The Wisdom of Dumb Jocks

The only problem with
The Wisdom progress is that it went
on too long
of Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

We're going to turn this
We're going to turn this Half of this game is 90
Half of this game is 90
team around 360 degrees.
team around 360 degrees. percent mental.
percent mental.
Basketball player Jason Kidd, upon
Basketball player Jason Kidd, upon Philadelphia Phillies manager
Philadelphia Phillies manager
his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks Danny Ozark
Danny Ozark

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II called the doctor & he
called the doctor & he We only have one
We only have one
told me the contraptions
told me the contraptions person to blame &
person to blame &
were an hour apart
were an hour apart that’s each other
that’s each other
Mackey Sasser, NY Mets catcher
Mackey Sasser, NY Mets catcher NY Ranger Barry Beck
NY Ranger Barry Beck
on events leading up to the birth
on events leading up to the birth
of his first child
of his first child

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 1

We are experiencing
We are experiencing Mike Andrews’ limits
Mike Andrews’ limits
audio technicalities
audio technicalities are limitless
are limitless
Announcer Ralph Kiner
Announcer Ralph Kiner Philadelphia Phillies manager
Philadelphia Phillies manager
Danny Ozark
Danny Ozark

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II want to gain 1500 or
want to gain 1500 or We made too many
We made too many
2000 yards, which ever
2000 yards, which ever wrong mistakes.
wrong mistakes.
comes first.
comes first.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
New Orleans running back
New Orleans running back
George Rogers
George Rogers

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

If there’s a pileup,
If there’s a pileup, II must have had
must have had
they’ll have to give
they’ll have to give ambrosia.
ambrosia.
some of the players
some of the players
artificial insemination.
artificial insemination. Milwaukee Brewer Jim Gantner
Milwaukee Brewer Jim Gantner
on why he forgot to appear on
on why he forgot to appear on
a talk show
a talk show
TV announcer Curt Gowdy
TV announcer Curt Gowdy
during a game marked by heavy
during a game marked by heavy
rains that flooded the field
rains that flooded the field

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 2

II want to thank all those
want to thank all those You give a 100 percent
You give a 100 percent
who made this night
who made this night is the first half of the
is the first half of the
necessary
necessary game & if it isn’t
game & if it isn’t
enough, in the second
enough, in the second
Yogi Berra addressing the crowd
Yogi Berra addressing the crowd half you give what’s left
half you give what’s left
at an event in his honor
at an event in his honor
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Mickey Mantle’s a
Mickey Mantle’s a If you can’t imitate him,
If you can’t imitate him,
switch hitter because
switch hitter because don’t copy him
don’t copy him
he’s amphibious
he’s amphibious
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II got a touch of
got a touch of II wish II had an answer to
wish had an answer to
pantomime poisoning.
pantomime poisoning. that because I’m getting
that because I’m getting
tired of answering that
tired of answering that
Yogi Berra explaining why he
Yogi Berra explaining why he question.
question.
couldn’t play a game
couldn’t play a game
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 3

The similarities
The similarities This is the greatest
This is the greatest
between me & my
between me & my country in America
country in America
father are different.
father are different.
Florida State coach Bill Peterson
Dale Berra, Yogi Berra’s son
Dale Berra, Yogi Berra’s son

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Wrist wrestling is 90%
Wrist wrestling is 90% I’m the football coach
I’m the football coach
strength & 40%
strength & 40% around here & don’t
around here & don’t
technique.
technique. you remember it.
you remember it.
John Walker, world wrist-
John Walker, world wrist- Florida State coach Bill Peterson
wrestling champion
wrestling champion

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

I’ve never had major
I’ve never had major It’s not a matter of life &
It’s not a matter of life &
knee surgery on any
knee surgery on any death - it’s much more
death - it’s much more
other part of my body.
other part of my body. important than that.
important than that.
Kentucky basketball player
Kentucky basketball player Boxing promoter Lou Duva
Boxing promoter Lou Duva
Winston Bennett
Winston Bennett

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 4

If II found a million
If found a million I’d fight him for nothing
I’d fight him for nothing
dollars, I’d find the
dollars, I’d find the if the price was right.
if the price was right.
fellow who lost it & if he
fellow who lost it & if he
was poor, I’d return it.
was poor, I’d return it. Boxer Marlon Starling
Boxer Marlon Starling

Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Some quiet guys are
Some quiet guys are That picture was taken
That picture was taken
inwardly outgoing.
inwardly outgoing. out of context.
out of context.
Announcer Ralph Kiner
Announcer Ralph Kiner New York pitcher Jeff Innis
New York pitcher Jeff Innis
commenting on a bad
commenting on a bad
picture taken of him
picture taken of him

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Nobody goes there
Nobody goes there II didn’t really say
didn’t really say
anymore, it’s too
anymore, it’s too everything II said.
everything said.
crowded.
crowded.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra on why he didn’t
Yogi Berra on why he didn’t
want to go to dinner at a
want to go to dinner at a
particular restaurant
particular restaurant

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 5

He can run any time
He can run any time It isn’t like II came down
It isn’t like came down
he wants - I’m giving
he wants - I’m giving from Mount Sinai with
from Mount Sinai with
him the red light.
him the red light. the tabloids
the tabloids
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra Indianapolis Colts coach Ron
Indianapolis Colts coach Ron
Meyer
Meyer

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

My sister is expecting a
My sister is expecting a Me and George and Billy
Me and George and Billy
baby & I’m not sure
baby & I’m not sure are two of a kind.
are two of a kind.
whether I’m going to be
whether I’m going to be
an uncle or an aunt.
an uncle or an aunt. Texas Ranger player
Texas Ranger player
Mickey Rivers
Mickey Rivers
Basketball player Chuck Nevitt
Basketball player Chuck Nevitt

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Baseball is 90 percent
Baseball is 90 percent Anyone who can’t hear
Anyone who can’t hear
mental. The other half
mental. The other half the difference between
the difference between
is physical.
is physical. a ball hitting wood and
a ball hitting wood and
a ball hitting concrete
a ball hitting concrete
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra must be blind.
must be blind.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 6

It was hard to have a
It was hard to have a Last night II neglected to
Last night neglected to
conversation with
conversation with mention something that
mention something that
anyone, there were so
anyone, there were so bears repeating.
bears repeating.
many people talking.
many people talking.
Broadcaster Ron Fairly
Broadcaster Ron Fairly
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

If II wasn’t talking, II
If wasn’t talking, If you come to a fork in
If you come to a fork in
wouldn’t know what
wouldn’t know what the road, take it.
the road, take it.
to say.
to say.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
New York Islander goalie
New York Islander goalie
Chico Resch
Chico Resch

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

You can observe a lot
You can observe a lot Not only is Moorehead
Not only is Moorehead
by watching.
by watching. ambidextrous, but he
ambidextrous, but he
can throw with either
can throw with either
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra hand
hand
Michigan football coach Duffy
Michigan football coach Duffy
Daugherty
Daugherty

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 7

We all get heavier as we
We all get heavier as we Line up alphabetically
Line up alphabetically
get older because there’s
get older because there’s by height
by height
a lot more information in
a lot more information in
our heads.
our heads. Baseball coach Casey Stengel
Baseball coach Casey Stengel

Basketball player Vlade Divac
Basketball player Vlade Divac

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

When we got behind in
When we got behind in Our strength is that we
Our strength is that we
the twelfth inning II
the twelfth inning don’t have any
don’t have any
wasn’t apprehensive
wasn’t apprehensive weaknesses. Our
weaknesses. Our
...but II was scared.
...but was scared. weakness is that we don’t
weakness is that we don’t
have any real strengths.
have any real strengths.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Arkansas football coach Frank
Arkansas football coach Frank
Broyles
Broyles
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Ball handling &
Ball handling & These people haven’t
These people haven’t
dribbling are my
dribbling are my seen the last of my face.
seen the last of my face.
strongest weaknesses.
strongest weaknesses. If II go down, I’m going
If go down, I’m going
down standing up.
down standing up.
Denver basketball star David
Denver basketball star David
Thompson
Thompson Indiana Pacers basketball
Indiana Pacers basketball
player Chuck Person
player Chuck Person

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 8

If the fans don’t want
If the fans don’t want Hey, they spelled
Hey, they spelled
to come out to the
to come out to the my name wrong!
my name wrong!
park, how are you
park, how are you Yogi Berra upon receiving a
Yogi Berra upon receiving a
going to stop them?
going to stop them? check made out “To Bearer”
check made out “To Bearer”
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II never set out to hurt
never set out to hurt You wouldn’t have won
You wouldn’t have won
anybody deliberately
anybody deliberately if we had beaten you.
if we had beaten you.
unless it was, you know,
unless it was, you know, Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
important - like a league
important - like a league
game or something.
game or something.
Dick Butkus, linebacker
Dick Butkus, linebacker

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II don’t know & II
don’t know & We’ll do all right if
We’ll do all right if
don’t care.
don’t care. we capitalize on our
we capitalize on our
mistakes.
mistakes.
Utah Jazz forward Jeff
Utah Jazz forward Jeff
Wilkens when asked whether
Wilkens when asked whether Texas Ranger’s player
Texas Ranger’s player
his bad play in a game was
his bad play in a game was Mickey Rivers
Mickey Rivers
due to ignorance or apathy
due to ignorance or apathy

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 9

Either give me what II
Either give me what If there’s a 50% chance
If there’s a 50% chance
demand or I’ll take
demand or I’ll take we’ll repeat as American
we’ll repeat as American
what you’re offering.
what you’re offering. League champs, you
League champs, you
gotta remember that
gotta remember that
New York Yankee
New York Yankee
manager Joe Torre
manager Joe Torre
there’s also a 75%
there’s also a 75%
chance that we won’t.
chance that we won’t.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II found a delivery in
found a delivery in Congratulations on
Congratulations on
my flaw.
my flaw. breaking my record. II
breaking my record.
always thought the
always thought the
Kansas City relief pitcher
Kansas City relief pitcher record would stand until
Dan Quisenberry
record would stand until
Dan Quisenberry it was broken.
it was broken.
Yogi Berra in a telegram to
Yogi Berra in a telegram to
Johnny Bench after Bench
Johnny Bench after Bench
broke Berra’s home run record.
broke Berra’s home run record.
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II wasn’t in a slump -
wasn’t in a slump - II have nothing to say.
have nothing to say.
II just wasn’t getting
just wasn’t getting And I’ll only say it once.
And I’ll only say it once.
any hits.
any hits. Toronto Maple Leaf coach
Toronto Maple Leaf coach
Oakland A’s baseball player Floyd Smith
Floyd Smith
Oakland A’s baseball player
Dave Henderson
Dave Henderson

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 10

Sometimes they write
Sometimes they write Strength is my biggest
Strength is my biggest
what II say & not what
what say & not what weakness.
weakness.
II mean.
mean. New Mexico basketball player
New Mexico basketball player
St. Louis Cardinal player Mark Snow
Mark Snow
St. Louis Cardinal player
Pedro Guerrero
Pedro Guerrero

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

You couldn’t keep a
You couldn’t keep a Tonight we’re honoring
Tonight we’re honoring
conversation going.
conversation going. one of the all-time
one of the all-time
Everybody was
Everybody was greats in baseball, Stan
greats in baseball, Stan
talking too much.
talking too much. Musial. He’s immoral.
Musial. He’s immoral.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra sportscaster Johnny Logan
sportscaster Johnny Logan

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

II went hunting in
went hunting in There is one word in
There is one word in
Manitoba, one of those
Manitoba, one of those America that says it all
America that says it all
Canadian proverbs.
Canadian proverbs. - that one word is
- that one word is
“You never know.”
“You never know.”
Milwaukee Brewer baseball player
Milwaukee Brewer baseball player
Jim Gantner
Jim Gantner Houston Astro pitcher
Houston Astro pitcher
Joaquin Andujar
Joaquin Andujar

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 11

Chicago Cubs outfielder
Chicago Cubs outfielder Nobody in football
Nobody in football
Andre Dawson on being
Andre Dawson on being should be called a
should be called a
a role model: II want all
a role model: want all genius. A genius is a
genius. A genius is a
the kids to do what II do,
the kids to do what do, guy like Norman
guy like Norman
to look up to me. II want
to look up to me. want Einstein.
Einstein.
all the kids to copulate
all the kids to copulate
me.
me. Football commentator and
Football commentator and
former player Joe Theisman
former player Joe Theisman
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Because she's too damn
Because she's too damn I'm going to graduate on
I'm going to graduate on
ugly to kiss goodbye.
ugly to kiss goodbye. time, no matter how
time, no matter how
Houston Oiler coach
Houston Oiler coach long it takes.
long it takes.
Bum Phillips when
Bum Phillips when
asked by Bob Costas Senior basketball player at the
Senior basketball player at the
asked by Bob Costas University of Pittsburgh:
University of Pittsburgh:
why he takes his wife on
why he takes his wife on
all the road trips
all the road trips
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

You guys line up,
You guys line up, Why would anyone
Why would anyone
alphabetically by height.
alphabetically by height. expect him to come out
expect him to come out
And You guys pair up in
And You guys pair up in smarter? He went to
smarter? He went to
groups of three, then
groups of three, then PRISON for three years,
PRISON for three years,
line up in a circle.
line up in a circle. not Princeton.
not Princeton.
Bill Peterson, a Florida State
Bill Peterson, a Florida State Boxing promoter Dan Duva on
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on
football coach
football coach Mike Tyson hooking up again
Mike Tyson hooking up again
with
with
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 12

II can't really remember
can't really remember I've won at every level,
I've won at every level,
the names of the clubs
the names of the clubs except college and pro.
except college and pro.
that we went to.
that we went to.
Shaquille O'Neal, on his then
Shaquille O'Neal, on his then
Shaquille O'Neal on whether
Shaquille O'Neal on whether lack of championships
lack of championships
he had visited the Parthenon
he had visited the Parthenon
during his visit to Greece
during his visit to Greece

Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

He's a guy who gets up
He's a guy who gets up We can't win at home. We
We can't win at home. We
at six o'clock in the
at six o'clock in the can't win on the road. As
can't win on the road. As
morning regardless of
morning regardless of general manager, II just
general manager, just
what time it is. can't figure out where else
can't figure out where else
what time it is. to play.
to play.
Lou Duva, veteran boxing
Lou Duva, veteran boxing
trainer, on the Spartan
trainer, on the Spartan Pat Williams, Orlando Magic
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic
training regime of general manager, on his team's
general manager, on his team's
training regime of 7-27 record
7-27 record
heavyweight Andrew Golota
heavyweight Andrew Golota
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Steve Spurrier, Florida
Steve Spurrier, Florida Jim Finks, New Orleans
Jim Finks, New Orleans
football coach, telling
football coach, telling Saints G.M., when asked
Saints G.M., when asked
Gator fans that a fire at
Gator fans that a fire at after a loss what he
after a loss what he
Auburn's football dorm
Auburn's football dorm thought of the refs: I'm
thought of the refs: I'm
had destroyed 20 books:
had destroyed 20 books: not allowed to comment
not allowed to comment
But the real tragedy was
But the real tragedy was on lousy officiating
on lousy officiating
that 15 hadn't been
that 15 hadn't been
colored yet.
colored yet.
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 13

Alan Kulwicki, stock
Alan Kulwicki, stock Torrin Polk, University
Torrin Polk, University
car racer, on racing
car racer, on racing of Houston receiver, on
of Houston receiver, on
Saturday nights as
Saturday nights as his coach, John
his coach, John
opposed to Sunday
opposed to Sunday Jenkins: He treats us
Jenkins: He treats us
afternoons: It's
afternoons: It's like men. He lets us
like men. He lets us
basically the same,
basically the same, wear earrings.
wear earrings.
just darker
just darker
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Shelby Metcalf, basketball
Shelby Metcalf, basketball
coach at Texas A&M,
coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a
recounting what he told a
player who received four
player who received four
F's and one D: Son, looks
F's and one D: Son, looks
to me like you're spending
to me like you're spending
too much time on one
too much time on one
subject
subject
Dumb Jocks
Dumb Jocks

Page 14

The Wisdom of Dumb Jocks

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