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Lesson Nine : Elegance
   Relentless simplicity can be dry, like unsalted
    meat and potatoes.
   A flash of elegance can fix a thought in our
    minds and give us a flicker of pleasure.
   J. Williams thinks the most elegant elegance
    is disarming simplicity, “when you think you
    have written something fine, strike it out”.
   Knowing the devices of clarity and elegance is
    not the same as knowing how to use them.
   A graceful sentence
    has balance and
    symmetry among its
    parts, echoing another
    in
    sound, rhythm, structu
    re, and meaning.
   The most common
    balance is based on
    coordination.
   In the following
    slides, we’ll look at
    two versions of the
    same sentence, one
    of which is balanced
    and one of which is
    not.
“The national unity of a free people depends upon
a sufficiently even balance of political power to
make it impracticable for an administration to be
arbitrary against a revolutionary opposition that is
irreconcilably opposed to it.”
“The national unity of a free people depends
upon a sufficiently even balance of political
power to make it impracticable for the
administration to be arbitrary and for the
opposition to be revolutionary and irreconcilable.”
   Why is the second version balanced?
     We hear one clause and phrase echo another in word
      order, sound, and meaning.
     Each significant word in one phrase echoes another in
      its corresponding one:
      ▪ “For the administration to be arbitrary and for the
        opposition to be revolutionary and irreconcilable.”
     Lippmann balances the phrasal topics of
     administration and opposition, and the stressed
     sounds and meanings of arbitrary, revolutionary, and
     irreconcilable.
   We can also balance structures that are not
    grammatically coordinate.
   Subject balances the object:
     Scientists | whose research | creates revolutionary views of the
      universe | invariably confuse | those of us | who | construct reality
      from our common-sense experience of it.

   Predicate of a relative clause in a subject balances
    the predicate of the sentence:
     A government | that is unwilling to | listen | to the| moderate
      hopes | of | its citizenry | must eventually | answer | to the| harsh
      justice | of | its revolutionaries.
   A direct object
    balances the object of
    a preposition:



 Those of us concerned with our school systems will not
    sacrifice | the intellectual growth of | our innocent children |
    to| the social engineering of | incompetent bureaucrats.
   Here are some first halves of sentences to finish
    with balancing last halves.
     Those who argue stridently over small matters...
     We should pay more attention to those politicians
      who tell us how to make what we have better than
      to those...
     Some teachers mistake neat papers that rehash
      old ideas for...
   Example: Those who keep silent over the loss of
    small freedoms...will be silenced when they
    protest the loss of large ones.
   Those who argue stridently over small
    matters are unlikely to think clearly about
    large one.
   We should pay more attention to those
    politicians who tell us how to make what we
    have better than to those who tell us how to
    get what we don’t have.
   Some teachers mistake neat papers that
    rehash old ideas for great thoughts wrapped in
    impressive packaging
   Find a key noun just before the tacked-on
    clause, pause after it with a comma, repeat the
    noun, and continue with a restrictive relative clause
    begining with that.
     The British Empire brought its version of
     administrative bureaucratic order to societies around
     the globe, an order that would endure in those
     lands long after Britons retreated to their own
     shores.
   The resumptive modifier repeats a key word, order.
   Rhythmical balance is              By using and, or, nor, and
    usually created when the            yet, we can easily balance
    first element in a balance is       non-coordinated phrases
    shorter than the next ones.         and clauses.

   The most striking feature of       Used prudently, these
    elegant prose is balanced           devices can emphasize an
    sentence structures.                important point or conclude
                                        a line of reasoning with a
                                        flourish.
   How you begin a sentence determines its
    clarity; how you end it determines its rhythm
    and grace.
 We expect words that deserve stress (heavy words)
  at the end of a sentence.
 A sentence that ends on words of slight
  grammatical weight (light words) may feel
  anticlimactic.
                   Prepositions = Light
               Adjectives/Adverbs = Heavier
             Nouns/Nominalizations = Heaviest
   ...until in God’s good time, the New
    World, with all its { power and might } steps
    forth to {the rescue and the liberation} of the
    old.
                                 – Winston Churchill
     He could have written:
     ...until the New World rescues us.
   Revise the following sentence using light/heavy
    words appropriately:

   “Studies into intellectual differences among races is
    a project that only the most politically naive
    psychologist is willing to give support to.”
   “Studies into intellectual differences among
    races is a project that only the most politically
    naive scientist is willing to support.”
 Williams gives us
  four ways to end a
  sentence with special
  emphasis:
1. of + heavy word
2. Echoing salience
3. Chiasmus
4. Suspension
   In other words, a prepositional phrase
    introduced by “of”.

   Back to Churchill’s example:
    ...the rescue and the liberation of the old.
     The light of, and lighter a or the quickens the
     rhythm of a sentence just before the stress of the
     climactic monosyllable, old.
   The following example is ‘flat’.
   “In the second century AD, the Roman
    Empire comprehended the earth’s fairest,
    most civilized part. Ancient renown and
    disciplined valour guarded its extensive
    frontiers.”
   In the second century of the Christian era, the
    Empire of Rome comprehended the fairest
    part of the earth, AND the most civilized
    portion of mankind. The frontiers of that
    extensive monarchy were guarded by
    ancient renown AND disciplined valour.
   These sentences end weakly. Edit them for clarity and concision, then
    revise them so that they end on more heavily stressed words.

   1. If we invest our sweat in these projects, we must avoid
    appearing to work only because we are interested in
    ourselves.
   2. Throughout history, science has made progress
    because dedicated scientists have ignored a hostile
    public that is uninformed.
   Example:
   “Our interest in paranormal phenomena testifies to the fact that we have
    empty spirits and shallow minds.”
    Our interest in paranormal phenomena testifies to the emptiness of our
    spirits and the shallowness of our minds.
   1. If we invest our sweat in these projects, we
    must avoid appearing to be working only for
    our own self-interest.

   2. Throughout history, science has
    progressed because dedicated scientists have
    ignored the hostility of an uninformed public.
 At the end of a sentence, readers hear special
  emphasis when a stressed word or phrase balances
  the sound or meaning of an earlier one.
 When we hear a stressed word echo an earlier
  one, these balances become even more emphatic.

   Example from Peter Gay’s Style in History:
     Apart from a few mechanical tricks of
     rhetoric, manner is indissolubly linked to matter;
     style shapes, and in turn is shaped by substance.
   From the Greek word for “crossing”.
   It balances elements in two parts of a sentence;
    the second part reverses the order of the
    elements in the first part.
   Example:
   A concise style can improve both | our own (1A) thinking (1B) |
    and | our readers’ (2A) understanding (2B).
   A concise style can improve not only | our own (1A) thinking (1B)
    | but | the understanding (2B) of our readers (2A).
     The first sentence does not use chiasmus; the second does.
   You can end a sentence with a dramatic climax.
   The less often you use it, the bigger its bang when you do.
                                            Self-consciously elegant
                                             writers often begin a
                                             sentence with a series of
                                             parallel and coordinated
                                             phrases and clauses just so
                                             that they can delay and
                                             thereby heighten a sense
                                             of climax
   Exercise 4:
    What did Fallows do to make this sentence
    suspenseful?
   If [journalists] held themselves as responsible for the
    rise of public cynicism as they hold “venal” politicians
    and the “selfish” public: if they considered that the
    license that they have to criticize and defame comes
    with an implied responsibility to serve the public – if
    they did all or any of these things, they would make
    journalism more useful, public life stronger, and
    themselves far more worthy of esteem
                       - James Fallows. Breaking The News
   Fallows opens that sentence with:
     three if-clauses,
   then ends it with
     a triple coordination ending on its longest
     member, which itself ends with an of +
     nominalization.
   When writers
    combine all these
    elements in a single
    sentence, we know
    they are aiming for
    something special.
   Most writer’s don’t plan the length of their
    sentences.
   Artful writers use the length of a sentence for
    a purpose
   Short sentences can be used:
     to strike a note of urgency
     terse certainty
     passion
   Extravagantly long sentences are also used
    by self-conscious stylists
   The point:
     “Think about the length of your sentences only if
     they are all longer than thirty words or so or
     shorter than fifteen. You sentences will vary
     naturally if you edit them... But if the occasion
     allows, don’t be reluctant to experiment.”
   Look at the following passage and try combining
    the short sentences to change its style:
   “The teacher or lecturer is a danger. He very seldom
    recognizes his nature or his position. The lecturer is
    a man who must talk for an hour. France may
    possibly have acquired the intellectual leadership of
    Europe when their academic period was cut down to
    40 minutes. I also have lectured. The lecturer’s first
    problem is to have enough words to fill 40 to 60
    minutes. The professor is paid for his time, his
    results are almost impossible to estimate...”
   Clarity, vigour, symmetry, and rhythm are
    great achievements. But that does not excite
    us to admire the reach of its imagination.
  Passage without metaphors:
...however much we like that moment, we
   know that its perpetuation would interrupt
   and spoil the movement of the melody. We
   begin to fidget, feeling he has denied the
   natural rhythm, has interrupted the regular
   movement from beginning to end, and that
   though he makes a pretense of wholeness, it
   is in fact a repeated end.
...If the symphony tries to go on too long, if at a
   certain point the composer exhausts his
   creative ability and tries to carry on just for the
   sake of filling in the required space of time, then
   we begin to fidget in our chairs, feeling that he
   has denied the natural rhythm, has broken the
   smooth curve from birth to death, and that
   though a pretense of life is being made, it is in
   fact a living death.
             Alan W. Watts, The Meaning of Happiness
   Metaphors serve different ends, depending
    on context.
     Used to make language more intense
     Used to explain
     Used to play

   Be careful that a metaphor does not distort
    what we want to express.
   “Societies give birth to new values through the
    osmotic flow of daily social interaction. Conflicts
    evolve when old values collide with new, a
    process that frequently spawns a new set of
    values that synthesizes the conflict into a
    reconciliation of opposites.”
   “The classic blitzkrieg relies on a tank-heavy
    offensive force, supported by ground-support
    aircraft, to destroy the defender’s ability to fight
    by running amuck in his undefended rear, after
    penetrating his forward defenses.”
   We all write unfortunate
    metaphors, so when you
    do, don’t think you’re the
    only one who has.

   The only way to master them
    is to keep trying.
   The risk in striving for elegance is that you fail
    spectacularly and never risk it again. Williams
    encourages us to accept with good humour
    those first failures that we all survive.

   You won’t acquire an elegant style just by
    reading the book. You must read those who
    write elegantly until their style runs along
    your muscles and nerves.
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/mait/5184709006/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/rahulpradhan/4956527456/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/42000933@N02/4076938462/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/dicknella/52748429/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/sepehrehsani/5766453552/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsprig/5472428803/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewvenn/366873545/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubberdragon/6258677092/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/joriel/2360038974/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/suewaters/1842179165/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/vasta/12867185/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/marxpix/2223146662/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/sterlic/4299631538/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/croland/5162735235/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/dalydose/324264361/
   http://www.flickr.com/photos/deathtogutenberg/2697035003/

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Easter in the USA presentation by Chloe.
 

Engl 396 Tanya Ayala – Lesson 9

  • 1. Lesson Nine : Elegance
  • 2. Relentless simplicity can be dry, like unsalted meat and potatoes.  A flash of elegance can fix a thought in our minds and give us a flicker of pleasure.  J. Williams thinks the most elegant elegance is disarming simplicity, “when you think you have written something fine, strike it out”.  Knowing the devices of clarity and elegance is not the same as knowing how to use them.
  • 3. A graceful sentence has balance and symmetry among its parts, echoing another in sound, rhythm, structu re, and meaning.
  • 4. The most common balance is based on coordination.  In the following slides, we’ll look at two versions of the same sentence, one of which is balanced and one of which is not.
  • 5. “The national unity of a free people depends upon a sufficiently even balance of political power to make it impracticable for an administration to be arbitrary against a revolutionary opposition that is irreconcilably opposed to it.”
  • 6. “The national unity of a free people depends upon a sufficiently even balance of political power to make it impracticable for the administration to be arbitrary and for the opposition to be revolutionary and irreconcilable.”
  • 7. Why is the second version balanced?  We hear one clause and phrase echo another in word order, sound, and meaning.  Each significant word in one phrase echoes another in its corresponding one: ▪ “For the administration to be arbitrary and for the opposition to be revolutionary and irreconcilable.”  Lippmann balances the phrasal topics of administration and opposition, and the stressed sounds and meanings of arbitrary, revolutionary, and irreconcilable.
  • 8. We can also balance structures that are not grammatically coordinate.
  • 9. Subject balances the object:  Scientists | whose research | creates revolutionary views of the universe | invariably confuse | those of us | who | construct reality from our common-sense experience of it.  Predicate of a relative clause in a subject balances the predicate of the sentence:  A government | that is unwilling to | listen | to the| moderate hopes | of | its citizenry | must eventually | answer | to the| harsh justice | of | its revolutionaries.
  • 10. A direct object balances the object of a preposition:  Those of us concerned with our school systems will not sacrifice | the intellectual growth of | our innocent children | to| the social engineering of | incompetent bureaucrats.
  • 11. Here are some first halves of sentences to finish with balancing last halves.  Those who argue stridently over small matters...  We should pay more attention to those politicians who tell us how to make what we have better than to those...  Some teachers mistake neat papers that rehash old ideas for...  Example: Those who keep silent over the loss of small freedoms...will be silenced when they protest the loss of large ones.
  • 12. Those who argue stridently over small matters are unlikely to think clearly about large one.  We should pay more attention to those politicians who tell us how to make what we have better than to those who tell us how to get what we don’t have.  Some teachers mistake neat papers that rehash old ideas for great thoughts wrapped in impressive packaging
  • 13. Find a key noun just before the tacked-on clause, pause after it with a comma, repeat the noun, and continue with a restrictive relative clause begining with that.  The British Empire brought its version of administrative bureaucratic order to societies around the globe, an order that would endure in those lands long after Britons retreated to their own shores.  The resumptive modifier repeats a key word, order.
  • 14. Rhythmical balance is  By using and, or, nor, and usually created when the yet, we can easily balance first element in a balance is non-coordinated phrases shorter than the next ones. and clauses.  The most striking feature of  Used prudently, these elegant prose is balanced devices can emphasize an sentence structures. important point or conclude a line of reasoning with a flourish.
  • 15. How you begin a sentence determines its clarity; how you end it determines its rhythm and grace.
  • 16.  We expect words that deserve stress (heavy words) at the end of a sentence.  A sentence that ends on words of slight grammatical weight (light words) may feel anticlimactic.  Prepositions = Light  Adjectives/Adverbs = Heavier  Nouns/Nominalizations = Heaviest
  • 17. ...until in God’s good time, the New World, with all its { power and might } steps forth to {the rescue and the liberation} of the old. – Winston Churchill  He could have written:  ...until the New World rescues us.
  • 18. Revise the following sentence using light/heavy words appropriately:  “Studies into intellectual differences among races is a project that only the most politically naive psychologist is willing to give support to.”
  • 19. “Studies into intellectual differences among races is a project that only the most politically naive scientist is willing to support.”
  • 20.  Williams gives us four ways to end a sentence with special emphasis: 1. of + heavy word 2. Echoing salience 3. Chiasmus 4. Suspension
  • 21. In other words, a prepositional phrase introduced by “of”.  Back to Churchill’s example: ...the rescue and the liberation of the old.  The light of, and lighter a or the quickens the rhythm of a sentence just before the stress of the climactic monosyllable, old.
  • 22. The following example is ‘flat’.  “In the second century AD, the Roman Empire comprehended the earth’s fairest, most civilized part. Ancient renown and disciplined valour guarded its extensive frontiers.”
  • 23. In the second century of the Christian era, the Empire of Rome comprehended the fairest part of the earth, AND the most civilized portion of mankind. The frontiers of that extensive monarchy were guarded by ancient renown AND disciplined valour.
  • 24. These sentences end weakly. Edit them for clarity and concision, then revise them so that they end on more heavily stressed words.  1. If we invest our sweat in these projects, we must avoid appearing to work only because we are interested in ourselves.  2. Throughout history, science has made progress because dedicated scientists have ignored a hostile public that is uninformed.  Example:  “Our interest in paranormal phenomena testifies to the fact that we have empty spirits and shallow minds.” Our interest in paranormal phenomena testifies to the emptiness of our spirits and the shallowness of our minds.
  • 25. 1. If we invest our sweat in these projects, we must avoid appearing to be working only for our own self-interest.  2. Throughout history, science has progressed because dedicated scientists have ignored the hostility of an uninformed public.
  • 26.  At the end of a sentence, readers hear special emphasis when a stressed word or phrase balances the sound or meaning of an earlier one.  When we hear a stressed word echo an earlier one, these balances become even more emphatic.  Example from Peter Gay’s Style in History:  Apart from a few mechanical tricks of rhetoric, manner is indissolubly linked to matter; style shapes, and in turn is shaped by substance.
  • 27. From the Greek word for “crossing”.  It balances elements in two parts of a sentence; the second part reverses the order of the elements in the first part.  Example:  A concise style can improve both | our own (1A) thinking (1B) | and | our readers’ (2A) understanding (2B).  A concise style can improve not only | our own (1A) thinking (1B) | but | the understanding (2B) of our readers (2A).  The first sentence does not use chiasmus; the second does.
  • 28. You can end a sentence with a dramatic climax.  The less often you use it, the bigger its bang when you do.  Self-consciously elegant writers often begin a sentence with a series of parallel and coordinated phrases and clauses just so that they can delay and thereby heighten a sense of climax
  • 29. Exercise 4: What did Fallows do to make this sentence suspenseful?  If [journalists] held themselves as responsible for the rise of public cynicism as they hold “venal” politicians and the “selfish” public: if they considered that the license that they have to criticize and defame comes with an implied responsibility to serve the public – if they did all or any of these things, they would make journalism more useful, public life stronger, and themselves far more worthy of esteem - James Fallows. Breaking The News
  • 30. Fallows opens that sentence with:  three if-clauses,  then ends it with  a triple coordination ending on its longest member, which itself ends with an of + nominalization.
  • 31. When writers combine all these elements in a single sentence, we know they are aiming for something special.
  • 32. Most writer’s don’t plan the length of their sentences.  Artful writers use the length of a sentence for a purpose  Short sentences can be used:  to strike a note of urgency  terse certainty  passion
  • 33. Extravagantly long sentences are also used by self-conscious stylists  The point:  “Think about the length of your sentences only if they are all longer than thirty words or so or shorter than fifteen. You sentences will vary naturally if you edit them... But if the occasion allows, don’t be reluctant to experiment.”
  • 34. Look at the following passage and try combining the short sentences to change its style:  “The teacher or lecturer is a danger. He very seldom recognizes his nature or his position. The lecturer is a man who must talk for an hour. France may possibly have acquired the intellectual leadership of Europe when their academic period was cut down to 40 minutes. I also have lectured. The lecturer’s first problem is to have enough words to fill 40 to 60 minutes. The professor is paid for his time, his results are almost impossible to estimate...”
  • 35. Clarity, vigour, symmetry, and rhythm are great achievements. But that does not excite us to admire the reach of its imagination.
  • 36.  Passage without metaphors: ...however much we like that moment, we know that its perpetuation would interrupt and spoil the movement of the melody. We begin to fidget, feeling he has denied the natural rhythm, has interrupted the regular movement from beginning to end, and that though he makes a pretense of wholeness, it is in fact a repeated end.
  • 37. ...If the symphony tries to go on too long, if at a certain point the composer exhausts his creative ability and tries to carry on just for the sake of filling in the required space of time, then we begin to fidget in our chairs, feeling that he has denied the natural rhythm, has broken the smooth curve from birth to death, and that though a pretense of life is being made, it is in fact a living death. Alan W. Watts, The Meaning of Happiness
  • 38. Metaphors serve different ends, depending on context.  Used to make language more intense  Used to explain  Used to play  Be careful that a metaphor does not distort what we want to express.
  • 39. “Societies give birth to new values through the osmotic flow of daily social interaction. Conflicts evolve when old values collide with new, a process that frequently spawns a new set of values that synthesizes the conflict into a reconciliation of opposites.”  “The classic blitzkrieg relies on a tank-heavy offensive force, supported by ground-support aircraft, to destroy the defender’s ability to fight by running amuck in his undefended rear, after penetrating his forward defenses.”
  • 40. We all write unfortunate metaphors, so when you do, don’t think you’re the only one who has.  The only way to master them is to keep trying.
  • 41. The risk in striving for elegance is that you fail spectacularly and never risk it again. Williams encourages us to accept with good humour those first failures that we all survive.  You won’t acquire an elegant style just by reading the book. You must read those who write elegantly until their style runs along your muscles and nerves.
  • 42. http://www.flickr.com/photos/mait/5184709006/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/rahulpradhan/4956527456/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/42000933@N02/4076938462/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/dicknella/52748429/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/sepehrehsani/5766453552/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsprig/5472428803/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewvenn/366873545/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubberdragon/6258677092/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/joriel/2360038974/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/suewaters/1842179165/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/vasta/12867185/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/marxpix/2223146662/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/sterlic/4299631538/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/croland/5162735235/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/dalydose/324264361/  http://www.flickr.com/photos/deathtogutenberg/2697035003/