Mindfully Holding Space

1
Mindfully Holding Space
One Way to Cultivate Character and Presence
Daryl Conner, Founder and Chairman, Conner Partners
“However we do it, when we hold space for someone in need, we are
offering a gift of the highest nature.” — Daily OM

2© Conner Partners, 2014. All Rights ReservedMindfully Holding Space
Cover Photo Source: “Cracked Nails” ©Bob Jenkins, reproduced under the Creative Commons license at Wikimedia Commons.

Table of Contents
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Shapingthecontainer Sustainingthecontainer Summaryofmindfully
heldspace
Let’sfocusonthe
practitionerholdingthe
space.
Epilogue
Introduction What is “mindfully
held space?”
04 09 22 36 42
46 53

Introduction
A small inquiry led to big discoveries. 5
Character and presence are
encountered through struggle.
6
Struggle is the doorway to
holding space.
7
A Few Qualifiers 8

Asmall inquiry led to
big discoveries.
“Holding space for clients”—What does this phrase
mean? How do we as change practitioners go about
doing it? These were the questions that sent me on
what turned out to be an unexpected journey of
discovery. What I originally thought would be a topic
worthy of a little inquiry ultimately became an
extended exploration that revealed far more about
the subject and about myself than I anticipated.
The results of this examination are shared in the
following pages.
.

Character and
presence are
encountered
through struggle.
Well-constructed methodologies can
impress a client’s intellect, but it
takes a strong character and a
trusting presence to speak to
someone’s heart. Your true nature is
synonymous with who you are. It has
an epicenter called your character,
which is conveyed to clients through
the presence you cast.1
It is by way of the inherent character
and the presence we emit that we are
able to invoke the kind of impact we
strive for with those we serve. Is
focusing on character and presence,
however, all about our own personal
and professional development? I
hope not.
In my view, the primary purpose of
our own character/presence growth
is to prepare ourselves to foster the
same kind of expansion in others2.
In this respect, supporting clients as
they engage in character and
presence work for themselves is a
critical part of evolving our own
development in these areas.
As I have come to understand
holding space, it is, at its core, about
how we “show up” for each other. It
is about character and presence—of
the person for whom we are holding
space, and our own as we prepare
and hold space for another. For that
reason, while this document is about
mindfully holding space, it is
important to begin by addressing
these two terms.
Character and presence are pervasive
in everyone’s lives—always there
whether we are attentive to them or
not. There are certain times, however,
when they are more visible if we care
to pay attention—when people are
wrestling with a decision, fretting
about how to respond to something
with important consequences, or on
the cusp of a major breakthrough of
some kind that isn’t unfolding easily.
This is when the core of who we are
and the way we convey that core to
others can be most easily seen.
Whether struggling to solve a
problem or to exploit an opportunity,
it is through life’s trials that we
encounter our character and
presence most vividly.
1 See my blog post Love the Music You Play
from the Character and Presence series to
learn more.
2 “Others” can be clients, colleagues, or
anyone else for that matter.

Struggle is the
doorway to holding
space.
Struggle is the catalyst that reveals our progress (or lack thereof) as change
practitioners on the journey toward character and presence development. The
struggles among our clients, as well as our own struggles as we strive to serve
them, open the doorway for cultivating who we are. When we help clients deal
with their struggles, we come face to face with our own.
Clients struggle for many reasons. Here are a few examples:
• To see their circumstances through fresh perspectives
• To identify new possibilities to pursue
• To investigate the implications of certain alternatives
• To finalize which course of action would be best to follow
Any time client indecision in matters such as these jeopardize realization of
desired change, we have a responsibility as practitioners to respond in
whatever ways we think will best fit the circumstances.
Sometimes this means we need to focus on education; sometimes it calls for
being more directive in the guidance we offer. Then there are times when the
proper intervention is to help the client make an informed decision about how
to proceed. This paper is about this last kind of practitioner intercession—
mindfully holding space for clients.
When we help clients deal
with their struggles, we come
face to face with our own.

AFew Qualifiers
This document is the result of eighteen
months of scrutinizing my own experiences
when holding space, drawing lessons from
those I think are exceptionally good at it,
interviewing various practitioners about the
subject, searching for references in related
literature, and observing other practitioners
as they go about applying it.
It is intended for seasoned change
practitioners, most of whom are familiar
with the concept, if not the practice, of
holding space. With this in mind, my views
are meant to describe one way to approach
holding space; not the only way.
There is no attempt here at a conclusive
statement of what holding space is, or a
summary of others’ thinking. This
document comes from my own effort to
better understand how this way of
supporting clients unfolds for me.
Holding space is an enigmatic
phenomenon within which I am
trying to identify recognizable
patterns and a replicable sequence.
While I have attempted to be as
precise as I can about what the
experience means for me, in no way
have I fully captured its essence or
“cracked the code.” In fact, writing
this paper has led me deeper into the
inquiry, rather than closer to closure.
This writing reflects my thoughts on
the subject, but I’m not sharing it as a
model to be adopted as much as an
example of what can be learned
when we explore how we each
engage holding space.
Ultimately, my aim is to encourage
you to initiate your own exploratory
journey. I believe as change
practitioners we owe it to ourselves
and our clients to uncover what we
want to keep front and center in our
respective holding-space processes.
This is a powerful way to support
those we serve and it calls on us to
utilize it with care and attention.

What is “mindfully held
space”?
It’s not about holding space from a
distance.
10
Mindfully holding space is about close,
active involvement.
11
A Definition of Mindfully Held Space 12
Held space is unique. 13
Held space is a non-physical
reality.
13
Held space is filled with
possibilities.
13
Held space is for resolving
struggles.
14
Held space has a singular focus. 15
Held space resides within a
container.
16
Mindfully holding space is a rare honor. 17
Influence occurs indirectly. 18
We are not holding space itself. 19
Held space is amenable to influence. 20
There are two windows of influence:
shaping and maintaining the container.
21

It’s not about
holding space from
a distance.
If holding space is generally about helping people feel cared for and
encouraged while they address their struggles, there are all kinds of ways to
do this. Here are a few examples:
• Praying on someone’s behalf
• Meditating on a constructive outcome
• Wishing someone well who is going through a tough time
• Conveying empathy for the situation
• Sending positive thoughts/intentions
• Envisioning a positive result
• Caring for someone without imposing, or even suggesting, a solution to the
situation
While these are excellent expressions of support and each can be a source of
reassurance that helps people search for their missing resolution, all share a
kind of distancing from the person for whom the space is being held. I’m not
referring to emotional or physical separation—some of the bulleted items
could be expressions of deep care conveyed through email or a phone call.
What I’m pointing to is an “interactive” distancing, meaning these are all forms
of space-holding that require little if any ongoing presence and dialogue. They
are ways to be caring and hopeful for a positive outcome without much
extended, direct involvement. This kind of support can be thought of as
holding space for the client to work in, not space the practitioner and client
jointly occupy as the work is done.
Keeping somewhat distant from the person being cared for or the situation
being faced is not inherently wrong or inappropriate. Many times that is
exactly the correct thing to do. There is nothing unsuitable about this “one-
step-removed” approach; it is just different from the kind of space-holding I’m
about to describe. Mindful space-holding is the focus of this document, and
calls for a near-at-hand, more engaged type of involvement.

Mindfully holding
space is about
close, active
involvement.
As my understanding began to
emerge about what holding space
meant for me, I realized the
importance I placed on being
focused and intentional about it. As a
result, I’ve labeled the approach that
works best for me as “mindfully
holding space.”
My investigation of this subject has
led me to see “space” as representing
a set of conditions intentionally
promoted by a change practitioner in
support of a client who is facing a
challenging situation. The purpose of
this kind of space is to provide the
client with a safe learning
environment in which to examine
presenting circumstances and
potential responses without the
pressures and impediments that
typically exist when these kinds of
explorations take place.
Not everything we do as change
facilitators requires this kind of
intense focus, but when it is called
for, it is essential that we have the
capacity to narrow our attention to
the one person/thing in front of us.
This allows us to work with the
uniqueness of each situation rather
than react out of unconscious
conditioning without giving proper
thought to our response, or blindly
applying concepts or models that
may not be appropriate or effective
for the circumstances.
The essential qualifier is that
this is a description of
“mindfully” held space.

ADefinition of
Mindfully Held
Space
Space: a unique, non-physical reality filled with possibilities
for resolving struggles that reflect a singular focus and
reside within a container amenable to influence.
Unique: The space is a field of potential specifically formulated to help one
individual address a particular struggle.
Non-Physical Reality: The space in question is intangible, but its existence is
verifiable and its impact demonstrable.
Filled with Possibilities: What is being kept in safekeeping is a field of
unrealized outcomes with varying degrees of achievability that can be
explored and ultimately an informed decision made about how to proceed.
Resolving Struggles: The objective is to determine the best course(s) that
would be true to who the client is and to take action.
Reflects a Singular Focus: The inquiry is confined to what is compatible with
what the space allows for—the possibilities that naturally appear, given how
the space is constituted.
Resides Within a Container: We don’t actually “hold” space as much as we
build and maintain a virtual vessel where space resides that is ideal for
harvesting and processing possibilities.
Amenable to Influence: By orchestrating certain components, it is possible to
increase the likelihood the container will provide optimum conditions for the
proper space to emerge.

Held space is… Unique
Space isn’t a generic structure that
can be uniformly applied to anyone
or even across similar situations. It is
a field of potential expressly
formulated for a single individual
facing a particular struggle. The
space you create for a client who is
facing a specific situation is unique to
you, the client, and the situation.
A Non-Physical Reality
The space I’m describing can’t be
touched or seen, yet its existence is
discernable and its impact
confirmable. The notion of holding
space for someone is figurative in
that both “space” and “holding” are
aspects of genuine experiences, but
not ones that are responsive to the
laws of physics. The space is
intangible and the holding symbolic,
but the act itself can be as influential
to someone’s life as any material
entity encountered.
FilledWith Possibilities
The defining characteristic of space
being mindfully held for someone is
its potential. A field of unrealized
outcomes with varying degrees of
achievability is being kept safe. Some
of these possibilities are known from
the beginning of an inquiry or are
quickly identified, while others only
become recognizable as a byproduct
of a more extended exploration
process.
The primary purpose of holding
space is to provide an environment
where clients can expand their
current understanding of the struggle
they find themselves in and explore
what options are available. Two of
the most important ways to help a
person open himself or herself to
these kinds of new perspectives are
trust and creativity. Trust allows the
client to lower his or her guard, thus
opening the gates to creative
considerations.

Held space is for
resolving struggles.
There are four aspects to resolving struggles.
1. Clients sometimes have to work just as hard to come to terms with positive
events as they do adjusting to changes they would rather avoid. A client’s
struggle can be thought of as centering on one or a combination of “core
issues”: opportunities, problems, and dilemmas.
• Opportunities are positively perceived circumstances that allow an
advantage to emerge if the situation is dealt with appropriately.
– Desired outcome: Determine ways to exploit them.
• Problems are negatively perceived circumstances that are solvable if
the correct remedy is applied.
– Desired outcome: Identify solutions to fix them.
• Dilemmas are formed when two or more apparently conflicting forces
or priorities are inherent in the fundamental nature of the situation.
– Desired outcome: Develop strategies to live with them.
2. Mindfully held space does more than simply lessen or remove the tension
or anxiety that has built up because of a struggle; it allows the client to
reach resolution—determine the best course(s) that would be true to who
he or she is, and take action.
3. The kind of space I’m describing is held in order to provide a safe,
exploratory environment for clients to address significant struggles—
unanswered questions that have a material bearing on the outcome of
change endeavors crucial to an organization’s future.
4. Finally, resolution should come from an informed decision. Regardless of
what kind of determination is sought, the space I’m portraying is reserved
for answers that can be discovered and studied, not for specific outcomes
being advocated from the beginning. When space is properly held, neither
the practitioner nor the client initially know what will materialize as a
resolution, so it is important that both surrender any preferred solutions
and avoid trying to coax things toward a prearranged completion. It may
be difficult for clients to let go of their pre-existing bias about what to do,
but it is imperative that the practitioner do so.

Held space has a
singular focus.
Space held for someone is fertile soil to surface options for resolving core
issues, but not just any alternative will do. This kind of space operates like a
bubble of potential that has a clearly defined outer parameter so there is focus
to the alternatives that materialize. Within the limits of the bubble , there is
freedom to delve into any consideration that crops up, but the inquiry is
confined to what is compatible with what the space allows for—the possibilities
that naturally appear, given how the space is constituted.
Which brings us to the question, “How does space come into existence?”
As I have come to understand it, space is organized around the interaction of
certain “components” that will be discussed in more detail later. For now, I’ll just
say that these components resonate with and/or recoil from each other in all
kinds of ways that have a direct bearing on how successful holding space for
someone can be. The ways these components relate to each other are endless,
but at a certain point, a distinct pattern forms. When this happens, space
becomes particularized—a one-of-a-kind energetic field takes shape that is
unlike any other.
Once the components become organized into a specific pattern, a unique force
field is set in motion; the possibilities available for that particular configuration
are locked in. Alternatives for exploring how to respond to the presenting core
issue (problem, opportunity, or dilemma), may emerge all at once or surface
over time, but whatever possibilities exist for that precise space are in place as
soon as the force field is solidified. As the space becomes defined, more options
can be revealed, but they aren’t being created. Additional options are brought
to light, not conceived. Space doesn’t unfold with new possibilities; our
understanding unfolds to the possibilities that exist within the space provided.
A practical application of this singular focus comes to light when it is recognized
that there is no guarantee the space that has been generated for a client will
necessarily give rise to a suitable resolution. When held space appears
unproductive, it becomes a judgment call as to how long to persevere with
examining the alternatives that have surfaced or search for new ones. It may be
necessary to reconfigure the components (thus creating new space) rather than
continue to hunt for more options within the space as it is currently composed.

Held space resides
within a container.
I’m using “container” as a metaphor for the environment practitioners strive to
create so space can emerge where clients can deal with their problems,
opportunities, or dilemmas under the most advantageous conditions feasible.
Clients grappling with critical struggles have few places to go that afford them
a neutral but supportive setting (i.e., free from the pressure of people pushing
their own agendas). What they need is a learning laboratory where they can
sift through alternatives and come to a conclusion about the best path
forward. They need the right space where this can happen.
When containers are properly constituted, they generate space that clients can
use to “learn” their way from feeling trapped and immobilized into being
galvanized and activated.

Mindfully holding
space for someone
is a rare honor. As central as space is to the holding process, influencing it can only be
approached indirectly.
As I’m using the term here, space is considered hallowed ground—not with
any religious connotation, but in that its purpose is to provide a critical
ingredient to the resolution of core issues important to clients. Mindfully
holding space for someone is treasured for the same reason that is true for
any delving into the depths of the human experience. When the pursuit is for
something both fathomable and mysterious, it is worthy of being approached
reverentially.
Down through the ages, whether the calling has been as an astrophysicist,
neurobiologist, physician, psychologist, shaman, or holy leader, most who gain
mastery in these fields display a passion for what can be discovered,
understood, and acted upon, as well as what they remain in awe of—the
unknowns that forever surface on the horizon. They seek to learn everything
they can, while respecting that there will always be dynamics in play that are
beyond their comprehension.
The same applies to us as change practitioners. Mindfully holding space
should be approached with respect that reflects a sense of responsibility for
what can be intentionally done to foster a helpful environment, as well as a
deep wonderment and humility for what is not within our control. “Not within
our control,” however doesn’t mean we can’t still be instrumental.
There are times when holding space is beneficial and we appear to have had
nothing to do with why. Then there are times when it seems our actions
somehow contributed to a positive outcome but we can’t honestly take credit
for what happened. In these circumstances, it might feel like we are more of an
instrument through which a force is moving than we are the executor of
calculated actions.

Influence that takes
place within the
space occurs
indirectly.
A key acknowledgement of this lack of control comes when we face the reality
that any influence that takes place with the space itself occurs indirectly:
• There is a distinction between space and container that is important to
recognize; if we don’t know what we are actually “holding,” it’s unlikely we’ll
be very effective at it. Space is what the container provides room for. Water
doesn’t go into a bottle, it goes into the space a bottle makes available by
virtue of its design. In the same respect, the possibilities to be explored
related to the client’s problem, opportunity, or dilemma don’t materialize
inside the container—they emerge in the space the container furnishes. Like
Russian Matryoshka dolls, possibilities are nestled within space that is
embedded within a container crafted by the practitioner.
• The space in question here represents a “non-physical reality,” which means
it exists, but not in a way that can be put on a scale and weighed. Therefore,
we don’t actually “hold” space as much as we formulate and maintain a
virtual container where space resides. We can directly influence only what
we can understand. What we can, therefore, intentionally influence is the
container where space emerges, not the space itself where critical learning
actually takes place.
When we hold space for someone, we are essentially creating the best
possible conditions (the container) where space can develop and thrive. In
this sense, containers are the birthplace for space—they are the context
from which space derives.
• All this means that when practitioners nurture and protect space for clients,
they do so a step removed from having direct access—they don’t have any
real control over the situation.
– As is true for many things in life that are highly prized, practitioners
perform their role not by legislating what they want, but by cultivating
the surroundings so that whatever clients are striving for has the best
chance of manifesting.
– Like gardeners tilling the soil, practitioners expend great effort and do all
they can, but ultimately, whether the seeds actually bloom (productive
space forms) is out of their hands.

We are not holding
space itself.
• As change practitioners, we should be as precise as possible about the
meaning we place on the terminology we use. We are not holding the
space itself; we are holding (forming and guarding) the vessel space
occupies.
• A container is defined by the learning environment it fosters and space is
defined by the container in which it resides. To impact space, practitioners
must affect the surrounding container. The space that emerges is where the
actual learning takes place (options found/examined and decisions made)
and the surrounding environment (container) is filled with components that
either promote or impede that learning.
• Some containers create space favorable to this type of learning (by
promoting a spirit of inquiry and examination, etc.), while others constrain
such exploration (by providing all the answers or an environment that
squelches exploration, etc.). At the end of the day, the practitioner’s role is
to foster a container hospitable to space forming where possibilities can
surface, be explored, and, eventually, an informed decision made about
what course to follow.

Held space is
amenable to
influence.
Creating an environment with the right mix of conditions to optimize learning
is not something that can be dictated. We can increase the likelihood that
space like this materializes, but thinking it is possible to regulate all the
variables in a mechanistic manner would show a gross lack of appreciation for
the complexities involved and the mysteries beyond our grasp.
The logical side of creating space lies within what we know and can do
something about; the non-linear facets exist on the margin where knowledge
and skill must give way to humility and intuition. This document is an attempt
to describe some of the variables we can understand and try to influence,
while acknowledging what we can witness but never bridle. There will always
be twists to the way space develops and operates that are beyond our
cognitive comprehension. For these, our charge is to honor what astonishes
and eludes us and rely on our senses and inclinations for guidance.
That said, there are certain “components” that are understandable and which
have a bearing on the kind of space that forms. By orchestrating them in
certain ways, it is possible to increase the likelihood that containers will
stimulate space that surfaces possibilities, enhances exploration, and
encourages decision making.
Direct force can be successfully applied under circumstances where the
variables are few and control is high. Such is not the case with mindfully
holding space, where there are countless variables and a distinct lack of full
control. Under these conditions, rather than interceding on the space itself,
indirect influence is employed by focusing on the container where space
resides.

The practitioner has
two windows of
influence.
The space being held for someone must first be created and then protected.
This is accomplished indirectly by influencing the environment (container)
where space emerges. In this regard, practitioners have both shaping and
sustaining responsibilities:
• Shaping is about using certain components to establish a container that is
conducive to space unfolding, where options for addressing the core issue
can be identified, investigated, and ultimately conclusions can be reached
about the best path forward.
• Sustaining is about protecting the integrity of space (once formed) from the
inevitable stresses and strains that take place as clients wrestle with their
core issues. This is done by reframing and reconfiguring the container
components.
Common to both sets of activities is the use of four components (struggle,
intent, relationship, and attributes) that, when orchestrated properly, allow
indirect influence on space.
How containers are shaped and sustained is described in more detail in the
following two sections.

Shaping the Container
The first window of influence is to
shape the container using four
components.
23
1. There must be struggle to justify
holding space.
24
Whenever possible, have the client
define the struggle.
25
2. What outcome does the client
want?
26
Client due-diligence is important. 27
3. What is the client’s relationship to
the intent?
28
4. Be careful to identify the right
attributes.
29
When selecting the attributes,
focus on outcomes.
30
Consider specialized, as well as
universal, attributes.
31
Your character and presence are
critical attributes to shaping the
container.
32
A holistic view of the components is
essential.
33
Review: Shaping the container. 34
Space is formed within the container. 35

The first window of
influence is shaping
the container using
four components.
The initial juncture where indirect influence can have
an impact on space is when the practitioner leverages
certain shaping components to urge a container to
develop in particular ways—like splicing in a genetic
code to increase the chances specific characteristics
will materialize. Selecting and embedding the right
shaping components has a significant bearing on how
a container matures, the kind of space that opens up
within it, the sort of possibilities that come forward,
and, ultimately, on the decisions made.
Four components can help shape a container: struggle,
intent, relationship, and attributes.

There must be a
struggle to justify
holding space.
Struggle is the reason space is necessary.
The need for holding space centers on struggle in two respects:
1. Practitioners are in service to people laboring over how to address a crucial
core issue (opportunity, problem, or dilemma) they are facing that has a
material bearing on change. Whatever the nature of the circumstances, the
stakes are high for the client, and determining what to do isn’t easy. He or
she is stuck, lost, scared, baffled, frustrated, conflicted, or burdened
somehow by the predicament and the accompanying indecision.
Mindfully holding space for someone is a resource-consuming activity, and
if the client isn’t struggling with what action to take, it is hard to justify the
outlay of time and effort required. (Some of the less intense ways of
holding space identified on page 10 may be more appropriate.) To engage
the process, I believe the implications being faced should be seen by the
client as critical in some way to key change initiatives unfolding within his
or her organization.
The presenting situation may be about a wonderful prospect, a devastating
concern, or a perplexing quandary, but to warrant the effort required to
mindfully hold space:
• the path to resolution should be unclear to the client,
• the resulting indecision should generate some level of stress/anxiety for
him or her, and
• the resulting inaction should constitute a risk to an important change
initiative reaching full realization.
When these things are true, struggle is an inherent part of why space needs
to be held in the first place.

Whenever possible,
have the client
define the struggle.
2. Struggle is crucial to mindfully holding space because the client and
practitioner must remain clear about the purpose for all the effort being
expended. The holding process can become complicated by many factors
and extend over long periods of time so it is vital that both stay focused on
what is being resolved and why.
When possible, formulating a container should begin with the client
defining the struggle in which he or she is caught. It is not unusual for
people to feel immobilized by something and yet not be able or willing to
definitively declare what the turmoil is about. Maybe they can describe in a
general way what they are encountering (“I’m in a catch-22 about how to
approach the sponsor with this information”), but actually labeling it for
what it is doesn’t come easily. (“When I’m around her I lose my courage if
she doesn’t like what I have to say and I back down from being as
straightforward with her as I need to be.”)
The opening activity when forming a container is to see if clients can
identify the nature of the core issue that has snared them. Sometimes, this
is all a person needs to unlock himself or herself. Accurately classifying the
opportunity, problem, or dilemma and then delving into what it centers on
can at times break open the logjam and move the person quickly to a
resolution on his or her own without any additional assistance. Other times,
this first move merely lays out a “what is the struggle about?” foundation
for the rest of the container shaping and space development to come.
There are those situations where the client is not able, for whatever reason,
to articulate what the struggle is about. This is when the container must first
focus on providing space for identifying the struggle before anything else
can be addressed. (I will discuss more on how to deal with this later.)

What outcome does
the client want?
The next component used for shaping a container involves the client’s
declaration of his or her preferred outcome. The person for whom the space is
being held is struggling with one or more unresolved problems, unexploited
opportunities, and/or inhibiting dilemmas. Forging a container to optimally
benefit the client requires not only an accurate labeling of the struggle, but
also a corresponding expression of the desired result that is:
• clear—using explicit language,
• complete—providing a full understanding of what is being sought and why,
and
• concise—being succinct enough that the practitioner and client can easily
remember and refer to the essence of the hoped-for completion.
It might appear that properly stating a desired outcome to the client’s core
issue is obvious and no big deal, but it often represents a major obstacle to
successfully holding space. Many clients think in terms of vague generalities
when considering what they want, and are either reluctant to be forthright
about their true aspirations, or their responses are not carefully thought
through and/or are poorly expressed. To make matters worse, many
practitioners accept this lack of specificity without question, never asking
precisely what the client wants the solution to look like.
If clients, for whatever reason, fail to declare their preferred results,
practitioners can only speculate what they might be. This can lead to a
practitioner forming a container calibrated for what he or she assumed to be
true or mistakenly guessed is the intended outcome, and the space that opens
up generates possibilities off-center from what the client actually desires.

Client due-diligence
is important.
The quality of a client’s intent declaration can range from comprehensive and
crisp to partial and rambling (and all the variations in between). It is incumbent
on the practitioner to stress the importance of the client engaging the
necessary personal due-diligence to create a well-thought-out intent
acknowledgement. As this takes place, the practitioner’s role is not to
advocate for any particular intent, but to facilitate the process as the client
works toward articulating a clear, complete, and concise assertion.
As was true earlier for struggle, simply helping clients properly identify what
they really want as an outcome can be a significant intervention. Sometimes,
with a solid grasp of what a person genuinely hopes to accomplish, he or she
can move on without any further support. In other situations, spelling out the
struggle and intent are essential early steps to advancing the process of
shaping a container for space to reside in.

What is the client’s
relationship to the
intent?
In order to shape a container that optimizes learning, clients need to properly
label their struggle; be clear, complete, and concise about their intent; and
then declare how they relate to the intended result.
Three perspectives help determine how a client connects with his or her
desired outcome:
• Amount of shift—the magnitude of impact anticipated by realizing the
intent (scale)
• Degree of fulfillment—the extent to which aspects of the desired resolution
need to be fully accomplished (comprehensiveness)
• Level of resolve—the intensity of the implications if the hoped-for outcome
is not realized (criticality)
Using these perspectives, a client can declare how he or she relates to the
stated intent by answering three questions:
• Scale—Does accomplishing the desired result represent a modest or
dramatic shift from the path you are on now?
• Comprehensiveness—Is it necessary to realize the full extent of your
aspiration or is it acceptable to meet only some of the goals?
• Criticality—Do you consider the hoped-for outcome to be worth pursuing,
but not an imperative, or do you see it as a vital, non-negotiable necessity
that absolutely must be accomplished?
It is important for the practitioner to remember that he or she isn’t there to
sway the client’s answers in any way. Effective practitioners aren’t invested in
how the client relates to the intent; they are focused on ensuring the
relationship is clearly articulated so they can both work within that framework.
With a reading on how a client relates to his or her intent, containers can be
shaped to reflect that mindset. Some containers need to be designed to
facilitate transformational moves that must be fully realized to avoid
unacceptable consequences. Others are framed to support incremental shifts
that can be installed if necessary and reflect the client’s preference, but not
adamant requirement, for a particular outcome.

Be careful to identify
the right attributes.
In order to encourage the right kind of space to emerge later, it is important
to choose carefully the characteristics that will help shape a container well-
suited for a particular client’s struggle.
A key variable in whether a container gives rise to productive space is how the
client feels during the holding process. Attributes are the words, actions,
and/or presence practitioners infuse into a container’s atmosphere (e.g.,
provide positive feedback, create a sense of safety). Their purpose is to help
clients feel certain ways (e.g., confident he or she is capable of addressing the
problem, resolved to sustain the inquiry even when obstacles surface).
With attributes, the way the practitioner goes about influencing the
container’s formation is different from when he or she is dealing with the
other three shaping components. When focused on struggle, intent, and
relationship, the agenda is primarily about extracting information and
perspectives from the client and helping both the client and practitioner
remain mindful of them during interactions. With attributes, the practitioner is
trying to ensure the right mix of factors are in place so the container nurtures
space that will facilitate the client’s learning.
This fourth shaping component represents an important swing in
concentration from the “content” of information (struggle, intent, and
relationship) to the “context” in which that information is processed (attributes
crucial to heightened learning).

When selecting the
attributes, focus on
outcomes.
Practitioners can choose among many attributes when searching for the right
combination to embed in a container. The key to attribute selection is to first
focus on outcomes—the way you hope a client feels as a result of the
attribute’s influence. Here are some examples of how you might want a client
to feel:
• Dissatisfied with their status quo
• Neither judged nor criticized
• Accepted and cared for
• Pensive and self-reflective
• Curious and open to experimentation
• Challenged but safe
• Vulnerable but protected
• Assisted but accountable
• Somber but hopeful
• Stretched but whole
• Prudent but courageous
• Unsure but tenacious
• Careful but open to examining the unfamiliar
• Respectful of what has worked but eager to learn what is new
• Open to new possibilities
These are attribute outcomes that promote the kind of interaction between
client and practitioner that generally advances learning. Though all are useful,
there are likely certain combinations that are ideal for a particular person and
his or her struggle. Rather than trying to employ all of them, it is best to focus
on the critical few that will have the most impact on properly shaping the
container for a specific client’s needs.

Consider
specialized, as well
as universal,
attributes.
Once you determine how you hope the client feels during space-holding
interactions, you can consider what attributes (words, actions, and presence)
might engender those feelings. For example, what style of communication or
level of explicit feedback might contribute to a client feeling challenged, but
safe; or somber, but hopeful. These are referred to as “universal attributes”
because they almost always contribute in positive ways to container
building—it’s just a matter of selecting which ones are most beneficial to a
distinct situation.
Other “specialized attributes” are more tailored to a particular person and his
or her circumstance. That is, certain ones may or may not be helpful,
depending on the situation. For example, practitioners sometimes choose
between very different attribute options to establish the optimum learning
environment. Based on how they hope the client feels during their exchanges,
they might decide between any of the following:
• Providing information and cognitive input, or depending more on
discussing experiences and lessons learned
• Engaging in cutting to the chase, or demonstrating unending patience and
compassion
• Coming forward with gentle observations, or applying explicit “tough love”
feedback
• Allowing the person some time alone to think things through, or engaging
him or her in challenging dialogue
• Beginning conversations with blank-slate starting points, or with a POV that
serves as a straw man
• Approaching him or her with probing questions, or jointly developing
alternative scenarios
• Using metaphors and stories, or relying more on concepts and analysis

Your character and
your presence are
also critical
attributes to shaping
the container.
Whether drawing on universal and/or specialized characteristics, practitioners
can affect how a container develops by purposefully employing certain
attributes that foster clients feeling in ways that aid their learning. Being
attentive to how language choices and behaviors influence container shaping
is certainly important, but more than anything else, the greatest impact results
from the presence the practitioner conveys. More than what they say or do,
it’s how practitioners show up—the way they project who they are—that
facilitates or inhibits containers manifesting a learning-rich environment.
Character reflects the essence of who we really are. It is what is left after all the
illusions, evasions, and elaborations are stripped away. As such, it is an internal
phenomenon, not fully accessible to anyone but ourselves. Our interior
character needs a “voice” to be expressed to the exterior world. Think of the
presence we extend to others as that voice. It’s like a “subliminal identity
signature” embedded within our interactions that reveals our uniqueness.
The single most influential attribute that shapes containers is the presence
practitioners emanate when working with clients. It serves as an interpersonal
interface between them and can foster or undermine the formation of
containers suited for the desired space.
Presence is both an attribute that affects the way containers evolve and a
catalyst that either bolsters or hinders the impact of the other attributes being
used (universal and specialized).
• The degree to which the practitioner’s presence is an authentic reflection of
his or her true character determines the likelihood there will be a positive
impact on container formation and ultimately on client learning.
• The more grounded the practitioner is in his or her character and the more
boldly this is expressed through presence, the more likely the practitioner’s
basic nature will strengthen what is said or done with the other attributes.

Aholistic view of the
components is
essential.
When mindfully holding space, it is essential to think of all four components as
aspects to an integrated whole rather than as four isolated levers that can be
addressed independently. Otherwise, the degree to which holding space is an
iterative process might not be so apparent.
The importance of this interdependency comes to light when a key paradox is
revealed—for struggle, intent, relationship, and attributes to be fully
addressed, robust space needs to be in place; yet, much of the time, space is
still forming as these issues are first illuminated. This creates a “chicken or egg”
conundrum that can only be tackled with cycles of iteration among the
interdependent elements.
The initial leveraging of the proper attributes gives rise to a container that
allows space to begin to take shape. With space emerging, learning
commences and the client can gain some insight into his or her struggle. Even
a little of this comprehension strengthens the space more, which then opens
the door to exploring what the intended outcome might be. As intent moves
toward solidifying, it broadens and deepens the client’s understanding of the
struggle and accelerates the chance of possibilities being revealed. With
struggle and intent beginning to congeal, the client’s awareness of how he or
she relates to the desired result can start to crystalize.
The interactive unfolding of these four components both benefits from and
contributes to space development. This is why change practitioners can launch
the holding process with little more than a faint idea of what the client’s
struggle is about. In fact, sometimes all the practitioner knows in the
beginning is that the person is in search of answers he or she currently can’t
access. That may be enough, however, to begin to envision the kind of
environment (container) the client might need to start the journey.

Review: Shaping the
Container
There are many moving parts to this first window of impact, so let’s review
what has been covered.
Space is open to indirect influence and the first opening for this is when a
container is forming. As a practitioner strives to create the proper setting for
interaction, four shaping components can be called on to advance client
learning.
The first three (struggle, intent, and relationship) are extractive in nature, while
the fourth (attributes) is used to insert certain characteristics needed to
optimize the context in which the learning space will hopefully emerge.
The practitioner orchestrates these four components to shape the container.

Space is formed
within the container.
Once properly shaped, the container is amenable to space emerging that suits
the client and his or her struggle.
At this point in the process, each of the variables (struggle, intent, relationship,
attributes, container, and space) is affecting, and being affected by, all the
others. The interactive dynamic has become synergistic. It is now a learning-
rich, self-reinforcing swirl of creativity that can surface multiple options for
exploration.

Sustaining the Container
The second window of influence is
ensuring that learning continues in the
space.
37
What triggers the second window of
influence?
38
An Example of Sustaining the Learning
Environment
39
Remain focused on helping your client
make informed decisions.
41

The second window
of influence is
ensuring that
learning continues
in the space.
Mindfully holding space for someone isn’t a passive, wishful longing that a
person’s struggles will somehow work out for the best. It calls for being highly
engaged and purposeful about facilitating the client’s resolution. The second
point in time when it is possible to have an active, though indirect, impact on
space is after a container has been formed and has been providing a
nourishing environment within which space can flourish. At this juncture, the
objective is no longer to create a container from which space can emerge; it is
to ensure the space already in place remains advantageous for learning.
Once again, we’ll call on components to leverage an effect on space. The ones
available to help prolong the desired environment are the same as those used
when forming the container. Instead of referring to them as shaping
components, however, here I’ll refer to them as sustaining components. Their
purpose has shifted from launching the learning environment that was
established when the container was first fashioned to extending it.
A key principle that applies to any system, human or mechanical, is that
maintaining a constant state requires continuous modifications to correct for
the inevitable deviations that occur. In this light, practitioners need to keep a
close vigilance on the space they are tending so they can take the appropriate
action when its learning potential begins to weaken (as it undoubtedly will).
Whether forming a new container or making adjustments in an existing one,
the same four components are used to indirectly influence space:
• Struggle—The nature of the opportunity, problem, or dilemma in which the
client feels caught
• Intent—A clear, complete, and concise statement of what the client wants
as the desired outcome(s)
• Relationship—How the client relates to the stated intent regarding its scale,
comprehensiveness, and criticality
• Attributes—Features in the container that help foster space, where clients
can surface and explore possibilities and ultimately make informed
decisions

What triggers the
second window of
influence?
This second window of influence occurs when practitioners use the
components as levers to extend the learning environment’s viability. Doing so
is triggered by a drop in the space’s learning potential, as evidenced by a
slowing or halting of the client’s progress.
When this happens, one might think that the practitioner quickly takes action
(by orchestrating one or more of the components) to ensure the client re-
engages the process. This actually isn’t the case. At this point in the process,
the practitioner’s objective isn’t to get the client back on track. Instead, it is to
help him or her make informed decisions about whether to proceed and, if so,
on what to focus.
If the client does choose to proceed, there are various approaches the
practitioner can use to help reinvigorate the learning environment. Sometimes
the practitioner may need to make slight refinements in the container and
other times significant interventions may be necessary. There are
circumstances when the practitioner only needs to listen attentively and
respond empathetically to what the client has to say, while offering little in the
way of instructive guidance. In other situations, it might be important to share
observations about the client’s behavior and/or mindset. Sometimes, it is
helpful to suggest alternative views on the struggle, intent, or relationship to
facilitate deeper understanding. At other times, the practitioner doesn’t say
anything explicitly to the client, but instead makes an adjustment to one or
more of the container’s attributes.

An Example of
Sustaining the
Learning
Environment
An illustration of the second window of influence might be helpful. I’ll use the
relationship component as an example of sustaining the learning environment.
Because initiatives are often viewed differently at various times during
implementation, practitioners should remain attentive to any shifts in how
clients are relating to their intent. Here are three implications to why this is
true:
1. Alignment between practitioner and client around the intent relationship
should always be considered tentative and open to reinterpretation.
Regardless of how adamant a person may be on a given day about his or
her relationship to the expected outcome, a constant vigilance should be
kept for movement in one or more of the key perspectives—scale
(magnitude of impact), comprehensiveness (degree of needed fulfillment),
and criticality (level of resolve). Frequent discussion about the status of the
intent relationship is essential to ensure the client and practitioner are in
sync on the implications associated with reaching the stated goal.
By keeping current with a client’s perspective, the practitioner may
recognize that an adjustment is needed to coincide with what is
happening. The client now sees the change initiative as needing to be
realized (and not installed, as was acceptable before). This calls for
modifying how the practitioner and client interact. Fully achieving a critical
large-scale shift usually requires more explicit communications than less-
urgent endeavors do. Without this re-calibration, misalignments can occur,
resulting in the practitioner and client working toward different results
and/or one of them operating with more or less intensity than the other.
This is unproductive, a waste of resources, and is usually extremely
frustrating for both parties.

An Example of
Sustaining the
Learning
Environment (cont.)
2. One of the more difficult aspects of holding space occurs when (not if)
the client begins to falter somewhere during the process. What clients
think about and feel toward their intended outcome impacts their
ability to stay the course when the path becomes difficult.
Space is being held to explore unfamiliar and often uncomfortable
options as well as to make tough decisions. This can be cognitively
and/or emotionally exhausting, which is why far more people start the
process than complete it. Clients often become overwhelmed at some
point by the demands of the process and “settle” for premature closure
rather than continue to identify and delve into alternatives that might
eventually open a viable path forward.
A critical part of supporting clients when they balk, hesitate, or vacillate
is to remind them of their previous declarations about what achieving
the intent means for them. This doesn’t preclude clients from changing
their minds, but it does provide a benchmark for discussion about the
implications of pulling back when clients become uncertain about
moving forward.
3. It is not the practitioner’s job to pressure clients in any way to continue
with their exploration, but it is important to remind them of how they
related to their intended outcome in the past. Their views may or may
not have changed as far as scale, comprehensiveness and criticality, but
it is up to the practitioner to calibrate with clients and ensure they are in
sync.

Remain focused on
helping your client
make informed
decisions.
Whatever the practitioner does, overtly or covertly, to leverage the sustaining
components, it should always be for the purpose of helping clients make
informed decisions, and not to ensure they re-engage what was in play before
they started faltering or hesitating.

Summary of Mindfully Held
Space
Purpose 43
Definition 44
Process 45

Purpose
I began by contrasting the type of “mindful space-holding” I
wanted to highlight here with other well-meaning and
worthwhile approaches to space-holding that change
practitioners engage in when supporting clients. At the heart of
any form of space-holding is the notion of providing nurturing
conditions that contribute to people feeling emotionally
buttressed as they face difficult situations.The definitions and
explanations I have offered reflect how I go about applying
structure and discipline to the process of creating an
environment where creative options can surface and be
explored.

Definition
When space is mindfully held, I view it as a unique, non-physical reality filled
with possibilities for resolving struggles that reflect a singular focus and reside
within a container amenable to influence.
Unique: The space is a field of potential specifically formulated to help one
individual address a particular struggle.
Non-Physical Reality: The space in question is intangible, but its existence is
verifiable and its impact demonstrable.
Filled with Possibilities: What is being kept in safekeeping is a field of
unrealized outcomes with varying degrees of achievability, which can be
explored and ultimately an informed decision made about how to proceed.
Resolving Struggles: When faced with circumstances that could jeopardize
change realization, the objective is to determine the best course(s) that would
be true to who the client is and to take action.
Reflects a Singular Focus: The inquiry is confined to what is compatible with
what the space allows for—the possibilities that naturally appear, given how
the space is constituted.
Resides Within a Container: We don’t actually “hold” space as much as we
build and maintain a virtual vessel where space resides that is ideal for
harvesting and processing possibilities.
Amenable to Influence: By orchestrating certain components, it is possible to
increase the likelihood containers will provide optimum conditions for the
proper space to emerge.
Mindfully held space serves as
a learning environment for
identifying alternatives,
investigating implications,
and determining a course of
action for someone struggling
with a core issue.

Process Shape the container.
Practitioners can’t directly control whether the space that forms will help or
hinder client learning, but they can influence the environment the space
inhabits. In doing so, they increase the likelihood the space will achieve its
hoped-for impact. This is done by building a container that encourages
favorable space.
The first steps are to:
• name the struggle,
• reveal the true intent (desired outcome),
• clarify the client’s relationship to that desired outcome, and
• embed certain attributes that are conducive to the emergence of space
that is ripe for learning.
Sustain the container.
Once the container is properly configured and the desired working space has
taken shape, the practitioner remains alert to any modifications needed to
sustain the integrity of the learning environment. This is done by adjusting, on
an as-needed basis, the same components used to build the container:
• Helping the client assess and, if necessary, amend how he or she has
defined the struggle
• Helping the client assess and, if necessary, amend the stated intent
• Helping the client assess and, if necessary, amend how he or she relates to
the intent
• Assessing and, if necessary, amending the attributes to ensure the container
is providing optimum space for learning

Let’s focus on the practitioner
holding the space.
Traits of a Practitioner Who Is
Successful at Holding Space
47
Mindful: The practitioner is
intentional about when (and when
not) to hold space.
48
Confident: The practitioner has
multiple ways to meet the client’s
needs.
49
Adjusts: The practitioner fine-
tunes his or her approach to
space-holding based on the
client’s needs.
50
Serves: The practitioner
approaches his or her role with a
deep sense of responsibility to the
client.
51
Present: The practitioner remains
attentive.
52

Traits of a
Practitioner Who Is
Successful at
Holding Space As discussed at the outset, the practitioner’s character and
presence are critical to mindfully holding space.
The successful practitioner:
• Is mindful about when—and when not—to hold space
• Is confident in his or her ability to meet the client’s unique
needs
• Adjusts his or her approach
• Is in service to the client
• Remains present

Mindful:
The practitioner is
intentional about when
(and when not) tohold
space.
A successful practitioner knows that mindfully holding space represents a
significant investment of time and effort and should be entered into
judiciously. The situation at hand and the alternatives being examined should
reflect a meaningful event for the client and his or her change endeavor.
Otherwise, less demanding and resource-consuming support could be applied
(e.g., offering advice, wishing the person well, providing emotional support,
sending positive thoughts/affirmations).

Confident:
The practitioner has
multiple ways tomeet
the client’s unique
needs.
Whether a struggle is about opportunities, problems, or dilemmas, helping the
client investigate alternatives can take numerous forms. Sometimes, the
practitioner is merely with the client, saying very little but providing a physical
and emotional presence. Other times, practitioners may be very active when
helping clients do any of these things::
• Frame a situation—Selecting the right lens through which to interpret
presenting symptoms (“I know all this resistance is causing a big problem
with the senior team—they want to know what is wrong. Maybe you should
consider helping them see that open expression of doubt and concern is
actually a key step in people becoming more committed to the change.”)
• Identify the right focal point(s)—Deciding, among all the contributing
variables, which one(s) to take action on (“I wonder if your people might
have hit their overload threshold and they just can’t absorb any more
change without some dysfunction showing up.”)
• Find a solution—Determining the best course of action (“Despite the
immense pressure to keep all the current change initiatives in place while
the new projects are being announced, is it possible that the time has come
to lessen the number or scope of the changes people are supposed to
absorb?”)
• Refine a solution—Honing the answer—there is a general notion of what is
to be accomplished, but a clear-cut plan of action has not yet been
formulated (“It is clear that you believe the sponsor needs to match the
change demands being placed on people with their capacity to deal with
everything and then make some tough decisions about what she will take
off their plates. The challenge is how to present this as an option that she
will see as viable within the current political landscape.”)
• Execute a solution—Concluding the best way to implement a solution that
has already been reached (“You seem resolved to give the sponsor
feedback about how her indecisiveness is hindering progress, but you have
mentioned before how you sometimes become intimidated when you are
around her. Specifically, how do you plan to approach her about this and
how will you get on her busy calendar?” )

Adjusts:
The practitioner fine-
tunes hisor her
approach tospace-
holding based on the
client’s needs.
A successful practitioner accepts that it isn’t possible to directly impact the
space he or she is trying to provide but believes it’s possible to have an
indirect influence by helping form a container where the desired space has a
chance to emerge. This can be approached in various ways:
• Determine which attributes should be included early on when shaping a
container and which ones need to be added, withdrawn, or modified in
some way later in order to sustain the optimum learning environment
• Encourage the development of mid-course corrections when the client sees
only insurmountable obstacles
• Despite the client’s uneasiness, focus on helping him or her come to a
resolution, rather than on relieving the discomfort
• Freely offer provocative questions, perspectives, and ideas for the client to
consider, without guiding him or her toward a particular result:
– Practitioners believe they are there to ensure an environment that favors
examining possibilities and making informed decisions.
– To do this, they must either be free of any preference toward or against
a given conclusion or disciplined enough to withhold any sign that such
inclinations exist.

Serves:
The practitioner
approaches hisor her
role witha deep sense of
responsibility tothe
client.
A successful practitioner knows that the resolution of the client’s problem is
highly dependent on executing his or her duties successfully. In this regard,
the practitioner feels a heightened sense of responsibility in four ways:
• Being skilled in extracting from the client clarification on the struggle,
intent, and relationship components of the situation
• Demonstrating confidence in the client’s capacity to accomplish his or her
intent and taking every opportunity to foster that possibility, even when
(particularly when) the client becomes confused, frightened, frustrated,
disoriented, or discouraged, and despite the inevitable faltering and
missteps that will occur
• Providing a safe haven, not only from adversaries, but also bosses, peers,
colleagues, or others who might misapply their well-meaning aims and
inadvertently hinder the client’s exploration and decision-making
• Remembering that clients often are not confident that resolution of their
core issues is possible; when this is the case, the practitioner may engage in
one or more of several actions:
– Recognizing who or what the person is becoming before he or she can
see it
– Validating what might have been previously negated or diminished in
the client
– Seeing through any protective façade the client might project, enabling
acknowledgement of who he or she truly is
– Naming what the person is trying to bring forward in himself or herself
in ways that help the client better identify with it as an emerging reality
– Reframing the client’s view of himself or herself or relevant
circumstances in ways that increase the likelihood of resolution

Present:
The practitioner remains
attentive.
A successful practitioner:
• Remains clear about, and focused on, the four components (struggle,
intent, relationship, and attributes), despite any twists or turns the client
may engage in
• Makes himself or herself available when clients need a sounding board to
talk—sometimes responding and dialoguing, sometimes “just being
there”—listening without offering encouragement, rebuttal, or comment of
any kind
• Knows that it is how he or she shows up (character and presence) that is the
most influential asset a practitioner has to work with
• Demonstrates an array of interpersonal skills critical to supporting someone
struggling with a core issue:
– Gives complete, undivided attention to the client and his or her issue
– Opens the heart and connects with empathy, compassion, respect, and
genuineness
– Communicates in ways that are direct, explicit, caring, and sensitive
– Is confrontational at times, but never argumentative
– Helps differentiate between opportunities (to be exploited), problems (to
be avoided or solved), and dilemmas (to be managed, not eliminated)
– Presents thought-provoking questions that encourage exploration at a
deeper level than the client would normally pursue
– Challenges existing assumptions and biases
– Uses compelling stories, symbols, and imagery to convey instructive
points
– Provides frank, unvarnished feedback
– Endorses the connection between the client’s head and heart
– Encourages examining the emotional aspects of deep commitment

Epilogue
There are two principles of holding
space.
54
1. It is important to look at holding
space through different lenses.
55
2. Even under less than ideal
circumstances, there can be value.
58
Meet two masters at holding space. 59
Mindfully holding space develops
character and presence.
61
How do you hold space? 62

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54© Conner Partners, 2014. All Rights Reserved
There are two
principles of holding
space.
What I have laid out in this document is one way—but certainly not the only
way—of holding space. My perspectives may or may not be appropriate for
you. You may find that they work sometimes but not others, or you may find
that you prefer to approach the process from a completely different direction.
However you choose to hold space, I believe there are two principles that
apply to all of us.
• It is important to look at holding space through different lenses.
• Even under less than ideal circumstances, there can be value.
The next four pages describes each principle in more detail.

|
Firstprinciple:
It is important to look
at holding space
through different
lenses.
As I began collecting my thoughts about what holding space meant for
me, I searched the literature for references and found plenty of
explanations. Most were intriguing, but struck me as vague, and their
meanings shifted based on the context the author was applying.
Even though the notion of holding space is familiar to many change
practitioners, I found very few mentions in organizational change
publications. Generally speaking, the writings I came across were from
personal-growth-related professions or spiritual teachers who primarily
emphasized the expressive, emotionally uplifting side of holding space.
For the most part, they leaned toward poetic narratives rather than the
more structured perspective I’ve attempted to bring forward in this
document.
It’s not that there is something inherently wrong with nebulous
terminology. In fact, we sometimes gain our more profound insights
through emotionally-laden statements precisely because they force right-
brain engagement in order to gain a left-brained appreciation of what is
being said. What such language can sometimes miss, however, is the
definitiveness people need in order to take action on what is being
communicated.
Personally, I love it when, as change professionals, we stir and motivate
each other with little more than provocative thoughts and imagery. There
are times, however, when that’s not enough. Some circumstances warrant
enough details so those who want to can go beyond inspiration and act
on what is being shared. I believe holding space presents us with one of
these situations.

|
I’m not suggesting that the more-technical approach I’ve taken should
replace the narrative viewpoint, but rather that it is another equally valid
view on the phenomenon being examined.
When relying primarily on a less-specific style, it’s possible that only
people who already know what holding space is and how it is carried out
will fully understand it. Additionally, we might miss some of the details
that would show accomplished practitioners how to be more consistent
in their space-holding effectiveness and be better at transferring this
capability to others.
On the other hand, if all we have is the more structured view like what
I’ve attempted to bring forward here, we risk:
• dishonoring the mystery so fundamental to what space-holding is all
about,
• overly mechanizing the process and missing the true essence of what
actually transpires, and
• teaching practitioners to be technicians who think they can control the
variables, rather than artists who respect that the holding experience
comes through them, not from them.
Because both perspectives pose opportunities and dangers, I believe
both are needed to provide a wider context for us to operate within.
Narrative-centric discussions and writings about holding space are readily
available, so in this document, I’ve tried to offer a more analytical view—
not as a competing alternative but as a contrasting, parallel frame of
reference with equal value.
Firstprinciple(cont.):
It is important to look
at holding space
through different
lenses.

|
SecondPrinciple:
Even under less
than ideal
circumstances,
there can be value.
The point of holding space is to foster environments where clients are able to
reach conclusions about important struggles. An ideal resolution, however,
requires that many variables come together in just the right way at just the
right time:
• Container attributes must be properly leveraged in order to give rise to the
formation of highly creative space where a client can identify and
acknowledge his or her true struggle, fundamental intent, and relationship
to that intent.
• The space must then allow for the exploration of numerous alternatives so
the client can find one or more on which to take action consistent with his
or her relationship to the intended outcome, and that is true to his or her
basic character.
This kind of complete closure is no fantasy—it does happen. Everything comes
together and mindful space-holding produces a powerful breakthrough for
the client as well as a fulfilling experience for the practitioner.
However, as we all know, things don’t always turn out this way. Sometimes the
outcomes appear to be far short of what was hoped for.
Yet, there are times when space-holding generates value for the client, even
though:
• fewer attributes are embedded than is optimal;
• the container is only partially developed;
• conclusions about struggle, intent, and relationship aren’t entirely
determined;
• space never fully matures;
• a smaller number of options are explored in less depth than anticipated;
• there is incomplete resolution of the presenting core issue; and/or
• no solutions surface at all.

|
SecondPrinciple(cont.):
Even under less
than ideal
circumstances,
there can be value.
With all these shortcomings, clients can sometimes still profit from having a
practitioner hold space for him or her. This can be true even if only one
component is advanced in some way. Maybe the space being held allowed for
a greater understanding of the struggle, more clarity of the intent, and/or a
better sense of how the client relates to achieving that intent. Perhaps none of
the alternatives turns out to be the answer, but by eliminating those options,
the client is closer to finding the right path to pursue. It is possible that just
knowing someone cared enough to engage the holding process made the
client feel more validated, supported, and motivated to carry on.
Not only can there be positive implications for less-than-desired outcomes,
the benefits that do arise for clients may not be visible in the near term. It is
wonderful when a practitioner’s efforts result in positive, observable,
immediate payoffs, but when it comes to this kind of support for someone, it
is important to accept that there are times when the advantages don’t
materialize for clients until long after the space-holding is over and the
practitioner is out of the picture. If a practitioner needs emotional home runs
or some kind of acknowledgement every time he or she goes to bat, space-
holding is probably not for him or her.

|
Meet two masters at
holding space.
At the beginning of this document, I promised to point out some practitioners
I consider exceptionally gifted at supporting people as they find their way.
Many people who are accomplished at holding space have influenced my
views over the years, but there are two whom I consider true masters—
Apollonia Fortuna (SoHa), and Mel Toomey (CLS). The common denominator
between them is their ability to provide a safe but challenging environment in
which people can explore options for moving their lives forward.
I respect them both and I’m in awe of their capacity to bring not only
penetrating skill but also deep wisdom to the art of holding space. Beyond
that, I’ve been inspired by the diversity of perspectives they have offered my
understanding of this subject.
The opportunity to work with either of these individuals is a profound
experience for most who have been fortunate enough to have had access to
their gifts. How they go about creating the space they work in, however,
couldn’t be more distinct—in no way contradictory, but definitely contrasting.
The nature of their work and the people who are drawn to work with them are
as different as the way they orchestrate their respective learning environments.
Observing that two masterful practitioners hold space in such dissimilar ways
was instrumental in my recognition that it wasn’t just acceptable, it was
necessary for me to explore what my own path toward this mastery might be.
Exposure to Apollonia’s and Mel’s space-holding allowed me to do more than
draw insights and approaches from each of them (which I gratefully have)—it
helped me understand the need to search for my own way.
The lessons I’ve learned from their generosity to me informed the pursuit of
what I realized I must discover for myself. Incorporating what I could from
them has been essential, but so is finding the lenses through which my own
perspectives will emerge. I’ve come to appreciate that the task isn’t to
determine which is the best of the various ways to go about it; it is for each of
us to draw from those who can teach us but then uncover what works for us
and embrace that as our path.

|
Proficiency and
mastery take
different paths.
Finding your own way is harder than adopting someone else’s, and not
everyone needs to do it. It depends on what you are seeking. If your objective
is to be sufficiently skilled at holding space to be helpful to clients, you can
follow a road that was forged by someone else. Find the Apollonias or Mels in
your life and do your best rendering of what they do. You can’t go wrong with
this approach and a great deal of benefit can be generated for those you work
with.
If mastery is your objective, however, you must move forward in a different
way. This path requires that you learn all you can from traveling roads paved
by others. At some point, however, it is imperative that you veer off to find
your own route. This doesn’t mean you will abandon what you have acquired
from others. Instead, you will use it as a foundation that allows your own
unique contributions to emerge. This is when we heed the advice Rumi offers:
“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen!”
Proficiency is about replicating an existing framework. Mastery is about
leveraging what we learn from others and then venturing into the unfamiliar
territory that is waiting for us to claim it as our own. Both proficiency and
mastery are worthy pursuits, but they don’t result in the same outcomes, so it
is essential that we determine what we hope to accomplish when
incorporating holding space into our repertoire. Are we about becoming
polished at what is or pursuing mastery of what could be?

|
Mindfully holding
space develops, as
well as fosters,
character and
presence.
There are ample opportunities for change practitioners to pursue professional
development activities focused on what we do (how to use concepts,
frameworks, tools, and techniques), but few avenues are available for
exploring who we are (how we show up when engaged in what we do). This
document offers one way we can advance our understanding and use of
character and presence (as well as that of our clients), which I’ve labeled
mindfully holding space.
Under the auspices of helping clients address their change-related struggles,
we sometimes have openings where we can help them see how their own
character and presence may be at the heart of what they are wrestling with.
Holding space for them is an important part of that assistance. Seeing how
organizational change > client struggle > character/presence > mindfully
holding space were linked initially prompted me to write about this topic.
As my exploration took form, I found a reciprocal relationship between
holding space for clients and my own character and presence development.
Mindfully holding space requires that practitioners be grounded in their
character and presence. Knowing and accepting who we really are and
bringing that forward as part of the value we offer clients is central to
supporting them.
Holding space necessitates a strong practitioner character and presence
“package” and also fosters further growth in this respect. The holding process
offers opportunities to uncover new perspectives about character and
presence that can reveal new avenues to pursue—for us and our clients.
This means there are two interdependent cycles in play:
• Holding space for clients requires strong practitioner character and
presence, while the activities associated with holding also strengthen the
practitioner’s character and presence.
• Strong practitioner character and presence helps in recognizing
opportunities where clients can address their own character and presence
development. This, in turn, bolsters clients’ abilities to address the issues
they struggle with.

|
How do you
hold space?
This document doesn’t describe the way to hold space; it offers
my view on one way.
If you use holding space in your practice, I encourage you to step
back and take a deep look at how you go about it, and share
your own learnings with others if you are willing.The more we
exchange what we’ve learned and the questions we’re
pondering about this important part of our craft, the greater our
collective strides will be as a profession.

Mindfully Holding Space

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