I begin by discussing Seth Godin's "Be Remarkable". Then I focus on four skills – Listening (Marshal Goldsmith), Communicating (Heath Brothers), Helping (Edgar Schein), and Don’t Be An Asshole (Robert Sutton). In recent years this lecture has earned a fun nickname Dating Skills for Engineers.

1. “Dating Skills For
Engineers”
“Entrepreneurship Fundamental
Skills”
Fizz Day 2
Iain Verigin - September 2013

2. Dating Skills For Engineers
• A few years back -- Dr. Waltham suggested I
change the title of my talk
• Thank You.
• 
Sidebar

3. Be Remarkable
Seth Godin “How To Be Remarkable” http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2007/01/how_to_be_remar.html
Ted Talk : http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xBIVlM435Zg

4. Entrepreneurship
Fundamental Skills
Communicating
Helping
Listening
Don’t Be an
Asshole
“Be Remarkable!”

5. Communicating
Communicating

6. The Curse Of Knowledge
• when we are given knowledge,
it is impossible to
imagine what it's like to
LACK that knowledge.
Communicating http://heathbrothers.com/books/made-to-stick/

7. Key Points • Simple is about Prioritizing.
• Unexpected is about violating
schema/ ―norms‖
• Concrete is about
using sensory language
• Credible is about
human scale statistics
or vivid details
• Emotional -
People care about people
(not numbers)
• Stories - drive action thru
simulation
• SUCCES
– Simple
– Unexpected
– Concrete
– Credible
– Emotional
– Stories
Communicating

8. “Listening”
Notes From Marshall Goldsmith Chapter 9 - Listening
Listening

9. Listening Tactics – Don’t
• Don’t Interrupt
• Don’t finish the
other persons
sentences
• Don’t say, ―I knew
that.‖
• Don’t even agree
with the other
person ( even if he
praises you, just say,
"Thank you" )
• Don't use the words
"no", "but", or
"however‖
• Don't be distracted.
• Don't let your eyes
wander, or attention
wander, elsewhere
while the other
person is talking
Listening

10. Listening Tactics - Do
• Maintain your end of the
dialogue by asking
intelligent questions that
– (a) show you're paying
attention
– (b) move the
conversation forward
– (c) require the other
person to talk ( while
you listen )
• Eliminate any striving to
impress the other person
with how smart, or funny,
you are. Your only aim is
to let the other person feel
he, or she, is accomplishing
that.
( ie Let them impress you )
Listening

11. Paradox:
The more you
subsume your
desire to shine, the
more you will shine
in the other person's
eyesListening

12. Listening
• Think Before You Speak
• Listen With Respect
• Ask Yourself - ―Is it Worth It?‖
• Make The Other Person Feel
Important
Listening

14. Background
1. All societies are ―stratified‖
(Status matters )
2. All behavior is reciprocal
Helping

15. One Up & One Down
One ―Up-ness‖ of being asked to help
One ―Down-ness‖ of asking for help
Helping

16. Three Roles
1. Expert
( self diagnose and find expert )
2. Doctor
( diagnose & prescribe )
3. Process Consultant
(engage in humble inquiry )
Helping

17. Which Role
Do You Use?
Helping

18. Seven Principles of
Effective Helping
1. Giver & Receiver are
both ready
2. Relationship is
equitable
3. Helper is in Proper
Role
4. Communication is
not a choice
• Starts w/ Humble
Inquiry
• Receiver owns the
problem
• Helper never has all the
answers
Helping - Extra

19. The “No Asshole Rule”
• The Quiz
– http://electricpulp.com
/guykawasaki/arse/
Behaviour

20. Which Mindset?
Fixed Mindset:
Growth Mindset:
Behaviour/Attitude

21. Rule #1
Fixed Mindset:
LOOK SMART OR TALENTED AT
ALL COSTS
Growth Mindset:
LEARN, LEARN, LEARN
Behaviour/Attitude

22. Rule #2
Fixed: DON’T WORK TOO HARD
“To tell the truth, when I work hard at my school
work it makes me feel like I’m not very smart.”
Growth: WORK HARD, EFFORT IS KEY
“The harder you work at something, the better
you’ll be at it.”
Behaviour/Attitude

23. Rule #3
IN THE FACE OF SETBACKS…
Fixed Mindset:
CONCEAL MISTAKES OR DEFICIENCIES
Growth Mindset:
EMBRACE MISTAKES, CONFRONT
DEFICIENCIES
Behaviour/Attitude

24. You
Have a
Behaviour/Attitude

25. 20 Bad Habits
• Here is a list of 20 Bad Habits
• It is very useful to be able to
describe them
• Unfortunately it is very difficult
to assess yourself.
Behaviour

26. Bad Habit 1-4
• 1. Winning too much:
The need to win at all costs and in all situations.
• 2. Adding too much value:
The overwhelming desire to add our 2 cents to every
discussion.
• 3. Passing judgment:
The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.
• 4. Making destructive comments:
The needless sarcasm and cutting remarks that we think
make us witty.
Behaviour

27. Entrepreneurship
Fundamental Skills
Communicating
Helping
Listening
Don’t Be an Asshole
(Mindset)
“Be Remarkable!”

28. The End

29. Extras
Book Links can be found here
http://hnorth.wordpress.com/entrepr
eneurship-readings/

30. Johnny Bunko’s 6+ Lessons
1 There is no plan
[The economy changes too fast for your career to have a plan.]
2 Think strengths, not weaknesses
[Find your advantages]
3 It’s not about you
[Serving others serves you best]
4 Persistence trumps talent
[Keep showing up]
5 Make excellent mistakes
[Take risks, but fail forward]
6 Leave an imprint
[Do something that matters]
7Stay hungry
http://www.kk.org/cooltools/archives/002898.php
http://www.johnnybunko.com/

31. Work is Emotional
The Startup Curve <<http://www.avc.com/a_vc/2012/03/the-startup-curve.html

32. Why Are People Skills So
Important?
! New Ventures fail from
lack of customers !
• Not lack of product
• Translates to
– People make the product
– People buy the products
– People make the decisions
– People sign cheques
– People
• More info: http://steveblank.com/

33. Bad Habits 5 - 8
• 5. Starting with NO, BUT, HOWEVER: The overuse of
these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone that
I’m right and you’re wrong.
• 6. Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show
people we’re smarter than they think we are.
• 7. Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a
management tool.
• 8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”:
The need to share our negative thoughts even when we
weren’t asked.
Behaviour

34. Bad Habits 9-20
• 9. Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.
• 10. Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to give praise and reward.
• 11. Claiming credit that that we don’t deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any
success.
• 12. Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.
• 13. Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a
subset of blaming everyone else.
• 14. Playing favorites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.
• 15. Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how
our actions affect others.
• 16. Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
• 17. Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners.
• 18. Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.
• 19. Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves.
• 20. An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are.
Behaviour

35. Rules to Live By
• The company is a no-asshole zone. It requires employees to agree to sign this document
• Rules of Engagement
• 1. I will be passionate—about SuccessFactors’ mission, about my work. I will love what we do for companies and employees everywhere.
• 2. I will demonstrate respect for the individual; I will be nice and listen to others, and respect myself. I will act with integrity and professionalism.
• 3. I will do what it takes to get the job done, no matter what it takes, but within legal and ethical boundaries.
• 4. I know that this is a company, not a charity. I will not waste money—I will question every cost.
• 5. I will present an exhaustive list of solutions to problems—and suggest actionable recommendations.
• 6. I will help my colleagues and recognize the team when we win. I will never leave them behind when we lose.
• 7. I will constantly improve Kaizen! I will approach every day as an opportunity to do a better job, admitting to and learning from my mistakes.
• 8. I will selflessly pursue customer success.
• 9. I will support the culture of meritocracy and pay for performance.
• 10. I will focus on results and winning—scoring points, not just gaining yardage.
• 11. I will be transparent. I will communicate clearly and be brutally honest, even when it’s difficult, because I trust my colleagues.
• 12. I will always be in sales and drive customer satisfaction.
• 13. I will have fun at work and approach my work with enthusiasm.
• 14. I will be a good person to work with—I will not be an asshole.
• I agree to live these values. If my colleagues fail to live up to any of these rules, I will speak up and will help them correct; in turn, I will be open to
constructive criticism from my colleagues should I fail to live by these values. I understand that my performance will be judged in part by how well
I demonstrate these values in my daily work.
• http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2007/02/arse_the_asshho.html
Behaviour

36. -Brains grow like a
Muscle
- practice makes it
stronger!
- By extension
“Groups can grow their
intelligence”
Attitude

37. Mindset
? What Do You Believe?
1. Your intelligence is something very basic about you
that you can’t change very much.
2. You can learn new things, but you can’t really
change how intelligent you are.
3. No matter how much intelligence you have, you
can always change it quite a bit.
4. You can always substantially change how intelligent
you are.
Behaviour/Attitude

38. Let’s Listen To Vinod
Khosla
• Persistence
• Getting into Stanford MBA School
– He didn’t get in the first time.
• Closing Sun’s first Deal
– Did he really sleep in the lobby?
• ~ 7:15
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vinod_Khosla
• http://iinnovate.blogspot.com/2007/10/vinod-khosla-co-founder-of-sun.html
Attitude

39. Helping
Helping - Extra - Summary

40. CustomerCentricBehaviour
Traditional CustomerCentric
Make Presentations Converse “Situationally”
Offer Opinions Ask Relevant Questions
Focus On Relationships Focus On Solution
Gravitate Towards Users Target Business People
Rely on Product Relate Product Usage
Compete to Stay Busy Compete to Win
Close on Sellers Time Frame Close of Buyers Time Frame
Attempt to Sell By
• Convincing/Persuading
• Handling Objection
• Overcoming Resistance
Empower Buyers to
•Achieve Goals
• Solve Problems
• Satisfy Needs
Note How Traditional Techniques are “Not Helping”
Helping