The value of marriage to society

1. By Stephen Stacey
sstacey700@gmail.com
THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE
TO SOCIETY

2. SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNT FROM THE EXCELLENT
PRESENTATIONS THIS MORNING?
 The marital-family is mankind’s primary school of
love – the best place for love skills and respect for
others to be learnt
 Also a place where both men and women have the
chance to learn more about love
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3. THE MARITAL-FAMILY, DESPITE IT’S MANY
LIMITATIONS AND CHALLENGES, ON AVERAGE,
BRINGS ABOUT BEST OUTCOMES
 For men,
 For women
 For the couple as a team working together
 For children
 and for society
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4. 4
WE’VE LEARNT THAT THE BREAKDOWN OF
THE MARITAL NORM IS TREMENDOUSLY
EXPENSIVE FOR SOCIETY - UNSUSTAINABLE
USA –
children
born outside
of marriage
1930-2008
UK – children
born outside
of marriage
1938-2012
USA –
National
debt 1940-
2008
UK –
National debt
1976-2014

5. THERE IS ALSO THE WORLDWIDE IMPACT OF HIGH RATES
OF DIVORCE AND SINGLE PARENTING IN USA AND EUROPE
Drug wars in Mexico, Columbia and other
countries
Sexual tourism to fulfil the sexual needs of
the single man / Thailand, Philippines,
eastern Europe, etc
How many other countries would be
dragged down the same path if India and
China go the same route of becoming
marriage weakening cultures
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6. WHAT CONCLUSIONS CAN WE DRAW?
 Firstly – research over the last 50 years points to the fact that we
are just like every other species on earth
 We have ONE, and only one, primary way to pass on well-being
onto each successive generation over the course of thousands of
years – and that is the heterosexual marital-family.
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Lions succeed through
harems
Turtles have
hundreds of
babies and hope
1 or 2 survive
It’s become
their way of
sustaining their
species

7. OPPOSITE-SEX LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT – AS A MEANS TO
RAISING CHILDREN - IS THE ONLY WAY HUMANS RECEIVE
NATURE’S SUSTAINABLE BLESSINGS. WE ARE IN GOOD COMPANY.
Emperor
Penguins Swans Bald Eagle
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Societies can take a certain amount of ‘other forms of family
constellation’ – but when these other forms of family go over a
certain percentage, the society goes into decline. This is why, at
the turn of the 20th century, ALL major cultures were marriage
centred cultures

8. SECONDLY, WE’VE LEARN THAT SOCIETIES GO INTO DECLINE WHEN
THE MARITAL NORM COLLAPSES PRIMARILY BECAUSE THE CHILDREN
HAVE HIGHER CHANCES OF SUFFERING POORER OUTCOMES
 Possibly poorer educational outcomes
 Possibly poorer behavioural outcomes
 Possibly poorer mental health outcomes
 Possibly poorer health outcomes
 Possibly poorer moral development
 Possibly poorer relational skills and respect for others
 Higher chances of being physically and sexually abused
 Possibly less support from the extended family
 Less desire to marry and higher chances of divorce due to a
lack of role modelling from their parents
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9. PUT SIMPLY – WHEN CHILDREN ARE RAISED WITHOUT THE LOVE
AND SUPPORT OF THEIR TWO BIOLOGICAL PARENTS – THE FAMILY
SYSTEM HAS A MUCH HIGHER CHANCE OF ‘LINEAGE DECLINE’
 Lineage decline might be defined as ‘A child, at the
age of 18, despite all the incredible opportunities life
now has to offer, has LESS potential to build a lasting
marriage than his or her parents did at the age of 18.”
 And when large numbers of families in a nation suffer
lineage decline, then national decline sets in too.
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10. THIRDLY, WE’VE LEARNT, FROM A SOCIAL WELL-BEING PERSPECTIVE,
THAT MARRIAGE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT BRINGING ABOUT BEST
OUTCOMES FOR THE NEXT GENERATION. THIS BEING SO, THEN THE
SOCIAL, HISTORICAL DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE HAS BEEN:
 “Two opposite-sex adults taking full responsibility to fulfil
the RIGHT of their biological child to receive, on average, the
best possible start in life.’
 Marriage, in essence, is about aligning human beings with
Mother Nature’s cycle of conception, birth, and children
taking 20 years or so to grow up.
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The fact that many people today
use contraceptives or abortion to
have no children should not
change the essential nature of
marriage.

11. SO WHY, IF THE MARITAL-FAMILY BRINGS ABOUT SO MANY
POSITIVE OUTCOMES – IS IT IN TERMINAL DECLINE IN SO
MANY NATIONS?
Because the marital-family has been under supported and even
attacked by almost EVERY other social institution.
 Attacked constantly by the media
 Unsupported and even weakened by politicians
 Unsupported by the education system
 And most religions still find it hard to develop educational
interventions that will better help the marriages of followers
 The rise of the use of contraceptives / creating an UNNATURAL
secondary culture of individualism and individual rights
No social institution can survive such a sustained
attack and lack of support.
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12. ALL social institutions have to reverse
what they are doing – and help more
children grow up with their two
biological, married parents in a
reasonably healthy, stable relationship.
This afternoon speakers will be sharing
how politicians, religions, NGO’s, and
the education system might do this.
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SINCE THE HETEROSEXUAL MARITAL-FAMILY OFFERS
THE ONLY HOPE FOR A SUSTAINABLE FUTURE

13. FINALLY – WHEN POLITICIANS CREATE NEW LAWS AROUND THE
MARITAL-FAMILY – IT’S GOOD TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY
TYPICALLY WEAKEN IT
 In many countries there is still a strong understanding of the
traditional definition of marriage
“Two opposite-sex adults taking full responsibility to fulfil the
RIGHT of their biological child to receive, on average, the best
possible start in life.’
But in the 1970’s, politicians in many developed nations
introduced ‘no-fault divorce’. This REDEFINED the social
understanding of marriage to become:
Two opposite-sex adults SOMETIMES taking full responsibility to
fulfil the right of their biological child to receive, on average,
the best possible start in life.’ 13

14. NO-FAULT DIVORCE REDEFINED THE SOCIAL UNDERSTANDING OF
MARRIAGE. The new law stated:
 That a parent’s RIGHT to happiness is MORE important than
a child’s RIGHT to the best start in life
 That marriage is PRIMARILY about adults’ rights not about
my responsibility as an adult
 That parents shouldn’t have to go through difficult times in
marriage.
 That it is harmful for children to stay in a moderately
struggling marriage
 And with a weakening of children’s rights that no-fault
divorce brought, not surprisingly, many societies have seen a
rapid rise in children suffering poorer outcomes.
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15. MANY OTHER LAWS HAVE BEEN PASSED SINCE THEN THAT
CONSISTENTLY WEAKEN THE SOCIAL UNDERSTANDING THAT
MARRIAGE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT CHILDREN’S RIGHT – SO MUCH SO
SOME COUNTRIES HAVE NOW INTRODUCED SAME-SEX MARRIAGE
 States have redefined the social understanding of
marriage once again – so now it has become
something like: ‘The right of any two adults to make
a commitment to each other based on mutual,
sexual attraction’.
 In these countries, marriage is now only about
adult’s rights not about the responsibility of adults.
 Such a definition will absolutely bring about poorer
outcomes for future generations of children
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16. IN THIS NEW DEFINITION
 Children lost the right to be raised in at all possible by their
two, biological parents
 Such a definition of marriage may suit same-sex and
heterosexual couples who don’t want or can’t have children –
but it is wholly inadequate as a definition to guide and protect
the heterosexual marital-family
 Thus we expect to see – and do see in the statistics – an even
more rapid decline in the marital-norm in these countries,
with ever poorer outcomes for children and future societies.
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17. THIS BEING SO: POLITICIANS HAVE TO VERY CAREFUL
WHEN CREATING LAWS AROUND MARRIAGE AND FAMILY.
 The state needs to ensure that they do not
weaken the social understanding that
marriage is primarily about the responsibility
of parents towards children.
 The state needs to be willing to spend money
to help the married couple stay married so
the children have, on average, the best
outcomes possible. It is not in the state’s
interest to ONLY offer financial support after
the couple have divorced. A marriage coach
that saves a marriage might cost $2000 –
supporting a divorced mother with 3 children
– might eventually cost the state well over
$1000000 17

18. SOME USEFUL LINKS
Support ongoing marital enrichment
 www.nermen.org for a range of research and resources.
 www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms
for a wide range of programs that are available to help couples
 www.bbhonline.org – bringing the baby home – marriage
strengthening for couples having a baby
 http://mft.byu.edu for best practice when it comes to
creating departments of Marriage and Family Therapy at
University
 The Marriage Course – the most widely used UK based course
- www.relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course
 www.relationships.org.au The development of relationship
centres around Australia to help people with their relational
needs
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19. RESEARCH AND GUIDANCE
 www.americanvalues.org/search/?c=1&a=1 for a multitude of articles
on the need to strengthen the marital-family
 A marshall plan for rebuilding marriages
www.heritage.org/Research/Reports/2011/06/A-Marshall-Plan-for-
Marriage-Rebuilding-Our-Shattered-Homes
 http://unitedfamilies.org/default.asp?contentID=18 for comprehensive
database of research on the effects of marital breakdown
 www.communitymarriagepolicy.org/ - Religions working together to
strengthen marriages in their community
 Why Marriage Matters: 30 Conclusions from the Social Sciences.
http://www.americanvalues.org/catalog/pdfs/wmm3-30-conclusions.pdf
 When Couples Part: Understanding the Consequences for adults and
children. www.oneplusone.org.uk/content_item/when-couples-part-
full-report/
 The Value of Marriage to Society - http://vimeo.com/25021989 19

20. EDUCATIONAL SUPPORT FOR BETTER MARRIAGES
 Online College programs – e.g.
www.bridgeport.edu/files/5513/7088/6633/SOC2020420DL220
Walsh.pdf
Various character and relationship skills programs for schools
 - Freeteens - www.freeteensusa.org/FT_High_School.html
 - RQ relationship education -
http://lovesmarts.org/stories/curricintro_ls.htm
 - Character education - www.discoveringtherealme.org/
 - Relationship programs for high school -
www.dibbleinstitute.org/
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