9 Simple Body Language Mistakes to Avoid
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Body languages to avoid, by going through our body bottom-up. Delivered during preparation for TWU on August 2010.
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9 Simple Body Language Mistakes to Avoid
- 1. Body Language 9 Simple Things to Avoid
- 2. Prof. Albert Mehrabian, UCLA
- 5. "The reality of the other person is not in what he reveals to you, but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him,listennot to what he saysbut rather what hedoes not say.” Kahlil Gibran
- 6. to Head from Toe
- 9. Closed body
- 11. Hands on Neck
- 12. Hands on Face
- 13. Hmm, I wonder what I’ll have for dinner tonight. Missing Eye Contact
- 14. Shall we proceed? Uh, can you repeat please?
- 16. Hands Behind Head tsktsktsk
- 19. LaMarcusAldridge "I can't just tell the guys I want the ball,I have to do it with my body language."
- 20. FindRole Model
Editor's Notes
- Why do I pick BL as my topic today?When I was a young, up to high school, I was a very quiet person. Not only I was quiet, I was serious most of the time. I was very shy, so I sat in the corner, slouched, hands on my tummy, and simply watched people talking.My uncles and aunts thought I was arrogant. Unbelievable! But their judgment had a basis. Don't you think?My mom always reprimanded me, “Don't show a cold face. I know you want to have friendsl, but people are afraid.. they think you are angry.”
- We all know what BL is.Why do I bring up this topic again? Why is it important to be reminded about BL?According to Albert Mehrabian – a professor Emeritus of Psychology, UCLA – 3 elements of communication are 7% (words) – 38% (tone) – 55% (body lang).
- We are often oblivious, ignorant people. Or we are clueless. When we talk, we think about ourselves. When we listen to people talking, we focus much on what they are telling us. Their gestures and body positions often pass by our head without being processed.
- How am I going to deliver this topic today:Let's look at our body from bottom-up.Find what message each part of our body can convey.Let's start from our feet.
- Look at the duck's feet. Flapping back and forth to swim in the water.We also do this when we are nervous. Or can't wait to leave.Well, should our feet be like the duck? No!
- Similarly, our legs should sit still. Swinging or bouncing them is very distracting to the person we talk to; if not disrespectful.
- I have to say, I often carry my notebook and my laptop in front of me. I mean, I don't want them to fall, so I hug them.Depending on the context indeed, but this can indicate lack of confidence, or feeling unsafe..“Hide behind the objects”If we stop by to talk to someone in this posture, we may convey a message that we are shy or resistant to their message.
- We sometimes do this when we are not carrying anything. Putting our hands in the pockets is not right. Putting our arms crossed over our chest looks patronizing. So we put them on our neck.This can convey 2 things:- doubts – maybe you are doubting the speaker.- impatience – like you are trying to interrupt the other personEven if you are trying to massage your neck, it gives the indication that the other's talk is not that important and you need that time for your neck.
- What’s up with her?Regardless of her eyes, she looks like she is judging something.Other possibilities are stroking our nose, clasping our hands on our cheek.Are you cold, hot? Are you stressed out, ready to blow up?
- We all have heard this often. Look at the person talking to you.Looking away or looking down indicates ignorance.In contrast, staring may actually be interpreted as daydreaming.
- [Tell a story – in a meeting someone starts to put their hands behind the head while talking.Contagious. Others do the same when it is their turn to talk.]Stop it! It's annoying!It implies superiority, and can also be condescending to the other person.
- Consider our whole body.Do we stand too close to the other person? [act this out]It is uncomfortable, isn't it?Do we lean back on our chair? [act this out] Ah, I've heard this enough!Do we face away the speaker? [act this out] I'm listening [while organizing a stack of paper on the table]I want to give my whole attention to this person instead.
- We need to try to be more aware – of our body and its actions:- how we stand and sit- where our hands are, what they are doing- what our legs are doing- what facial expression we are showingImagine a role model. Can be an actor, a friend, anybody. Say I want to be a good presenter. I think of an old friend of mine, who used to win debate contests. Then I try to imitate her actions and posture that looks confident and convincing.