Controversy over body-checking in junior hockey

Just the plain facts!Just the plain facts!
PRESENTATION SERIESPRESENTATION SERIES
How to write an introductionHow to write an introduction
©© Nicholas G. Ashby 2004Nicholas G. Ashby 2004

GeneralGeneral
 The purpose of an introduction is to prepareThe purpose of an introduction is to prepare
the reader for the body of writing that comesthe reader for the body of writing that comes
after it.after it.
You know what you are writing about and why.You know what you are writing about and why.
But unless you inform your readers of this in anBut unless you inform your readers of this in an
introduction, they will feel lost and judge yourintroduction, they will feel lost and judge your
essay to be an unclear piece of work!essay to be an unclear piece of work!

A good introduction:A good introduction:
 indicates the topic that the essay is aboutindicates the topic that the essay is about
 describes how the body of the essay isdescribes how the body of the essay is
organizedorganized
 explains the point of writing the essay;explains the point of writing the essay;
the point of writing an essay is usually tothe point of writing an essay is usually to
argue for a thesis, so you will need toargue for a thesis, so you will need to
explain what thesis you argue for and howexplain what thesis you argue for and how
you argue for it – this is called ayou argue for it – this is called a
thesis-statement, and most essaythesis-statement, and most essay
introductions include one.introductions include one.

First exampleFirst example
Suppose you had to write a ten page essaySuppose you had to write a ten page essay
onon the topic of whether body-checkingthe topic of whether body-checking
should be banned in junior ice-hockey.should be banned in junior ice-hockey. YouYou
did your research and found that there aredid your research and found that there are
several main arguments for and against aseveral main arguments for and against a
ban. In the body of your essay youban. In the body of your essay you
described and evaluated these arguments,described and evaluated these arguments,
and determined that arguments for a banand determined that arguments for a ban
are stronger than arguments against a ban.are stronger than arguments against a ban.
Now you must write your introduction!Now you must write your introduction!

First exampleFirst example
Here is how someone new to academicHere is how someone new to academic
essays may write the introduction (theessays may write the introduction (the
topic-sentence is in red, essay structure intopic-sentence is in red, essay structure in
blue, thesis in yellow):blue, thesis in yellow):
This essay is about the issue of body-checking inThis essay is about the issue of body-checking in
junior ice-hockey.junior ice-hockey. First, arguments for a ban onFirst, arguments for a ban on
body-checking are examined. Second, argumentsbody-checking are examined. Second, arguments
against a ban are discussed.against a ban are discussed. It is shown that pro-It is shown that pro-
ban arguments are stronger than anti-banban arguments are stronger than anti-ban
arguments. Therefore, the thesis of this essay isarguments. Therefore, the thesis of this essay is
that body-checking in junior ice-hockey should bethat body-checking in junior ice-hockey should be
banned.banned.

Discussion of first exampleDiscussion of first example
This introduction is all right so far as it goes.This introduction is all right so far as it goes.
It is better to have an introduction thatIt is better to have an introduction that
includes the three important elementsincludes the three important elements
((topictopic,, structurestructure,, thesisthesis) than to have one) than to have one
that does not.that does not. Many people start out byMany people start out by
writing essays with introductions like thiswriting essays with introductions like this
one.one. It does have the virtue of being clear,It does have the virtue of being clear,
and clarity is essential.and clarity is essential. But let us review itBut let us review it
to see if it can be improved.to see if it can be improved.

The structure-sentences are fine.The structure-sentences are fine.
Notice that words such asNotice that words such as firstfirst andand secondsecond
are useful in helping to describe how theare useful in helping to describe how the
body of an essay is organized.body of an essay is organized.
However, if you can convey the structure ofHowever, if you can convey the structure of
your essay without using too manyyour essay without using too many
organizational words, that is even better.organizational words, that is even better.

The topic-sentence could be improved.The topic-sentence could be improved.
Rather than writing: “Rather than writing: “This essay is about…This essay is about…””
it would be better to write a few topic-it would be better to write a few topic-
sentences that convey a sense of thesentences that convey a sense of the
current state of the topic.current state of the topic. This not onlyThis not only
tells the reader what the topic is but it alsotells the reader what the topic is but it also
gives the impression that you aregives the impression that you are
knowledgeable about the topic and inknowledgeable about the topic and in
command of your research material.command of your research material.

The thesis-sentences could be better.The thesis-sentences could be better.
Instead of writing: “Instead of writing: “Therefore, the thesis ofTherefore, the thesis of
this essay is…this essay is…”” simply give a bold, factualsimply give a bold, factual
sentence that expresses your position onsentence that expresses your position on
the issue.the issue. This conveys an air of confidence,This conveys an air of confidence,
unlike the phrase “…unlike the phrase “…the thesis of thisthe thesis of this
essayessay…” which is timid and non-committal.…” which is timid and non-committal.

Second exampleSecond example
The introduction on the next slide takesThe introduction on the next slide takes
these points into account. Compare it withthese points into account. Compare it with
the previous introduction andthe previous introduction and note hownote how
wording the three main elements differentlywording the three main elements differently
can improve the impact that the introductioncan improve the impact that the introduction
has on the reader.has on the reader.

Second exampleSecond example
Body-checking has always been a controversialBody-checking has always been a controversial
issue. However, the recent decision of Hockeyissue. However, the recent decision of Hockey
Canada to allow some hockey associations to permitCanada to allow some hockey associations to permit
body-checking among players as young as ninebody-checking among players as young as nine
years of age, on an experimental basis, hasyears of age, on an experimental basis, has
aggravated the controversy quite considerably inaggravated the controversy quite considerably in
recent months.recent months. Perspectives fall into three mainPerspectives fall into three main
categories: viewpoints of fans, the official standpointcategories: viewpoints of fans, the official standpoint
of Hockey Canada, and positions held by theof Hockey Canada, and positions held by the
scientific community.scientific community. Evaluation of the mainEvaluation of the main argumentsarguments
shows quite clearly that Hockeyshows quite clearly that Hockey Canada’s decisionCanada’s decision
to allow body-checking in someto allow body-checking in some junior games,junior games,
even on an experimental basis, is aeven on an experimental basis, is a serious mistake.serious mistake.

Discussion of second exampleDiscussion of second example
In this second introduction, theIn this second introduction, the topic-topic-
sentencessentences give an impression of the currentgive an impression of the current
state of the topic (and, so, convey the topicstate of the topic (and, so, convey the topic
of the essay to the reader) without usingof the essay to the reader) without using
the wordsthe words essayessay oror topictopic. The. The structure-structure-
sentencessentences inform the reader of the maininform the reader of the main
parts of the body of the essay and theirparts of the body of the essay and their
order of discussion (views of fans,order of discussion (views of fans,
Hockey Canada, and scientific community)Hockey Canada, and scientific community)
without using many organizational words.without using many organizational words.

TheThe thesis-sentencesthesis-sentences tell the reader wheretell the reader where
you stand on the issue and how you arrivedyou stand on the issue and how you arrived
at your position (through evaluation of theat your position (through evaluation of the
main arguments for and against a ban),main arguments for and against a ban),
without including words such aswithout including words such as essayessay oror
thesis.thesis.

This second introduction gives the reader theThis second introduction gives the reader the
impression that you are knowledgeable on theimpression that you are knowledgeable on the
topic, and that doing the research has led youtopic, and that doing the research has led you
to an intelligent, informed thesis.to an intelligent, informed thesis. Why didn’tWhy didn’t
the first introduction have the same effect?the first introduction have the same effect?

The reason is that within the context of anThe reason is that within the context of an
essay introduction, words likeessay introduction, words like essayessay,,
topictopic andand thesisthesis make it seem as if theremake it seem as if there
is a gap between you, the writer, and theis a gap between you, the writer, and the
essay. This gives the impression that theessay. This gives the impression that the
concerns about and position on the issueconcerns about and position on the issue
may not bemay not be youryour concerns and positionconcerns and position (only(only
the essay’s!). Notice that the secondthe essay’s!). Notice that the second
introduction gives the impression that thereintroduction gives the impression that there
is no gap, and that you areis no gap, and that you are expressingexpressing
yourself through the essay.yourself through the essay.

Practice!Practice!
Practice writing introductions without usingPractice writing introductions without using
phrases such as “phrases such as “the topic of this essay…the topic of this essay…””
or “or “the thesis argued for is…the thesis argued for is…” Expressing” Expressing
the topic without using words likethe topic without using words like topictopic oror
subjectsubject may be particularly challengingmay be particularly challenging
because it is easy to include too much detailbecause it is easy to include too much detail
and end up with an unintended body-and end up with an unintended body-
paragraph. But with practice, you will beparagraph. But with practice, you will be
able to write more effective introductions.able to write more effective introductions.

Frequently asked questionsFrequently asked questions
1. How long should my introduction1. How long should my introduction
be?be?
One common mistake is to write anOne common mistake is to write an
introduction that is too long; the introductionintroduction that is too long; the introduction
is so detailed that it is indistinguishable fromis so detailed that it is indistinguishable from
the body of the essay!the body of the essay! As a rule, anAs a rule, an
introduction should not be longer than aboutintroduction should not be longer than about
8% of the length of the essay.8% of the length of the essay. ForFor example,example,
the introduction of a ten, fifteen, and twenty-the introduction of a ten, fifteen, and twenty-
page essay should be a maximum of about apage essay should be a maximum of about a
page, apage, a page and a quarter, and one and apage and a quarter, and one and a
half pages respectively.half pages respectively.

2. How detailed should the2. How detailed should the
introductionintroduction
be?be?
Another common mistake is that theAnother common mistake is that the
introduction is so detailed that it fails tointroduction is so detailed that it fails to
indicate the topic of the essay in a clearindicate the topic of the essay in a clear
way!way! The introduction only needs to stateThe introduction only needs to state
the topic, general structure, and thesis of thethe topic, general structure, and thesis of the
essay. The longer the essay is supposed toessay. The longer the essay is supposed to
be, the more detailed your topic, structurebe, the more detailed your topic, structure
and thesis-sentences can be.and thesis-sentences can be.

3. Why am I finding it hard to write3. Why am I finding it hard to write
thethe
introduction?introduction?
The introduction must indicate the topic,The introduction must indicate the topic,
structure and thesis of the essay.structure and thesis of the essay. If you areIf you are
not completely sure about any of thesenot completely sure about any of these
things, you will find it hard or eventhings, you will find it hard or even
impossible to write an introduction.impossible to write an introduction. Writer’sWriter’s
block can happen when you try to write theblock can happen when you try to write the
introduction before you have done sufficientintroduction before you have done sufficient
reading and research on the topic.reading and research on the topic.

3. Why am I finding it hard to write3. Why am I finding it hard to write
thethe
introduction (continued)?introduction (continued)?
How can you know what the structure ofHow can you know what the structure of
your essay will be until you have written atyour essay will be until you have written at
least a draft of the body? How can youleast a draft of the body? How can you
know what your thesis will be until you haveknow what your thesis will be until you have
done the reading and research?!done the reading and research?! To saveTo save
time, always write the introduction last.time, always write the introduction last.

4. What is an introduction for? Is it a4. What is an introduction for? Is it a
summary?summary?
An introduction is not a summary. AAn introduction is not a summary. A
summary repeats the main ideas of ansummary repeats the main ideas of an
essay.essay. An introduction introduces the readerAn introduction introduces the reader
to the topic of the essay, describes theto the topic of the essay, describes the
organizational structure of the essay, andorganizational structure of the essay, and
explains the point of the essay (the thesisexplains the point of the essay (the thesis
argued for).argued for).

5. What should I put in my5. What should I put in my
introduction?introduction?
Do not try to pack everything into theDo not try to pack everything into the
introduction. It would then not be anintroduction. It would then not be an
introduction at all!introduction at all! An essay introductionAn essay introduction
does not need to do more than tell thedoes not need to do more than tell the
reader the topic of the essay, describe howreader the topic of the essay, describe how
the body of the essay is organized, andthe body of the essay is organized, and
explain the thesis that you argue for in theexplain the thesis that you argue for in the
essay.essay.

6. How many paragraphs should I use6. How many paragraphs should I use
for the introduction?for the introduction?
The introduction needs to indicate the topic,The introduction needs to indicate the topic,
structure, and thesis of the essay for thestructure, and thesis of the essay for the
reader.reader. In a short ten page essay, all ofIn a short ten page essay, all of
these things should be easy to include in onethese things should be easy to include in one
or two paragraphs. In longer essays, youror two paragraphs. In longer essays, your
topic, structure, and thesis-sentences will betopic, structure, and thesis-sentences will be
more detailed, and so more paragraphs maymore detailed, and so more paragraphs may
be required to complete the introduction.be required to complete the introduction.

Other sources and resourcesOther sources and resources
 Make an appointment for the Bethune Writing CentreMake an appointment for the Bethune Writing Centre
(go to Master’s office at 205 Bethune to book a slot,(go to Master’s office at 205 Bethune to book a slot,
or call 416 736 2100 ext. 22035)or call 416 736 2100 ext. 22035)
 Visit York Centre for Academic Writing online resourcesVisit York Centre for Academic Writing online resources
at:at: http://www.arts.yorku.ca/caw/resources.htmlhttp://www.arts.yorku.ca/caw/resources.html
 The following books may be useful:The following books may be useful:
Hacker, D. (2003).Hacker, D. (2003). A Canadian writer’s referenceA Canadian writer’s reference
(2(2ndnd
ed.). Scarborough, Ont.: Nelson Thomsoned.). Scarborough, Ont.: Nelson Thomson
Learning.Learning. Call number: PE 1408 H293Call number: PE 1408 H293
Finbogason, J., & Valleau, Al (2002).Finbogason, J., & Valleau, Al (2002). A CanadianA Canadian
writer’s pocket guidewriter’s pocket guide (2(2ndnd
ed.). Scarborough, Ont.:ed.). Scarborough, Ont.:
Thomson/Nelson.Thomson/Nelson. Call number: PE 1408 F45Call number: PE 1408 F45

Other sources and resourcesOther sources and resources
Troyka, Lynn Quitman (2002).Troyka, Lynn Quitman (2002). Simon & Schuster handbookSimon & Schuster handbook
for writersfor writers (3(3rdrd
ed.). Scarborough, Ont.: Prentice-Hall.ed.). Scarborough, Ont.: Prentice-Hall.
Call number:Call number: PE 1408 T697PE 1408 T697
 For science students writing a scientific report, theFor science students writing a scientific report, the
requirements of the introduction are slightly different fromrequirements of the introduction are slightly different from
those stated here. The following book will be particularlythose stated here. The following book will be particularly
useful:useful:
Day, Robert A. (1998).Day, Robert A. (1998). How to write & publish a scientificHow to write & publish a scientific
paperpaper (5(5thth
ed.). Phoenix, Arizona: The Oryx Press.ed.). Phoenix, Arizona: The Oryx Press.
Call number:Call number: T11 D33T11 D33

Controversy over body-checking in junior hockey

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