http://www.hbacademy.org.uk

1. HIDDEN
messages
by Dr Leow Chee Seng, Regional Director,
British Institute of Homeopathy within us
While it is difficult to fully understand how a person really feels and thinks,
observing the body language can glean a lot of clues about the silent
messages being conveyed.
E
ven among people who are very close, miscommunication often
arises because people aren’t exactly very open most of the time
about what they really want to say.
There are various reasons why this is so – ranging from personal expectations
to instincts honed by upbringing and cultural mores – and we can observe
this happening all around us daily.
Take a typical example of a lady who told her boyfriend that she could take
public transport to return home after work. In actual fact, she had hoped
in her heart the boyfriend could fetch her from the workplace – a hint
he clearly missed and failed to respond accordingly.
The end results are pretty obvious and this happens so often
because what people say is not always what they truly meant
or were feeling at that time. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were
able to read what their real emotions and intentions were so we
could respond appropriately to what they needed?
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2. “ Expressing feelings without words is
body language especially seen
among couples.
“
which includes the way people dress, societal
norms on dress and behaviour, jewellery
people wear, distance between people, the
way people spend their time, the pitch of
people’s voice and such.
As for body language, there are several
categories of these communications that we
can observe everyday – and such gestures
are usually classified as repeating, conflicting,
complementing, substituting, moderating and
ever-regulating.
CATEGORISATION
The easiest understood category is body
language which serves to repeat, reinforce
and elaborate on what is said verbally.
Hoping for this to ever take place may be
wishful thinking, but there could be one To illustrate, note when you ask your child
way to reduce such miscommunications – to put down a book, you would also point
if all of us actually made time to pay to the table. As such, your child understands
attention to the silent cues of our partner’s the book should be placed there. This
body language. communication by gestures, of pointing to the
table, repeats the verbal request and directs
A SECRET LANGUAGE where to put the book.
Body language is a sub-branch of non-verbal
communication that is known as kinesics. The direct opposite is body language that
Motivational speaker Kevin Hogan, in his conflicts with the verbal message, making
book The Secret Language of Business, it clear to anyone paying attention that your
described body language as referring to cues mind is actually not in agreement with what
from body positions, gestures, eye contact and you’ve said.
the whole body stance!
As an example, when you tell your friend the
It isn’t easy to spot these cues if you’re not movie you’ve just watched was nice – but
trained to read such silent messages and your eyes dart away – that’s conflicting body
a lot of people get confused due to lack of language.
understanding between the differences in body
language and non-verbal communication. The conflicting body language indicator is
usually bright and flashing, even to those
To better understand the differences between of us who wouldn’t pay attention to such
these, it is perhaps best to describe non-verbal details. This form of body language appears
communication as first impressions while body when you lie, disagree, feel trapped, feel
language could be seen as postures adopted nervous or just ambivalent about something.
and gestures made.
Naturally, when there is conflict between
Alternatively, it might be easier to understand verbal and your body language, people tend
non-verbal communication from a context to believe in your body language.
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3. The third type of body language would be For example, we can nod our head when
action complementing the words spoken, and is listening to a presentation. We can use our
intertwined with the conflicting categorisation. hand gestures to invite other presenters to
start presenting their ideas. At times, body
To illustrate, let’s refer to my friend Vanessa, language can also be used when some can’t
who is a very good driver. She never speeds seem to stop talking once they have initiated
when driving and she follows all traffic rules, their thought processes.
not even jumping queues when in a rush.
IN THE WORKPLACE
So, imagine her surprise when she was once Body language is essential for the success
pulled over by the police because she was not of a salesperson. Such a sales executive
paying attention to her driving speed while is able to study the clients’ attitude and
rushing to the hospital. By the time the officer purchase behaviour at close range, having
got to her car, she was crying and very upset the opportunity to predict and improve their
with herself. negotiation skills based on their body
language.
Police officers are generally very good at
reading body language because most people If a person folds their arms
they encounter try to avoid being penalised when rejecting your ideas,
and start to lie. This wasn’t the case with you need not waste
Vanessa and the police officer could read her time to explain further
non-verbal behaviour of crying and shaking because the defensive
was real, and not faked. mechanism has been
shown.
So, she was given a chance to continue her
journey to the hospital because her non-
With knowledge of
verbal behaviour complemented her verbal
body language, you
statements.
are further able to
easily identify the
Humans tend to use substitution like touch to
sincerity of a client and
express feelings they do not wish to express
you won’t be cheated
with verbal communication. This body language
easily.
can be especially seen among couples.
Moderating is another category where the When discussing with the
body language enhances a verbal message. client, if their legs are facing any
For instance, when your employees had made direction except towards you, you
a mistake, you should moderate the message have to observe other gestures to check
of forgiveness with the palm-up gesture, a on their sincerity. Such a negative gesture
reassuring smile or a pat on the shoulder for indicates the other person really wants to
encouragement. leave but is forced to stay.
This body language shows that you are very When the sales executive identifies this
serious about the mistake, but you want them negative gesture, they should change the
to learn from the error and perform better in way of presenting their ideas or use different
the future. approaches to close sales. Hence, knowledge
of body language can help boost your
We also apply regulating body language when business!
moving from one topic to another, or to give
another person the chance to speak. These Body language skills are also widely used by
gestures are very visible during a group human resource department personnel, who
meeting. use these skills during the recruitment process.
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4. During interview sessions, human resource Politicians too should be trained to understand
managers should identify the congruency the components of body language. The
of the interviewer and the information given application of body language can enhance
during the interview. their public relationship with others.
Employees about to leave the firm could also For politicians, their body language should
be giving fantastic explanations for resignation. be friendly, welcoming and give confidence
Human resource officers should observe to the public. When giving a speech, the
their body language to further enhance their politician would display open palms to
investigation of these resigning employees to indicate friendliness towards others.
see how to persuade valuable staff to remain.
Further, his palms should also face down to
PROFESSIONAL BENEFIT exude confidence and exert authority. A firm
Counsellors often apply the skills of body handshake during greeting gives confidence
language in their therapy sessions. In the to others.
first stages of psychotherapy, trust between
clients and counsellors need to be established Body language also enhances the application
in this relationship building process before of criminal detection as we are naturally able
it is possible to move on the next stages of to detect if suspects are providing truthful
assessment and diagnosis. facts or if they are trying to hide something.
By observing their gestures, we can determine
Counsellors can observe the clients body the congruency of their statements.
language to determine if they can proceed
to the next stage. The application of body A person tends to touch their mouth and nasal
language is more useful among introvert cavities when they try to lie. The legs too are
clients who not like to express themselves
through verbal communication.
“ For a business executive,
knowledge of body language
can help boost your sales!
“
Someone with low self-esteem
and self-confidence can be
trained on how to give firm
handshakes at the initiative
stage of behaviour modification.
When they apply the action
kinesthetically, the action would
manifest in their subconscious
mind. When repeated, the
gesture becomes habitual
action and the client would be
able to apply the gesture
confidently after training
over a period of time.
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5. good indicators if someone is stating the truth, So, while verbal communication can be easily
crossed legs in a defensive position often disguised by an experienced husband, the
signify lies. lack of congruency between body language
and verbal communication helps reveal to the
It is also possible to check the veracity of wife when there is any inconsistency.
someone’s statements by shaking their hands
because our body temperature tends to drop
With children, understanding body language
when we are telling lies. Not only that, we
can result in a far more fulfilling interaction.
should also observe the eye movements.
When a person is telling lies, their eyeballs Good communications will always be an
move upward at the left side because humans important parenting skill. Understanding a
use the right brain to create stories when child’s capabilities and limitations is very
telling lies. important if you want to communicate
effectively with them.
INTIMACY CUES
In a crowded environment, the ability to read Knowing the right techniques in
body language can be a real advantage. communicating effectively with children can
Imagine being in a crowded disco or lounge – make parenting enjoyable as a positive
body language can help you predict which girls parent-child relationship is then firmly
or guys you could probably hook up with and
established. So, whether you are parenting
maybe have a chance to develop something
a toddler or a teenager, give focus to good
more.
communications – as that is the key to
Interpersonal skills are also improved with building self-esteem as well as establishing
the understanding of body language. As guys mutual respect.
aren’t usually good at expressing out loud
their love towards their partner, they would Also, take note that constant adaptability
sometimes use touch as a substitute to show is needed as the period from birth to
their feelings of care and love. adolescence contains dramatic developments
in cognitive functioning and social maturation.
The opposite is equally true too. Most of Children slowly develop abilities to go
us would probably be able to tell when a beyond perceptual appearance to think more
woman isn’t happy with the husband as
abstractly about their environment.
the face would be black and their whole
posture would show off the unhappiness.
This then leads to them acquiring information
Further, couples are able to evaluate each other processing skills so that they can more readily
through body language. While the husband organise and use what they learned about
can use body language such as touch to their environment. As such, listening to your
increase intimacy between them, a wife is able child and paying close attention to non-verbal
to detect if her husband is telling lie through cues play a critical role in establishing healthy
the observation of his body language. communications. OH!
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