Giving Intelligence to your emotions is an art!

1. Rising Intelligent Quotient, Dropping
Emotional Quotient
Posted on April 26, 2015 by Gaurav Kumar Bhama
Normal Scenario and Practical Observations:
“A young Engineer who had always stood first in college joined work but was asked to go within
a relatively short period of time. The reason? He was brilliant at his work, but he couldn’t take
direction. His supervisor would tell him how to do a design, and he’d do it in his own way. He’d
get defensive. He couldn’t take feedback – he acted as though it were a personal criticism. When
other engineers would ask him to help, he’d turn them down saying he was too busy with his
own part of the project. He created so much animosity that when he needed some help, no one
wanted to give it to him.”
“He was extraordinarily talented, brilliant conceptually, a powerful mind. He was great on the
computer, knew the numbers up, down and backward. But I had to Ignore him while considering
his promotion to CEO. He was often brutally harsh with people. At forty five, he had no body he
was close to, no friend. He worked all the time. He was one-dimentional.”
“He is very smart, has high ethical standards, but lashes out at people. Achieves superiority
through demeaning others. Everyone tried to help him work on this flaw but he is too rigid.”
THESE DAYS, the world is full of well trained people, once promising man and woman who
have reached a state of little or no change after a period of time in there careers – or worse,
leaving a track of continuous change in life – because of crucial gaps in emotional intelligence.
Earlier we were taught that education and technical skills are permanent ticket to success.
Success takes more then intellectual excellence. In this unstable job market, internal qualities
such as flexibility, initiative, optimism and adaptability are required to thrive in this market.
“I got a lowest grade in my schooling but when I joined B.Tech I was number one in my class –
it is all about how you handle yourself, get along with people, work in terms with leadership”,
said a very successful entrepreneur at our workplace.
In the day to day world no intelligence is more important then the interpersonal. If you don’t
have it, you’ll make poor choices about who to marry, what job to take and so on.
 Watch your thoughts, They become your words.
 Watch your words, They become your actions.

2.  Watch your actions, They become your habits.
 Watch your habits, they become your character.
 Watch your character, It becomes your thinking.
What are emotions?
All emotions are, in essence, impulses to act. The very root of the word emotion is motere, the
Latin verb “to move”. The prefix “e-” connotes “move away” suggesting that a tendency to act is
implicit in every emotion.
Our emotions guide us in facing embarrassing situation and tasks too. Important to leave to
intellect alone-danger, painful loss persisting towards a goal despite frustration, bonding with a
mate, building a family.
What is emotional intelligence?
It is a person’s ability to understand his or her own emotions and the emotions of other and to act
appropriately based on this understanding.
Eight principles of emotions:
 Emotional needs express themselves one way or another.
 Anger is an expression of need.
 Our feelings and needs are not wrong or bad.
 Emotions are the gateway to energy and feeling alive.
 We can address emotional issues and still save face.
 Immediate reaction to problems often disguise deeper feelings.
 We must clarify individual needs before problem solving with others.
 We need to express positive feelings and communicate negative ones.
Why is emotional intelligence more important?
There was a study done or 95 Harvard students – they were followed into middle age, then men
with the highest score in college were not particularly successful compared to their lower-scoring
peers in terms of salary, productivity or status in their field. Nor did they have a greatest life
satisfaction, nor the more happiness with friendships, family, and romantic relationships.
Academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life. The brightest among us can falter due
to uncontrolled passions and unruly impulses, people with IQs can be stunningly poor pilots of
their lives.

3. People who are emotionally adept – who know and manage their own feelings well and who read
and deal effectively with other people feelings – are at an advantage in any domain of life.
People with well developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in
their lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity, people who can not
martial some control over their emotional lives fight inner better that destroy their ability for
focused work and clear thoughts.
Emerging research suggests that a technically proficient executive or professional with EQ is
someone who pics up more skillfully, more quickly then others the budding conflicts that need
resolutions, the team and organizational vulnerabilities that need addressing, the gaps to be
leaped or filled, the hidden connections that spell opportunity and the dark and gloomy,
mysterious interactions that seem most likely to prove golden and profitable. People tend to fall
into distinctive styles for attending to and dealing with their emotions.
Self-aware: These people are aware of their moods and this clarity about emotions make
them autonomous and sure of their own boundaries. Self aware people have a positive outlook on
life, as they are able to manage their emotions.
Engulfed: These are people who often feel swamped by their emotions and helpless to escape
them as though their mood have taken charge. They are not very aware of there feelings, so that
they are lost in them rather than having some perspective. They are often emotionally out of
control.
Accepting: While these people are often clear about what they are feeling, they also tend to be
accepting of their moods and do not try to change them. For example – depressed people who all
are resigned to their stress.
What is emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence refers to the capacity for:
 Recognizing our own feelings and those of others,
 Being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustration,
 To control impulse and delay gratification,
 To regulate ones moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think,
 To empathize and to hope.
What emotional intelligence is not?

4.  It does not mean merely ‘being nice’. It dose mean being polite and firm. For Example: It
does mean bluntly confronting someone with an uncomfortable truth they have been
avoiding.
 It does not mean giving free rein to feelings. It does mean managing feelings so that they
are expressed appropriately and effectively.
Who is a star performer?
You have been told by your boss to carry out certain assignment. You know that the assignment
if carryout will hurt the people whom you worked with, it will bring about displeasure among
them.
You are in a dilemma. What would you do? You can neither afford to offend your boss nor your
colleagues.
The following example and can through some light as to how you handle such situations.
A cultural affairs officer at an indian embassy in USA was asked to show a film featuring an
indian politician greatly heated in the states. If he showed it the locals would find it offensive. If
he doesn’t, the officials in India would be upset.
How did he handle the situation?
He screened the movie on a holy day (Christmas), when he knew no one could come.
It is a common sense. but as the saying goes common sense is not so common! A star performer
is one who does right things on right time.
Emotional Intelligence basically consists of five competencies:
 Self-Awareness: Knowing what we are feeling, having a realistic assessment of our own
abilities and well-grounded sense of self-confidence.
 Self-regulation: Handling our emotions so that they facilitate rather then interfere with
the task at hand, being Careful and delaying satisfaction to pursue goals, recovering well
from emotional distress.
 Self-Motivation: Using our deepest preferences to move and guide us towards our goals,
to help us take initiative and strive to improve, and to continue in the face of setbacks and
frustrations.

5.  Empathy: Sensing what people are feeling, being able to take their perspective, and
cultivating empathy and attunement with a broad diversity of people.
 Social Skills: Handling emotions in relationships well and accurately reading social
situation and network, interacting smoothly.
~~ Gaurav Kumar Bhama