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Thoughts Behaviour Feelings It is helpful to understand how our  thoughts, feelings  and  behaviours  are linked.  This diagram shows how each  influences  the other.
So for example, when I  think  that I cannot rely on my partner for support ... I can’t rely on my partner Thoughts
... I am likely to  behave  in ways that exclude my partner from supporting me ...  When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Thoughts
... with the result that my  feelings  are affected – I am likely to  feel  unsupported, angry and probably lonely. I feel unsupported, angry and lonely Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
These  feelings  reinforce my  thoughts  that I cannot rely on my partner ...   I can’t rely on my partner Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
.... and so I continue to  behave  in ways that discourage support from my partner ...  When my partner tries to help I turn away I can’t rely on my partner Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
.... and so the circle rolls on ... I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
As a result I become more and more dissatisfied with my relationship, more disparaging of my partner’s attempts to help me and increasingly hopeless about anything changing. I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
But the  good news  is that because my  thoughts, feelings  and  behaviours  are linked, if I want  things to   change  I can enter the circle at any point ... Behaviour Feelings Thoughts I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away
... and any change I make in either my  thoughts, feelings  or  behaviour  is likely to make a  series of changes. Thoughts Behaviour Feelings
So, if I choose to change my  behaviour  by allowing my partner to help me ...  I choose to let my partner help me Behaviour
... I am likely to feel supported and that my needs are being recognised ... I feel supported, and that my needs are being recognised Behaviour Feelings
... and this in turn will influence my  thoughts  – I am more likely to  think  that my partner respects me and cares for me. I know my partner respects and cares for me Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
As the circles rolls on ... my changed behaviour will show my partner that I am turning towards them, rather than away and they too will  feel  needed by me and  think  that we are getting on better. I feel supported, and that my needs are being recognised I choose to let my partner help me I know my partner respects and cares for me Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
Thoughts Behaviour Feelings thecoupleconnection.net  © One Plus One

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Circle of Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour

  • 1.
  • 2. Thoughts Behaviour Feelings It is helpful to understand how our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are linked. This diagram shows how each influences the other.
  • 3. So for example, when I think that I cannot rely on my partner for support ... I can’t rely on my partner Thoughts
  • 4. ... I am likely to behave in ways that exclude my partner from supporting me ... When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Thoughts
  • 5. ... with the result that my feelings are affected – I am likely to feel unsupported, angry and probably lonely. I feel unsupported, angry and lonely Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 6. These feelings reinforce my thoughts that I cannot rely on my partner ... I can’t rely on my partner Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 7. .... and so I continue to behave in ways that discourage support from my partner ... When my partner tries to help I turn away I can’t rely on my partner Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 8. .... and so the circle rolls on ... I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 9. As a result I become more and more dissatisfied with my relationship, more disparaging of my partner’s attempts to help me and increasingly hopeless about anything changing. I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 10. But the good news is that because my thoughts, feelings and behaviours are linked, if I want things to change I can enter the circle at any point ... Behaviour Feelings Thoughts I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away
  • 11. ... and any change I make in either my thoughts, feelings or behaviour is likely to make a series of changes. Thoughts Behaviour Feelings
  • 12. So, if I choose to change my behaviour by allowing my partner to help me ... I choose to let my partner help me Behaviour
  • 13. ... I am likely to feel supported and that my needs are being recognised ... I feel supported, and that my needs are being recognised Behaviour Feelings
  • 14. ... and this in turn will influence my thoughts – I am more likely to think that my partner respects me and cares for me. I know my partner respects and cares for me Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 15. As the circles rolls on ... my changed behaviour will show my partner that I am turning towards them, rather than away and they too will feel needed by me and think that we are getting on better. I feel supported, and that my needs are being recognised I choose to let my partner help me I know my partner respects and cares for me Behaviour Feelings Thoughts
  • 16. Thoughts Behaviour Feelings thecoupleconnection.net © One Plus One