Startup Communication for Co-Founders, July 2014
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Slides from my workshop on "Startup Communication" for 9 pairs of co-founders at Flixster in San Francisco, July 24, 2014.
![Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Communication
Ed Batista
@ Flixster
July 24, 2014](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/ed-batista-startup-communication-for-co-founders-2014-07-24-140731235548-phpapp01/85/Startup-Communication-for-Co-Founders-July-2014-1-320.jpg)
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Startup Communication for Co-Founders, July 2014
- 1. Startup Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Communication Ed Batista @ Flixster July 24, 2014
- 2. Photo:SethAnderson Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
- 3. Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we 1:1 communication Group norms You & your colleagues going?
- 4. How will we Concepts Exercises & debriefs 1:1 feedback get there? Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
- 5. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter Leaders as levers Read More
- 6. Founder as avatar Avatara The ideal made real Company made in your image
- 7. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
- 8. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more heartfelt praise Photo by Garry Knight [link] Read More
- 9. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
- 10. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model
- 11. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings influence And vulnerability closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
- 12. The net David Bradford How to improve communication? How to create closeness and connection? Read More Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
- 14. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y].
- 15. Concepts #2 Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] 5 levels Hierarchy of needs Safety, trust, intimacy Social threat SCARF model Relationships The net (again)
- 16. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco In what ways do we communicate? Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
- 17. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
- 18. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
- 19. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Abraham Maslow What motivates us as human beings?
- 20. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Physiological Safety Love & belonging Esteem Self-actualization
- 21. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Parallels in groups & relationships
- 22. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacy Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability Learning, self- awareness & change In groups & relationships…
- 23. Safety, trust, Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link] intimacy
- 24. Safety, trust, intimacy Safety = I won’t get hurt Trust = I believe you & you believe me Intimacy = We can make the private public
- 25. Safety, trust, intimacy Feedback can create these qualities But there’s a problem…
- 26. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
- 27. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
- 28. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Physiological signs? Photo by State Farm [link]
- 29. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Emotional signs? Photo by State Farm [link]
- 30. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Cognitive signs Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by State Farm [link]
- 31. Social threat (Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats Many times/day Most common location?
- 32. Social threat Physiological/emotional response plus… Cognitive impairment Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
- 33. Social threat Result? Massive communication failure We give feedback ineffectively We receive it poorly Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
- 34. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model Read More David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response?
- 35. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? How can we minimize the risk of social threat? How can we create safety?
- 37. Founder as avatar Think about you and your partner How might you trigger social threats in others?
- 38. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair*
- 39. Use the model When getting feedback… Cultivate in-the-moment awareness Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (norms help*) Create safety for ourselves
- 40. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More
- 41. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Responding to “bids” Mutual influence
- 42. 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account” Relationships & conflict Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
- 43. Founder as avatar Think about your partner How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship?
- 44. The net Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] (again)
- 45. The net How to improve communication? How to minimize defensiveness? How can we play fair? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
- 51. Use the model Intent ≠ impact My intention doesn’t guarantee your response Impact ≠ intent Your response wasn’t necessarily my intention
- 52. Use the model When we… Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y].
- 53. Use the model Result? Lower risk of social threat Less chance of defensiveness Increased sense of fairness
- 54. Founder as avatar Think about your partner When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours?
- 55. To sum up Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link] Build safety, trust & intimacy Use the models Minimize social threat Less stressful feedback More learning
- 56. Concepts #3 Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms
- 57. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Read More
- 58. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
- 59. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
- 60. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
- 61. Founder as avatar Your behavior = company norms How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions?
- 62. Talking about Affect labeling Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link] Read More
- 63. Talking about Group norms Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
- 64. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link]
- 65. Our norms Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More Photo by jm3 [link]
- 66. We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally. Norms that create awareness
- 67. We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that create awareness
- 68. We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment. Norms that create awareness
- 69. We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that create awareness
- 70. We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions. Norms that create awareness
- 71. We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness. Norms that create awareness
- 72. We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment. Norms that create awareness
- 73. We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that help regulate
- 74. We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules. Norms that help regulate
- 75. We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions. Norms that help regulate
- 76. We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate. Norms that help regulate
- 77. We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress. Norms that help regulate
- 78. We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities. Norms that help regulate
- 79. We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment. Norms that help regulate
- 80. Our norms What norms do we have? What norms do we need? What can you do as leaders? Photo by jm3 [link]
- 81. Concepts #4 Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] Positive feedback Mindset Soft start
- 82. Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong? Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
- 83. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
- 84. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
- 85. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other means of influence
- 86. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
- 87. Carol Dweck How do we feel about our abilities? How do we feel about our mistakes? Mindset Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link] Read More
- 88. Talent & intelligence are inherent traits Mistakes are failures or character flaws Negative emotional response to mistakes Talent & intelligence can be developed Mistakes are learning opportunities Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more Fixed Growth Mindset Read More
- 89. Soft start Photo by Phil McElhinney [link] Not like this
- 90. Soft start Photo by OakleyOriginals [link] Like this
- 91. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But don’t bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be mindful of your stress Read More
- 92. 5 levels (again) Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
- 93. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
- 94. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
- 95. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link] Read More
- 96. 1:1 feedback When getting feedback… Observe your threat response Ask for specific feedback?
- 97. 1:1 feedback When giving feedback… Positive feedback encouraged Stay on your side of the net When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions
- 98. Challenge yourself Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
- 99. Thank you! Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
- 100. Building a Feedback-Rich Culture HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees My background & coaching practice: www.edbatista.com/about.html Contact me: www.edbatista.com/contact.html For more info…