole other part of our lives       Buddha. I might be sitting there lamenting        books that if you seek counselling in any
that will sustain us. For example, when my         about something and I look at my laughing         way and the counsellor supports the victim
daughter was in her twenties, she broke            Buddha and realise that he doesn’t care that      mentality and says, for example, “Oh you
up with somebody and she called me and             he’s fat (laughs), he doesn’t go to the gym,      poor thing, if only your mother had stayed
she was crying. She was very upset. All of a       he doesn’t care that he’s alone or poor…          home instead of working” then run away as
sudden, she stopped crying and said, “Oh           he’s happy and he makes me laugh about            fast as you can. It’s important to be grateful
I’ve got to go – I’m volunteering today at         my situation and put it in perspective. I think   that you were fed, you were dressed, and
Habitat for Humanity. Bye Mom.” She had            laughter is so important. I laugh a lot.          you went to school and then move on to
something meaningful in her life besides her                                                         create a beautiful life for yourself. Stop
relationship. So, her life wasn’t empty.           ‘You have to learn to laugh, even about           using other people as an excuse for living an
                                                   the serious things in life. For example, I        unhappy life.’
‘I have tools in all my books – I think in         had a mastectomy and I never had a breast
Embracing Uncertainty (Hodder Mobius,              reconstruction but I have a prostheses. I joke    You talk about creating a ‘wondering’ life
2003), there are 42. They are all meant to         that my husband is the only one who can           instead of a ‘hoping’ life. Is there really a
give us strength and from that strength,           take his wife’s breasts with him wherever         difference?
there’s the love. I think that loving yourself     he goes. He can put one in his suitcase if
is not about being selfish. It comes from          he wants.’ (Laughs) ‘Humour is a very, very       Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Oh, yes. Hoping has an
understanding that you make a difference in        important thing.                                  expectation behind it. “I hope I get married
the world. That helps us to love. I think that                                                       by the time I’m 30.” If you say, “I wonder
when people don’t do good things – certain         ‘I think commitment to learn the tools, to        if I’ll be married by the time I’m 30” you
politicians, for example – it’s because they       use them in your life every single day is         become the observer. You’re watching your
don’t understand how important they are            important. Someone said to me, “You know,         life and you’re not caught up in the drama.
in this world. The point is the more we            I read and I read and nothing takes.” I said,     You have the understanding that whatever
understand we make a difference, the better        “Nothing takes until you take it. You have to     happens, you’ll handle it. I see a huge
we behave. When you teach that to young            take one exercise that you love and use it        difference between the two.’


                                                                                                                   MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
8                      COVER STORY
                                FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR

     That sounds like a Buddhist teaching. Is that    ‘It took me years to decide to leave my job,     form of contentment gene within them that
     something that has influenced your life?         which was such a wonderful, successful job,      allows them to do that and that’s beautiful.
                                                      but I felt I wasn’t growing any more. I’d been   Everyone is different, just as with parenting:
     Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes, it has. I love           there eight years and it was time to move        I know there are women who love it. I
     the Buddhist philosophy among other              on. It took me two years to become ready         tease my son that he’s responsible for my
     philosophies. I’m not a religious person.        to do that. I remember they had given me a       Bachelor’s Degree, my Master’s Degree, and
     I am a spiritual person and by that, I mean      10th anniversary party and I felt bad because    my Ph.D.… (laughing) anything to get out of
     all the tools that I create or have learnt are   I knew the day was going to come when            the house. There are people who are content
     about moving from the weakest part of who        I would leave. A couple of months later, I       with it; I just wasn’t. It was fearful going
     I am to the strongest, most loving part of       woke up one morning and I knew it was the        back to school. But I did it anyway. It’s all
     who I am. That to me is a spiritual process.     day to do it.                                    about learning and growing – we’re all on a
     It’s to live as much as you can in the arena                                                      journey and we do our best to take what’s
     of the Higher Self, the best of who you are.     ‘You have to trust yourself, ask your            in our lives and do something creative and
     I have a vision of a light, an energy that we    subconscious mind what’s the best step to        loving with it.’
     can tune into which can guide us. What I         take and then forget about it. Automatically
     believe so much about intuition is tuning        you seem to move into the right direction if     What advice would you give someone who
     into the energy that draws you to what is        you have trust in yourself.                      is struggling with fear? Is it worth ‘taking
     best for your life.’                                                                              the plunge’?
                                                      ‘I was fine when I did let go and I resigned
     When you confront fears, do you believe          from my job. I had saved a lot of money.         Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘At your own pace. Your
     in jumping in headfirst or dipping your          I had met the man who would become my            fear is your workshop. If you’re afraid of
     toe in the water?                                second husband and I moved to England to         leaving the house and getting a job, that’s
                                                      be with him. I was there for three years. That   your workshop and so you have to learn the
     Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Whatever works for            was where I originally tried to sell my first    tools that help to do it.
     you as a human being. There are no rules.        book. Nobody over there was into self-help
     Whenever somebody says they have THE             at the time. I come and speak there now and      ‘Everything in our lives can teach us
     answer, I’m suspicious. In Embracing             I have to tell you there is such a dramatic      something. I think if we can see it that way
     Uncertainty, I talk about the whole concept      difference in the openness of the people in      it really helps: what lessons am I going to
     of “I don’t know”. We don’t know anything        the UK. When I was there originally, there       learn? For example, I call relationships the
     for sure – it is all based on our experience,    were no self-help books, just psychology         greatest workshops going. As I explain in
     our learning, but it could change. I talk        books by Freud, Jung and so on.                  The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love, if a
     about using the word “maybe” in Embracing                                                         problem comes up in a relationship, don’t
     Uncertainty. So you say, “This is the best way   ‘When I couldn’t sell my book, I said to my      be upset. It’s a great opportunity! Say to
     to do it… maybe.” Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.   partner (now husband), “You know, I love         yourself, “This is something I have to work
                                                      you but I’m leaving. I have to go back to the    on within me.” Pick up the mirror instead
     ‘As a coach, it’s important to understand        United States where they’re more open to         of the magnifying glass [to look at yourself
     that. You give people tools and they move        self-help books.” Thankfully, he moved with      rather than the other person]. “What is it
     forward at their own pace. Before I divorced     me – he was a television producer – he’d         about me that can be changed? Do I need
     my first husband, it took me two years to        produced I Claudius and other wonderful          to get out of the relationship? Do I need
     have a readiness and I think unconsciously       television shows. So, we moved to Los            to react differently to certain things that
     I was doing little things to prepare myself      Angeles. The book sold within the year. There    are happening? Do I need to become more
     – making new friends, getting new interests      was energy behind it. My new agent loved it.’    loving?”




                                                                                                       “
     – so by the time I decided I was going to get
     divorced, I was ready.                           When you made a commitment to it then




“
                                                      it sold?

                                                      Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Exactly. Commitment                     You have to
                                                                                                                 trust yourself.

                                                                                                                                            ”
                                                      and readiness. Afterwards, when Mark
           If a problem                               moved over to the US to be with me, we got
           comes up, it’s                             married. Our relationship is phenomenal.
                                                      I feel so blessed. My daughter came to me
           not bad: it’s just                         on her wedding day and she looked at Mark        ‘If a problem comes up, it’s not bad: it’s
                                                      and me and said, “Thank you for showing us       just your clue that something needs to be
           your clue that                             what love looks like.”’                          learned. To me, that’s a powerful way to go
           something needs                            Is fear a guide to someone’s life purpose?
                                                                                                       through life.’




                                       ”
           to be learned.                             Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Very often. First, every        FURTHER INFORMATION
                                                      time you try something new you’re going
                                                      to experience fear. The things we want the         For more information about the work
     ‘People say, “I don’t know why I can’t leave     most are often the things we most fear             of Dr Susan Jeffers and to receive her
     my husband/wife, it’s a bad relationship.”       approaching. We just have to learn the tools       monthly newsletter, please visit her
     The answer is, “It’s because you’re not          for pushing through it.                            website at www.susanjeffers.com.
     ready.” What you have to do as a coach is to                                                        *Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway® by
     provide more and more tools to help people       ‘Some people are very happy in a very              Susan Jeffers, 20th anniversary edition,
     become stronger. One day, they will be           laid back life and they don’t need to push         published in 2007 by Vermillion.
     ready… maybe. (Laughs)                           through things. They must have some


    PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
REVIEWS                                        9

                                                                                BOOK REVIEWS


BOOK REVIEW                                     BOOK REVIEW                                  BOOK REVIEW
The Trainer’s Toolkit                           Excellence in Coaching – The Industry        The One Moment Master
– Bringing Brain-                               Guide Edited by John Passmore (Kogan         (Stillness for People
Friendly Learning                               Page, 2006)                                  on the Go) by Martin
To Life                                                                                      Boroson (Rider, Random
by Kimberley Hare                               Books and reports about ‘best practice’      House Group, 2007).
and Larry Reynolds                              run the danger of being bought but never     Reviewed by Diana
(Crown House                                    read and whose real usefulness doesn’t       Theodores, PhD.
Publishing, 2005)                               extend beyond propping up wonky
                                                tables. Worthy but dull. Thankfully, this    Martin Boroson invites us
If you are involved                             is NOT one of those dust-gatherers…          on a step-by-step discovery
in training others                              it’s crammed with cutting-edge ideas         about being in the moment
and want to make                                in the field of workplace coaching that      and the profoundly
your programmes,                                will be useful for student coaches and       empowering imprint for
workshops or seminars                           established practitioners alike.             living this offers. The
more engaging and effective,                                                                 subtitle of the book, Stillness for
then get this book. It explains in a lively,    It has contributions from coaching           People on the Go provides the clue to the
fun way how brain-friendly learning             industry figures including Anthony Grant,    heart of the content: this is a book about
(accelerated learning) works and then           John Whitmore, Ian McDermott, Graham         how to achieve the remarkable benefits of
provides practical advice on how to             Alexander, Cary Cooper, Katherine Tulpa,     meditation in as short a time as possible.
incorporate it into your training.              Peter Hawkins, Michael Neenan, Alex
                                                Szabo, Phillipe Rosinski, Carol Wilson,      He understands our plight – that because we
Brain-friendly learning, say the authors,       Allard de Jong, Hetty Einzig, Frank          are tyrannised by time and obsessed with time
is not about techniques and gimmicks            Bresser, Maria Alicia Pena and Geoffrey      management we therefore imagine ourselves
and putting on a bit of baroque music or        Abbot, and covers an overview of             as time poor. He posits that meditation is
playing fun games. It’s a movement to           coaching, coaching within organisations,     not about how long we need to be still or to
recover the real joy of learning –              ethics, supervision and organisational       exercise transcendental prowess but rather,
combining sizzle with substance –               issues as well as                            how short a time it can take us to be aware,
and helping people become even more             practical information                        receptive and fully alive to the moment.
outstanding at the work they have               on running a
chosen to do.                                   coaching practice.                           With a constantly supportive, down to earth
                                                The book also                                and witty voice, he eases us into the benefits
                                                contains information                         of meditation (such as calmness, self-
                                                on behavioural                               awareness, clarity of thought, compassion,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
                                                coaching, solution-                          radiance and energy) in just the time it takes
Have you read a personal development book,      focused coaching,                            to inhale and exhale – a moment.
listened to an audio programme or attended      NLP coaching,
a seminar and want to share your views on       transpersonal                                So how can we be in the moment? Boroson
it? Tell us what you did or didn’t like and
                                                coaching, integrative                        takes us through a sequence of practical
whether you’d recommend it. We can withhold
your name and details if you prefer. Email:     coaching and inter-                          exercises, beginning with what he calls the
team@theacademyclub.com                         cultural coaching.                           ‘basic minute’ meditation and culminating in
                                                                                             one ‘moment’. Along the way, we experience
                                                                                             ‘the portable minute’, ‘the energising
THE MIND GYM                                                                                 minute’, ‘the surprise minute’, and ‘the
                                                                                             bonus minute’. I have started using some
Five ways to create your own luck by The Mind Gym                                            of the exercises and concepts from this
                                                                                             book with clients in performance coaching
  1. Be proactive. Don’t wait for things to happen.                                          sessions as well as in group programmes
     Go out and seize the opportunities.                                                     in communication, presenting and leading
  2. Talk to people. The more information you gather the                                     teams. The relaxed receptivity that results in
     more likely you are to find that lucky break. People                                    ‘being present’ and being ‘in the moment’
     need to know what you are looking for in order to tell                                  transforms anxiety into curiosity and fears of
     you where it is.                                                                        being in the spotlight into a state of genuine
  3. View failure as a way to learn – many great people                                      dialogue and participation with others.
     have learnt through a range of mistakes.
  4. Don’t dwell on past misfortunes. Engulf yourself in                                     The beauty of this book is its simplicity and
     positive vibes – if you think of yourself as unlucky it                                 the premise that we have everything we need
     is likely to come true. ‘Luckily’ this works the other                                  right here and right now to wake up.
     way around too.
  5. Share your good luck. Congratulate others who contributed.                              I’ve read The One Moment Master a few
     If people think they will gain from your good luck then they                            times now and it delights and instructs me
     will be more inclined to make it happen again.                                          more with each reading. It is a cool, wise,
                                                                                             and reassuring touch on our furrowed and
Give your mind a workout and visit The Mind Gym for tips,                                    effortful collective brow.
information and techniques at www.themindgym.com.



                                                                                                       MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
10                  PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU
                                             FEEL HAPPY NOW




      Feel                          Happy Now
      You can feel happy whatever your                 The solutions he discovered he now shares        happiness when a particular condition or
      circumstances, so says Michael                   with thousands of people around the world,       state is reached (when we have X amount
      Neill, author, radio host, Master NLP            through his books, radio show, teachings         in our savings account, are with the man or
      Trainer and the man Paul McKenna                 and private coaching.                            woman of our dreams, are a certain body
                                                                                                        weight, or our favourite sports team is at the
      describes as ‘the finest Success Coach
                                                       ‘I have refined these solutions with my          top of the league or whatever else we decide
      in the world today’. He talks about              students and clients over the past 16            must happen before we allow ourselves to
      happiness, success and coaching.                 years and tested each one of them in the         feel ‘happy’).
      By Marie-Louise Cook.                            laboratory of my experience. Over that time,
                                                       I have become happier and happier,’ he says      ‘If all there was to happiness was getting
                                                       at the beginning of his latest book, Feel        what you wanted, the richest and most
        Michael                                        Happy Now (Hay House, 2007).                     outwardly successful people in our society
                                                                                                        would be the happiest,’ he says. ‘But it only
        Neill                                          The reason many of us never get to
                                                       experience happiness on a regular basis (or
                                                                                                        takes a quick glance through the pages of
                                                                                                        today’s newspapers before you are reading
                                                       even at all) is that we’ve been looking in the   about the latest miserable millionaire or
                                                       wrong place, chasing a ‘thing’ that doesn’t      celebrity scandal. The reality is simply this:
      To write books about how to ‘have what you       actually exist.                                  your happiness does not depend on getting
      want’ and how to ‘feel happy now’ is a bold                                                       or having what you want.’
      move, especially when the author confesses       ‘Happiness is the process of creating and
      he spent most of his teenage years on a          experiencing good feelings in your body          The second myth is that is impossible to
      manic-depressive rollercoaster ride that         and mind, moment by moment,’ he says.            be happy in certain circumstances. ‘While
      came close to an abrupt suicidal end on at       ‘When you recognise happiness as a process,      it may or may not be possible to be happy




“
      least one occasion.                              not a thing, you realise you can do it or not
                                                       do it, you can get better at it, and you can
                                                       ultimately master it.’
           When you recognise                          His book is about ‘unreasonable happiness’,
           happiness as a process...                   your ability to feel happy not only when
           you realise you can do it                   something wonderful happens (you get a
                                                       promotion, win the lottery, and fall in love
           or not do it, you can get                   with the man or woman of your dreams) but
           better at it, and you can                   also when something not so great happens




                                            ”
                                                       (you lose the job, have no money and are
           ultimately master it.                       dumped by that special person). Its aim is to
                                                       help you to become happier – to feel more
                                                       good feelings and to be more comfortable
      That he climbed unaided out of that morass       with the bad ones.
      of self-inflicted misery and is now a huge
      success – coach to a bunch of Hollywood          One of the three great
      stars and top CEOs, author of two best-selling   myths surrounding
      books*, host of a weekly radio show with over    ‘happiness’ is that
      60,000 listeners, and the trainer of future      we will only
      NLP practitioners alongside Paul McKenna         experience
      and NLP’s founder, Richard Bandler – is
      surely proof enough that the techniques he
      discovered in his quest for happiness do work.

      As a miserable teenager, it would have been
      so easy to accept a chemical cocktail of
      prescribed happiness – the hospital
      staff were very willing to do the
      honours – but thankfully he
      made the decision to
      look for other ways
      to feel better.



     PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU                                                 11

                                                                                          FEEL HAPPY NOW

all the time, it is certainly possible to be
happy at any time,’ says Michael. ‘In fact,             Question & Answer Session                         Michael Neill: ‘You’ve just hit on the
each one of those situations you think of as                                                              fundamental myth of coaching. Coaching
‘making’ you unhappy is simply an area of               Personal Success: How do you define               is not therapy. Coaching is not saying, “I’m
your life in which you think that it would be           coaching?                                         broken, fix me.” Coaching is saying, “I want
inappropriate to feel happy (for example, at                                                              more.” So you’re saying I shouldn’t have
a funeral) or that feeling happy would be in            Michael Neill: ‘I can define coaching in          a Happiness Coach because I’m already
some way bad for you.’                                  the two questions I ask all my clients in a       happy? If I never, ever, ever was stuck then
                                                        dozen different ways nearly every time we         maybe it wouldn’t make sense to have a
The third myth is that unhappiness is good for          speak… Question One: What do you want?            coach but if there’s a situation where I’m
us. ‘When we start to justify our bad feelings          Question Two: What stops you?                     stuck, to be able to have someone to coach
as being good for us (or worse still, our                                                                 me and half an hour later not be stuck
good feelings as being bad for us), we keep             ‘If we want to be able to create more of          that’s really cool. Sometimes somebody
ourselves stuck in a self-fulfilling rut. Ironically,   what we want in our lives, it is incredibly       else is better suited to help than I am. That
the state of discomfort most of us put                  important to begin by identifying what it         is trusting myself.
ourselves into to better deal with our problems         is. As I say in my book, You Can Have What
is the worst possible state in which to deal            You Want, “When you get really clear and          ‘One of the misunderstandings of the
with them. Like pouring fuel on a fire, meeting         honest about what you want, everything in         coaching world is that you’re supposed
difficulties with anger, fear and sadness tends         the Universe conspires to help you get it.”’      to get to a point where you don’t need
to make things more, well difficult.’                                                                     coaching any more. No, with therapy I




“
                                                        Do you have a coach?                              think you should get to a point where you
                                                                                                          don’t need it any more because it’s about
                                                        Michael Neill: ‘I have three or four at all       taking something that’s not working and
       Your happiness                                   times. They change according to what              making it work. I love having a team that’s
                                                                                                          there for me when I need it. When I don’t
                                                        I want to work on and what I want to
       does not depend on                               develop. At the moment, I’m working               need them, I don’t use them.’
                                                        with Steve Chandler, who is a best-selling
       getting or having                                author in his own right (The Story of You)        How long have you been coaching?
       what you want.

                                          ”
                                                        and has done that whole circuit which
                                                        is the world that I’m beginning to move           Michael Neill: ‘I started coaching in the
                                                        into. I hired him because I want to work          sense that I called it ‘coaching’ in 1996.
                                                        with somebody who’s gone through what             Before that, I was doing therapy, which I did
The Formula For Happiness                               I’m going through so there’s an element           from 1990. I have been acting since I was a
                                                        of mentorship as well as coaching. He’s           kid. I came to England to go to drama school
To feel happy now and whenever you want                 also somebody who when I tell him what’s          in 1987. I started acting professionally in
for the rest of your life, you need to give             going on with me, doesn’t go, “Oh my              1990 and acted full-time actually.’
yourself better feelings, tell yourself better          God, really? That’s so cool. How do I get
stories and act on your inner knowing, he               that?” He’s already a little further down         Did you do an NLP course?
says. ‘The better you feel, the better stories          that path from me.
you tend to tell yourself about your life. The                                                            Michael Neill: ‘I did every NLP course I could
better stories you tell yourself about your             ‘I have a Spiritual Coach named Peter             find. The thing is I wasn’t doing it to become
life, the easier it is to do what you know is           Fenner and a (for lack of a better word)          a coach or therapist or anything.
right for you. The more you do what you                 Integrity Coach named Bill Cumming. It’s          I did it because I was absolutely messed up in
know is right for you, the better you feel.             interesting not only for myself but how I         the head and NLP was the first thing I came
                                                        can bring the essence of what they do – in        across that really helped me – I was not a
‘Whatever we do consistently, we get better             non-threatening ways – into the work that I       happy guy. I had no reason to be which made
at. If we practise anger, we get better at              do with clients.                                  it worse. I used to beat myself up about it,
 being angry. If we practise shutting down                                                                “Oh you’ve got no reason. You should just get
       our emotions, we get better at feeling           ‘I also occasionally do one-on-one sessions       over it. Your life is fine.” But I was horribly,
           depressed. And if we practise                with people who’ve proven to be useful            horribly depressed and paranoid.
               giving ourselves better                  as touchstones over the years – one’s a
                  feelings, telling ourselves           Happiness Coach named Mandy Evans                 ‘I always thought of the teaching and
                    better stories and acting           and one is a Psychic Coach named Lynn             therapy as a sort of filling in between acting
                       on our inner knowing,            Robinson.                                         jobs and then in 1995, I worked 365 days
                        we will get better                                                                as an actor on stage, radio and television,
                         and better at feeling          ‘It’s all grist for the mill. The more I learn,   and I really missed teaching and working
                             happy.’                    the more I can then share with clients.’          with people. That was when I decided to
                                                                                                          become a coach. I still acted but it was no
                                                        Why do you have a Happiness Coach?                longer the day job – I do both now.
                                                        In your book, You Can Have What You
                                                        Want, you say, ‘I’m in the business of            ‘When I moved to the States [to pursue
                                                        having a wonderful life…’ From that, I            an acting career], I continued to do both
                                                        would have thought you would already              – I did a TV pilot, I did some cartoons
                                                        be happy.                                         (Scooby Doo) – then I just hit a point where




                                                                                                                     MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
12                 PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU
                                           FEEL HAPPY NOW


      I realised I wasn’t getting the same buzz      problems but as it happens, it was slightly    ‘wonderful life’ thing is the one thing that
      off acting that I used to. By then I loved     less interesting to me because it wasn’t       all of my clients want but they define that
      being in Hollywood, I loved working with       my world. This is my world – I remember        completely differently.’
      Hollywood folk, so it made sense for me        driving through one of the canyons in
      to be in LA in a different way. I still do     Hollywood and a client phoning me and          What do you do when someone is stuck
      voiceovers and act from time to time, I        saying, “I’ve got a meeting with [film         and refuses to move on?
      did some a couple of weeks ago, but I          director Steven] Spielberg tomorrow,
      don’t chase it anymore. If it comes and if     can you come and help me prep?” I was          Michael Neill: ‘If they already had it
      I’m interested, I’ll take it.’                 so happy whereas when I was mostly             together, most of them wouldn’t have
                                                     working with business clients, I’d get a       hired me. It’s like people shouldn’t run
      Do you use NLP in your coaching?               call, “We’ve got a merger meeting with         ‘Procrastination’ workshops and expect
                                                     IBM tomorrow, come and help us prep”           people to turn up on time; people
      Michael Neill: ‘Yes, funnily enough I          and I’d go, “Sure.” It’s the same thing but    shouldn’t run ‘From Poverty to Wealth’
      wouldn’t necessarily say it’s even the         one of them was glamorous, exciting and        workshops and expect people to not
      dominant mode. Sometimes when                  fun and the other one was okay.                hassle them about payment.
      people first talk to me and they know my
      background, there is a tendency for them       ‘It still is – I still work with people in     ‘Many of my clients are extremely
      to think, “Oh, he’s going to see inside my     business. They’ve told me the thing they       comfortable and they want me because
      brain every time we speak.” If something’s     like about me is that I’m not impressed.       they want more or because they want me
      up and that’s an appropriate thing to do       I don’t work with anyone who at some           on their team. It’s not like a surprise if
      then of course I’ll do that – everything I     point isn’t willing to face that. I don’t      they are stuck.’
      do is informed by that skillset but it’s not   pretend – it doesn’t work. It’s less a moral
      necessarily the primary technique I use.       stance than a practical one. Lying doesn’t     What would your client have to do or
                                                     get you very far and lying to your coach,      not do for you to fire them?
      ‘I had a client this week who said, “Look,     which everyone does, is a great way to
      I know we normally talk about business         stay stuck.                                    Michael Neill: ‘If they’re continuously
      but I’m scared to get in the car. I wound                                                     saying one thing and doing another and
      up driving to this business meeting at 30      ‘I got two emails last night from clients      I’ve called them on it and it hasn’t shifted,
      miles an hour because I was so freaked.        – one from the States and one from             at that point, I say, “Okay, I’m not up for
      Can we work on that?” So, we did that so       Denmark just coming clean about stuff.         this.” It’s not even, “Call me when you get
      she could drive to her meetings. That’s        All I had said on the phone was, “There’s      it together” – it’s that I have better things
      fine – it’s just part of the service.’         clearly something else going on. If and        to do with my life. I really do.
                                                     when you’re ready to talk about it, it’s




“
                                                     probably worth it.”                            ‘Very few people can stay stuck if you’re
                                                                                                    willing to confront them. If I’m willing
                                                     ‘I had an idea what the problems were and      to say to somebody, “Look, clearly your
          This idea of not                           as it happens, I was right but boom, they      husband is cheating on you and you’re
          giving advice comes                        went there and now we can really start.        not willing to look at that – I don’t care
                                                                                                    but it seems to be getting in the way of
          from some bizarre                          ‘We get so used to putting the right face      us talking about your relationship. Do you
          idea that your clients                     out but usually that’s what’s getting in       want to talk about this or not?” At that
                                                     the way of us getting anywhere.’               point, they either tell me to get lost or
          are so pathetic and                                                                       they tell me the truth or a little bit of the
          helpless that if you                       How long do your clients stay working          truth.
                                                     with you?
          tell them what to do                                                                      ‘I think the worse advice coaches get is




                                          ”
          they have to do it.                        Michael Neill: ‘I’ve been coaching some
                                                     people for years and years and years,
                                                                                                    to not give advice. It amuses me no end
                                                                                                    because that’s like saying, “Okay, I want
                                                     but on average it’s three months to a          you to go in and fight but I want you to
                                                     year. That’s because of the way that           tie one arm behind your back.”
                                                     I work: in the short term, it’s more
      Are the problems your famous clients           intensive with regularly scheduled calls       ‘What I do think is great advice is this:
      have any different from those of               but after that a lot of people like to keep    don’t expect your clients to follow your
      ‘normal’ people?                               me on their team the way they keep             advice. I don’t give advice because I think
                                                     a lawyer on the team. They pay me a            my clients should follow it – I give advice
      Michael Neill: ‘Human beings are human         retainer and use me when they need me          because I think it’s going to provoke a
      beings, they want to be happy, they want       and it works for them and for me.              response – and that response may be to
      great relationships, they want to have                                                        tell me to “f*** off” – which is great – or
      more than enough money, they want              ‘I’ve always had a couple of very simple       it may be, “That fits with what I’ve been
      to feel successful, to be admired. When        criteria for whom I coach. I have to look      thinking” or it may be to say, “What do
      I was primarily working with business          forward to talking to them each week           you think about this?” To not be allowed
      executives, it was the same set of             and they have to be able to pay me. The        to give advice, that’s weird.’


     PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU                                        13

                                                                                 FEEL HAPPY NOW


How much do you charge?                        to do it. No they don’t. They’ll do exactly    to help you clarify your thinking. Where
                                               what the hell they want to do. And if you      it stops being useful is when you start
Michael Neill: ‘I charge US$7,500              treat them like people who are capable         staying up nights thinking, “I don’t
a quarter (about £3,800). That’s for 12        and able, guess what, they are.                know – is this person my niche? You
weeks of coaching. Usually I’ll do some                                                       know, I’d love to work with them but I
longer sessions in the first week or           ‘Don’t be afraid to love them. That’s a lot    can’t because they’re not in my niche.”
two so we can get to know each other           of what makes human interaction work.          It’s that point where it becomes the new
and build momentum, and then go to             It’s okay. There’s nothing weird in that,      rule. It would be a shame to not work with
a weekly half-hour session. I’m also           there’s nothing wrong in that. If somebody     your perfect client because they didn’t fit
available by email and for extra phone         loves you and you know it, and somebody        your ‘perfect client profile’.
check-ins as needed. My point of view is       believes in you and you know it, you’re
that you hire me to be available when you      going to walk through walls for them. So,      ‘On our Coach Mastery Workshop, my
need me. That’s not to say I’m going to        do it. If you prefer being bullied – do it.    friend Michele Lisenbury Christensen
be at your beck and call but if between        I will bully the hell out of my clients but    and I identified about 40 strategies that
sessions something comes up and you            it’s in context of loving kindness and in a    coaches can use to build a practice that
really need a chat, call me. If I can’t talk   context of, I know they can do it. Do I ever   are completely different depending on
to you, I won’t. That’s the deal I have.       get that wrong? I’m sure I do and they’ll      what the person’s skillset is. We say, “If
It’s a retainer. If somebody abused that       usually say, “Ouch” and I’ll stop.             you like doing these kinds of things, this
and started calling all the time, then                                                        is a good strategy for you. If you don’t,
I probably wouldn’t work with them             ‘It’s not rocket science – let them be the     this is a crap strategy for you.”
anymore but none of my clients ever            expert on their own life but don’t deny
have. I want to be a part of their success     your own expertise.                            ‘Somebody will go, “Oh they did it that
and so being accessible is part of the fun                                                    way, I have to do it that way. Oh, they
of it.                                         ‘With a good coach, you can create             networked. I hate networking but let
                                               something amazing. If you can keep             me try and like it and become good at it
                                               those two things alive at the same time,       because it works.” No, networking works
‘I also do a yearly retainer at US$25,000      that it’s all about the client and they’ve     for people who like networking. It’s a
(£12,500) for ongoing clients and              got all the resources, but if you’re good at   bloody nightmare for everyone else. I hate
face-to-face breakthrough sessions for         what you do then they’re going to be able      it. I was about to say, “I wouldn’t go to a
US$3,000/US$5,000 (£1,500/£2,500)              to do so much more with those resources        network evening even if you paid me” – I
depending on the amount of time and the        when they work with you than before            probably would go if you paid me but I
number of people involved. Those tend          they worked with you. That to me is the        would never go if you didn’t. That’s not
to be more directly NLP-based, and have        perfect balance.’                              my thing. I love radio. I do a radio show.
been proving extremely popular since I                                                        Is it marketing? Probably technically it
made them available.’                          In a way, you have the ultimate niche          is. Do I think of it as marketing? Heck




“
                                               combining acting and coaching.                 no, I do a radio show. I write a tip. Is it
                                                                                              marketing? Technically, sure. Do I do
                                               Michael Neill: ‘That’s how it looks from       it because it’s marketing? No, I do it
    If we practise                             the outside. The problem with saying that      because I like to do it.’
                                               is there’s going to be a whole load of
    giving ourselves                           people who will read that and go, “Okay,       So again, it’s not about following the
    better feelings,                           what’s the perfect niche for me? I must        rules but following your heart?
                                               find one. Let me find a Niche-Finding
    telling ourselves                          Coach.” I just do what I love and it’s         Michael Neill: ‘Absolutely but taking that
    better stories and                         turned out that a lot of my clients work in    out of the realm of, “Oh that’s pretty,
                                               the entertainment industry now. I never        American and twee” and into the realm of
    acting on our inner                        went looking for a perfect niche. I went       “No, it just works. I make a lot of money
    knowing, we will get                       following what was in my heart. That’s         doing what I do because I follow my
                                               the thing, the difference, in the way I        heart.” Don’t do it my way unless my way
    better and better at                       work.’                                         happens to perfectly work for you.’




                             ”
    feeling happy.
                                               And that’s really the essence of your            FURTHER INFORMATION
                                               books, isn’t it?
                                                                                                Visit Michael Neill’s website at
What advice do you have for other              Michael Neill: ‘Yeah. Don’t follow some          www.geniuscatalyst.com and listen
coaches?                                       abstract idea of what you’re supposed            to his radio programme by visiting
                                               to want thinking it will get you what you        www.hayhouseradio.com.
Michael Neill: ‘Don’t treat your clients       really want.’
like little babies. This idea of not giving
advice comes from some bizarre idea that       Is looking for a niche wrong then?             *You Can Have What You Want by Michael
your clients are so pathetic and helpless                                                     Neill (Hay House, 2006) and Feel Happy
that if you tell them what to do they have     Michael Neill: ‘No, it’s a useful process      Now by Michael Neill (Hay House, 2007).


                                                                                                          MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income
Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income

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Your Personal Coach: Overcome Fear and Multiply Your Income

  • 1. Personal YOUR PERSONAL COACH VOLUME 1 ISSUE 6 May 2007 Success Official publication of The Academy Club and The Coaching Academy Free Yourself From Fear Dr Susan Jeffers Michael Neill Feel happy now NO LIMITS NETWORKING Dump The Emotional Baggage HOW TO SPEAK WITH CONFIDENCE Multiply Your Income Jurgen Wolff: SEVEN SECRETS OF MARKETING SUCCESS Expert tips, coaching advice, and much, much more!
  • 2. 2 CONTENTS WHAT’S INSIDE Publisher: Jonathan Jay Editor’s Letter 20 MULTIPLY YOUR INCOME Academy Publishing The lawns of a historic home Editor: were the last place I had expected Marie-Louise Cook to see visited by fear but it was there that early Spring morning. Graphic Designer: Like the people who sat at tables David Freshwater around me, I wasn’t looking at Contributors: the building, as splendid as it Dr Susan Jeffers was, but at the peacock that was slowly making its Michael Neill way from table to table, its long train of iridescent Judi Conner feathers dragging across the grass. I wondered if Richard M. Highsmith like me, the other people there were hoping that Tom Stone the strange and beautiful bird would come closer. I Ed Peppitt picked up my camera, hoping to capture its image Jurgen Wolff forever and that’s when I saw the fear. Oriana Tickell de Castello It was there on the young woman’s face. She was Production Manager: sitting at a nearby table and until the peacock Lisa Snape, ALS Designs visited, she’d been laughing and talking with a man 22 THE SEVEN SECRETS OF Contact Address: seated next to her. But as the peacock made its way MARKETING SUCCESS The Academy Club to her side, I saw her shrink back in her chair, away 39-43 Putney High Street from the bird. Curiously, the peacock wouldn’t leave London the woman alone… it returned again and again to SW15 1SP her table and each time, she would visibly flinch at its presence. It got worse… before I left, I saw it Contact Email: reach up and snatch a piece of cake from her plate. team@theacademyclub.com Contact Telephone: Afterwards, I wondered what effect the fear of 0208 789 5676 peacocks has on that woman’s life and especially whether that morning’s close encounter would make matters worse. Will she avoid visiting historic homes ever again? Will zoos be out too? Is she only scared of peacocks or all birds? I appreciated anew 18 DUMP THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE the limits that fear can place on our lives… and how it prevents us from appreciating the magnificence that surrounds us and stops us from reaching our full potential. I also saw how fear returns until we have the courage to face it and move on ourselves. Dr Susan Jeffers, the author of Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway and this month’s cover story, says fear is not a barrier to be leapt over just the once but a constant companion. By overcoming a fear, we have the experience of courage that we can then use to overcome any new fears in the future. Eleanor Roosevelt said something similar: “I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him.” On behalf of the Academy Club Team, may I wish you every courage to face any fear that may be stopping you from having the life you desire. ise Marie-Lou Marie-Louise Cook Editor 10 FEEL HAPPY NOW PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
  • 3. CONTENTS 3 FREE WEEKEND COACHING COURSES FREE 16 SPEAK WITH CONFIDENCE WEEKEND COVER STORY 4 FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR International best-selling author and the woman dubbed ‘The speaking terror a thing of the past by following the expert advice of Richard M. Highsmith, M.S., of The Leader’s Institute. COACHING COURSES Queen of Self-Help’ Dr Susan Jeffers explains how to Feel The 18 DUMP THE Fear And Do It Anyway®. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE Tom Stone explains how to create es 9 BOOK REVIEWS new dat an enriched life, free of self- sabotaging emotions and fears. 10 COACHING SUCCESS – BUSINESS BUILDING r el eas ed FEEL HAPPY NOW You can feel happy whatever your circumstances, says Michael 20 MULTIPLY YOUR INCOME Publisher Edward Peppitt explains june Neill, author, radio host, Master how you can easily create multiple 2nd / 3rd June – Brighton NLP Trainer and the man Paul streams of income from your 9th / 10th June – London McKenna describes as ‘the finest coaching. Success Coach in the world today’. 16th / 17th June – Leeds 22 THE SEVEN SECRETS OF 31st June / 1st July – Coventry COACHING DEVELOPMENTS MARKETING SUCCESS 14 NO LIMITS NETWORKING Networking, according to Performance Coach Judi Conner, Author Jurgen Wolff shares seven of his best marketing tips to help you get more business. july is a must-have skill if you want to 7th / 8th July – London expand your business. She shares BACK PAGE 14th / 15th July – Manchester her best networking tips that will MY (MEXICO) DAY 21st / 22nd July – Latimer help overcome any nerves. When journalist Oriana Tickell de Castello trained as a coach 28th / 29th April – Cardiff PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT with The Coaching Academy, 16 HOW TO SPEAK WITH CONFIDENCE Does an invitation to address a and returned to Mexico, she was plagued by self-doubts. Would there be any demand for august small gathering bring you out coaching? She explains what 4th / 5th August – London in a cold sweat? Make public happened next. 11th / 12th August – Leeds 18th / 19th August – Latimer with unsurpassed coach training skills and it continues to develop and the coaching deliver high quality courses to meet academy the changing needs of the market. call now to secure you place To discover how your career can 0208 789 5676 The Coaching Academy is the longest benefit from the Coaching Academy, established and most popular coach please log on to www.the-coaching- training provider in the UK and Europe. academy.com or speak to one of our In seven years, it has provided nearly friendly qualified advisors at 12,000 people from 52 countries +44 (0)208 789 5676. MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
  • 4. 4 COVER STORY FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR Dr Susan Jeffers’ trademarked title Feel The Fear And Do It Free Yourself Fear Anyway®* has become so much From a part of our everyday language that it seems incredible it’s only 20 years since the earth- shaking life-affirming manual hit bookshelves. Like all classics, it’s as relevant today and tomorrow as it was when it was arrived on the self-help scene. No wonder that Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway® has become a mantra for those who want to lead better lives. By Marie-Louise Cook. Dr Susan Jeffers The woman dubbed the ‘Queen of Self- attending.” So, I put on my coat, and told my Help’ is at home in California the day I call. secretary that I was going to the New School. Unlike British royalty, it’s surprisingly easy She said, “Why?” and I said, “I haven’t a clue.” to get hold of Dr Susan Jeffers – there are no I didn’t even know where it was. I got into a minions, lackeys or gatekeepers to deal with cab, which took me there. “ – when I call, she answers the phone herself and laughs when I am surprised. Laughter is ‘I looked at the bulletin board in the a big part of an interview with Susan Jeffers lobby and saw the Department of Human – another surprise – and in fact, when we Resources and thought, “That feels right.” The things we finish talking, she urges me to go and see So, that’s where I went. Nobody was at the the musical Spamalot, insisting I will love it front desk but there was a woman in the want the most so much that I’ll call her and thank her for the suggestion. It’s just one of the many office to the right and she said to me, “Can I help you?” I swear to you, I don’t know are often the excellent recommendations she provides where the words came from but I said, “I’m things we during the interview. here to teach a course on fear.” most fear ” Personal Success: How did you come up with the phrase ‘Feel the Fear And Do It ‘Here’s the shock: she looked at me and said, “I can’t believe it! I have been searching approaching. Anyway®’? for somebody to teach a course on fear and today is the last day to put it into the Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘For 10 years, I was the catalogue and I have to leave in 15 minutes.” Executive Director of The Floating Hospital Her name was Ruth Van Doren and both of a lot about not letting rejection stop you. in Manhattan [which provides healthcare for us were in a state of shock. She asked for my Nobody wanted to buy it. I had agents and the poor in New York]. During that same credentials of course and then said, “Quick, publishers reject it and I guess my best time, I attended workshop after workshop write 75 words about this course that you’re rejection letter or worst, depending on how seeking ways to push through the many going to teach,” which I did. And on the spot, you look at it, was from an English publisher fears I had at the time. In those 10 years, I I entitled it ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’. who said, “Lady Di could be bicycling nude, learned so much. giving this book away and nobody would “ ‘It was then that I realised the power of read it.”’ (Laughs) following your intuition. First, I hadn’t set out to teach a course on fear. If I had set And yet, you recovered from that! With the proper tools, out to teach a course on fear, I would have gone to Hunter College where I got my Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I recovered. I think it’s a we can push through undergraduate degree or Columbia University great story for people who are worried about ” all our fears. where I got my Doctorate – I wouldn’t have gone to an unfamiliar place, the New School. rejection. If you feel good about what you are doing and feel it can help the world in I didn’t even know where it was. some way, then push on.’ ‘One day, I was sitting in my office and the thought came into my head “Go down to the ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ was a 13- Many people would have given up at that New School for Social Research.” Where the week course and I taped it. Again, intuition. point. thought came from, I really didn’t know. At the I taped it with a little handheld recorder so I time, I was taking a workshop about intuition, had the whole 13 weeks on tape.’ Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Actually, I did put the which suggested I pay attention to and act book away for a few years. It was in a drawer upon the thoughts that came into my head. And did you then think, ‘Aha, this will be a and one day I was cleaning out the drawer good book’? and I pulled it out – you can see how often ‘I said to myself, “Okay, why should I be I clean my drawers (laughs) – in any case, I going down there? I have no idea – maybe Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes. Later, I tried to sell looked over it and I thought, “This book has they have a great workshop that I should be the book. Boy, that experience taught me something important to say and will help the PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
  • 5. COVER STORY 5 FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR Are there still things in your life that you fear? Dr Susan Jeffers Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘When I was a little girl, my parents didn’t have much money. My mother was always telling me that money doesn’t grow on trees. (Laughs) I think I’ve always had a fear about not having money but I think that in my case, it’s been a very positive factor because it’s pushed me out there. I say to myself, “Okay, if I don’t feel the fear and keep pushing the manuscripts out there I’m not going to help people. Nor am I going to be able to earn money.” I’ve used fear in a positive way. ‘Fear is such a common thing. If we could just accept that fear is part of life and then collect the tools to help us push past all our fears, we can all become stronger, more loving people. That’s the key. With the proper tools, we can push through all our fears. ‘One of my own plunging-into-fear things is to take more time off. I’m a workaholic and I am learning to take more time off to relax and play. We’re coming to the UK this summer for a vacation, not to work.’ (Laughs) It’s a nice fear to have to confront. Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes but it is fearful. When you are constantly working and you start pulling away, you feel, “Ah, got to get back, got to get back.” It’s just change, something new, that creates the fear. “ world so I am going to get it out there.” saved my life”… I think, “Wow, I don’t know The only way to get what it is, but I feel blessed to have been rid of the fear of ‘That time I succeeded. I thought later that able to help.”’ maybe it wasn’t that the world wasn’t ready doing something is for it. Maybe in the beginning, I wasn’t ready You survived divorce and later breast ” for it to get out there. When I finally did get cancer and you flourished. What other to go out and do it. it out there, I was ready.’ fearful events have you faced and overcome in your life? What was the reception to it? ‘My husband and I are now working Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I think all of us feel together. It’s wonderful. We have started Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Oh very, very, very fear almost every day of our lives about our own publishing company, Jeffers Press. positive. People around the world just something or other. Once you realise that We’re not only publishing my books but picked it up. It’s now in 100 countries, 36 fear isn’t something that will stop you and other people’s books too. Talk about “feeling languages and it’s celebrating its twentieth that there are tools to make you feel really the fear and doing it anyway” – it was fearful year. I get mail every single day from all over better about yourself and that you can to plunge into a new business, but I’m so the world and I have to tell you, I sit here in handle whatever life brings you, the fear proud of the books by other people that tears. My husband [media entrepreneur and really doesn’t matter. I’ve had fears about we’ve published so far. I’ve written 18 books TV producer Mark Shelmerdine] says, “Oh, money, fears about losing people that I love, so that if a new book of mine comes out, I you got another fan letter!” fears when I was raising my children … I’ve think, “That’s nice.” But when we published had fears about doing a talk, which was a the wonderful Shortcut to a Miracle, which ‘I’ve had people tell me that it saved their big fear, and over the years, I have pushed is a timely book about the Laws of the lives – they were contemplating suicide through that one. What I’ve learned is the Universe, including the Law of Attraction, – and I go to the book and flick through more you do something you are afraid of we went to Chicago for the book launch that it thinking, “What is in here that would do doing, the less you are afraid of doing it. the two authors had created. It was their that?” I think the advice I give is very good. That’s one of my five Fear Truths…the only first book and to be there watching their Obviously, it worked for me so well and I way to get rid of the fear of doing something excitement filled my heart with joy. knew it worked for others but to say, “It is to go out and do it.’ I thought, “That’s fabulous!”’ MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
  • 6. 6 COVER STORY FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR What exercises would you recommend We can do our very, very, very best but people do when they are confronted by there is so much that we cannot control. fear, perhaps when they are about to One thing we can control is our reaction deliver a presentation? to whatever happens to us. That gives us incredible power. We have a choice: are we Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘On my website going to feel miserable about something [www.susanjeffers.com], there’s a booklet that doesn’t go our way or are we going to I composed about affirmations that’s free say, “Okay, this happened. How can I learn to download. I love affirmations. People from it? How can I grow from it? How can I can use positive affirmations to overcome make it a triumph?” Those three questions the negative talk in their heads – the are very powerful. I’ve learned that if you “Chatterbox” I call it. Affirmations are really change your thinking, you can change your quite incredible. Someone going out on a experience of life.’ stage can repeat the affirmation, “Whatever happens, I’ll handle it.” So it’s about changing your state of mind if you’re feeling worried or scared? ‘They could also say “I’m giving my love away.” They are giving something away rather Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes. It’s also important than expecting something back. That’s a very to “Let go of the outcome.” I don’t mean powerful one and it means if some people don’t work to do the best you can. First, it like you, great, if some people don’t, great. helps us to grow to do the very best that You’re just giving your love away. we can. If it doesn’t work out the way we want it to – that’s just life. We grow from ‘I remember I had to give a talk at Madison it, move on and it’s part of what makes us Square Gardens and there were thousands strong. For example, my divorce from my and thousands of people in the audience. I first husband… it was very painful but oh, was there with a number of other speakers I learnt from it. It was probably one of the and each of us was to speak for an hour and most enriching parts of my life because a half. As I was about to walk onto the stage, I decided, “Okay, this has happened. I’m my husband gave me a big kiss and said, going to become stronger.” And I certainly “You’re going to be the best.” That didn’t did become stronger. feel right so I whispered to him, “Thank you, honey, and I appreciate it, but the next time, ‘In my books, I always combine the two just tell me I’ll be good enough.” And I felt words “power” and “love” and I think the relief. It’s the competition; the pushing to more confidence we have in ourselves to be the best rather than just giving away our handle whatever happens, the more loving love that makes us anxious and puts us at we become and the less needy we are. In a disadvantage. If we could all be there just my love book, The Feel The Fear Guide To giving away our love, that would make us all Lasting Love (Vermillion, 2005) I wrote that feel wonderful. neediness is so destructive in love; it’s also so destructive in work and with friends. The ‘I love the example of the Broadway actress, more confidence that we have in ourselves Mary Martin, who used to peek at her to handle whatever happens, the more we audience before she went out on to the stage can love. We can let go of the destructive and project the words, “I love you… I love emotions of anger, the need to control, you… I love you…” and it would take away jealousy, and so on. We can let go and say all her fear. Compare that to another actress to ourselves, “Well, I’m going to love. No who hadn’t learned this wonderful tool and games. If this person doesn’t return my love, would throw up before every performance.’ I know I can handle it all. There are so many “ beautiful people to love.”’ Surely, being detached from the results encourages a sense of helplessness or Your fear is passiveness about your ability to achieve anything? your workshop. That ties in with your idea of “embracing uncertainty”, of not having expectations ” Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I’m not talking about detachment. You have to allow your pain. When a relationship ends, it’s painful. Allow the tears knowing you will get to the other side. That’s what’s important. It’s not about about the outcome. denial. It’s not pseudo-positive thinking; it’s acknowledging the pain. It’s not the crying Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘I feel expectations of, “No, how can this happen to me?” It’s the for the most part create so much of our crying of, “Yes, this happened to me and I unhappiness. Because we’re not in control will make something wonderful out of it. of what happens in the outside world. I will ultimately get to the other side.” PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
  • 7. COVER STORY 7 FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR ‘You have to learn that whatever happens is people, I think it helps them throughout until it becomes relatively automatic. Then for your highest good. There’s a prayer in their lives. learn some more. It’s a life-long process. my latest newsletter which says, “No matter what happens in my life, I trust that it’s ‘My friend, Donna Gradstein and I wrote a ‘I was talking to my daughter one day and for my highest good and no matter what children’s book called I Can Handle It (Jeffers I was complaining about something and happens in the lives of those I love, I trust Press, 2006) and there are 50 stories about she said, “Mom, go and read your book.” that it’s for their highest good.” You do your little kids facing various problems in their (Laughs) Yes, it’s a lifelong process. best and you let go. That’s not helplessness lives and handling them. On one page is the because you cannot control everything out specific problem where the child in the story ‘Learning the art of appreciation is also so there but you can absolutely control your says, “But I can handle it.” On the opposite important. Strangely, I learnt that when I reaction to it. You can appreciate and feel page, the child handles it and ends with worked with the poor in Manhattan. So many blessed with what you have or you can make the words “See, I can handle it. Whatever of them appreciated everything they had in yourself miserable.’ happens, I can handle it.” By the end of the their lives. They were remarkably giving and “ book, the children will have heard or read it was an amazing experience to be with the phrase “I can handle it” 150 times. If the them. parent is reading the book to the child, then I call relationships the parent says the same affirmation ‘I also think it’s important to have “friendly” “I can handle it” 150 times. Powerful for both friends and what I mean by that is not to the greatest parent and child! have “Moan and Groan Society” friends – if you are with people who are always ” workshops going. ‘Repetition is important. You can read a self- complaining, you want to go home and take help book and get a lot out of it but unless a shower. Quite honestly, I dropped the you follow through and use the exercises in friends who were very negative. I used to be What have you learnt about courage and your daily life, it’s not going to make much one of them but now that I tend to be a very the most effective ways of instilling or of a difference. positive person, I love to be with people who unleashing that quality in other people? are also positive and who laugh a lot. There ‘I’ve been teaching this material for 25 years are certainly a lot of them out there and that Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Courage to me is and I still have affirmations to remind me is wonderful. pushing through fear. There are so many because the internal “Chatterbox” is always tools to help us do that, many of which there. Negativity comes into our lives all the ‘I also know that saying “thank you” a lot are included in my books. For example, time, so we need reminders. I wish that they helps you focus on abundance because you expanding your comfort zone. Every day, did teach confidence at a much earlier age constantly realise how much beauty is in just do a little something that you are a little by simply letting people know that they have your life.’ uncomfortable doing because of fear. Do an immense amount of power within them to it because you then expand what you are handle whatever happens.’ How do you suggest a coach best comfortable with. That’s very important. supports someone who is facing a fear? What other techniques do you recommend ‘Also, never see yourself as a victim. We to help people feel more joyful, happy or Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Don’t let them take the have to learn to take responsibility for our abundant? role of a victim. Show them that they can reactions to what happens to us in life. We be the creator of their experience. That have to use the tools to create a very rich Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Humour is so important. they can handle their reaction to whatever life so that if something goes bad in one On my desk, I have a statue of a laughing happens to them. In fact, I say in one of my area there’s a whole other part of our lives Buddha. I might be sitting there lamenting books that if you seek counselling in any that will sustain us. For example, when my about something and I look at my laughing way and the counsellor supports the victim daughter was in her twenties, she broke Buddha and realise that he doesn’t care that mentality and says, for example, “Oh you up with somebody and she called me and he’s fat (laughs), he doesn’t go to the gym, poor thing, if only your mother had stayed she was crying. She was very upset. All of a he doesn’t care that he’s alone or poor… home instead of working” then run away as sudden, she stopped crying and said, “Oh he’s happy and he makes me laugh about fast as you can. It’s important to be grateful I’ve got to go – I’m volunteering today at my situation and put it in perspective. I think that you were fed, you were dressed, and Habitat for Humanity. Bye Mom.” She had laughter is so important. I laugh a lot. you went to school and then move on to something meaningful in her life besides her create a beautiful life for yourself. Stop relationship. So, her life wasn’t empty. ‘You have to learn to laugh, even about using other people as an excuse for living an the serious things in life. For example, I unhappy life.’ ‘I have tools in all my books – I think in had a mastectomy and I never had a breast Embracing Uncertainty (Hodder Mobius, reconstruction but I have a prostheses. I joke You talk about creating a ‘wondering’ life 2003), there are 42. They are all meant to that my husband is the only one who can instead of a ‘hoping’ life. Is there really a give us strength and from that strength, take his wife’s breasts with him wherever difference? there’s the love. I think that loving yourself he goes. He can put one in his suitcase if is not about being selfish. It comes from he wants.’ (Laughs) ‘Humour is a very, very Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Oh, yes. Hoping has an understanding that you make a difference in important thing. expectation behind it. “I hope I get married the world. That helps us to love. I think that by the time I’m 30.” If you say, “I wonder when people don’t do good things – certain ‘I think commitment to learn the tools, to if I’ll be married by the time I’m 30” you politicians, for example – it’s because they use them in your life every single day is become the observer. You’re watching your don’t understand how important they are important. Someone said to me, “You know, life and you’re not caught up in the drama. in this world. The point is the more we I read and I read and nothing takes.” I said, You have the understanding that whatever understand we make a difference, the better “Nothing takes until you take it. You have to happens, you’ll handle it. I see a huge we behave. When you teach that to young take one exercise that you love and use it difference between the two.’ MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
  • 8. 8 COVER STORY FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR That sounds like a Buddhist teaching. Is that ‘It took me years to decide to leave my job, form of contentment gene within them that something that has influenced your life? which was such a wonderful, successful job, allows them to do that and that’s beautiful. but I felt I wasn’t growing any more. I’d been Everyone is different, just as with parenting: Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Yes, it has. I love there eight years and it was time to move I know there are women who love it. I the Buddhist philosophy among other on. It took me two years to become ready tease my son that he’s responsible for my philosophies. I’m not a religious person. to do that. I remember they had given me a Bachelor’s Degree, my Master’s Degree, and I am a spiritual person and by that, I mean 10th anniversary party and I felt bad because my Ph.D.… (laughing) anything to get out of all the tools that I create or have learnt are I knew the day was going to come when the house. There are people who are content about moving from the weakest part of who I would leave. A couple of months later, I with it; I just wasn’t. It was fearful going I am to the strongest, most loving part of woke up one morning and I knew it was the back to school. But I did it anyway. It’s all who I am. That to me is a spiritual process. day to do it. about learning and growing – we’re all on a It’s to live as much as you can in the arena journey and we do our best to take what’s of the Higher Self, the best of who you are. ‘You have to trust yourself, ask your in our lives and do something creative and I have a vision of a light, an energy that we subconscious mind what’s the best step to loving with it.’ can tune into which can guide us. What I take and then forget about it. Automatically believe so much about intuition is tuning you seem to move into the right direction if What advice would you give someone who into the energy that draws you to what is you have trust in yourself. is struggling with fear? Is it worth ‘taking best for your life.’ the plunge’? ‘I was fine when I did let go and I resigned When you confront fears, do you believe from my job. I had saved a lot of money. Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘At your own pace. Your in jumping in headfirst or dipping your I had met the man who would become my fear is your workshop. If you’re afraid of toe in the water? second husband and I moved to England to leaving the house and getting a job, that’s be with him. I was there for three years. That your workshop and so you have to learn the Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Whatever works for was where I originally tried to sell my first tools that help to do it. you as a human being. There are no rules. book. Nobody over there was into self-help Whenever somebody says they have THE at the time. I come and speak there now and ‘Everything in our lives can teach us answer, I’m suspicious. In Embracing I have to tell you there is such a dramatic something. I think if we can see it that way Uncertainty, I talk about the whole concept difference in the openness of the people in it really helps: what lessons am I going to of “I don’t know”. We don’t know anything the UK. When I was there originally, there learn? For example, I call relationships the for sure – it is all based on our experience, were no self-help books, just psychology greatest workshops going. As I explain in our learning, but it could change. I talk books by Freud, Jung and so on. The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love, if a about using the word “maybe” in Embracing problem comes up in a relationship, don’t Uncertainty. So you say, “This is the best way ‘When I couldn’t sell my book, I said to my be upset. It’s a great opportunity! Say to to do it… maybe.” Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. partner (now husband), “You know, I love yourself, “This is something I have to work you but I’m leaving. I have to go back to the on within me.” Pick up the mirror instead ‘As a coach, it’s important to understand United States where they’re more open to of the magnifying glass [to look at yourself that. You give people tools and they move self-help books.” Thankfully, he moved with rather than the other person]. “What is it forward at their own pace. Before I divorced me – he was a television producer – he’d about me that can be changed? Do I need my first husband, it took me two years to produced I Claudius and other wonderful to get out of the relationship? Do I need have a readiness and I think unconsciously television shows. So, we moved to Los to react differently to certain things that I was doing little things to prepare myself Angeles. The book sold within the year. There are happening? Do I need to become more – making new friends, getting new interests was energy behind it. My new agent loved it.’ loving?” “ – so by the time I decided I was going to get divorced, I was ready. When you made a commitment to it then “ it sold? Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Exactly. Commitment You have to trust yourself. ” and readiness. Afterwards, when Mark If a problem moved over to the US to be with me, we got comes up, it’s married. Our relationship is phenomenal. I feel so blessed. My daughter came to me not bad: it’s just on her wedding day and she looked at Mark ‘If a problem comes up, it’s not bad: it’s and me and said, “Thank you for showing us just your clue that something needs to be your clue that what love looks like.”’ learned. To me, that’s a powerful way to go something needs Is fear a guide to someone’s life purpose? through life.’ ” to be learned. Dr Susan Jeffers: ‘Very often. First, every FURTHER INFORMATION time you try something new you’re going to experience fear. The things we want the For more information about the work ‘People say, “I don’t know why I can’t leave most are often the things we most fear of Dr Susan Jeffers and to receive her my husband/wife, it’s a bad relationship.” approaching. We just have to learn the tools monthly newsletter, please visit her The answer is, “It’s because you’re not for pushing through it. website at www.susanjeffers.com. ready.” What you have to do as a coach is to *Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway® by provide more and more tools to help people ‘Some people are very happy in a very Susan Jeffers, 20th anniversary edition, become stronger. One day, they will be laid back life and they don’t need to push published in 2007 by Vermillion. ready… maybe. (Laughs) through things. They must have some PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
  • 9. REVIEWS 9 BOOK REVIEWS BOOK REVIEW BOOK REVIEW BOOK REVIEW The Trainer’s Toolkit Excellence in Coaching – The Industry The One Moment Master – Bringing Brain- Guide Edited by John Passmore (Kogan (Stillness for People Friendly Learning Page, 2006) on the Go) by Martin To Life Boroson (Rider, Random by Kimberley Hare Books and reports about ‘best practice’ House Group, 2007). and Larry Reynolds run the danger of being bought but never Reviewed by Diana (Crown House read and whose real usefulness doesn’t Theodores, PhD. Publishing, 2005) extend beyond propping up wonky tables. Worthy but dull. Thankfully, this Martin Boroson invites us If you are involved is NOT one of those dust-gatherers… on a step-by-step discovery in training others it’s crammed with cutting-edge ideas about being in the moment and want to make in the field of workplace coaching that and the profoundly your programmes, will be useful for student coaches and empowering imprint for workshops or seminars established practitioners alike. living this offers. The more engaging and effective, subtitle of the book, Stillness for then get this book. It explains in a lively, It has contributions from coaching People on the Go provides the clue to the fun way how brain-friendly learning industry figures including Anthony Grant, heart of the content: this is a book about (accelerated learning) works and then John Whitmore, Ian McDermott, Graham how to achieve the remarkable benefits of provides practical advice on how to Alexander, Cary Cooper, Katherine Tulpa, meditation in as short a time as possible. incorporate it into your training. Peter Hawkins, Michael Neenan, Alex Szabo, Phillipe Rosinski, Carol Wilson, He understands our plight – that because we Brain-friendly learning, say the authors, Allard de Jong, Hetty Einzig, Frank are tyrannised by time and obsessed with time is not about techniques and gimmicks Bresser, Maria Alicia Pena and Geoffrey management we therefore imagine ourselves and putting on a bit of baroque music or Abbot, and covers an overview of as time poor. He posits that meditation is playing fun games. It’s a movement to coaching, coaching within organisations, not about how long we need to be still or to recover the real joy of learning – ethics, supervision and organisational exercise transcendental prowess but rather, combining sizzle with substance – issues as well as how short a time it can take us to be aware, and helping people become even more practical information receptive and fully alive to the moment. outstanding at the work they have on running a chosen to do. coaching practice. With a constantly supportive, down to earth The book also and witty voice, he eases us into the benefits contains information of meditation (such as calmness, self- on behavioural awareness, clarity of thought, compassion, WHAT DO YOU THINK? coaching, solution- radiance and energy) in just the time it takes Have you read a personal development book, focused coaching, to inhale and exhale – a moment. listened to an audio programme or attended NLP coaching, a seminar and want to share your views on transpersonal So how can we be in the moment? Boroson it? Tell us what you did or didn’t like and coaching, integrative takes us through a sequence of practical whether you’d recommend it. We can withhold your name and details if you prefer. Email: coaching and inter- exercises, beginning with what he calls the team@theacademyclub.com cultural coaching. ‘basic minute’ meditation and culminating in one ‘moment’. Along the way, we experience ‘the portable minute’, ‘the energising THE MIND GYM minute’, ‘the surprise minute’, and ‘the bonus minute’. I have started using some Five ways to create your own luck by The Mind Gym of the exercises and concepts from this book with clients in performance coaching 1. Be proactive. Don’t wait for things to happen. sessions as well as in group programmes Go out and seize the opportunities. in communication, presenting and leading 2. Talk to people. The more information you gather the teams. The relaxed receptivity that results in more likely you are to find that lucky break. People ‘being present’ and being ‘in the moment’ need to know what you are looking for in order to tell transforms anxiety into curiosity and fears of you where it is. being in the spotlight into a state of genuine 3. View failure as a way to learn – many great people dialogue and participation with others. have learnt through a range of mistakes. 4. Don’t dwell on past misfortunes. Engulf yourself in The beauty of this book is its simplicity and positive vibes – if you think of yourself as unlucky it the premise that we have everything we need is likely to come true. ‘Luckily’ this works the other right here and right now to wake up. way around too. 5. Share your good luck. Congratulate others who contributed. I’ve read The One Moment Master a few If people think they will gain from your good luck then they times now and it delights and instructs me will be more inclined to make it happen again. more with each reading. It is a cool, wise, and reassuring touch on our furrowed and Give your mind a workout and visit The Mind Gym for tips, effortful collective brow. information and techniques at www.themindgym.com. MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
  • 10. 10 PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU FEEL HAPPY NOW Feel Happy Now You can feel happy whatever your The solutions he discovered he now shares happiness when a particular condition or circumstances, so says Michael with thousands of people around the world, state is reached (when we have X amount Neill, author, radio host, Master NLP through his books, radio show, teachings in our savings account, are with the man or Trainer and the man Paul McKenna and private coaching. woman of our dreams, are a certain body weight, or our favourite sports team is at the describes as ‘the finest Success Coach ‘I have refined these solutions with my top of the league or whatever else we decide in the world today’. He talks about students and clients over the past 16 must happen before we allow ourselves to happiness, success and coaching. years and tested each one of them in the feel ‘happy’). By Marie-Louise Cook. laboratory of my experience. Over that time, I have become happier and happier,’ he says ‘If all there was to happiness was getting at the beginning of his latest book, Feel what you wanted, the richest and most Michael Happy Now (Hay House, 2007). outwardly successful people in our society would be the happiest,’ he says. ‘But it only Neill The reason many of us never get to experience happiness on a regular basis (or takes a quick glance through the pages of today’s newspapers before you are reading even at all) is that we’ve been looking in the about the latest miserable millionaire or wrong place, chasing a ‘thing’ that doesn’t celebrity scandal. The reality is simply this: To write books about how to ‘have what you actually exist. your happiness does not depend on getting want’ and how to ‘feel happy now’ is a bold or having what you want.’ move, especially when the author confesses ‘Happiness is the process of creating and he spent most of his teenage years on a experiencing good feelings in your body The second myth is that is impossible to manic-depressive rollercoaster ride that and mind, moment by moment,’ he says. be happy in certain circumstances. ‘While came close to an abrupt suicidal end on at ‘When you recognise happiness as a process, it may or may not be possible to be happy “ least one occasion. not a thing, you realise you can do it or not do it, you can get better at it, and you can ultimately master it.’ When you recognise His book is about ‘unreasonable happiness’, happiness as a process... your ability to feel happy not only when you realise you can do it something wonderful happens (you get a promotion, win the lottery, and fall in love or not do it, you can get with the man or woman of your dreams) but better at it, and you can also when something not so great happens ” (you lose the job, have no money and are ultimately master it. dumped by that special person). Its aim is to help you to become happier – to feel more good feelings and to be more comfortable That he climbed unaided out of that morass with the bad ones. of self-inflicted misery and is now a huge success – coach to a bunch of Hollywood One of the three great stars and top CEOs, author of two best-selling myths surrounding books*, host of a weekly radio show with over ‘happiness’ is that 60,000 listeners, and the trainer of future we will only NLP practitioners alongside Paul McKenna experience and NLP’s founder, Richard Bandler – is surely proof enough that the techniques he discovered in his quest for happiness do work. As a miserable teenager, it would have been so easy to accept a chemical cocktail of prescribed happiness – the hospital staff were very willing to do the honours – but thankfully he made the decision to look for other ways to feel better. PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
  • 11. PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU 11 FEEL HAPPY NOW all the time, it is certainly possible to be happy at any time,’ says Michael. ‘In fact, Question & Answer Session Michael Neill: ‘You’ve just hit on the each one of those situations you think of as fundamental myth of coaching. Coaching ‘making’ you unhappy is simply an area of Personal Success: How do you define is not therapy. Coaching is not saying, “I’m your life in which you think that it would be coaching? broken, fix me.” Coaching is saying, “I want inappropriate to feel happy (for example, at more.” So you’re saying I shouldn’t have a funeral) or that feeling happy would be in Michael Neill: ‘I can define coaching in a Happiness Coach because I’m already some way bad for you.’ the two questions I ask all my clients in a happy? If I never, ever, ever was stuck then dozen different ways nearly every time we maybe it wouldn’t make sense to have a The third myth is that unhappiness is good for speak… Question One: What do you want? coach but if there’s a situation where I’m us. ‘When we start to justify our bad feelings Question Two: What stops you? stuck, to be able to have someone to coach as being good for us (or worse still, our me and half an hour later not be stuck good feelings as being bad for us), we keep ‘If we want to be able to create more of that’s really cool. Sometimes somebody ourselves stuck in a self-fulfilling rut. Ironically, what we want in our lives, it is incredibly else is better suited to help than I am. That the state of discomfort most of us put important to begin by identifying what it is trusting myself. ourselves into to better deal with our problems is. As I say in my book, You Can Have What is the worst possible state in which to deal You Want, “When you get really clear and ‘One of the misunderstandings of the with them. Like pouring fuel on a fire, meeting honest about what you want, everything in coaching world is that you’re supposed difficulties with anger, fear and sadness tends the Universe conspires to help you get it.”’ to get to a point where you don’t need to make things more, well difficult.’ coaching any more. No, with therapy I “ Do you have a coach? think you should get to a point where you don’t need it any more because it’s about Michael Neill: ‘I have three or four at all taking something that’s not working and Your happiness times. They change according to what making it work. I love having a team that’s there for me when I need it. When I don’t I want to work on and what I want to does not depend on develop. At the moment, I’m working need them, I don’t use them.’ with Steve Chandler, who is a best-selling getting or having author in his own right (The Story of You) How long have you been coaching? what you want. ” and has done that whole circuit which is the world that I’m beginning to move Michael Neill: ‘I started coaching in the into. I hired him because I want to work sense that I called it ‘coaching’ in 1996. with somebody who’s gone through what Before that, I was doing therapy, which I did The Formula For Happiness I’m going through so there’s an element from 1990. I have been acting since I was a of mentorship as well as coaching. He’s kid. I came to England to go to drama school To feel happy now and whenever you want also somebody who when I tell him what’s in 1987. I started acting professionally in for the rest of your life, you need to give going on with me, doesn’t go, “Oh my 1990 and acted full-time actually.’ yourself better feelings, tell yourself better God, really? That’s so cool. How do I get stories and act on your inner knowing, he that?” He’s already a little further down Did you do an NLP course? says. ‘The better you feel, the better stories that path from me. you tend to tell yourself about your life. The Michael Neill: ‘I did every NLP course I could better stories you tell yourself about your ‘I have a Spiritual Coach named Peter find. The thing is I wasn’t doing it to become life, the easier it is to do what you know is Fenner and a (for lack of a better word) a coach or therapist or anything. right for you. The more you do what you Integrity Coach named Bill Cumming. It’s I did it because I was absolutely messed up in know is right for you, the better you feel. interesting not only for myself but how I the head and NLP was the first thing I came can bring the essence of what they do – in across that really helped me – I was not a ‘Whatever we do consistently, we get better non-threatening ways – into the work that I happy guy. I had no reason to be which made at. If we practise anger, we get better at do with clients. it worse. I used to beat myself up about it, being angry. If we practise shutting down “Oh you’ve got no reason. You should just get our emotions, we get better at feeling ‘I also occasionally do one-on-one sessions over it. Your life is fine.” But I was horribly, depressed. And if we practise with people who’ve proven to be useful horribly depressed and paranoid. giving ourselves better as touchstones over the years – one’s a feelings, telling ourselves Happiness Coach named Mandy Evans ‘I always thought of the teaching and better stories and acting and one is a Psychic Coach named Lynn therapy as a sort of filling in between acting on our inner knowing, Robinson. jobs and then in 1995, I worked 365 days we will get better as an actor on stage, radio and television, and better at feeling ‘It’s all grist for the mill. The more I learn, and I really missed teaching and working happy.’ the more I can then share with clients.’ with people. That was when I decided to become a coach. I still acted but it was no Why do you have a Happiness Coach? longer the day job – I do both now. In your book, You Can Have What You Want, you say, ‘I’m in the business of ‘When I moved to the States [to pursue having a wonderful life…’ From that, I an acting career], I continued to do both would have thought you would already – I did a TV pilot, I did some cartoons be happy. (Scooby Doo) – then I just hit a point where MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS
  • 12. 12 PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU FEEL HAPPY NOW I realised I wasn’t getting the same buzz problems but as it happens, it was slightly ‘wonderful life’ thing is the one thing that off acting that I used to. By then I loved less interesting to me because it wasn’t all of my clients want but they define that being in Hollywood, I loved working with my world. This is my world – I remember completely differently.’ Hollywood folk, so it made sense for me driving through one of the canyons in to be in LA in a different way. I still do Hollywood and a client phoning me and What do you do when someone is stuck voiceovers and act from time to time, I saying, “I’ve got a meeting with [film and refuses to move on? did some a couple of weeks ago, but I director Steven] Spielberg tomorrow, don’t chase it anymore. If it comes and if can you come and help me prep?” I was Michael Neill: ‘If they already had it I’m interested, I’ll take it.’ so happy whereas when I was mostly together, most of them wouldn’t have working with business clients, I’d get a hired me. It’s like people shouldn’t run Do you use NLP in your coaching? call, “We’ve got a merger meeting with ‘Procrastination’ workshops and expect IBM tomorrow, come and help us prep” people to turn up on time; people Michael Neill: ‘Yes, funnily enough I and I’d go, “Sure.” It’s the same thing but shouldn’t run ‘From Poverty to Wealth’ wouldn’t necessarily say it’s even the one of them was glamorous, exciting and workshops and expect people to not dominant mode. Sometimes when fun and the other one was okay. hassle them about payment. people first talk to me and they know my background, there is a tendency for them ‘It still is – I still work with people in ‘Many of my clients are extremely to think, “Oh, he’s going to see inside my business. They’ve told me the thing they comfortable and they want me because brain every time we speak.” If something’s like about me is that I’m not impressed. they want more or because they want me up and that’s an appropriate thing to do I don’t work with anyone who at some on their team. It’s not like a surprise if then of course I’ll do that – everything I point isn’t willing to face that. I don’t they are stuck.’ do is informed by that skillset but it’s not pretend – it doesn’t work. It’s less a moral necessarily the primary technique I use. stance than a practical one. Lying doesn’t What would your client have to do or get you very far and lying to your coach, not do for you to fire them? ‘I had a client this week who said, “Look, which everyone does, is a great way to I know we normally talk about business stay stuck. Michael Neill: ‘If they’re continuously but I’m scared to get in the car. I wound saying one thing and doing another and up driving to this business meeting at 30 ‘I got two emails last night from clients I’ve called them on it and it hasn’t shifted, miles an hour because I was so freaked. – one from the States and one from at that point, I say, “Okay, I’m not up for Can we work on that?” So, we did that so Denmark just coming clean about stuff. this.” It’s not even, “Call me when you get she could drive to her meetings. That’s All I had said on the phone was, “There’s it together” – it’s that I have better things fine – it’s just part of the service.’ clearly something else going on. If and to do with my life. I really do. when you’re ready to talk about it, it’s “ probably worth it.” ‘Very few people can stay stuck if you’re willing to confront them. If I’m willing ‘I had an idea what the problems were and to say to somebody, “Look, clearly your This idea of not as it happens, I was right but boom, they husband is cheating on you and you’re giving advice comes went there and now we can really start. not willing to look at that – I don’t care but it seems to be getting in the way of from some bizarre ‘We get so used to putting the right face us talking about your relationship. Do you idea that your clients out but usually that’s what’s getting in want to talk about this or not?” At that the way of us getting anywhere.’ point, they either tell me to get lost or are so pathetic and they tell me the truth or a little bit of the helpless that if you How long do your clients stay working truth. with you? tell them what to do ‘I think the worse advice coaches get is ” they have to do it. Michael Neill: ‘I’ve been coaching some people for years and years and years, to not give advice. It amuses me no end because that’s like saying, “Okay, I want but on average it’s three months to a you to go in and fight but I want you to year. That’s because of the way that tie one arm behind your back.” I work: in the short term, it’s more Are the problems your famous clients intensive with regularly scheduled calls ‘What I do think is great advice is this: have any different from those of but after that a lot of people like to keep don’t expect your clients to follow your ‘normal’ people? me on their team the way they keep advice. I don’t give advice because I think a lawyer on the team. They pay me a my clients should follow it – I give advice Michael Neill: ‘Human beings are human retainer and use me when they need me because I think it’s going to provoke a beings, they want to be happy, they want and it works for them and for me. response – and that response may be to great relationships, they want to have tell me to “f*** off” – which is great – or more than enough money, they want ‘I’ve always had a couple of very simple it may be, “That fits with what I’ve been to feel successful, to be admired. When criteria for whom I coach. I have to look thinking” or it may be to say, “What do I was primarily working with business forward to talking to them each week you think about this?” To not be allowed executives, it was the same set of and they have to be able to pay me. The to give advice, that’s weird.’ PERSONAL SUCCESS - MAY 2007
  • 13. PEOPLE TO INSPIRE YOU 13 FEEL HAPPY NOW How much do you charge? to do it. No they don’t. They’ll do exactly to help you clarify your thinking. Where what the hell they want to do. And if you it stops being useful is when you start Michael Neill: ‘I charge US$7,500 treat them like people who are capable staying up nights thinking, “I don’t a quarter (about £3,800). That’s for 12 and able, guess what, they are. know – is this person my niche? You weeks of coaching. Usually I’ll do some know, I’d love to work with them but I longer sessions in the first week or ‘Don’t be afraid to love them. That’s a lot can’t because they’re not in my niche.” two so we can get to know each other of what makes human interaction work. It’s that point where it becomes the new and build momentum, and then go to It’s okay. There’s nothing weird in that, rule. It would be a shame to not work with a weekly half-hour session. I’m also there’s nothing wrong in that. If somebody your perfect client because they didn’t fit available by email and for extra phone loves you and you know it, and somebody your ‘perfect client profile’. check-ins as needed. My point of view is believes in you and you know it, you’re that you hire me to be available when you going to walk through walls for them. So, ‘On our Coach Mastery Workshop, my need me. That’s not to say I’m going to do it. If you prefer being bullied – do it. friend Michele Lisenbury Christensen be at your beck and call but if between I will bully the hell out of my clients but and I identified about 40 strategies that sessions something comes up and you it’s in context of loving kindness and in a coaches can use to build a practice that really need a chat, call me. If I can’t talk context of, I know they can do it. Do I ever are completely different depending on to you, I won’t. That’s the deal I have. get that wrong? I’m sure I do and they’ll what the person’s skillset is. We say, “If It’s a retainer. If somebody abused that usually say, “Ouch” and I’ll stop. you like doing these kinds of things, this and started calling all the time, then is a good strategy for you. If you don’t, I probably wouldn’t work with them ‘It’s not rocket science – let them be the this is a crap strategy for you.” anymore but none of my clients ever expert on their own life but don’t deny have. I want to be a part of their success your own expertise. ‘Somebody will go, “Oh they did it that and so being accessible is part of the fun way, I have to do it that way. Oh, they of it. ‘With a good coach, you can create networked. I hate networking but let something amazing. If you can keep me try and like it and become good at it those two things alive at the same time, because it works.” No, networking works ‘I also do a yearly retainer at US$25,000 that it’s all about the client and they’ve for people who like networking. It’s a (£12,500) for ongoing clients and got all the resources, but if you’re good at bloody nightmare for everyone else. I hate face-to-face breakthrough sessions for what you do then they’re going to be able it. I was about to say, “I wouldn’t go to a US$3,000/US$5,000 (£1,500/£2,500) to do so much more with those resources network evening even if you paid me” – I depending on the amount of time and the when they work with you than before probably would go if you paid me but I number of people involved. Those tend they worked with you. That to me is the would never go if you didn’t. That’s not to be more directly NLP-based, and have perfect balance.’ my thing. I love radio. I do a radio show. been proving extremely popular since I Is it marketing? Probably technically it made them available.’ In a way, you have the ultimate niche is. Do I think of it as marketing? Heck “ combining acting and coaching. no, I do a radio show. I write a tip. Is it marketing? Technically, sure. Do I do Michael Neill: ‘That’s how it looks from it because it’s marketing? No, I do it If we practise the outside. The problem with saying that because I like to do it.’ is there’s going to be a whole load of giving ourselves people who will read that and go, “Okay, So again, it’s not about following the better feelings, what’s the perfect niche for me? I must rules but following your heart? find one. Let me find a Niche-Finding telling ourselves Coach.” I just do what I love and it’s Michael Neill: ‘Absolutely but taking that better stories and turned out that a lot of my clients work in out of the realm of, “Oh that’s pretty, the entertainment industry now. I never American and twee” and into the realm of acting on our inner went looking for a perfect niche. I went “No, it just works. I make a lot of money knowing, we will get following what was in my heart. That’s doing what I do because I follow my the thing, the difference, in the way I heart.” Don’t do it my way unless my way better and better at work.’ happens to perfectly work for you.’ ” feeling happy. And that’s really the essence of your FURTHER INFORMATION books, isn’t it? Visit Michael Neill’s website at What advice do you have for other Michael Neill: ‘Yeah. Don’t follow some www.geniuscatalyst.com and listen coaches? abstract idea of what you’re supposed to his radio programme by visiting to want thinking it will get you what you www.hayhouseradio.com. Michael Neill: ‘Don’t treat your clients really want.’ like little babies. This idea of not giving advice comes from some bizarre idea that Is looking for a niche wrong then? *You Can Have What You Want by Michael your clients are so pathetic and helpless Neill (Hay House, 2006) and Feel Happy that if you tell them what to do they have Michael Neill: ‘No, it’s a useful process Now by Michael Neill (Hay House, 2007). MAY 2007 - PERSONAL SUCCESS