1. I probably can say with utmost certainty that everyone will hate me for writing
this blog. I tell you guys, I will also hate myself, however I must write it!
I am a weeper, I will cry if an ant dies, or a car hits a dog or a stray cat! I once
almost got myself killed as a bird was too low and almost hit my windscreen! You
see, I do not take death easily.
Yesterday my cousin died, she was on a road trip to Medina with her family, a
fast trailer hit the bus, and there was a pile up, 8 people died including my
cousin, and 4 people in the next car and so on. Apparently she had a feeling
something "bad" was going to happen to her, and she even asked her close
friends to read some good verses of Quraan, and was wondering who will look
after her kids if she dies early! I went to visit and gave my condolence, but
before going there I was telling my mum that I don't like how we deal with death,
and I went on about how this is our short life, and our real life will be the one we
will live in after death, were we will all be living in harmony, and so on. And
YES I do believe in life after death. Also I told her that I will not cry as that will
make the people in the house cry even more! In my opinion, we should be
celebrating the life of the person who died and discuss his or her achievements,
not just cry because we will be missing them, we must try not to be selfish and
remember that we are also going to be in a similar situation soon.
However as soon as I reached my cousin’s house, my tears came out by
themselves and with no force! I didn't have to squeeze my eyes, or put red pepper
in them, or smell onions or many of the stuff they do in movies, I don't and
cannot act, I would do what my heart tells me to do in these circumstances,
crying comes naturally.

2. The family was devastated, the mum and sister were in a state, and all of us were
in shock. Why did this happen? I was wondering if she has all her things in
order, did she pay all her bills, did she write a well, did she arrange her cloths,
check her emails? Tell her husband that she loves him? Cuddle the kids and kiss
them? There are umpteen chores that one has to do prior to death I guess, but we
are a procrastinating lot, and we try to delay death as much as possible thinking
that tomorrow is another day and death has nothing to do with us. That is why I
personally think that we mustn't sleep unless we tie all the knots, cross all the T's
and dot all the I's. Can we though?
Of course, while watching what was going on there, I remembered when my two
brothers died, when my dad died, and how we all felt. I still remember the
numbness in my brain, the emptiness in my heart and the lull ness that I felt by
their non-existence! In the case of the first death of my immediate family, for
years I will be thinking how did that happen, and that he was young, he was
alone in a foreign land, and so on. Then the second death happened, and I was ok
with that, since he was ill, but one day I visited him in the graveyard and I cried
so much as I remembered how he used to be so clever in playing the guitar and
how he used to sing any song that he hears even if it was in French (mimic it
maybe but he used to do it) I don't know if I was just missing his voice at that
time, or wanted to talk to him! Or I was just temporarily depressed and needed a
reason to cry. But when my dad died, that was a disaster, I loved my dad, and
never thought to see him go that fast, he was an extraordinary person, was an
inspiration to all of us, and of course to many people as well (sometimes people
used to stop me in shopping malls and ask me if I was Abdulrasool's daughter,
when I nod, they would tell me how he influenced their lived, and that would
make my day. But one day I remembered when I had gone to fill my turn when
he was in hospital, how he had pulled out all the wires that he was attached
to, and he had vomited but no one was there to help him (I vomit when I see
vomit or see people vomiting by the way, that is another interesting quality that I
have and cannot get rid of) so by the time I shouted and a nurse came in she
didn't know whom to help first, me or my dad. When I remembered that scene I

3. laughed so much until my eyes were tearing so no one knew if I was crying or
actually laughing. So funny!
I must tell you what I asked my kids to do when I die, as some may think it's
interesting. I told them that they should have lots of flowers and every type of
sweets, pastry, chocolates that there is on the face of earth in the room, and
distribute it to the people who are coming for the condolence. You see, I am on
diet all my life, and feel deprived from these fatty stuff, so I want the people who
will visit my family to be happy rather than sad. Chocolate provide joy, and fills
you with happiness, I will still not eat a lot of it though, but if you feel like
binging on this mysterious dark brown fatty food then stay tuned, as one day you
will have lots of it if you visit my kids to condolence them about my death. Of
course I would want you to wish that I am happy where ever I am, limbo and not
so limbo.