2. AGENDA
0 Surface Revision: Essay #2
0 Lecture: The Novel/Feinberg/ Passing to avoid
restrictions
0 Discussion: SBB
0 In-class writing: Explore a moment when Jess
intentionally passes. How does this experience change
who ze is? How do you know? Then pick one when ze
unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same
way? How do you know?
5. Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one.
This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy
as the following examples show:
Redundant Not Redundant
0 The printer is located 0 The printer is adjacent
adjacent to the computer to the computer
0 The printer is located in
the immediate vicinity of 0 The printer is near the
the computer computer
0 The user can visibly see 0 The user can see the
the image moving image moving
0 He wore a shirt that was
blue in color 0 He wore a blue shirt.
0 The input is suitably 0 The input is processed
processed
6. Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as
possible without changing the meaning!
0The available receptacle, in any
case, was of insufficient size to
contain the total quantity of
unnecessary waste.
7. How to reduce wordiness!
0 1. Reduce Long Clauses 0 2. Reduce Phrases
0 When editing, try to 0 Likewise, try to reduce
reduce long clauses to phrases to single words:
shorter phrases: 0 Wordy: The clown at the
0 Wordy: The clown who end of the line tried to
was in the center ring sweep up the spotlight.
was riding a tricycle. 0 Revised: The last clown
0 Revised: The clown in tried to sweep up the
the center ring was riding spotlight.
a tricycle.
8. Eliminating Wordiness Strategies
0 3. Avoid Empty Openers 0 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
0 Avoid There is, There are, 0 Do not overwork very, really,
and There were as sentence totally, and other modifiers
openers when There adds that add little or nothing to the
nothing to the meaning of a meaning of a sentence.
sentence: 0 Wordy: By the time she got
0 Wordy: There is a prize in home, Merdine was very tired.
every box of Quacko cereal. 0 Revised: By the time she got
0 Revised: A prize is in every home, Merdine was exhausted
box of Quacko cereal. 0 Wordy: She was also really
0 Wordy: There are two hungry.
security guards at the gate. 0 Revised: She was also hungry
0 Revised: Two security [or famished].
guards stand at the gate.
9. Eliminating Wordiness
0 5. Avoid Redundancies
0 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use
more words than necessary to make a point) with
precise words. Remember: needless words are those
that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the
meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and
distract from our ideas. So cut them out!
0 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.
0 Revised: Now we should edit our work.
10. Try these!
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was
necessary for him to help support his family.
2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by
the bus company within the next few days.
3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested
in meeting foreign students may come to know one.
4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie on purpose.
5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have
been established for the safety of all.
11. Possible Answers
1. He dropped out of school to support his family.
2. The bus company will probably announce its
schedule during the next few days.
3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can
do so in many ways.
4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie.
5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
12. Edit for Wordiness
0Check your essay for wordiness. Look
for a sentences that fall into one of the
categories we just discussed. Edit for
clarity and conciseness.
14. Compound Sentence
0 A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple
sentences joined by one of the following:
0A comma and a coordinating conjunction
0I like to study grammar, and I love this class.
0A semicolon
0I like to study grammar; I love this class.
0A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction
0I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this
class.
17. COMPOUND SENTENCE:
CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS
Thomas is cool; moreover, he is fashionable
Clause 1 . Clause 2
Independent Independent
Luke’s grandmother buys him sweaters;
however, he does not wear them.
18. Editing for Run-On Sentences
Look for compound sentences in your essay. Make sure
you are using both a comma and a conjunction.
Example: , and
Look to make sure that you have used a semi-colon
(not a comma) to connect two complete sentences.
Example: sentence one; sentence two
Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure you have
punctuated those sentences correctly.
Example ; however,
20. Dangling Modifiers
A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a
word not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifier
describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept.
Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV.
"Having finished" states an action but does not name the
doer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must be
the subject of the main clause that follows. In this sentence,
it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing the action
("having finished"), and this sentence therefore does not
have a dangling modifier.
21. The following sentence has an incorrect usage:
Having finished the assignment, the TV was
turned on.
"Having finished" is a participle expressing
action, but the doer is not the TV set (the subject
of the main clause): TV sets don't finish
assignments. Since the doer of the action
expressed in the participle has not been clearly
stated, the participial phrase is said to be a
dangling modifier.
22. Strategies for revising dangling
modifiers:
1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as
the subject of the main clause:
Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was
needed.
Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written
excuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actually
arrived late. The possible revision might look like this:
Having arrived late for practice, the team captain
needed a written excuse.
23. 2. Change the phrase that dangles into a complete
introductory clause by naming the doer of the action in that
clause:
Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him.
Who didn't know his name? This sentence says that "it" didn't
know his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introduce
him. The revision might look something like this:
Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult to
introduce him.
The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does not
modify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered
"dangling."
24. 3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one:
To improve his results, the experiment was done
again.
Who wanted to improve results? This sentence
says that the experiment was trying to improve its
own results. To revise, combine the phrase and the
main clause into one sentence. The revision might
look something like this:
He improved his results by doing the experiment
again.
25. Are these correct?
1. After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
2. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your
home should be a place to relax.
1. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the
lab manual carefully.
26. Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
Revised: After reading the original study, I find the article
unconvincing.
Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home
should be a place to relax.
Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should be
able to relax at home.
Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.
Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.
27. Editing for Dangling Modifiers
Check your introductory clauses to
make sure that the doer is the subject
of the main clause that follows it.
29. Check for Misused Words
0 Than and then
0 There, their, and they're
0 To, too, and two
0 Weather and whether
0 Whose and who's
0 Your and you're
30. Writing Tips
0 Write about literature in present tense
0 Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and
“anything.”
0 Avoid writing in second person.
0 Cut Wordy Sentences
0 Fix run-on sentences
0 Eliminate Dangling Participles
0 Check for misused words
31. Surface Revision Strategies
Read Aloud
Isolate Specific Problems
0 Reading the paper aloud slowly 0 Isolating specific problems can
can often bring to attention large help give objectivity to one's
and small mistakes missed in the personal work. One way to
writing and typing process. Read isolate specific issues is to
each sentence and ask does it
circle them on a paper draft
make sense? Is it awkward? Am I
including words that are not and look at them one by one.
actually written on the paper? For example: circle all commas
Sometimes reading the paper out and then go back and look at
of order can help isolate each comma asking if it is in
problems. Try reading the the appropriate place with the
paragraphs starting with the last correct usage. Another
sentence and then reading the example would be to circle all
previous sentence and so on; this verbs and then go back one by
can reveal problems in the one and identify the tense and
sentences.
verify subject verb agreement.
33. Stone Butch Blues
0 Summarize the story thus far.
0 List the kinds of passing taking place in this novel.
0 How is it like racial passing?
0 How is it different from racial passing?
34. Identify and discuss a
passage from Stone Butch
Blues that moved, upset, or
touched you.
Discussion
35. “Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I
finally began to agree they were right” (23).
0 How does the pressure from the social construct
(family, community, society, rules, traditions) work to
our (individual, familial, community, cultural)
advantage and how is it destructive?
36. ” I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be
everything grownups wanted, so they would love me.
I followed all their rules, tried my best to please”
(13)
0I found the intro to chapter 2
intriguing because it brought up the
common psychological desire that
every one has, which is “I want to be
normal.” It made me think about
how there still is a social norm.
37. One passage in particular that
really upset me was when the cop
told Jess to either eat his dick or eat
his shit. I was absolutely horrified
the entire time I was reading the
chapter.
38. 0A passage from Stone Butch Blues
that moved me was the end of the
letter that Jess was writing to her
lover. She said that she had been
wondering about her for over twenty
years. After all that time she still
loved her and wished she could be
with her.
39. 0 “What they do to you in here, the shit you take every day on
the streets- it changes you, you know?”
0 This passage from Stone Butch Blues upset me. I don’t
think it’s right that other people can make your life a living
hell just for fun. It bugged me how much the cops and
society were able to get away with. This wasn’t to long ago;
I didn’t know things were this bad. The quote also made me
upset because made me wonder how prominent oppression
is right now, and to what extent people in power today can
get away with.
40. 0 “They said they were taking me to the hospital for a blood
test. We rode up in an elevator ride to the floor where the
test was supposed to be done. Two huge men in white
uniforms took me off the elevator. My parents stayed on.
Then the men turned and locked the gate, barring the
elevator. I reached for my parents, but they wouldn’t even
look at me as the elevator door closed” (21).
0 Her parents just gave her away to the ‘hospital’; I see this
scene way too often in movies and television. But no matter
how many times I see this, I would just be pissed to no end.
[. . .] just because one is different from others doesn’t mean
they should be sent into a crazy house
41. 0 The [scene] that stuck out the most was when
Jess was hanging out at a bar and the cops come
to harass her and her friends. She was
commanded to get down on her knees. Jess said,
“That night I learned the difference between
what I can’t do and what I refuse to do.” The
threat of sexual violation disgusts me to the
extent that it makes me sick to my stomach. It
was inhumane for the cops to treat anyone that
way and was deserving of penectomy. [. . .] Jess
is admirable for standing behind her beliefs,
unfortunately the cops were not giving merits
out that day for morality.
42. 0 The [passage] that stood out the most for me was
when the football team beat and raped Jess on the
football field. Jess said, “Bobby unlaced his
uniform pants and jammed his penis into my
vagina.” I had to reread that line because I wasn’t
sure if I had read that correctly. After reading it, It
pissed me off a lot. How can these pieces of shit
high school football players rape such a young
innocent girl. And then their asshole of a coach has
the audacity to just stand there and stare in
disgust, not at his players but at Jess,” Get out of
here, you little whore,” said the coach.
43. 0The first passage that upset me was when
Theresa was fired for not letting the
superintendent molest her. [. . .] I feel events
such as these can really affect the way the
victim thinks. A victim of this probably
won’t be able to trust easily; [experiences
like these] give them preconceived notions
about people.
44. ” I’m sick of people asking me if she’s a boy or a
girl,” I overhead my mother complain to my father. ”
Everywhere I take her, people ask me. (19)
0 “Soon after my Roy Rogers outfit disappeared from
the dirty clothes hamper. My father brought me an
Annie Oakley outfit instead.” (19).
“I realized that the world could do more than just
judge me, it wielded tremendous power over
45. In-class Writing
0 Choose a moment when Jess intentionally passes.
How does this experience change who ze is? How do
you know?
0 Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this
affect hir in the same way? How do you know?
46. HOMEWORK
0Reading: Stone Butch Blues (200-270)
0Writing: Finish in-class writing
0Blog Shot #8: Jess interacts with medical
personnel in various ways throughout the
novel. Write about an experience Jess has
with a medical professional. Does her
gender identity influence the treatment she
receives or doesn’t receive?
0Studying: Terms (Exam May 16)