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Understanding and Assessing Self Esteem
1. HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012
Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist
BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH
YOUR CHILDREN
2.
3. TRAINING OBJECTIVES
Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes
from
Recognize the symptoms of high and low self esteem
Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on
our children
Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our
own and our child's self esteem
Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self
esteem
4. WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN?
I want the best for my children
I want them to be responsible, happy and caring
I want them to take their place in the World
I want them to have successful relationships
I want them to be productive in whatever they do and
gain satisfaction from it
5. DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM
"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a
belief that we are basically OK”
“A quiet feeling of self worth”
8. SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
Wish they were Boast
Feel inferior
someone else or unworthy
Symptoms
Rarely volunteer Lack energy
May bully Panic when Over dependence on
faced authority figures
with a new task
=
Anxiety
9. ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION
Value them
Spend time with them
Respect them
Trust them
Commit to them
Be their role model
Be on their side
10. KEY QUESTIONS (1)
Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad,
about themselves today?
Have I shown that I have understood their feelings
and/or their point of view on anything today?
Have I shown any interest in, or asked about,
anything they have done today?
11. KEY QUESTIONS (2)
Have I listened to them with my whole hearted
attention at least once?
Will they think I am on their side?
Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.
12. PRAISE
Specific Deed not Doer
Praise
Timing Areas to Improve
13. ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Increased physical health
Higher academic achievement
Better formed relationships
Less tendency to violent acts
Emotionally healthy
14. FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING
Become aware of the child's emotion
Recognise the emotion as an opportunity for
intimacy and teaching
Put yourself in the child's shoes and
listen, acknowledging the child's feelings
Help to find words to express the emotion
Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem
15. WHY DON’T WE LISTEN?
We are pursuing our own line of thought
We are relating it all to our own experience
We switch off because we know what they are going
to say
We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are
saying instead of listening
16. POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
“Can you hear me?”
Listening “Actions speak louder than words”
Body language
“You’re so clumsy” “Don’t spill it”
Labelling Making requests
“You think you’re so clever”
Put downs
17. WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN?
To say what was said to us when we were young
It is the right thing to do
We are down on our reserves
18. PROBLEM SOLVING
Describe the situation
Sum up in their words
Generate ideas
Pick one
Confirm if solved
19. WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OUR
CHILDREN?
Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment
The negative opinion of others will not immobilise
them
They will not be undone by failure, they will learn
from it
They will respect others
They will find loving others easier and have lots of
love to give away!
20. AS PARENTS WE MUST:
Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the
best we can
Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a
parent
Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and
without fear of judgement
Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from
others
21. FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS
To identify our own values
To provide us and our children with a sense of
direction
To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our
children to adulthood
To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and
find a sustainable middle way.
22. TRAINING OBJECTIVES
Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes
from
Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem
Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact
on our children
Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds
our own and our child's self esteem
Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build
self esteem