2. What is a thesis statement?
2-3 sentences in your introduction that concisely state your
answer to the question and map how you are going to
prove your point of view.
Example
Q: Explain which novel is the best choice for adolescent
readers.
Thesis: A effective novel for adolescent readers is engaging,
original and age-appropriate. Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger
Games, with its unpredictable plotline, relatable characters
and age-appropriate language, is the best choice for
adolescent readers
3. Elements of a Thesis Statement
Identifies your point of view
Is specific and sticks to the topic
Demonstrates how you will support your point of
view by indicating your main arguments.
4. The Thesis Will NOT
waffle.
introduce examples, quotes or techniques.
include any rhetorical questions.
re-tell the plot or life story of the composer.
plagarise anything!
5. Q: The journey itself is more
important than the destination.
To what extent is this statement
reflected in The Secret River?
6. Step One:
Decide your position on the topic. Remember that you can edit your thesis
statement late if you find that your evidence doesn’t quite support it.
Step Two: List and sort the ideas you want to use to support your argument.
Step Three: Ask yourself - can I support my point of view? Look at your evidence.
Is there enough to support your point of view? If not, you can edit your thesis.
Step Four: Use the ideas to write 2-3 sentences that indicate:
a) the topic
b) your point of view on the topic
c) how you will support your point of view.
7. Obstacles allow people to For the persona in “The
learn a lot during their Pilgrimage,” the physical
journeys about their own journey of the war and
identity. Thornhill learns returning to Vietnam is
his place in the world over, but the inner
Thornhill became a better
while the persona in the journey of healing isn’t
man by overcoming
article learns to reflect on over.
obstacles such as poverty,
his experiences.
the class system and how
to deal with the
Indigenous people.
Journeys can have positive
When Thornhill’s Dad and negative experiences.
died, he started a new The destination might not
journey as the patriarch of show this.
his family.
William’s journey For the persona in “The
was shaped by Pilgrimage,” experiences
experiences he had during the journey shaped
along the way. the outcome
8. Experiences Obstacles Consequences
Obstacles allow people to Thornhill became a better
learn a lot during their man by overcoming
journeys about their own For the persona in “The obstacles such as poverty,
identity. Thornhill learns Pilgrimage,” the physical the class system and how
his place in the world journey of the war and to deal with the
while the persona in the returning to Vietnam is Indigenous people.
article learns to reflect on over, but the inner
his experiences. journey of healing isn’t
over.
When Thornhill’s Dad
died, he started a new Journeys can have positive
journey as the patriarch of and negative experiences.
his family. The destination might not
William’s journey show this. For the persona in “The
was shaped by Pilgrimage,” experiences
experiences he had during the journey haped
along the way. the outcome
9. Experiences during a Obstacles Consequences
journey shape the outcome
and a person’s identity.
Journeys can have positive Thornhill became a better When Thornhill’s Dad
and negative experiences. man by overcoming died, he started a new
The destination might not obstacles such as poverty, journey as the patriarch of
show this. the class system and how his family.
to deal with the
William’s journey Indigenous people.
was shaped by For the persona in “The
experiences he had Pilgrimage,” the physical
along the way. journey of the war and
Obstacles allow people to
returning to Vietnam is
learn a lot during their
over, but the inner
For the persona in “The journeys about their own
journey of healing isn’t
Pilgrimage,” experiences identity. Thornhill learns
over.
during the journey haped his place in the world
the outcome while the persona in the
article learns to reflect on
his experiences.
10. Experiences during a Overcoming obstacles Consequences
journey shape the outcome during a journey allow
and a person’s identity. people to grow and
change.
Journeys can have positive Thornhill became a better When Thornhill’s Dad
and negative experiences. man by overcoming died, he started a new
The destination might not obstacles such as poverty, journey as the patriarch of
show this. the class system and how his family.
to deal with the
William’s journey Indigenous people.
was shaped by For the persona in “The
experiences he had Pilgrimage,” the physical
along the way. journey of the war and
Obstacles allow people to
returning to Vietnam is
learn a lot during their
over, but the inner
For the persona in “The journeys about their own
journey of healing isn’t
Pilgrimage,” experiences identity. Thornhill learns
over.
during the journey haped his place in the world
the outcome while the persona in the
article learns to reflect on
his experiences.
11. Experiences during a Overcoming obstacles There is no real destination.
journey shape the outcome during a journey allow Journeys can be
and a person’s identity. people to grow and concurrent, or the end of
change. one marks the beginning of
another.
Journeys can have positive Thornhill became a better When Thornhill’s Dad
and negative experiences. man by overcoming died, he started a new
The destination might not obstacles such as poverty, journey as the patriarch of
show this. the class system and how his family.
to deal with the
William’s journey Indigenous people.
was shaped by For the persona in “The
experiences he had Pilgrimage,” the physical
along the way. journey of the war and
Obstacles allow people to
returning to Vietnam is
learn a lot during their
over, but the inner
For the persona in “The journeys about their own
journey of healing isn’t
Pilgrimage,” experiences identity. Thornhill learns
over.
during the journey haped his place in the world
the outcome while the persona in the
article learns to reflect on
his experiences.
12. Thesis Statement
Although the destination is significant, the journey itself
is far more formative as a person’s identity is shaped by
the experiences and obstacles they encounter during
their journey. These experiences and obstacles are
essential to a journey whereas the destination is not
because journeys often occur concurrently and the
destination may not exist.
13. Introduction
The importance of the journey over the destination is
demonstrated throughout Kate Grenville’s novel The
Secret River and Mark Dapin’s article “The Pilgrimage.”
Although the destination is significant, the journey itself
is far more formative as a person’s identity is shaped by
the experiences and obstacles they encounter during
their journey. These experiences and obstacles are
essential to a journey whereas the destination is not
because journeys often occur concurrently and the
destination may not exist.
14. Thesis Statement Bungles
The Secret River is really good book. It is about William
Thornhill, a man who is transported to Australia in 1806
with his family. He does it tough for awhile but then
make loads of money on the Hawkesbury and builds a
massive house.
15. All journeys are caused by the influence of others.
To what extent is this statement reflected in The Secret
River and The Little Refugee?
Notes de l'éditeur
Presentation revising the thesis statement. Year 11 Standard English 2012
These are all mistakes that I have seen students make. Make sure you don’t copy them.
This is an example essay question for our current topic. I’m going to talk you through how I would approach writing a thesis statement for responding to this question.
These are the steps we take in formulating our thesis statement.
I think about each aspect of journey in turn. I tend not to write separately about types of journey as there often is not a lot of substance or argument to be built around it. Ideas for that aspect tend to be a given. So I start with experiences and how experiences during the trip were important. I always start with my prescribed text. Each of William experiences shaped his journey. Without those experiences, he couldn’t have had any of his destinations. The same is true for the persona in the article. Without his wartime experience, he couldn’t have become the bitter man he is in the article. I think it’s also important to note that William has lots of experiences, both positive and negative but he has a happy ending. If we focus only on the ending, then we miss out on everything that got him there and he becomes rather 2-dimensional and not relatable at all. Then I move on to obstacles. William’s obstacles make him stronger, tougher, more determined, a better person. Because he struggled as a kid, he works really hard to try to avoid that happening to his children. Without those obstacles, he would not have had that growrth of character. The obstacles also helped him learn about his identity. Nothing will teach you that you can’t cope with murdering a bunch of innocent people like trying it. Guilt plagues him until the day he dies but the obstacle of the massacre and coping with its aftermath teaches William, and us, something about values. The last big aspect is consequencs. Firstly, we can’t say the the destination is more important than the journey because what if there is no real destination. Both texts are telling us that the end of one journey is just the beginning of the next. William’s dad died, the end of a journey, but the beginning of William’s time as patriarch of his family. The persona in the article well his journeys are concurrent. He is on a physical journey, and we could say that that one is over, but his inner journey is not, and probably never will be, over. Brainstorming complete.
Next I want to sort my ideas into sub-topics. The aspects of the topic are a good way to do this. There is often some overlap so you can shift things around to suit your writing needs.
Next I look at my ideas and draw out the central idea for each aspect. What is that evidence really telling me about the aspect. The experiences ideas are all about shaping identity.
Next I need a point about obstacles. It’s really saying how obstacles are significant over the course of a journey because a person grows, changes and learns from them and this is the only way they get to their destination. If you’re not learning and growing then you’re not going anywhere.
Lastly I look at consequences and I see that there are no definite consequences because the journey never truly ends so how do you judge when or where the destination is?
Ok, time to write a thesis statement. Experiences and obstacles were both shaping a person’s identity over time so I’m putting them together. I also make the point that a definite destination does not exist. We’re always on a journey and often can’t distinguish one from the next. I also take care to reference the question. Remember that it was about the journey being more important than the destination.
The introduction draws together your thesis statement and the mandatory details: composer, form and tile.
What not to do in a thesis statement: re-tell the plotJudge the quality of the plot – its not a book review. use informal language.
Let’s try to formulate a thesis statement based on this question.