3. Focus on the day-to-day
conversations that affect your
life
- You think your highly-researched paper presentation is
good and was actually approved by your direct boss but
the higher ups think it’s a total dump (opinions vary
- Idea of doing something different to save the
company/organization (stakes are high)
- Heated discussion with your spouse (emotions run
strong)
5. How do we really handle crucial
conversations?
- We can avoid them
- We can face them and handle them
poorly
- We can face them and handle them well
6. When it matters most, we do
our worst
WHY?
-We’re designed
wrong
-We’re under
pressure
-We act in self-
defeating ways
7. Some Common Crucial
Conversations
-Ending a relationship
-Talking to a coworker who behaves
offensively or makes suggestive
comments
- Asking a friend to repay a loan
- Giving the boss feedback about her
behavior
- Approaching a boss who is breaking his
own safety or quality policies
8. Cont. Some Common Crucial
Conversations
-Critiquing a colleague’s work
-Resolving custody or visitation issues with
an ex-spouse
-Dealing with a rebellious teen
-Talking to a colleague who is hoarding
information or resources
-Giving an unfavorable performance
review
- Asking in-laws to quit interfering
9. The Law of Crucial
Conversations
Twenty years of
research involving
more than 100, 000
people reveals that
the key skill of
effective leaders,
team mates, parents,
and loved ones is the
capacity to skillfully
address emotionally
and politically risky
issues.”
12. Filling the Pool of Shared
Meaning
-We have our own opinions,
feelings, theories, and
experiences about a topic at
hand
-People who are skilled at
dialogue do their best to make it
safe for everyone to add
meaning to the shared pool -
even ideas that at first glance
appear controversial,
wrong, or at odds with their own
belief
14. Not only does a
shared pool make
individuals make
better choices, but
since the meaning
is shared, people
willingly act on
whatever decision
they make –with
both unity and
conviction
17. Here’s how people who are skilled at dialogue stay
focused on their goals-particularly when the
going gets tough.
1. Work on Me First, Us Second
-Remember that the only person you can directly
control is yourself
2. Focus on What you Really Want
-When you find yourself moving toward silence or
violence, stop and pay attention to your motives
18. - What does my behavior tell me
about what my motives are?
- Then, clarify what you really
want. Ask yourself: “What do I
want for myself? For others?
For the relationship?”
