1. Via Christi Women’s Connection
February 12, 2013
Heart Healthy Connections:
Why Everyday is Valentine’s Day
Ron Matson, Ph.D.

2. Start with Self-love
“We are all born as either a prince or a princess
and society turns us into a frog.” Eric Berne
“If it is not worthy of laughter, it is
not worthy of being called the Tao.”
Lao Tsu Remember to laugh…always.

3. Self-Love…in a Healthy Way
A. The essence of loving relationships always begins with understanding the
self.
1. Archeology (Nietzsche): continual process of
digging through ones layers of collected experience.
Reflection or self-understanding is elemental (key)
to growing, self-actualizing, and intimacy.
2. Self-love; compassion for our strengths and
limitations
3. Authenticity with oneself and in relationships is the
greatest gift. Truth
4. In loving we find the spiritual (deep, profound,
meaningful) connection with others, oneself, and
the world around us.
5. Connections bring us peace and equanimity,
decrease stress; making us physically and
emotionally healthier.

4. Social Relationships and Health: The
Bio/Psycho/Sociology of It All
Social Relationships and Health: A
History
A. Berkman and Syme: 1970
longitudinal mortality study
B. Dean Ornish’s Love and Survival,
1997
C. Oxytocin/brain chemistry and
neuro-sociology
D. Spirituality and connection; what
we are learning in the west

5. New Work in Social Neuroscience
Cacioppo, father of neuroscience, writes “The
emotional status of our main relationships has
an impact on our overall pattern of
cardiovascular and neuroendocrine activity.”
Social rejection activates the same parts of the
brain that generate the sting of physical pain
We are each other’s enemies or allies with the
attendant effects.

6. The Sociology and Social Psychology of Social Support
A. A generation of work on “Social Support and Stress” 1975-
2013
1. Social support is comprised of three elements
a. A sense of belonging or place; family and friends
b. A sense of status or importance; multifaceted
c. A sense of being cared for and caring for others; love
2. Rarely found in one relationship
3. Effective in dealing with stress and the negative impact of
stress
4. Gender issues in social support and health
B. The rabbit study …but it’s true. No anthropomorphizing,
please.

7. What It Means for You and Me
A. Believe that your physical and emotional health
is driven by the quality of our relationships.
(Don’t forget the relationship you have with
yourself!)
1. Cut your losses
2. Accentuate the positive, eliminate the
negative; stop the pain.
B. We create the world around us by how we live
our life.
C. Develop and maintain a core of important
relationships that are positive and compassionate.

8. Matson Quotes
• self love is a precursor to love
• love is a feeling; it becomes real when expressed in action
• respect is more important than love
• love is a process, not a product
• love is not a commodity to give and receive in the marketplace of
relationships
• love is spiritual in the sense that we know of love through the
selfless expression of grace and unqualified devotion
• love is unique sayings, rituals, communication patterns, a history
of shared experiences, ways we cooperate to create the next
moment of our lives
• love is patient and kind
• love is romantic relationships that keep our partner’s needs in a
position of importance above our own needs
• love is something that touches the place in me that is love and
when I am touched in that place the entire world is transformed

9. Bibliography
Cacioppo, John T. and Gary G. Bernston (eds). 2004. Essays in Social
Neuroscience Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
Cacioppo, John T., Visser, Penny S. and Cynthia L. Pickett (eds). 2006.
Social Neuroscience: People Thinking about Thinking
People Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
Cohen, Sheldon and S. Leonard Syme. 1985. Social Support and
Health Academic Press.
Goleman, Daniel. 2006. Social Intelligence: The New Science of
Human Relationships New York, NY: Bantam Dell.
Haramon-Jones, Eddie and Piotr Winkielman (eds). 2007. Social
Neuroscience: Integrating Biological and Psychological
Explanations of Social Behavior New York, NY: The Guilford
Press.
Ornish, Dean. 1997. Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the
Healing Power of Intimacy New York, NY: HarperCollins
Publishers

10. Bibliography for Self Care in a Crazy
World
Blake, William. 1974. The Portable Blake New York: Viking Press.
Gibran, Kahlil. 1969. The Prophet New York: Alfred A. Knopf.
Hanh, Tich Nhat. 1991. Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in
Everyday Life New York: Bantam Press.
Heim, Pat, Murphy, Susan and Susan Golant. 2001. In the Company of
Women. New York: Tarcher/Putnam.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama. 1998. The Art of Happiness New York:
Riverbend Books.
Kornfield, Jack. 2000. After the Ecstasy, the Laundry: How the Heart Grows
Wise on the Spiritual Path New York: Bantam Books.

11. Self Care bib (cont)
Lunden, Stephen C., Paul, Harry, and John Christensen. 2000. Fish! New
York, NY: Hyperion.
Ming-Dao. 365 Tao.
Nelson, Portia. There's a Hole in My sidewalk: The Romance of Self-
Discovery. Beyond Words Publishing 1994.
Ram Dass. 1974. The Only Dance There Is New York: Anchor Books.
Tillich, Paul. 1952. The Courage to Be New Haven: CT: Yale University
Press.
Tolle, Eckhart. 1997. The Power of Now ????
________. 1999. Practicing the Power of Now Novato, CA: New World
Library.
________. 2003. Stillness Speaks Novato, CA: New World Library.---