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HOW TO WIN
PEOPLE TO
YOUR WAY OF
THINKING
BY A L I S C H O N E M A N
1 : YO U C A N ’ T W I N
A N A R G U M E N T
The only way to get the best of
an argument is to avoid it
• “Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with
each of the contestants more firmly convinced
than ever that he is absolutely right” (Carnegie
110).
• To me this shows that arguing really does not
accomplish anything but lets you let off some
steam and often creates more tension than it
releases.
• If you encounter someone who says things that
could start an argument throw them off by
instead agreeing.
• Often times I believe we have become to
accustomed to always being right and if we instead
agree to disagree we could actually conquer more
ground. Agree with them and digress the
2 : A S U R E WAY O F
M A K I N G E N E M I E S -
A N D H O W TO AV O I D
I T
Show respect for the other
person’s opinions.
Never say, “You’re Wrong.”
“Wrong.”
• “If you are going to prove anything, don’t
let anybody know it” (Carnegie 117).
• Just do it.
• Agree to disagree.
• Know you, too, could be wrong in their
mind.
• Admit you are unsure, if you are not 100%
sure.
• Do not argue it even if you are sure as
people will become too defensive for you
to change their mind.
• Have the ability to take the ‘high-road’.
• Know in your mind that you are right and
that is what truly counts.
3 : I F YO U ’ R E
W R O N G , A D M I T I T
If you are wrong, admit it
quickly and emphatically.
• “If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow,
isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and
do it ourselves?” (Carnegie 129).
• Admitting you did wrong has always led to less
punishment.
• Takes more courage to say you’re wrong than to
fight someone yelling at you.
• Our automatic response is to support whatever we
did. That is why it leads to more punishment as we
don’t put much thought into it.
4 : A D R O P O F
H O N E Y
Begin in a friendly way.
• “The use of gentleness and friendliness is
demonstrated day after day by people who have
learned that a drop of honey catches more flies
than a gallon of gall” (Carnegie 142).
• Simple things can have the biggest impact.
• A smile, a wave, or a kind gesture; Three of the
simplest thing we can do.
• They are so easy to do.
• Yet we never remember the large impact they
truly do have.
5 : T H E S E C R E T O F
S O C R AT E S
Get the other person saying
“yes, yes” immediately.
• After saying ‘no’, it is rather hard to change your
mind.
• “Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to
it” (Carnegie 144).
• Let me help you, help me.
• By helping a customer know in the end they will
benefit you will often achieve what you are aiming for.
• Start with a ‘Yes’.
• Even if the question isn’t totally relevant to the
situation it gets people in a positive mindset.
6 : T H E S A F E T Y VA LV E
I N H A N D L I N G
C O M P L A I N T S
Let the other person do a great
deal of the talking.
• “Let the other people talk themselves out”
(Carnegie 150).
• Ask questions. Listen. Learn.
• People often have more to say than they want to
hear.
• By being the other end, you may actually gain more
from a conversation and a relationship.
• Work, family, relationships.
• All these can benefit if we just listen, instead of
speak.
7 : H O W TO G E T
CO O P E R AT I O N
Let the other person feel that
the idea is his or hers.• Avoid saying “That’s what I just said…”
• “We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our
own accord or acting on our own ideas” (Carnegie
156).
• If someone steals your idea…
• Have the ability to bite your tongue and work with
them every once in awhile.
• Working together is better than the fights to take
the credit.
8 : A F O R M U L A
T H AT W I L L W O R K
W O N D E R F O R YO U
Try honestly to see things from
the other person’s point of
view.
• “Don’t condemn them. Any fool can
do that. Try to understand them”
(Carnegie 161).
• It takes more maturity to be the one
to see from another’s point of view.
• Take a moment and walk in their
shoes.
• You may learn it does make sense for
them.
• Don’t judge it, until you’ve tried it.
• Many people make assumptions
before they even know the full story.
Don’t follow in these foot steps but
visualize it from someone else’s
instead.
9 : W H AT
E V E R Y B O D Y WA N T S
Be sympathetic with the other
person’s ideas and desires.
• If I were you…
• Take a moment and don’t be afraid to offer up
sympathy once in awhile.
• “Three-fourths of the people you will ever
meet are hungering and thirsting for
sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love
you” (Carnegie 168).
• People need to know that we care for each
other.
• Sometimes you benefit more if you gain a
person’s respect out of caring versus
demanding what you want.
• Realize by working with someone’s feelings
you gain more than working with a no
emotion.
1 0 : A N A P P E A L
T H AT E V E R Y B O D Y
L I K E S
Appeal to the nobler motives.
• “The person himself will think of the real
reason… But all of us, being idealists at heart,
like of think of motives that sound good”
(Carnegie 175).
• Even if it isn’t the best reason. Understand it.
• Be able to go with a person’s thought, even if
you don’t care for it.
• It is better to put a reason into terms
everyone can agree with then to flat out say
your reason sometimes.
1 1 : T H E M O V I E S D O
I T. T V D O E S I T. W H Y
D O N ’ T YO U D O I T ?
Dramatize your ideas.
• “This is the day of dramatization” (Carnegie 182).
• It must be exciting and eventful if we want to share it
with others.
• Every aspect of our life consists of being a little
dramatized.
• It keeps things exciting and we do not want a boring life.
• Drama is good, until it leads to needing to lie to make
things exciting.
• This is a common trend that should be put to an end.
• Put things of high importance and they will likely be
done faster.
1 2 : W H E N N OT H I N G
E L S E W O R K S , T R Y
T H I S
Throw down a challenge.
• The world hungers for competition.
• From sports to promotions, we want to win.
• “The chance to prove his or her worth, to
excel, to win” (Carnegie 188-189).
• We all want it, so if you need motivate
people with it.
• We achieve so much more if it is a
challenge or a race.
• We want to win.

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How to Win Friends and Influence People

  • 1. HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING BY A L I S C H O N E M A N
  • 2. 1 : YO U C A N ’ T W I N A N A R G U M E N T The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it • “Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right” (Carnegie 110). • To me this shows that arguing really does not accomplish anything but lets you let off some steam and often creates more tension than it releases. • If you encounter someone who says things that could start an argument throw them off by instead agreeing. • Often times I believe we have become to accustomed to always being right and if we instead agree to disagree we could actually conquer more ground. Agree with them and digress the
  • 3. 2 : A S U R E WAY O F M A K I N G E N E M I E S - A N D H O W TO AV O I D I T Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re Wrong.” “Wrong.” • “If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it” (Carnegie 117). • Just do it. • Agree to disagree. • Know you, too, could be wrong in their mind. • Admit you are unsure, if you are not 100% sure. • Do not argue it even if you are sure as people will become too defensive for you to change their mind. • Have the ability to take the ‘high-road’. • Know in your mind that you are right and that is what truly counts.
  • 4. 3 : I F YO U ’ R E W R O N G , A D M I T I T If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. • “If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?” (Carnegie 129). • Admitting you did wrong has always led to less punishment. • Takes more courage to say you’re wrong than to fight someone yelling at you. • Our automatic response is to support whatever we did. That is why it leads to more punishment as we don’t put much thought into it.
  • 5. 4 : A D R O P O F H O N E Y Begin in a friendly way. • “The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall” (Carnegie 142). • Simple things can have the biggest impact. • A smile, a wave, or a kind gesture; Three of the simplest thing we can do. • They are so easy to do. • Yet we never remember the large impact they truly do have.
  • 6. 5 : T H E S E C R E T O F S O C R AT E S Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. • After saying ‘no’, it is rather hard to change your mind. • “Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it” (Carnegie 144). • Let me help you, help me. • By helping a customer know in the end they will benefit you will often achieve what you are aiming for. • Start with a ‘Yes’. • Even if the question isn’t totally relevant to the situation it gets people in a positive mindset.
  • 7. 6 : T H E S A F E T Y VA LV E I N H A N D L I N G C O M P L A I N T S Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. • “Let the other people talk themselves out” (Carnegie 150). • Ask questions. Listen. Learn. • People often have more to say than they want to hear. • By being the other end, you may actually gain more from a conversation and a relationship. • Work, family, relationships. • All these can benefit if we just listen, instead of speak.
  • 8. 7 : H O W TO G E T CO O P E R AT I O N Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.• Avoid saying “That’s what I just said…” • “We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas” (Carnegie 156). • If someone steals your idea… • Have the ability to bite your tongue and work with them every once in awhile. • Working together is better than the fights to take the credit.
  • 9. 8 : A F O R M U L A T H AT W I L L W O R K W O N D E R F O R YO U Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. • “Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them” (Carnegie 161). • It takes more maturity to be the one to see from another’s point of view. • Take a moment and walk in their shoes. • You may learn it does make sense for them. • Don’t judge it, until you’ve tried it. • Many people make assumptions before they even know the full story. Don’t follow in these foot steps but visualize it from someone else’s instead.
  • 10. 9 : W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y WA N T S Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. • If I were you… • Take a moment and don’t be afraid to offer up sympathy once in awhile. • “Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you” (Carnegie 168). • People need to know that we care for each other. • Sometimes you benefit more if you gain a person’s respect out of caring versus demanding what you want. • Realize by working with someone’s feelings you gain more than working with a no emotion.
  • 11. 1 0 : A N A P P E A L T H AT E V E R Y B O D Y L I K E S Appeal to the nobler motives. • “The person himself will think of the real reason… But all of us, being idealists at heart, like of think of motives that sound good” (Carnegie 175). • Even if it isn’t the best reason. Understand it. • Be able to go with a person’s thought, even if you don’t care for it. • It is better to put a reason into terms everyone can agree with then to flat out say your reason sometimes.
  • 12. 1 1 : T H E M O V I E S D O I T. T V D O E S I T. W H Y D O N ’ T YO U D O I T ? Dramatize your ideas. • “This is the day of dramatization” (Carnegie 182). • It must be exciting and eventful if we want to share it with others. • Every aspect of our life consists of being a little dramatized. • It keeps things exciting and we do not want a boring life. • Drama is good, until it leads to needing to lie to make things exciting. • This is a common trend that should be put to an end. • Put things of high importance and they will likely be done faster.
  • 13. 1 2 : W H E N N OT H I N G E L S E W O R K S , T R Y T H I S Throw down a challenge. • The world hungers for competition. • From sports to promotions, we want to win. • “The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win” (Carnegie 188-189). • We all want it, so if you need motivate people with it. • We achieve so much more if it is a challenge or a race. • We want to win.