Redirecting Children's Behavior Mini-Workshop 5/22/2014

1. Redirecting Children’s Behavior
Mini-workshop
Presented by
Etsuko Tsukagoshi
Redirecting Children’s Behavior(RCB)
Instructor

2. About Etsuko
• In San Diego since 2002
• Mother of 3 boys ages
7, 6 and 2
• RCB instructor
• Cross-cultural marriage
consultant, Author of
the book “Cross-
Cultural Marriage: the
First Year”, written in
Japanese

3. About Redirecting Children’s
Behavior(RCB) course…
• Based on the book ““Children: The Challenge”
by Rudolf Dreikurs, MD.
• Created by Kathryn Kvols, author of
“Redirecting Children’s Behavior” and the
president of International Network for
Children and Families (http://www.incaf.com)
• Etsuko currently offers live/skype/phone
courses in Japanese and English.

4. Key Concept of RCB (that we cover today)
• Behavior = Communication
• Encourage rather than reward
• Fights = opportunity to teach conflict
resolution skills
• Model what you want
• Firm & Kind
• Bonus: for our spirited child…

5. How do we know what’s up?
• Observe
• Ask
• Listen
• Touch
• Talk to others

6. Encourage rather than reward
• Encourage = talk to them like you are talking
to your friend
• How do they find what they really like/want?
• Internal motivation vs. External motivation
• TED Talk by Daniel Pink “Surprising science of
motivation”: “if…then” works with simple
tasks but not with creative tasks

7. Fight = Opportunity
• Sibling Fights can be a
great opportunity to
teach them conflict
resolution
• If one sibling is
displaying a behavior of
a bully, is there
someone in his/her life
who is modeling that
behavior?

8. I feel ________________________________
I want________________________________
How can we make this work for both of us?

9. Model What You Want
• What kind of
characteristics do
you want your child
to have when they
grow up?
• Are you displaying
the behavior?

10. Firm & Kind
• Be kind because you
respect your child
• Be firm because you
respect yourself
• What do you need to do
to be kind to yourself &
others?

11. Bonus: for your spirited child
・ Written by Joe Newman
・ Key Message:
Parents these days are
raising “Lions” = “children
who are strong-willed,
confident, self-assured
and unafraid to speak
their minds” while acting
like lambs. Lambs can’t
raise lions!!

12. Book: “Raising Lions”
Oneness (birth - 14 mo)
Omnipotence (- 3 years old)
Interdependence (after 3)
*According to the author, if kids
remain omnipotent beyond age
3, it could result in various
misdiagnosis of behavioral
disorders.

13. “Meet the hand” approach
• Establish consequences
• Follow through 100% of
the time
• Very Important! Give
consequences without
anger, judgment or
lecturing to create
connection

14. Parenting is a team sport
• Are you & your spouse
on the same team?
• How are your conflict
resolution skills?
• Connect first before
discussing challenging
topic!

15. It Takes A Village

16. Thank you!
Blog & Web-site
http://www.mypeacefulfa
mily.com
(English & Japanese)
Email:etsuko@mypeaceful
family.com
100 People Project
*Offering free 30 min
coaching!