2.  I often hear from wives who just do not understand the hold that
the mistress or other woman in the affair has over their
husband. Many of these wives tell me that the other woman is
not even that pretty, polished, or accomplished. And yet, they
are beyond frustrated to see this plain woman have an
undeniable power over their husband because he is pretty
much acting like an idiot because of her.
 I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: "I just don't get
the hold this other woman has on my husband or the power she
seems to have over him. My husband is a smart and successful
man. He doesn't usually take orders from anyone. He isn't
usually easily impressed. And yet he's willing to risk nearly
everything for this woman. He's willing to jump through all sorts
of hoops or give up his family just to make her happy. I just do
not understand it. Is she always going to have this sort of power
over him?"

3.  I know that this is a very difficult situation. It is hard to explain why he is
acting as he is in logical words because it often doesn't make any
sense at all. And you don't understand how this fairly typical woman
who isn't a lot different from you has your husband to the point where
he becomes a completely different person for her. The thing is, she
usually doesn't have any magical powers, mysterious hold over him, or
anything out of the ordinary. But, your husband (and she) may not know
this yet. I'll explain below.
 Why Husbands Allow The Other Woman Or Mistress To Have A Hold
On Them While They Are Cheating Or Having An Affair: Many wives
worry that their husbands are having an epic love affair with their soul
mate or that mistress dating is a like a movie romance, the wife just can
not compete. Well, the husband and the other woman can certainly feel
that this is true at the time. And the reasons for this are pretty
straightforward. Believing that they have something so special that this
justifies lying and cheating is in their best interest.

4.  They have to build the relationship up to the highest heights in order to
justify it. Because if you risked your family and acted downright foolish
over a relationship or a person that was nothing special, then what
does that say about you?
 So you see, he needs to believe that she is worth every risk, every
embarrassing act or behavior, and every compromise, especially at
first. But that doesn't mean that he is always going to feel this way or
that he will never come to his senses. Over time, sometimes even the
most stubborn man can't deny the obvious. Often the other woman will
show her true colors or her true motivations and as the freshness
wears off of the relationship, which is when the jig is up.
 Understand That The Power That She Thinks She Has Over Him Will
Often Fade With Time: I get how hurtful and frustrating it is to watch
while your husband makes a mockery of your marriage. He's often
acting like a 17 year old teenager who is getting his first taste of his
sexuality. Even if every one is laughing behind his back, he just can't
see it at the time.

5.  The thing is, she might be offering an intense physical relationship, a supposed
emotional connection, or something exciting and new in the early days, but she can't
possibly keep this up. Time will make this relationship familiar in the end. That is
inevitable. And when the relationship becomes familiar and when she starts to make
demands, that is usually when her hold over him will begin to slip just a little. He no
longer feels so young, carefree, or alive when he is with her and so he has no incentive
to continue to risk everything.
 How you handle the situation when her hold over him ends is up to you. Perhaps you
might decide that she can have him. Or perhaps you are still very invested in your
marriage or your family and are just glad that he comes to his senses when he
eventually does.
 Either way, you can often take comfort in the fact that it's often not a question of if this
hold over your husband will fade, it's a question of when. That's not to say that there
are no couples who start their relationship as cheaters who end up with a lasting or real
relationship. Some go on to marry the "other woman" but this group is very rare and in
the minority. Most of the time, her hold over him ends as soon as the newness or the
forbidden nature of the relationship ends.

6.  This is usually also around the time that she starts to let down her guard a little
bit and begins to make demands or backs off of the "no strings attached"
stance that many other women attempt in the beginning.
 So to answer the questions posed, there's not always an easy explanation for
the hold she has over him. It often has to do with the promise of a forbidden
and intense relationship which makes him feel younger, stronger, and more
desirable. Unfortunately for him, these things are fleeting and are destined to
fade and fail with time. I know that this may not make you feel better right this
second, but I'll bet it will make you feel a little better when it actually does
happen and you feel quite vindicated in the end.
 So try to think about the long term rather than the short term because often her
hold over him is just as fleeting as the relationship. And saving yourself and
your marriage is possible, depending upon your wishes when the smoke clears.
I never thought I would stay with my husband or save my marriage, but that's
exactly what happened.