1. I know you like
my comic sans
font
I don’t want to read this book
but I want to know about it:
The Fault in Our Stars
By: fucking read the book it’s the
best book ever
(also known as just-hazel-grace-
lancaster)
Okay?

2. Hazel Lancaster
• Commonly known as Hazel Grace
• She has cancer
• She is a vegetabletarian
• Does not wish to be a grenade (if only you knew Hazel Grace, if only you
knew)
• She watches America’s Next Top Model
• She goes to college even though she’s sixteen
• She’s in love with Augustus Waters (when she starts calling him Gus it’s
time to close the book and think about whether you want to ruin your
life now or not)
• Her best friend is your mom (a little weird but her mom’s pretty cool)
• If Shailene Woodley plays her I might hit John Green with a shovel
• I named my car after her
• She fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at one

3. Augustus Waters (he’s too
pretty to be written about in
comic sans)
• Augustus Waters is the great star crossed lover of Hazel’s life
• Sometimes people call him Gus and I want to punch them in the
face because you can’t call someone that beautiful Gus
• Hates basketball
• Fears oblivion
• He’s beautiful and intelligent and basically I want to marry him
• Only has one leg
• Metaphors
• Once he dated this crazy ass bitch but then she died
• His thoughts are stars he cannot fathom into constellations
• I love him
• I’m going to name my first born after him
• Also he’s dead
• We don’t talk about that
• On a roller coaster that only goes up my friend

4. Isaac
• He also has cancer (shocker)
• He is blind and also he plays blind people
video games which actually seem a hell of a
lot cooler than regular video games
• He gets dumped by this girl named Monica
and it basically ruins his life (Monica’s a
bitch)
• Love is keeping the promise anyway
• Always
• He’s Augustus’ best friend

5. Peter Van Houten
• He’s an asshat
• But he’s also kinda fantastic
• It’s not his fault his daughter’s dead
• But he wrote a really good book
• Why did he move to Norway? I really don’t know
• Good choice in assistants though
• Good choice in drinks too
• Haha no water
• Some infinities are bigger than other infinities
• ^ made my math teacher cry with that one
• Thanks Pete
• Also, creeps in the cars of grieving teen girls (actually it’s
her mother’s car)

6. Kaitlyn
• Has a British accent even though she’s
not British
• Is really hot
• Would ride that one legged pony
• She’s basically she shit
• Hates her toes
• Likes thin mints
• Says awesomesauce (me too)

7. Patrick
• Runs a shitty support group
• But we love it cause that’s how Hazel
Grace and Augustus Waters met
• He lost his balls (fucking cancer)
• That’s really all
• Poor Patrick

8. Mrs. Lancaster
• She’s awesome
• Going to become Patrick
• Says she’s not going to be a mother
(that was kind of rude Mrs. Lancaster)
• But its okay cause I love her
• Watches her daughter sleep (a little
creepy)

9. Mr. Lancaster
• Doesn’t know how to do anything
• Cries a lot
• But its okay cause I love him
• Also his daughter is dying, I would cry a
lot too

10. Mr. and Mrs. Waters (sorry guys
you have to share a page)
• I like them
• They have a lot of encouragements its
kinda awk
• Ain’t gonna let their son get away with
fooling around in the basement
• Good parenting
• Also good enchiladas
• But those fucking encouragements man

11. Augustus’ other family
• Okay so basically these guys are fucking
nuts
• I mean the sisters and their husbands are
cool
• BUT THEIR KIDS MAN
• I mean I get they’re kids right
• But give me a break
• I hope they don’t grow up to be assholes
• That will be all

12. Lidewij Vliegenthart
• One of the best characters in the
fucking book
• If you hate gingers you are wrong
• This bitch is fucking awesome
• Oh btw she’s Peter Van Houten’s EX
assistant (that’s cause he’s an asshat)
• And I love her

13. Caroline Mathers
• Her cancer self and Hazel’s cancer self
could have been sisters
• But her healthy self and Hazel’s healthy
self look nothing alike
• Augustus’ dead ex-girlfriend
• She was a bitch (it wasn’t really her fault
though, she had brain cancer)
• Oh my god though, the leg jokes, I wanted
to punch her in the face.
• That’s basically it

14. Other things
• Okay? Okay. (really it’s not okay it’s just a lot of crying)
• Champagne = stars
• Time is a slut
• It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you (sobs)
• When the scientists of the future show up at my house with
robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the
scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world
without him (I was kind of crying by then)
• Basically I want to live in Amsterdam
• All efforts to save me from you will fail
• Fucking metaphors though
• I liked when that flight attendant was awesome
• Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of
Children
• The risen sun too bright in her losing eyes

15. Life Lessons
• Don’t deny yourself the simple pleasure of saying true things
• Pain demands to be felt
• You have some say in who hurts you
• You can have forever in limited days
• Keep the fucking promise
• There will come a time when all of us are dead and none of this will matter
• Grief does not change you, it reveals you
• The world is not a wish granting factory
• The universe wants to be noticed
• You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence
• Everything is a side effect of dying
• You have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories (choose the funny one)
• Love is just a shout into the void but who gives a fuck
• A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a
form of assault. But a hot boy . . . Well
• Real heroes are the people noticing things