2. EXT. FRONT PORCH - DAY
UNCLE JACK, 62, with the meaty face and scraggly gray beard
of a man who has lived a life of labor, sits on the front
porch with TIMMY, 10, an American kid out of a macaroni
commercial.
The matching, worn wooden rocking chairs on which they
recline, a little oversized for Timmy, creak in the lazy warm
breeze.
Jack sips his beer and has a smoke. Timmy coughs, and Jack
sits up, almost embarrassed.
UNCLE JACK
Oh oh, sorry kid, I know your ma
says I shouldn’t smoke ‘round ya.
TIMMY
It’s alright. I’ll hold my breath.
Timmy puffs out his cheeks like a bullfrog.
UNCLE JACK
Good plan. There’s a good breezer
anyhow, so you’ll only get third
hand smoke, tops.
He takes a drag.
TIMMY
Uncle Jack?
UNCLE JACK
Yeah?
TIMMY
Could I borrow some money?
UNCLE JACK
Money?
He stubs out what’s left of his cigarette.
UNCLE JACK (CONT'D)
What you want money for?
Timmy shifts his weight.
TIMMY
I wanna go to the movies. I’m
bored.
3. 2.
UNCLE JACK
Bored? What in the goddamn hell do
you got to be bored about, kid? You
got the whole damn world in front
of you.
Uncle Jack gestures out towards the street like he’s
unveiling a private jet, and the mail man passes by and
yawns.
TIMMY
But I’m bored! I’m so bored I could
eat my face!
UNCLE JACK
Yeah... I know the feelin’.. Tell
ya what, you want money, you’ll
have to earn it yourself.
TIMMY
But how? I’m just a kid.
UNCLE JACK
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little
child labor from time to time. When
I was your age, I had to take a
train two hours just to go to work
at the doughnut hole factory.
TIMMY
Really?
UNCLE JACK
Probably. How about you open a
lemonade stand or some goddamn
crap?
TIMMY
I don’t got any lemons.
UNCLE JACK
Well, you gotta make do with what
ya have. That’s like saying: when
life gives you lemons, make
lemonade.
TIMMY
But we don’t have any lemons!
UNCLE JACK
What DO ya got?
Timmy glances around the porch.
4. 3.
TIMMY
Cigarettes?
UNCLE JACK
I know! We got eggs, boy! My
chickens out back lay eggs every
goddamn day, like fartin’ out eggs
is goin’ out of style.
Timmy’s eyes are wide.
UNCLE JACK (CONT'D)
Let’s get you set up with a good
ol’ fashioned roadside chicken egg
stand.
EXT. FRONT LAWN
Out on towards the sidewalk Jack sets up a folding card table
with a carton of eggs. Timmy stands behind it.
TIMMY
I need ten dollars. That’s how much
the movies cost.
UNCLE JACK
Ten dollars? They chargin’ you per
eyeball? Hell. Seeing as we’re the
only egg racket in town, I figure
the price point is a matter of
supply and demand.
TIMMY
What about the grocery store?
UNCLE JACK
Grocery store? Those ain’t eggs
they sell, boy! More like cancer
balls! They got robot chickens
making those eggs. Give you cancer
with your breakfast! Hash browns
and cancer! It’s ‘Nam all over
again maaaan!
TIMMY
Calm down Uncle Jack.
Uncle Jack takes a swig from a pocket flask. A young mother
approaches on the sidewalk pushing a stroller.
5. 4.
UNCLE JACK
Here comes a chikadee now. Hey lil
lady!
She stops at the table.
UNCLE JACK (CONT'D)
You look like you could suck down a
few eggs.
LADY
Pardon?
UNCLE JACK
Farm fresh eggs! I raised the birds
like they’re my children. Dee-
licious children!
She looks to Timmy.
LADY
Oh. Oh! Like a lemonade stand! How
much for your eggs, little boy?
TIMMY
Ten dollars.
UNCLE JACK
A dollar an egg. And for you, lil
lady, I’ll throw in some of Uncle
Jack’s special nog.
He winks. She politely gives Timmy one dollar and takes an
egg, and waves goodbye to Timmy.
UNCLE JACK (CONT'D)
Come back ‘round here after dark
for the nog! See kid, it’s all
salesmanship. Pulling up your
bootstraps and who is John Galt and
all that crap.
TIMMY
Johnny Galt? He’s the kid who peed
his pants on the field trip.
UNCLE JACK
Fuckin’ A! Oh, I mean, uh, well
don’t use bad language kid. Rots
your brains.
Uncle Jack smacks a mosquito on his forehead.
6. 5.
EXT. FRONT LAWN - SUNSET
Uncle Jack laying on the grass with a beer balanced on his
stomach. Timmy is nearby, tossing an egg in the air to see
how high he can throw and catch it.
Ronnie Pescatori comes down the street on his bike and stops
at the table, which has the majority of the eggs untouched.
RONNIE
What’s this stupid crap?
TIMMY
Hey Ronnie. We’re selling eggs.
RONNIE
Why you selling eggs for? That’s
stupid.
TIMMY
It’s not stupid, we’re pulling our
bootstraps to make money.
Ronnie grabs an egg and tosses it up and down like he’s
sussing it out.
TIMMY (CONT'D)
That costs a dollar.
Ronnie grins.
TIMMY (CONT'D)
Be careful!
Ronnie throws it with all his might down the street, and it
lands with a crunchy kurplop.
TIMMY (CONT'D)
Hey! You owe me a dollar!
Ronnie laughs at his ingenious scheme of throwing the egg.
UNCLE JACK
What in the goddamn hell you kids
shouting about?
RONNIE
I owe you nothing ‘cause your face
is so stupid!
Ronnie jets away on his bike.
7. 6.
TIMMY
He stole an egg Uncle Jack!
UNCLE JACK
Goddamn!
Uncle Jack grabs a couple eggs and throws them at Ronnie.
They splat around the distant bike. Timmy joins in and lands
one on the back of Ronnie’s head!
RONNIE
AAGH!
Ronnie skids and crashes his bike into the curb.
UNCLE JACK
That’ll teach ‘em.
Just then, Timmy’s mom pulls into the drive way of Uncle
Jack’s house.
TIMMY
Is he unconscious?
Mom gets out of the car.
MOM
Hi guys, you have a nice day?
UNCLE JACK
Howdy Darlene, you’re lookin’
lovely as always.
TIMMY
Mom, I made four dollars today
selling Uncle Jack’s eggs!
MOM
Oh yeah? That’s nice.
She sees Ronnie in the distance slumped on the sidewalk.
MOM (CONT'D)
Jesus, is that boy alright?
She runs over to him.
UNCLE JACK
He’s fine, just recoverin’ from a
lil lesson in eco-nomics!
Timmy and Uncle Jack high five. Ronnie gets up when Timmy’s
mom comforts him.
8. 7.
TIMMY
Can we go to the movies now?
UNCLE JACK
Sure thing, kid, sure thing.
