Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery - May 2010
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"Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery and Recovery" was presented by Ed Conlin, BSEd, CAC-R; addiction counselor, Detroit Capuchin Service System; and Janice Firn, LMSW; Clinical Social Worker, University of Michigan Hospital. This program describes the process of self-actualization; the formation of personal bonds; the dynamics of relationships in addiction; how patterns in thought, action and relationships are affected by addiction; and key attitudes and tools for healthy relationships. It is part of the Dawn Farm Education Series, a FREE, annual workshop series developed to provide accurate, helpful, hopeful, practical, current information about chemical dependency, recovery, family and related issues. The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.
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Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery - May 2010
- 1. Self-Actualization:Intentional Self-Knowledge - or – “Be All You Can Be” (and do it on purpose)
- 2. “What a man can be, he must be…This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.” - Abraham Maslow 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 2
- 3. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 3 Overview Johari Window Theory Maslow’s Theory Self-Actualization Self-Aware Person Resources, Tools, and Recommended Reading
- 4. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 4 Johari Window Known to Self Unknown to Self II Blind I Open/Public Known to Others III Hidden IV Unknown Unknown to Others
- 5. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 5 Johari Window Public/Open Quadrant Blind Quadrant Hidden Quadrant Unknown Quadrant
- 6. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 6 I. Public/Open Quadrant What I know about me What others know about me as well Name, feelings, motives, wants, needs, desires, etc. As we know each other and ourselves better this quadrant grows larger
- 7. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 7 II. Blind Quadrant Things others know about me but I am unaware of I need to learn more about myself Ex: Food on my face As confidence, maturity, and self-esteem develop we actively invite others to comment on our blind spots
- 8. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 8 III. Hidden Quadrant Things I know about myself that others do not know Secrets Self-disclosure Ex: favorite flavor of ice cream
- 9. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 9 IV. Unknown Quadrant Things I do not know about myself and others do not know about me either New situations often reveal information about ourselves that we and others did not know Novel situations trigger new awareness and growth Self-actualization (Maslow).
- 10. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 10 Johari Window: Under-Developed, Under-Aware Person I II Open/Public Blind Hidden IV III Unknown Lacks personal awareness and growth. Others unable to know person as well.
- 11. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 11 Johari Window: Under-Developed Person(Co-Dependant) Open/Public I II Blind Hidden IV III Unknown Also lacks personal awareness and growth. So “other” focused that cannot know “self”.
- 12. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 12 Johari Window: Developed Person/Self-Actualized Person II I Blind Open/Public IV III Unknown Hidden Developed or achieved one's full potential. Takes intention, time, and hard work.
- 13. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 13 Johari Window FEEDBACK DISCLOSURE Known to Self Unknown to Self Known to Others Public Area Blind Area Unknown to Others Unknown Area Hidden Area
- 14. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 14 Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
- 15. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 15 Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Physiological Needs Safety & Security Needs Love & Belonging Needs Esteem Needs Self-Actualization “Deficit” Needs “Being” Needs
- 20. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 19 Self-Actualized Characteristics Reality-centered Problem-centered Perception of means & ends Enjoy solitude Deep personal relationships Autonomous Sense of humor Acceptance of self & others Humility & respect towards others Human kinship Strong ethics Freshness of appreciation Creative Peak experiences
- 21. Self-Awareness, A Prerequisite: For effective communication and interpersonal relations For allowing us to embrace our own humanity, limitations, frailties For developing empathy for others For us to know who we are and who we are not 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 20
- 22. Developing Self-Awareness Can: Help us to recognize when we are stressed or under pressure Allows us to know why we are responding or acting the way we are Brings us freedom Ex: Counseling sessions 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 21
- 23. Self-Awareness Requires: Honesty & Courage Willingness to Change “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” - Abraham Maslow 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 22
- 24. Self-Awareness is NOT: Is very different than being self-conscious. An Excuse! 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 23
- 25. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 24 Self-Actualization, Self-Awareness Self, Others, Higher Power Triad needs to be in balance, can’t have one without the others If we do our work: Relationships with depth, meaning, that last, that have room in them for mistakes, can be repaired, and are stronger for the repairing Something to offer, ability to receive
- 26. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 25 Lack of Self-Actualization Leads to: Unbalanced life Poor self-care Is not mutually healthy/supportive Taking rather than giving Using rather than loving
- 27. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 26 How? Magnum Opus: A lifetime of WORK Builds on what has come before Safety vs. crisis Obedience? Community/Commitment
- 28. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 27 Tools Online JoHari window exercise http://kevan.org/johari Jung Personality types http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp Personality Test http://similarminds.com/jung.html Keirsey Types http://www.keirsey.com/ Myers Briggs http://www.myersbriggs.org/
- 29. 5/26/2010 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital 28 Resources Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, “Of Human Interaction,” 1969. Abraham Maslow, “Toward a Psychology of Being,” 1968; “Motivation and Personality,” 1970; & “The Further Reached of Human Nature,” 1971. Association for Humanistic Psychology http://www.ahpweb.org/aboutahp/whatis.html Recommended reading http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/books/
- 30. RelationshipsIn and Out ofAddiction and Recovery Ed Conlin, BSEd., CAC - R
- 31. IS IT LOVE … … OR AM I JUST THIRSTY?
- 32. We Are Spiritual Beings… We have an infinite capacity and an unquenchablethirst!
- 33. When we get what we want, it never satisfies.
- 34. We are designed to be “Givers,” whose lives work properly when located in proper community where others are “Givers”.
- 36. Community
- 37. Self
- 39. If we use relationships to satisfy, then we make them objects for our gratification.The addictive personality will use such objects pathologically .
- 41. Exclusive
- 43. Regular & OngoingWe come to expect the substance to do for us what makes us feel good (or not so bad!)
- 44. As with addiction, we become no longer capable of loving others for their good. We become only capable of using them to fill our needs, distract us from pain…
- 45. The codependent person will often sabotage their partner’s recovery to preserve his/her own role. Same with family…
- 47. A desire to be loved becomes a need to be desired.
- 49. Buzz of Chase & Being Chased
- 50. Buzz of Sex
- 51. Buzz of “fixing the project”
- 52. Buzz of fighting/making up
- 53. Buzz of Chaos (all of above intensified)
Notes de l'éditeur
- Acceptance and Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.Problem-centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves, including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and ethics.Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristics of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.Peak Experiences: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. After these experiences, people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.
- Self-awareness frees us to be other focused when we understand how we operate, we can better understand their humanity Self-awareness includes: a recognition of our personality, our strengths and weaknesses, our likes and dislikes. What motivates us? What do we value? What do we fear? Why did I just do x?How do I treat others when their failings and limitations are revealed?It is NOT an excuse to do what ever we want because “that’s just how I am”.
- counseling sessions I find people are trapped in a cycle of actions and knee jerk responses to situations, they don't know why they behave the way they do. They don't know their pressure points or triggers. Knowing these things about ourselves is particularly important in staff work or anything else we encounter in life.
- Honesty and Courage: to get in touch with what we are thinking and feeling and to face the truth about ourselves. The better you understand yourself, the better you are able to accept or change who you are. Can no longer lie to ourselves. The more self-aware we are, the harder it is to lie to ourselves, when we do lie we know it. Being in the dark about yourself means that you will continue to get caught up in your own internal struggles and allow outside forces to mold and shape you.Willingness to Change: When you know who you are, you may have to change; and some people just do not want to change because changing demands effort!
- (self conscious is being overly aware of how others perceive us – my clothes, my words, actions, etc. So caught up in projecting a perfect image of myself rather than being myself that I cannot see those around me.)
- We are not able to be self-actualized if we are in the dark about who we are in relationship to ourselves, others, and our higher power.
- Artistic creation, creative work, the greatest work of a person’s life.Self-awareness happens as we go through life and have different experiences – it will happen no matter what BUT unless we are intentional about it we will not fully become who we are meant to be, we won’t fully reap the benefits of our experiences. Intentionally place ourselves in new situations, situations that challenge us and that we don’t do perfectly. Finding out who we are and doing it on purpose, “intentional self-knowledge”. Ask for input from others. We need a safe environment and we often need to be free from crisis – Maslow’s Higherarchy of Needs. If the important things at the bottom of the pyramid are not met (food, shelter, safety) then we cannot work on the higher level tasks (self-actualization, purpose, meaning, generosity). Often crisis does teach us a lot about ourselves, usually that learning happens after the crisis has ended and we have time to process it. Difficult to measure self-awareness at time because of crisis. What doesn’t kill us may make us stronger but for a while it sure does try to kill us, it may even look like it has killed us. It takes time. If we take a measurement of self-awareness at the “wrong” point, it may look like self-awareness isn’t happening at all.
- focusing on the uniquely human capacity to understand one’s place in the world and relationships with others