The document summarizes the key points from a SIM LIFE meeting discussion on biblical guidelines for relationships (BGR). Yvonne led the discussion on what the Bible says about dating based on Romans 12:9-10. The discussion covered topics like defining true love by the gospel, marriage displaying Christ's love for the church, discerning the right partner based on being equally yoked with God, and showing brotherly affection honorably within the Christian community. Practical advice was to maximize singleness for God and wait to pursue a relationship until ready for marriage.

1. SIM LIFE MEETING
20th February 2012

2. Jacob

3. A Quick Intro

6. Reflection:
Do I really believe in the
gospel?
(Your behaviours either confirm or betray what you think you believe.)

17. Yvonne

29. On the topic of BGR,
What can we find from the Bible
about dating relationships?
How did you spend 14 Feb 2012?

31. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
9Let love be genuine. Abhor
what is evil; hold fast to what is
good. 10 Love one another with
brotherly affection. Outdo one
another in showing honor.

32. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)
3) Love one another with brotherly
affection. Outdo one another in
showing honor. (V10)

33. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)
3) Love one another with brotherly
affection. Outdo one another in
showing honor. (V10)

35. What is your favourite story of
true love?

37. 1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
What is love?
1 John 4:10 (ESV)
In this is love, not that we have loved God
but that he loved us and sent his Son to be
the propitiation for our sins.

38. The Biblical view on BGR can
only be found in its high view of
marriage.

39. 1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
• Marriage should be the end goal of
Christian courtship.
Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV)
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother
and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one
flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that
it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each
one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see
that she respects her husband.

40. 1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
• Marriage is a profound mystery. It is
about Christ and His Church.
Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV)
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother
and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one
flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that
it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each
one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see
that she respects her husband.

41. The gospel tells us the source of
inspiration for all love stories.
One that points to our deepest
longing – God.

42. 1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
• Marriage is a foreshadow of the gospel.
GOSPEL
Creation
Fall
Redemption
Restoration

43. The gospel is the story from
Genesis to Revelation of an
ever-faithful sovereign Creator
God pursuing the unfaithful
bride He has set His eternal
affection upon.

45. 1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
• Marriage is a foreshadow of the gospel.
GOSPEL
Redemption
Where we are: The “Now And Not Yet”
Restoration

46. How we ought to view one another
in the light of the gospel…

47. Romans 12:1
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the
mercies of God, to present your bodies as a
living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to
God, which is your spiritual worship.
Christians ought to see all of life as
worship, including our BGRs and marriages. Yes, it is
that radical.
Implication: There is no space for recreational dating
in Christianity.

48. On the “now and not yet” of
marriage…
Because this momentary
marriage is a foretaste of the
eternal one, it is therefore very
good. At the same time, it also
doesn’t truly satisfy.

49. “Most foundationally, marriage is the doing
of God. And ultimately, marriage is the
display of God. It displays the covenant-
keeping love between Christ and his people to
the world in a way that no other event or
institution does. Marriage, therefore, is not
mainly about being in love. It’s mainly about
telling the truth with our lives. And staying
married is not about staying in love. It is
about keeping covenant and putting the glory
of Christ’s covenant-keeping love on display.”
- John Piper

50. I, Yvonne, take you, Jacob, to be my wedded husband.
With deepest joy, I come into my new life with you.
As Christ is to His Church as Lord, I joyfully pledge myself to be your loving and
faithful wife.
With confidence, I submit myself to your headship as to the Lord.
I promise I will live first unto God above any others, and even above you.
I promise I will follow you as you lead me towards faith and hope in Christ
Jesus, remembering and reminding us to follow Him wherever He leads us and not
grow comfortable in this world.
I promise to support you, comfort you and encourage you through this life.
I promise to love you unconditionally in every way, all your flaws and imperfections
and all your sorrows and tears, which include all of your past and all that is to come.
I promise to share all that I am with you, and that includes my favourite food.
I promise, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health,
To laugh, cry and walk with you till we are both grey and our lives completely poured
out like drink offering.
These promises are the weightiest and most joyful commitment I have ever made and
all these I know, requires enablement from God. With that, I pledge myself to you, by
the grace of God, as your loving and faithful wife.

51. A Quick Note on “Singleness”
• Knowing the weight of marriage does not
downplay the gift of singleness
• Both the gifts of marriage and singleness points
to the eternal glory that is to come.

52. "If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It's an example of the
balance of Scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to
marry, 1 Cor 7:1 (in answer to a question posed by the Corinthians) says
that "it is good for a man not to marry." So both the married and the single
states are "good"; neither is in itself better or worse than the other. "Each
person has his or her own gift of God's grace" (1 Cor. 7:7).
During my 20s and 30s, like most people, I was expecting to marry one
day. In fact, during this period I twice began to develop a relationship
with a lady who I thought might be God's choice of life-partner for me.
But when the time came to make a decision, I can best explain it by
saying that I lacked an assurance from God that he meant me to go
forward. So I drew back. And when that had happened twice, I naturally
began to believe that God meant me to remain single. Looking back, with
the benefit of hindsight, I think I know why. I could never have traveled
or written as extensively as I have done if I had had the responsibilities of
a wife and family.
Although I have no children of my own, I have hundreds of adopted
nephews and nieces all over the world, who call me "Uncle John." I
cherish these affectionate relationships; they greatly lessen, even if they
do not altogether deaden, occasional pangs of loneliness."

53. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
“Let love be genuine.” (V9)
Are we prepared to allow the gospel
to re-define our idea of love?

54. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)

55. 2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)

56. 2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)
Discernment
God’s Word Community

57. 2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)
• God’s Word is our Definition
Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by
the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern
what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and
perfect.

58. How do we define Mr or Ms Right? List
of criteria?
• A recent convert
• Widowed
• Broke
• Homeless
• From a family noted for incest
• Has a bitter mother-in-law

60. A quick note on being “equally yoked” (2 Cor 6:14)

61. Community
Option 1: Option 2:
Master
GOD
Mission
Mate
BOY GIRL

62. “The two enemies of the gospel are
irreligion (antinomianism) and religion
(legalism). One disobeys God to get
what you want, the other obeys God to
get what you want. Christians ought to
repent not just for the wrongs we
do, but for the reasons we do rights.”
– Tim Keller (paraphrased)

63. How we can use God to
get what we want
Option 2:
Option 1: GIRL
BOY
Mate
Mission
GOD
“Master”

64. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
1) Let love be genuine. (V9)
2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to
what is good. (V9)
3) Love one another with
brotherly affection. Outdo one
another in showing honor. (V10)

65. 3) Love one another with
brotherly affection. Outdo one
another in showing honor. (V10)
1 Timothy 5:1-2
Do not rebuke an older man but encourage
him as you would a father, younger men as
brothers, older women as mothers, younger
women as sisters, in all purity.

66. The Christian community ought to be
marked by radical warmth.
How can we show one another brotherly
sisterly affection without “sending the
wrong signal” or “tempting ourselves to
have the wrong motive”?

67. How we can show dishonor to one
another in a Christian community
1) “It’s my love language!”
2) “Feels good but I don’t know where we are heading.” (more for guys)
3) “My hobby is to collect admirers.”
4) “Well, I’m still giving him a chance.” (more for ladies)
5) “I need a fellowship group to find a partner!”

68. Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
9Let love be genuine. Abhor
what is evil; hold fast to what is
good. 10 Love one another with
brotherly affection. Outdo one
another in showing honor.

69. • Maximise your singleness for God
• He should initiate and she should respond
• Do not pursue a relationship until you are ready to marry
• Theology and hermeneutics matter
• Be careful of reducing relationships to a set of formula
• Guard your heart for the Lord
• Join a DG!
Wait… what about FAQs like is it okay to date a non-Christian
or have premarital physical intimacy? (go back to Rom 12:1)
Finally, Practical Advice

70. “Doesn't He want me
to be happy?” (I heard
an echo of Eve in
Eden.)
“He wants you most to
be holy.”
- Elisabeth
Elliot, “Passion and
Purity: Learning to
Bring Your Love Life
Under Christ's Control”