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CRUCIAL
CONVERSATIONS
Tools for Talking When
Stakes Are High
Authors: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillan, Al Switzler
By: Jennifer Soriano
What’s a Crucial Conversation ?
and Who
Cares?
Focus on the day-to-day
conversations that affect your
life
- You think your highly-researched paper presentation is
good and was actually approved by your direct boss but
the higher ups think it’s a total dump (opinions vary
- Idea of doing something different to save the
company/organization (stakes are high)
- Heated discussion with your spouse (emotions run
strong)
High Stakes
Crucial
conversations
O
pposingO
pinions
StrongEm
otions
How do we really handle crucial
conversations?
- We can avoid them
- We can face them and handle them
poorly
- We can face them and handle them well
When it matters most, we do
our worst
WHY?
-We’re designed
wrong
-We’re under
pressure
-We act in self-
defeating ways
Some Common Crucial
Conversations
-Ending a relationship
-Talking to a coworker who behaves
offensively or makes suggestive
comments
- Asking a friend to repay a loan
- Giving the boss feedback about her
behavior
- Approaching a boss who is breaking his
own safety or quality policies
Cont. Some Common Crucial
Conversations
-Critiquing a colleague’s work
-Resolving custody or visitation issues with
an ex-spouse
-Dealing with a rebellious teen
-Talking to a colleague who is hoarding
information or resources
-Giving an unfavorable performance
review
- Asking in-laws to quit interfering
The Law of Crucial
Conversations
Twenty years of
research involving
more than 100, 000
people reveals that
the key skill of
effective leaders,
team mates, parents,
and loved ones is the
capacity to skillfully
address emotionally
and politically risky
issues.”
Mastering Crucial
Conversations
The Power of Dialogue
di-a-logue (n)-The free flow
of meaning between two or more
people.
Filling the Pool of Shared
Meaning
-We have our own opinions,
feelings, theories, and
experiences about a topic at
hand
-People who are skilled at
dialogue do their best to make it
safe for everyone to add
meaning to the shared pool -
even ideas that at first glance
appear controversial,
wrong, or at odds with their own
belief
“The pool
of shared
meaning is
the
birthplace of
synergy”
Not only does a
shared pool make
individuals make
better choices, but
since the meaning
is shared, people
willingly act on
whatever decision
they make –with
both unity and
conviction
Dialogue Skills are
learnable….
But how?
Start with Heart. Stay Focused
in what you really
want
Here’s how people who are skilled at dialogue stay
focused on their goals-particularly when the
going gets tough.
1. Work on Me First, Us Second
-Remember that the only person you can directly
control is yourself
2. Focus on What you Really Want
-When you find yourself moving toward silence or
violence, stop and pay attention to your motives
- What does my behavior tell me
about what my motives are?
- Then, clarify what you really
want. Ask yourself: “What do I
want for myself? For others?
For the relationship?”
and finally ask:”
How would I
behave if this
were what I
really wanted”

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Crucial Conversation by jennifer v. soriano

  • 1. CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High Authors: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler By: Jennifer Soriano
  • 2. What’s a Crucial Conversation ? and Who Cares?
  • 3. Focus on the day-to-day conversations that affect your life - You think your highly-researched paper presentation is good and was actually approved by your direct boss but the higher ups think it’s a total dump (opinions vary - Idea of doing something different to save the company/organization (stakes are high) - Heated discussion with your spouse (emotions run strong)
  • 5. How do we really handle crucial conversations? - We can avoid them - We can face them and handle them poorly - We can face them and handle them well
  • 6. When it matters most, we do our worst WHY? -We’re designed wrong -We’re under pressure -We act in self- defeating ways
  • 7. Some Common Crucial Conversations -Ending a relationship -Talking to a coworker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments - Asking a friend to repay a loan - Giving the boss feedback about her behavior - Approaching a boss who is breaking his own safety or quality policies
  • 8. Cont. Some Common Crucial Conversations -Critiquing a colleague’s work -Resolving custody or visitation issues with an ex-spouse -Dealing with a rebellious teen -Talking to a colleague who is hoarding information or resources -Giving an unfavorable performance review - Asking in-laws to quit interfering
  • 9. The Law of Crucial Conversations Twenty years of research involving more than 100, 000 people reveals that the key skill of effective leaders, team mates, parents, and loved ones is the capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky issues.”
  • 11. di-a-logue (n)-The free flow of meaning between two or more people.
  • 12. Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning -We have our own opinions, feelings, theories, and experiences about a topic at hand -People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add meaning to the shared pool - even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own belief
  • 13. “The pool of shared meaning is the birthplace of synergy”
  • 14. Not only does a shared pool make individuals make better choices, but since the meaning is shared, people willingly act on whatever decision they make –with both unity and conviction
  • 16. Start with Heart. Stay Focused in what you really want
  • 17. Here’s how people who are skilled at dialogue stay focused on their goals-particularly when the going gets tough. 1. Work on Me First, Us Second -Remember that the only person you can directly control is yourself 2. Focus on What you Really Want -When you find yourself moving toward silence or violence, stop and pay attention to your motives
  • 18. - What does my behavior tell me about what my motives are? - Then, clarify what you really want. Ask yourself: “What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?”
  • 19. and finally ask:” How would I behave if this were what I really wanted”