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RESULTS
Identify the most common reasons you get snagged by
conflict
Simplify what you need to remember to navigate conflict
effectively
Prevent some conflict from occurring at all
Break cycles of blame and resentment
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RESULTS
Dissolve states of conflict and tension
Discern precisely what you should discuss with the other
person for real resolution
Resolve a conflict without relying on what the other person
will or won’t do
Learn how to let go and move on from conflicts you cannot
jointly resolve
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TERMINOLOGY
Conflict pivot
A purposeful change in the direction you are focusing during
conflict, in order to achieve better results
Stuck story
A partial story of what happened, a montage of the moments
that most snagged your attention
Conflict hook
A part of your identity that has become snagged by the
situation, causing conflict or escalating it
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THE PIVOTS
1.Pivot away from your stuck story and toward
its message
2.Pivot away from their behavior and toward
your conflict hooks
3.Pivot away from the past and toward the now
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PIVOT 1
Pivot away from your stuck story and toward its
message
Coaching tasks are to help the client…
Help client identify what they’ve reacted to most strongly in the
conflict
Notice what they dwell on most when they tell their story of the
conflict
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PIVOT 2
Pivot away from their behavior and toward your
conflict hooks
Coaching tasks are to help the client…
Use what they dwell on and react to most strongly to help identify
the true source of their discomfort
Identify their conflict hooks
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PIVOT 3
Pivot away from the past and toward the now
Coaching tasks are to help the client…
Figure out what they want for themselves from here forward,
including how to best address their identity needs
Identify solutions that do not require the other person’s
contribution for the client to achieve them
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IDEAL FOR CLIENTS WHO…
Want or need to preserve
the relationship
Have an internal locus of
control
Want to decrease their
reactivity in conflict
Want to change a team or
interpersonal dynamic
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Overall goal: Introduce you to an approach and how you can use it in your work
What I do
Where I use the pivots
Needed something to fill the gap between these two
And to fill needs like these of mine and my clients
So I scratched my own itch
Began developing this about a decade ago
A thought process
Not interactional (focus on way people in conflict interact)
Not interpersonal (focus on the way people relate and communicate in conflict)
Intrapersonal - takes place inside your own mind.
Worksheet for this purpose
Will say at end how to get a copy
Competence: the need to be recognized as capable, intelligent, skilled, or having expertise
Autonomy: the need to be acknowledged as independent and self-reliant, and having our boundaries respected
Fellowship: the need to be included and to be viewed as likable, cooperative, and worthy
Status: the need to be admired for tangible and intangible assets such as reputation, power, attractiveness, and material worth
Reliability: the need to be seen as trustworthy, dependable, and loyal
Integrity: the need for others to respect our dignity, honor, virtue, and good character