This document appears to be a record of revisions for a group presentation assignment. It includes feedback and assessments from multiple drafts. The group changed their topic from a thriller about schizophrenia to being possessed, to a drama about drug use and hallucinations. They ultimately settled on a psychological thriller about a haunted house. The revisions helped the group explore genres and ideas to create a more engaging presentation for their audience.

1. A
Assignment 11
Group Presentation
Draft 5

2. Kaya Sumbland Sanel Homer A
Rahel Fasil Gia Alveranga

3. Slide not improved
A
A
DRAFT TWO FEEDBACK
DRAFT 2 FEEDBACK

4. Slide not improved
A
TEACHER ASSESSMENT (draft 3)

5. A
PEER ASSESSMENT (draft 3) BY
DEBBIE, MARIA & MILKA
Slide not improved

6. DRAFT 1 O.S TEACHER FEEDBACK

7. DRAFT 1 O.S PEER ASSESMENT DRAFT 1 O.S SELF ASSESMENT

8. DRAFT 2 O.S ASSESMENT

9. DRAFT 2 O.S SELF ASSESMENT

10. Slide not improved
Kaya Sumbland - D Record of Grade for draft 1
What Went Well: (Individual)
• Clear presentation and organisation
•
•
Excellent structure
Good understanding B
Even Better If:
• More detail
• Use more images
• Take real pictures of characters
Targets to Improve:
• To explain my points in a PEE structure and use a verity of images.
Sanel Homer - U
What Went Well:
• Good organisation
• Nice diagrams
• Good understanding of chosen theme
Even Better If:
• Relate my pictures to the words
• Less text
• More detail
Targets to Improve:
• Make sure my diagrams are not to basic and shorted lengthy paragraphs into bullet points.

11. Record of Grade for draft 1 B
(Individual)
Gia Alveranga - U
What Went Well:
Even Better If:
• Used more brief points
• Showed more pictures
Targets to Improve:
• to show Slides have good organisation
Rahel Fasil - E
What Went Well:
• Short brief points
Even Better If:
• Use titles for slides
• More detail
• Make sure I present my knowledge more clearly
Targets to Improve:
• Use more images and less text
Slide not improved

12. Kaya & Sanel Slide not improved
Record of Grade for draft 1
Presentation Level – D- Group B
What went well?
• Showing progress and achievement
• Slides have good organisation
• Good effort and creativity
• Good start to conventions
Even better if?
• Colour code should be background
• Title all the slides
• More contribution from Sanel, Rahel and Gia
• Don’t read from the screen
Targets to improve…
• To make sure all group members contribute
• Write our presentation with more detail and understanding
• To word our idea’s better

13. Slide not improved
Kaya & Sanel
Decisions and Revisions C
Since our first draft, we’ve changed our idea a lot.
DRAFT 1 :
• Thriller genre
• Based on a girl who had schizophrenia and thought she
was possessed
• Too complicated and sent out the wrong message about
the mental illness.
DRAFT 2 :
• Completely same idea
• Mental illness taken out – wrong message
• Replaced with actually being possessed

14. Slide not improved
Kaya & Sanel
Decisions and Revisions C
CHANGE IN IDEA :
• We decided to change idea completely
• Drama genre
• We did research again on conventions
• We want to connect with the audience
• New idea was a girl’s life on drugs and her hallucinations
Draft one of
ALTERED IDEA : opening sequence
• Idea suits more to a thriller
• Change drugs to mental illness
• Hallucination - > Bizarre delusions
• Change to psychological thriller
• Alter flashbacks to match new concept
• Girl with schizophrenia who is being emotionally
connected to toys from her real parents

15. Decisions and Revisions
Draft one of
opening sequence
After receiving feedback from the first draft of our
opening sequence, as a group we decided to change
the genre and idea for our second draft. This was
because the hallucination characters and dolls were
too confusing. Also, our target audience didn’t
understand that the main character was
schizophrenic. Our opening sequence genre is now a
Thriller and our idea is about a girl who’s new home is
haunted.

16. Slide not improved
Kaya
Decisions and Revisions C
HOW THE CHANGES HAVE HELPED:
• Explored various genre’s creating a varied
understanding of the differences
• Wider understanding of different themes and
topics
• Exercise our creativity and to stimulate greater
idea’s each time
Our changes in pictures!!

17. Genre D
Sanel
THRILLER
• We want to do this genre because it will keep our audience
engaged and interested in the film.
• It has many diverse ways of creating enigma.
• We feel as a group we can challenge and meet the
conventions.
• Also we like thought of being scared.
• A large majority of our target audience find thriller’s more
exciting than other genre’s.

18. Why we stayed with Thriller from draft 1
Sanel
D
•This genre has stayed the same from Draft one as we
thought Thriller would be the best option for our group as
we know a lot about thriller movies and did a lot of
research about thriller and how to scare people.
•Also we thought that the audience would be interested in
a thriller as it allows them to have the feeling of being
scared and keeps them on the edge of their feet.