This document provides a long list of suggestions for keeping cats entertained at night so they do not wake their owners, ranging from the plausible (providing toys and scratching posts) to the outlandish (building moats or sleeping in a cage). Some highlights include releasing mice, using a laser light show, creating a "Kitty TV Show", building a cat tree house, and putting cats in giant hamster balls. The overall tone is humorous and suggests increasingly ridiculous solutions to the problem of cats waking owners at night.

2. Release mice at night to keep the cats busy.
Set up water bottles to spray the cats when they
approach the bed.
Set up an invisible fence system.
Put the cats in a sound proof room.
Create a laser light show in the living room to keep
the cats busy.

3. Make scavenger hunt out of food to keep the
cats busy.
Tranquilize the cats.
Provide cats with lots of cat nip.
Build a moat out of milk around the bed.
Sell cats to the circus.

4. Crate train cats.
Swaddle cats in blankets.
Create Kitty TV Show (i.e. The Late, Late Cat Show
starring Catman O’Brien) to keep the cats
entertained.
Have Puppy Patrol on guard.
Sleep with a cage over the bed.

5. Set up tennis ball shooter with foam balls for
entertainment.
Set up lots of fish aquariums for entertainment.
Create kitty tree house for kitty camping.
Make individual cat bedrooms with cat beds.
Sleep with an invisibility cloak.

6. Sleep in the car.
Hire nightly cat nannies.
Sound proof and scratch proof all walls and doors.
Set up sound barrier that emits a higher pitch sound
(humans can not hear) that the cats do not like when
the barrier is approached.
Set up a room full of yarn for entertainment.

7. Create a maze out of cardboard boxes.
Hang cat toys from the ceiling.
Camp outside.
Sleep under the bed and barricade yourself under
the bed.
Hang your bed from the ceiling and raise it at night.

8. Take Nyquil nightly.
Roll in dog fur before sleeping.
Have jack in the boxes set up to scare the cats when
they approach the bed.
Cover all the walls in one room with mirrors.
Put mannequins in bed and sleep in another room.

9. Create a robot that pets and feeds cats at night.
Set up trap doors around the bed that are attached to
slides that lead back to another room.
Sleep in the basement.
Build a cat-in-law suite for the cats to sleep in.
Set up fans around the bed that are triggered by
motion.

10. Put tons of cardboard boxes in one room to keep the cats
entertained.
Leave gift wrap out for the cats to crinkle and play with.
Play with the cats so much during the day that they are
exhausted.
Put the cats on a treadmill.
Do not let the cats sleep during the day; train them to
sleep during the night.

11. Put fake hamsters in hamster balls.
Sleep in the bathtub.
Bore the cats into slumber with the Hallmark
Channel!
Sleep during the day.
Grow lots of kitty grass.

12. Bring the cats to school so that they are tried from a
long day of work.
Put lots of Christmas trees in a room for the cats to
climb.
Kitty hypnotherapy.
Hang cat toys from the ceiling.
Fill baskets with clean, neatly folded clothes. The
cats will want to sleep in the baskets.

13. Hide tuna cans throughout the house.
Teach the cats to pet each other.
Teach the cats to pet themselves.
Set up motion detected cat feeder.
Set up motion detected cat water fountain.

14. Set alarms that go off every 10 minutes during the
day to keep the cats up.
Create kitty back scratchers.
Dark curtains to keep the light out as long as
possible.
Wear ear plugs.
Sleep on a water bed.

15. Roll back and forth until the cats stop walking on you.
Feed the cats before bed.
Give the cats a lavender scented bed and relaxing
music.
Kitty nightly massages.
Give special treat if the cats do not wake you up.

16. Ignore the cats.
Spray a scent that the cats do not like on the
bedding.
Give kitty baths if the cats wake you up.
Create cozy nooks with cat beds.
Use heated blankets to imitate body heat of a person.

17. Install an indoor sprinkler system.
Create a maze around the bed.
Fill the room with ball pit balls to make it difficult
to get to the bed.
Leave smelly shoes around the bed.
Giant Kitty Dance Dance Revolution game mat.

18. Sleep on a raft in a pool.
Sleep with the vacuum on.
Chase the cats before bed.
Put the cats in giant hamster balls.
Put cats outside in a catio.

19. Sleep on the couch with eyelids taped open to fool
the cats into thinking we’re awake.
Give cats children’s cough medicine.
Find each other a significant other to sleep with.
Cover husband in cat nip so that they bother him
instead of me.
Put lots of bird feeders outside to attract lots of birds
and squirrels. Good kitty entertainment.

20. Install a door bell alarm that sounds when the cats
jump on the bed.
Sleep in cage.
Hang food from the ceiling just out of reach of the
cats.
Sleep during the daytime.
Get new cats that don’t wake you up.

21. Get a larger bed.
Surround the bed with leaves to distract the cats.
Make cat sized sleep masks.
Pray a lot.
Make a bed out of trampoline material so that when
they jump on, they bounce out.