Proverbs that speak to your heart, promotes true healing, helping you get over deep emotional pain from a broken relationship.

1. 23 Proverbs to Help Get Over
an Extremely Painful Breakup
By DeShondela Flowers
violetthorn.wordpress.com
deshondela@gmail.com
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2. Intro:
I wrote this while I was in the midst of deep, dark, extreme emotional pain that came at
the end of an unhealthy relationship. I loved him, but it took me years to accept that fact
that he was a sociopath. He contacted through text me recently. He eventually said
something that broke the camel’s back and I became enraged. I expressed all the
feeling I felt to him. He said he won’t contact me again.
Finally. Painfully.
But throughout the next couple of days, I began to decompensate. The varied thoughts I
had of him twirled over and over inside my head: what I loved and miss about him, what
I thought was sick about him, the nice things he said to me, the hateful things he said to
me, how stupid I was to let him do the things he did to me.
Within a few days I broke. Every bit of pain I hid inside over the course of our 4 year
“relationship” came to the surface. This pain was supported by the pain of every
previous painful relationship.
A week later after this break I mustered up the strength to write something for myself to
keep me from falling into a dark abyss that I wouldn’t be able to climb out of. I needed to
hear a voice outside of myself to tell me what my heart wanted me to remember. I
reached books.
I didn’t want to read the average, “How to Keep From Getting Hurt Again,” books or
“What to Do/What Not to Do to Get and Keep a Man,” book. No, “What Smart Women
Should Know,” books. No, “How to be a Bitch (because that’s what men like) books.” I
didn’t want to read a book that helped me beat myself up, inspire me to put my
defenses up towards all men or make me angry at him or myself.
I wanted to heal. I wanted to open up, not close up.
So I grabbed Marianne Williamson’s book “A Return to Love,” which gave me exactly
what I was looking for.
I’m sharing some of the nuggets of wisdom I took from this book (and some from my
psychiatrist, therapist and myself) because I think that maybe this might help someone
else who wants to be healed from the same emotional pain.
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3. The Nuggets (read these with an open and loving heart):
1. As you are in pain, it’s not about him/her. It’s about
you. Concentrate on you. This is about your healing, not
about what he/she did or said.
2. As you think of him/her, you will think of yourself.
3. In every relationship we teach either love or fear.
4. When the *Holy Spirit is in charge of our perceptions,
our encounters become more holy.
5. Focusing on the innocence sets us free.
6. Forgiveness is the key to inner peace because it is the mental technique by
which our thoughts are transferred from fear to love. Pray for the person who hurt
you. Pray for his or her well-being, even if it hurts to do so at first.
7. The first thing to do when you first meet a guy/woman you are attracted to: Pray!
Something like, “Dear God, you know I have more potential for neurosis in this
area than in any other. Please take my attraction, thought sand feeling about this
person and use them for your purposes. Let this relationship unfold according to
your will, Amen.”
8. Myself: My love wasn’t pure. I wanted to serve my ego’s purpose, not God’s
purpose. I can’t make something turn into something it’s not. Real love is
accepting what is.
9. What barriers do I have of love from coming? Ego tells us that somewhere out
there’s someone who’s going to save us. This is the gun that the ego uses
against us. This thought keeps us away from love. The ego doesn’t want us to
see that.
10. Our desperation destroys us once it’s here.
11. Pray and affirm: “Dear God, I am someone wonderful.”
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4. 12. Myself: Don’t beat yourself up
13. Growth comes from focusing on our own lessons.
14. The focus must remain on ourselves. We’re affected by other people’s lovelessness only to the extent we judge them for it.
15. How can I forgive those who could not go past a certain wall of fear they had
when dealing with me? How can I forgive myself for the way in which I
contributed of participated in their fear?
16. The price you pay for not taking responsibility for your own pain is the failure to
realize you can change your conditions by changing your own thoughts
17. Myself/Book: I didn’t feel I had as much to offer as I did. So I became a highly
skilled performer, unconsciously playing whatever part their fantasies prescribed.
18. Myself: Am I available? I can look to my past and pinpoint about the time I felt
the pains of how people took advantage of my open heart. When I was told in
elementary school by my male and female peers that I was not pretty or
desirable.
a. Those messages came 10 fold and even more vicious in middle school. At
the age of adolescence-the time when I was turning into a woman-my
female and male peers convinced me that I was not loveable as a person,
not desirable to any man and that I was ugly. I also learned to be afraid of
friendships with females. They were the meanest. Most that were my
friends became my persecutors, just so that they can fit in with the crowd.
b. Nearly 30 years later, if I look deep enough, the spikes are still there. No
matter what the world has told me or showed me since, there are parts of
me that still hang on to those agreements I made with my peers long ago.
19. Find yourself as wonderful.
20. Relinquish the thought that I am not good enough.
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5. 21. Recover from my fractured sense of self. Try seeing the perfection in others.
22. Myself/Book: When my truth,( that I want a relationship), is brought into the light
and forgiven (that I forgive myself from denying it to myself in the past), then I
can move on.
23. I am not the answer. God is the answer. Say, “God, help me.”
If you would like to share some of your thoughts or comments, you can do it on my blog
Violet Thorn, or e-mail me at deshondela@gmail.com
*http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14%3A26&version=AMP
*http://www.ucg.org/doctrinal-beliefs/just-what-holy-spirit/
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